


Freedom Wing

by Piyo13



Category: Pacific Rim (2013), Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crossover, M/M, also includes giant robots and giant monsters, rating has now changed surprise surprise, this will be a slow build fic, which means that the rating will change in later chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-29
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2017-12-21 18:10:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 100,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/903304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piyo13/pseuds/Piyo13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Humans used to think that aliens would come from outer space. One hundred years ago, they were proved wrong. Emerging from the depths of the Pacific Ocean, kaiju wreaked havoc and drove humankind to the brink of extinction- that is, until humans took matters into their own hands. Cue the founding of the Jaeger Program. Using the jaegers, humanity was able to evacuate as far inland as they could, building walls during their retreat. But humans aren't the only adaptable species, and after decades of peace, kaiju are starting to find their way ever further inland. The Jaeger Program is on the rise once more, but as Eren Jaeger finishes with training, he has to wonder if he's bitten off a bit more than he can chew (he's told this is a common reaction for anyone working with Rivaille).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Impressions, or: Eren gets his ass handed to him and Rivaille chooses a co-pilot

As Rivaille crashed to the ground, flipped over his opponent’s leg and staring down the long red pole pointed squarely at his throat, he came to a realization. _This is the one._ There had been a few other recruits who had tried, briefly, to partner up with him and prove themselves worthy of being his co-pilot; after a quick trial, most were unwilling (or unable) to return.  But this one.

He had come back two times- no, three, this was his third round on the training mats with Rivaille- each time having improved.  He didn’t know how, or why- but he figured, if he trusted his instincts (and Rivaille always did, it had always- well, almost always- served him well), the two would soon exchange a neural handshake and he’d know.

Though, if he was honest, he still preferred talking to being in someone else’s mind. There was something about the ability to keep information for yourself that Rivaille greatly appreciated about face-to-face conversation.

Speaking of face-to-face, Rivaille was abruptly brought back to the mat by bright green eyes and the softly murmured “That’s two to two, now”.  Rivaille snorted, bringing his body up in a twisting motion, catching his opponent’s pole in the movement and bringing his own to tap lightly on the other’s head.

“Three-two, you shitty brat,” he said, loosing his hold long enough for the other to regain his footing, before brutally launching him back to the mat.

“Four-two and I win. Again,” Rivaille snorted, leaning his pole against the wall and pulling a clean cloth from the pocket of his pants. As he wiped his hands, he walked over to where Erwin was waiting, making a point to step over the fallen trainee, who was lying on his back, panting. Or he might have been groaning, Rivaille wasn’t too sure (he nonetheless made a mental note regarding the strength of his throws). Erwin raised a single brow in questioning.

“I want this one,” Rivaille said, blunt as usual. Erwin’s brow, if possible, rose higher.

“Rivaille, you realize that he is fresh out of training, and-“

“This one. Surely you felt it too. We have drift compatibility.”

“You also had drift compatibility with the girl, didn’t you?” It took Rivaille a second to realize who Erwin was talking about- the Oriental girl, the one who had gone four-four with Rivaille, humanity’s strongest. Rivaille grunted, acknowledging Erwin’s statement. “She is also the top of her class, if you insist on having a rookie as your co-pilot.”

Rivaille snorted again. “He has more compatibility than her,” he said. Erwin sighed.

“You’re sure?”

“Positive.”

“Do you even know the kid’s _name_ , Rivaille?”

Rivaille opened his mouth to retort, then closed it again, realizing that Erwin was right. He’d sparred with the shitty excuse for a person three times, and he hadn’t even bothered to learn his name. He huffed, becoming very interested in the state of his fingernails and avoiding Erwin’s gaze.

“It’s Eren. Eren Jaeger," Erwin supplied. Rivaille looked up at that.

“Jaeger, you say?” Erwin nodded.

Turning back to face the now empty mat, Rivaille allowed one of his rare smiles to show through. “Do you believe in fate, Erwin?”

“No,” came the decisive reply.

“Me neither.” Rivaille walked back to where he had left his pole, gripping it and giving it an experimental spin. “So,” he said, turning to the group of potential candidates (unscreened; Rivaille had rejected the entire screened batch offhand), “Which of you fucks is up next?”

(((***)))

“…and then he flipped me over completely and I’m pretty sure I landed on my kidney because _fuck_ man, it still hurts. But there was a moment in the middle of our fight when he seemed a little out of it, and that _never_ happens with Rivaille. And then afterwards he went and talked with Commander Smith. So I’m kind of hoping this might be my big break, you know?” Eren ended, recounting his escapade against Rivaille to Armin and Mikasa, neither of whom seemed particularly interested in what was, as far as Eren was concerned, a definite highlight in his life.

“So you’re really sure you want to become a pilot?” Mikasa asked, pushing her food around with her fork.

“More than anything,” Eren replied around a mouthful of his own. Mikasa looked down at her plate, tugging at the scarf she wore.

“They’re in the process of building GenVI jaegers, you know, if you just waited a bit we could-“

“We’ve been over this, Mikasa. I don’t want to wait. Plus everyone says I’m drift compatible with that douche bag over there- “ Eren flicked his fork at the nearby table, where Jean Kirschstein was sitting, “-and no way in _hell_ am I taking the chance that I might have to share my mind with that guy.”

Armin actually looked up from the book he was reading at that. “You mean that the thought of sharing your mind with Corporal Rivaille doesn’t make you scared?” At that, Eren stopped eating for a moment, and Mikasa’s eyes flicked up to his face.

“I… well, I mean, it does, sort of. But not as much. I don’t hate Rivaille. I _do_ hate that jerk though,” Eren said.

“Hmm. You know they say that Rivaille once piloted a jaeger on his own for six hours?” Armin asked.

Eren nodded excitedly. “He’s the only one to ever have done so! Although, he was a lot shorter than I imagined…”

“You’ve sparred with him twice before already. You didn’t notice that before?”

“Well I mean I _did_ but it just really hit me today, you know?” Eren paused, looking mournfully at his empty plate. “Say, Mikasa. Are you going to eat that?” he asked, indicating her still uneaten food.

“Sasha has dibs,” Mikasa said, pushing the plate a bit away and tucking her nose into her scarf. As if summoned, Sasha appeared then, sliding into the seat next to Mikasa. She was followed by Connie, Ymir, and Christa, and soon their table was full with lively chatter.

As he watched Sasha make short work of Mikasa’s leftovers and begin to bother Armin about his (“I swear Sasha, I just eat slower than whatever species _you_ are!”), Eren thought about his engagement with Rivaille earlier.

Sure, he’d had his ass handed to him and probably bruised a kidney, but… he hadn’t imagined the connection, had he? For those few, brief moments before he knocked Rivaille down in which the two had seemed to come to an understanding of sorts, their motions flowing in synchronous opposition? He hadn’t been the only to notice that, right? Eren sighed and sank deeper into his chair.

All he wanted was to get into a jaeger and kill the damn kaiju. No, not kill; obliterate the infernal creatures that had pushed humanity back to the brink of extinction. If he didn’t get to pilot with Rivaille… he knew both Mikasa and Armin would pilot a GenVI with him, but neither was very drift compatible with him.

 _“A kaiju has been sighted. Trainees please report to the standby area. Pilots and maintenance crew please report to the docking stations. Over.”_ The crackling intercom voice brought Eren out of his reverie, and launched him into action along with the rest of his companions.

As they made their way to the standby area, out of any possible danger that the docked jaeger could present, Eren felt a hand on his arm. Turning, he found himself looking down at Rivaille.

“Oi, shitty brat, you’re coming with me. You’ll probably be useless for today but it’s always better to hedge our bets,” he grumbled, letting go of Eren’s arm and turning on one heel before proceeding to the elevators. After a moment’s hesitation, Eren looked around for Mikasa and Armin, but both had gotten lost in the flood of people. Shrugging, Eren followed Rivaille.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I saw Pacific Rim today and wow beautiful. Also inspiring. As in every time they said jäger, my SnK-wired brain went straight to, well, this ^.
> 
> So, a note on names: while I realize that it's Yeager and Levi and Kirstein officially, I have elected to ignore this decision and will stubbornly cling to Jaeger, Rivaille, and Kirschstein for the duration of this fic. I also won't be umlauting anything because last time I checked the military-style writing of ä was still ae, therefore.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed ^^


	2. Fight of the Garrison Rose, or: the eternal woes of Hanji Zoë, kaiju enthusiast

Eren followed Rivaille over to the elevator, noting offhand that Rivaille really did have a nice ass, before shaking his head to rid the thought, as he was _pretty sure_ it wasn’t the appropriate time. Then again, when _was_ the appropriate time? Certainly not when he was alone in an elevator with the owner of said nice ass and-

Wait. He was alone. In an elevator. With Rivaille. Going up- and the only thing “up” were the docking stations.

“Holy shit,” Eren breathed. Rivaille looked at him, his usually neutral expression marred by the slight raising of the left eyebrow.

“What?”

“I…” Eren gulped. “We’re going to the docking stations?” Rivaille grunted and turned away, which Eren took to be a yes.

“Then… that means-” another gulp, “-that means I’m your co-pilot?” The look Rivaille turned on Eren could only be considered scathing.

“No. Until we’re in the jaeger with our minds connected, you’re nothing more than a shitty brat. And like I said, you’ll only be more than useless today.” Rivaille finished, turning once again to impassively stare at the elevator doors. Eren was left with about three seconds to pick up what little shreds of his dignity were laying around on the ground next to him (although he couldn’t keep a grin off his face- _he was Rivaille’s co-pilot…!_ ) before the elevator doors opened onto the command floor.

Now, as a trainee, of course Eren had been on the command floor before. When it was as empty as it was allowed to be, and Hanji’s calculations left enough time between kaiju attacks for there to be training sessions there. Never were any trainees allowed onto the command floor when it was being used for actual _command._ And while Eren had figured that it was probably a place buzzing with noise and lights when it was actually fully functional, he had never imagined it to be quite so… _chaotic_.

“Oi, brat, c’mon,” Rivaille called to him from several feet away, and Eren tore his gaze from the holographic images floating all around him to half-jog over. As he arrived, he noticed Commander Smith shoot Rivaille a look, the latter whom returned it with his usual blank face. “Who’s up?” Rivaille asked.

“ _Garrison Rose_. Pixis and Gustav want a turn,” Commander Smith replied.

 _“Garrison Rose?_   What is this, a Category 3?”

“Actually,” said a voice from behind Eren, “it’s a Category 4. And _bipedal._ So I’m really hoping that they can like, harvest some of its organs, right? Because just think of how awesome that would be, if we could actually do research on _Category 4_ kaiju organs! Maybe they’ll be a different composition than the previous ones, and-“

“Brat, this is Hanji Zoë, resident kaiju freak. Hanji, this is Eren Jaeger- yeah, Jaegar- and he _might_ be _Freedom Wing_ ’s next co-pilot,” Rivaille said, smoothly cutting across the talkative scientist’s speech.

“Oh _ho!_ ” Hanji turned her bespectacled eyes onto Eren, and he has the most uncomfortable sensation of being examined. “So you’re the one who went three rounds against our Rivaille here?” Eren settled for a nod. Hanji followed suit with a few nods of her own. “Alright, he’s good to go,” she said, turning to Rivaille, who scowled.

“No one asked your opinion, shitty glasses.” Hanji laughed, then patted Eren once on the head before brushing past him, upturning a chair (that someone else was sitting on) and taking over the display.

Eren turned when he heard a chuckle. “Hanji can be a bit… eccentric at times. But she’s brilliant, so we keep her,” Commander Smith stated, by way of explanation.

“Sir! Permission to begin neural handshake!” Smith turned towards the sound of the voice, moving away and engaging a microphone.

“You watch the holograms, kid. They explain what’s going on inside,” Rivaille said, and Eren followed his gaze to the holograms on the right of Commander Smith.

 _“Commencing neural handshake in 3… 2… 1… neural handshake initiated,”_ stated a computerized voice. Eren watched, fascinating by the moving currents across the holoscreen which showed, in real time, brainwaves moving and, eventually, merging. _“Neural handshake complete_ ,” said the electronic voice. Eren wrenched his neck as the jaeger’s arms began to move above his head and he turned to watch them- giant arms of metal moving smoothly as anything.

 _“Garrison Rose_ is our biggest jaeger. She’s quite something, I’ll admit,” Rivaille said. Eren glanced at him, and found him to be following the giant mecha’s motions as well. “Of course, she’s got nothing on _Freedom Wing_ ,” Rivaille added, a trickle of pride creeping into his voice. Eren allowed his gaze to leave _Garrison Rose,_ scanning the other jaegers in the docking station in hopes of seeing _Freedom Wing_.

“Give it up, she’s not here. She went in for a new paint job after- after the last fight.”

Eren turned his gaze back to _Garrison Rose,_ thinking hard. There was a reason that Rivaille had needed a new co-pilot, and that reason had been _Freedom Wing_ ’s last mission. No one knew the details, of course; but rumor abounded. While it was almost a fact that Rivaille’s last co-pilot had died (or at least incapacitated)- why else would he begin to search for someone else who was drift compatible?- the whole happenings- where, when, how- were sketchy at best. Before he could contemplate it further, two doors on the floor of the docking station slid open with a rumble.

 _“Commencing drop sequence. Drop in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…”_ The entire complex shuddered as the huge jaeger, her red double-engines glowing and whirring, slid downwards to the next level, out of sight. Eren turned towards a holoscreen that charted the jaeger’s progress, watching as it was slid through a tunnel and towards a hatch on the other side of the wall, where elevators lifted it up to ground level.

 _“Pixis to Smith,_ Garrison Rose _is officially ready for action._ ”

“Affirmative. The kaiju is south-southwest of your position by two miles. Category 4 bipedal, codename Sonny.”

_“Sonny? Really? Who came up with that name?”_

_“It was Hanji, wasn’t it?”_ said a different voice, who Eren assumed to be Gustav. “ _I’ll bet it was Hanji_.”

Commander Smith stumbled a bit as Hanji roughly shoved him over, grabbing the microphone. “I don’t see _you_ naming any kaiju, so until you get on that, I’ll continue to name them whatever the hell I damn well want! Also, Pixis? Gustav? That one right there is our first bipedal Cat4, so please don’t check for any pulses, okay? I want as much of that one to come back intact as possible- I’ve got a few hypotheses going, and if I’m right-”

“That’s quite enough, Hanji,” Smith said, taking the mic back. “Pixis, go kill that fucker.”

“ _Copy that.”_

The next twenty minutes passed in a blur for Eren, who discovered (much to his surprise) that the command and maintenance teams were anything but quiet during jaeger fights (the mic was usually on standby, though, so as not to interfere with the pilots’ actions), often screaming and cheering at the holographic projections and images coming in from _Garrison Rose_ ’s sensors.

Finally, the kaiju was brought down, its vaguely human mouth still dribbling glowing blue ammoniac slime. _Garrison Rose_ took a few steps back, and turned around. One of the many ‘thorns’ on its outer covering flipped up, revealing a- if Eren was correct- plasma cannon. As _Garrison Rose_ fired a blast, everyone in the room broke into a wild cheer.

Well, everyone except Rivaille, who seemed as impassive as ever, and Hanji, who let out a wailing shriek, crying, before grabbing the mic and letting loose a string of cuss words that Eren had never even heard of before (and he was in the same squad as Ymir). Smith grappled for the mic, and Hanji fell to the ground, crying, “They killed Sonny! My Sonny! They blasted him apart and now we’ll _never_ get any specimens!! _How are you supposed to collect specimens when the entire damn kaiju is melted by a plasma cannon, huh?!_ ” Eren noted that most of the crew simply ignored her, as if used to it.

“Before you ask, yeah, she does this every time,” Rivaille said, before putting his hands in his pockets and taking a few steps in Commander Smith’s direction. He turned back to Eren, giving him a once over before saying, “Useless, as expected. You’re dismissed, brat.” Then he strode purposefully to Smith, leaving Eren to find his way back to the others (whom he found, worried sick, and receiving quite the telling off from, before explaining where he had gone, at which point Armin eased off but Mikasa scowled almost as deeply as Rivaille) (which led Eren to question when it was that he had started paying attention to the way in which Rivaille scowled) (he couldn’t come up with a good answer).

(((***)))

 _Garrison Rose_ had made it back safely, although her right arm was decently corroded, a good 4-meter chunk simply dissolved away. As soon as Pixis and Gustav disengaged and entered the command room, Hanji assaulted them.

“So I don’t know if I got this right but- Sonny _bit_ you? And then the kaiju blue started to burn through your plating but still if it was a bite, that makes me wonder, were the teeth hollow? Did you get a look by any chance? Or wait no maybe did it have to lick its lips before the bite? I wonder what its tongue looked like?”

“Hanji, with all due respect, we-“

Hanji’s smile turned to a glare. “You vaporized most of Sonny’s remains, I know. Which I why I have to ask you question, so if you’d start by answering that would be-”

“Hanji,” Erwin said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Why don’t you let them change, first? They might be a bit more willing to talk to you afterwards.” Gustav nodded violently, sweat still dripping from his brow. Hanji threw her hands up in the air and stormed off, muttering obscenities to herself.

As the command station cleared off further and _Garrison Rose_ was hooked back into her dock, Erwin finally turned his full attention to Rivaille, who had been waiting not-very-patiently.

“Yes?”

“I want to run a practice. Soon. Tomorrow.”

Erwin looked at Rivaille, searching his face. Rivaille knew that Erwin could say no. Erwin could do that, and assign him to work with any of the other candidates, and Rivaille would have no choice but to follow that order. But, he hoped-

“You’ve already brought him to the command station while it was active.” Erwin sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger. “Tomorrow, 1400, directly after lunch. We’ll give it a short test run.”

It was all Rivaille could do to keep his trademark uncaring expression. He was finally going to be allowed back into his jaeger, bad memories be damned, _he was going to feel the resistance of his jeager again_ -

“But Rivaille, I can’t risk you. If either you or him brings the drift out of alignment, it’s off, do you understand?”

Rivaille bit back a scowl. Trust Erwin to impose his shitty rules and regulations all over the place. But Rivaille nonetheless snapped smartly to attention, his fist over his heart.

“Sir yes sir!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone actually knows what the glowing blue corrosive slime was called, please let me know. Otherwise, I'll just stick with ammoniac slime...


	3. Pre-drift Happenings, or: Rivaille is actually an origami genius (but only Hanji knows)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter dedicated to luciferwearsamwinchester on tumblr, because of reasons <3

The missive arrived after their morning theory class. Or, more correctly, it arrived  _during_ morning theory class, but since by the time everyone found out what it was, only Armin was left to listen to the teacher (and even then only barely half-heartedly), Eren considered it to be the end of class.

The messenger, a young man with an engineering uniform, had stepped into the classroom after half a second’s worth of wait for an answer to his knock. Luckily, Shadis had moved on to teach the newest batch of recruits, and their present teacher, Ness, had not been briefed about the protocol for “random person bursts into your classroom during a lecture on tactical formations”.

“Jaeger, Eren?” asked the messenger. After a few seconds of stunned, pin-droppable silence, an elbow to the ribs from Armin made Eren slowly raise his hand.

“Here, sir.”

“Great, here ya go,” the messenger said, bounding over and handing Eren a folded square of blue paper. Eren accepted it, but, feeling the messenger’s eyes on him, didn’t open it. “You really _are_ fresh meat, aren’tcha?” he said at last, laughing to himself. “Welp, have fun while ya can, kiddo,” he said, and bounded off again.

A few more seconds of stunned silence ensued. Ness began to clear his throat, a flustered look on his face, when Armin, curiosity almost palpable, asked Eren a touch too loudly what was in the message. Eren hurried to unfold the paper, his stomach doing a few nervous flips in the process (because damn, who folded paper like this?!). Once the note had been safely opened, an unfamiliar scrawl greeted him.

_Docking stations 2.0, 1400 hours. Lateness is inexcusable. –R  
P.S. No crumbs in the jaeger. CLEAN YOURSELF AFTER LUNCH._

Rivaille, apparently, folded paper like that.

“It’s…” Before Eren could get any more words out, the note had been snatched from his hands, Armin quickly scanning it before passing it to Mikasa.

“Eren… ‘docking stations 2.0’ must be referring to the new stations- only GenVI are docked there, but they’re not complete yet. Why would Rivaille-” and Eren abruptly wished his friend were less smart; he’d wanted to be the one to announce it to the class (he was a jaeger pilot now [probably], suck on _that,_ Jean!) “-summon you there?” But Armin had posed a good question, and it took Eren a few moments to connect the dots.

“No, not only GenVI. Rivaille mentioned yesterday that _Freedom Wing_ wasn’t in the regular docks- she has to be in the new ones!” Eren couldn’t contain his excitement any longer, and he practically bounced in his seat at the thought, a maniacal grin spread across his face.  Mikasa handed the note back to him, inscrutable expression on her face. “This must mean we’re going to give it a test run!”

“Give what a test run?” asked Connie abruptly, from the growing crowd of trainees that were trying to get a look at the strange blue note that was apparently important enough to interrupt a class for ( _nothing_ interrupted class) (except kaiju attacks) (and Commander Smith on occasion) (but nothing else).

Eren’s smile widened further. _“Freedom Wing_ , of course,” he said, looking at the note again. “Right after lunch.”

 _“Freedom Wing?_ Isn’t that-”

“You’re shitting us, Jaeger! No _way_ you’re Corporal Rivaille’s new co-pilot!”

“What?! Corporal Rivaille?!”

“So the suicidal idiot finally gets his chance, huh?”

Eren’s shit-eating grin lessened slightly at that, and his brows furrowed lightly. “What was that, Jean?”

Jean shrugged. “I just don’t know why you’re so eager to go out there. In a jaeger or no, the survival rate is only- only-”

“Only 34 percent,” Armin supplied. Eren shot him a glance. Armin lifted his shoulders a bit, as if asking sorry.

“Only 34 percent, right. I don’t see why anyone would want that- also considering what happened to Corporal Rivaille’s _last_ co-pilot-”

“No one knows what happened there! And being in a jaeger beats riding a metal unicorn around all day, any day!”

“Oi, don’t diss the police mounts! They’re five thousand times more comfortable than a jaeger!”

“Yeah, as if _you’d_ know,” Eren scoffed. Jean rolled his eyes, ready to retort, when Mikasa cut him off.

“And they say you two have drift compatibility. Stop, please,” she said, extending a hand to pull Eren’s fist down and away from Jean’s face. Jean only seemed even more livid than before, but he nonetheless back off, grumbling. A few seconds of tense silence followed (which, to his credit, Ness tried using to his advantage), before questions were thrown at Eren again, and he quickly regained his enthusiasm.

“So now you’re actually going to pilot a jaeger? Wow…” said Christa, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.  Eren nodded, about to answer, but Ymir placed her hands on Christa’s shoulders and spun her around. Her ‘Christa, I can pilot a jaeger too, so you should marry me and not that jerk’ was lost under Reiner’s booming voice.

“Do you think we’re allowed to come and watch?” he asked. Eren shrugged.

“Absolutely not!” Ness yelled from his desk, where he sat with his feet on a pile of papers, resignation falling off him in waves. “Only Jaeger is supposed to go. The rest of you have the normal physical conditioning after lunch.” A collective groan rose up from the students. Luckily, the lunch bell rang right then, signifying to the trainees and shift one personnel that they were allowed into the cafeteria. The class bolted.

Eren, Armin, and Mikasa sat down at their usual table once their food was secured. Eren pulled the note out of his pocket and unfolded it once more, reading it over (not that he hadn’t already memorized it or anything like that).

“You know how to get to the new docking stations, right?” Mikasa asked him, a touch of worry visible on her face.

“Of course I- oh well um. They’re on the other side of the brass’ offices, aren’t they?” Both Armin and Mikasa shared the same look of half-pity and half-worry. “What?”

“Here, give me that,” Armin said, grabbing the note (ignoring Eren’s half-voiced, half-swallowed protest) and flipping it over. He pulled a pencil out of his pocket, and sketched a quick but surprisingly understandable map onto the back. “Good?”

Eren nodded in slight relief. “Thanks, Armin. You too, Mikasa.”

“You realize what being a co-pilot means, right?” Eren looked at Mikasa oddly.

“Huh?”

“I mean…” Mikasa trailed off, gathering her thoughts. “I mean that he’ll know _everything_. He’ll see it. In the drift. Even… even memories you would rather not share,” she ended with a pointed look.

“Oh.” To be honest, Eren hadn’t really thought of that at all. Of course it had crossed his mind about the neural handshake, and what that would entail, but he hadn’t really… _thought_ about it. His stomach began to flip nervously again. What if Rivaille got repulsed by what he saw in Eren’s thoughts…? Because if he was even more completely honest, Eren’s dreams last night had been of the fluid fighting movements of a raven-haired man and a quite fantastic ass, and if Rivaille saw _that_ …

And then of course there was the whole shebang with his mother. Which he’d really rather _not_ think about, he decided, shoving all those thoughts and emotions out of the forefront of his mind and focusing instead on his surroundings.

More people (in all likelihood led by Sasha after food) had joined their table, stopping Mikasa from asking more about Eren’s mental state (although, when he thought about it, Mikasa had probably only meant the deal with his mother, not about Rivaille) (and for the record, no, there was no ‘deal’ about Rivaille) (he just happened to be pretty and have a nice ass was all).

At some point, word of Eren’s summons had circulated around, because he soon found himself explaining (tenth time) that yes, he was most likely going to go pilot a jaeger with the Corporal, and no, he hadn’t bribed anyone for it, and yes, yes he was sure he wanted to be a pilot. As Hannah shushed the person next to her in order to ask another question and Eren’s stomach pulled another gymnastics move, his thoughts turned vaguely towards Rivaille and he wondered if humanity’s strongest soldier was also, maybe, just a teensie bit nervous.

“Yeah, probably not,” he muttered, giving up on trying to image what a nervous Rivaille looked like.

((***))

Humanity’s strongest (stupid title; all he’d done was take over completely once P- once his former co-pilot had been incapacitated and finished the mission, really) was actually pacing the officer’s lunchroom, refusing to ingest anything except his third cup of coffee for the day. Of course he wasn’t _nervous_ , it was just that he hadn’t tried a drift in so long, and what if Erwin had been right? What if the Jaeger kid wasn’t the right one?

What if Rivaille lost control in the drift, chased the rabbit like had happened last time, and he pulled the kid down with him?

His down-spiraling train of thought was derailed as the coffee cup was whisked from his hand, and replaced with a clear glass of orange fluid.

“I managed to find some orange juice,” Hanji said, drinking what was left of Rivaille’s coffee in one go. Rivaille stared at her, expressionless. _She took my coffee._ Hanji rolled her eyes. “Just drink the orange juice, Riri. It’s rare enough as it is, and if you’re so hyped up on caffeine you can’t sit still and _eat_ the least you can do is drink a non-caffeinated beverage.”

Rivaille grunted in response to Hanji’s nickname, but drank the juice nonetheless, finding its silky sweetness refreshing after the bitter coffee. Not that he would ever willingly trade coffee for orange juice. Ever. He held out the glass to Hanji. “Finished.”

“Good. Do you want a prize? Because I can get you some kaiju lice if you’re interested. You know, we discovered recently that if we keep them soaked in ammonia, they can continue to live even after the death of the kaiju and the dissipation of its ammoniac slime. We’re trying to see if a comparable pH would produce the same results, but it’s been kind of hard to find anything even remotely as powerful as the kaiju slime, so I think we’re gonna have to heavily concentrate some-”

“Hanji. I do not care,” Rivaille said, face impassive except for to those few who knew how to read it (Hanji did, and she detected amusement). “And it’s almost two, so I’m going to go wash up before the practice run.” Having said that, Rivaille left Hanji with two empty cups and proceed to the washrooms, washing his hands and face thoroughly.

The big digital clock above the doorway read 13:55, and so Rivaille eschewed changing clothes, settling simply for retying his cravat over the button-down he wore. His boots clicked onto the docking station’s floor at 13:59, and he had the presence of mind to look completely relaxed (though slightly impatient) as Eren Jaeger burst through the doors, panting, at 14:00.

“You’re late,” Rivaille said, and smile inwardly a bit at the look of sheer terror that flitted across the trainee’s face. Rivaille pushed off from the wall upon which he was leaning, saying, “I’m kidding, brat.” Jaeger’s look of relief was almost equally comical, and Rivaille found himself glad for having trusted his instincts once again. “Now come on, let’s get into our suits before Erwin finishes taking a shit or whatever the hell it is he’s doing now instead of being here.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jaeger nod and begin to follow him. Although-

“Do your eyes really need to be on my ass, Jaeger?”

 _No_ , Rivaille thought. _His face now- now_ that’s _comical._ Rivaille even allowed himself to show a grin (not in the brat’s direction, of course, he’d let him stick to admiring his ass).

Behind him, Eren Jaeger silently wished that dying of shame were an actual biological possibility, because at least then he would never be expected to look Corporal Rivaille in the eyes ever, ever again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Word kept trying to correct "Erwin taking a shit" to "Erwin taking a shot". Erwin... is there something you need to tell us?  
> 2\. In my headcanon, Rivaille is a complete coffee addict. As you can probably tell.   
> 3\. Please let me know of any grammar or spelling errors, yea? I'm my own beta and sometimes I miss stuff ^^;   
> 4\. Longer chapter than I intended and I STILL didn't get to the part I wanted to, oops :D  
> 5\. When I write, I tend to blog about it and ask for opinions a lot. nagisa-chan-san.tumblr, I can guarantee you will see posts tagged "freedom wings" and basically if you give me any input at all chances are it'll wind up in the story at some point so yeah~   
> 6\. Also thank you for all the comments and kudos :3


	4. Drifting, or: all good things must end (some more spectacularly than others)

Rivaille led Eren to the changing rooms. They were spacious and spotless, with benches and ledges everywhere, and, right in the middle of the far wall, the piloting suits.

Eren drew in a quick breath at the sight. As a trainee, he had of course learned of the vital components of the piloting suits: the circuitry suit underlayer, the spinal cord attachment, the helmet, the hardened exoskeleton of the suit. Seeing it in person, however, was completely different, especially since the array before him was actually fully functional. Eren looked above the various glass panels, noting the labels- GENVI 1, GENVI 2, through to GENVI 5 and finally, FREEDOM WING.

Rivaille punched a few keys, and the glass under the last label slid open. Eren scooted closer, trying to take it all in. The circuitry suits were a dark smoke grey, the golden circuits running back and forth across the surface, occasional circles marking points where it was to be in direct contact with skin. The exoskeleton was a beautiful forest green, dark and smooth, with the fabric holding it all together even darker. On the front a pair of wings was emblazoned, one white, one blue.

Eren could have stood there for hours, just admiring the beauty and elegance of it all. _Could_ have. Had a circuitry suit not hit him full in the face, courtesy of Corporal Rivaille.

“Oi, brat, you can drool all over yourself later. Get into that first, it should be in your size,” Rivaille grumbled, before turning around and beginning to strip.

Pulling the circuitry suit off his head, Eren was greeted with a half-naked Rivaille (luckily only half-naked from the waist up, and progressively less so as he pulled the suit up and over his shoulders), and the circuitry in Eren’s brain _definitely_ hit some sort of road block, because it was at least a few seconds before Eren was able to turn around and begin donning his own suit.

Finished adjusting the skin-tight fabric so it sat comfortably, Eren turned back to Rivaille, finding him staring impassively. Eren gulped.

“What?”

Rivaille raised an eyebrow. “Nothing. You keep staring at me, so I figured I’d return the favor.” Eren could actually _feel_ his ears turning red. “In any case, I asked them to make a suit to your specifications, so it should fit, if you’d care to get over here so I can help you buckle up before we get old,” Rivaille added, already lowering the chest piece to cover his own and strapping it into place.

Eren followed suit, and reveled in the fact that his suit did, in fact, fit perfectly. That completed, he handed the spinal attachment to Rivaille, who locked it into place, tightening all the back panels as he did so. Eren returned the favor, trying to be as light as possible during the process, lest he screw it up royally. Once he had it completely on, he let go of Rivaille and returned his attention to his own suit, flexing a few times and feeling the hard armor shift lightly over his body. _Yeah, I could get used to this_ , he thought. A tapping sound made him look towards the entrance.

“If you’re _quite done_ admiring your own sad physique, it would be great if we could go actually get _in_ the jaeger,” Rivaille said, before turning around and stalking off, helmet under one arm. The two wings on the back of the suit seemed almost to flutter with every characteristically light footstep Rivaille took. Eren once again hastened after him, wincing slightly as the heavy boots he wore clanked loudly against the metal grill of the boardwalk they were on. How Rivaille managed to walk so soundlessly, Eren could only guess.

Rivaille threw the doors open in front of him, entering a slightly smaller command station than the main one, where Commander Smith was waiting for him. Smith’s face flashed into a small smile (directed at Rivaille- who knew why) as soon as he caught sight of Eren behind him. Commander Smith locked eyes with Eren and motioned towards the glass panels at the front of the room, and Eren took that as his signal to proceed there (for once, Rivaille followed _him_ ).

Looking out from the panel, he finally laid eyes on _Freedom Wing_.

“Wow,” he whispered under his breath. The jaeger was huge, not at big as _Garrison Rose_ , but still standing almost thirty meters, if Eren had to guess. She was the same shade of forest green as he and Rivaille’s armor; on her chest, the double wings were crafted on with care. She was surprisingly slim for a jaeger, Eren noted, but somehow, it worked; the arms were longer than usual, and occasional silver glints showed through the dark green, but what struck Eren the most was that no central motor was easily identifiable. A series of unbroken, overlapping plates ran down the jaeger’s stomach, leading to a thick black belt of metal just above the motorized hips. Sleek lines all around- no weapons were easily visible either, but that only promised a larger arsenal of surprise weaponry. Eren’s eyes roamed back up, focusing on the wings- freedom’s wings.

 “Wow,” Eren said again.

((***))

The look of awe on the brat’s face was suitable, Rivaille thought, hiding a smile (Erwin was in the room), and turning his gaze out to _Freedom Wing_.

She had been under repairs for the better part of two years (had it really been that long?), ever since they had gone up against one of the first bipedal kaiju, a monster codenamed Colossus. It had been slow, and they should have been able to avoid it, but its mass was such that a single scrape had easily knocked out several of _Freedom Wing_ ’s motors, (and _where had the support squad been?_ ) and with their mobility cut, ( _oh, right, engaged with another kaiju, with scales thicker than jaeger plating_ ) it was only a matter of time until-

“Center yourself, Rivaille,” Erwin murmured, hand squeezing Rivaille’s armored shoulder just enough to be felt. “We need you.” Rivaille, knocked out of his flashback, took a deep breath, setting up his impassive mask again before nodding, brushing off Erwin’s hand, and turning towards Eren.

“Hey, shitty brat, let’s go drift, shall we?” he said. Eren nodded, face practically glowing with excitement (and all right, so _sue_ him, it was cute) (not that Rivaille would ever confess to that). He practically jumped down the next boardwalk, which brought them to the jaeger’s head. The command and maintenance squads had filed in meanwhile, and from there on, things proceeded smoothly.

Rivaille took the left side, roughly pushing Eren towards the correct position. Metal attachments whirred, boots clicked into place, arms were strapped in, and finally, helmets were lowered. Rivaille took a deep breath, selecting carefully those memories he didn’t want and pushing them out to the side. He glanced at Eren, who had a more concentrated look on his face (even if it was still a very _excited_ concentrated look). He was jittery, Rivaille could tell.

Well, wasn’t everyone on their first go?

“Oi, Jaeger,” Rivaille called. Eren’s head snapped around. “Don’t chase any RABITs, understood? Go with the drift. That’s why it’s called fucking ‘drift’, okay? Let yourself go, and you’ll end up back here. Start chasing memories, and we’re fucked.” Rivaille saw Eren nod as the mics came to life.

_“Initiating drift sequence in 3… 2… 1… Neural handshake commence.”_

Instantly, Rivaille felt the familiar whirl and pull, the disassociation with his body and the world, everything blurring to faded blue memories that were and weren’t his own. He felt a panic that wasn’t his own, and one that was his but only in memory. Memories began to solidify around him, but Rivaille was a fighter by nature; he fought his recollections away, forcibly following the drift of timespace, swimming in it.

And, quite suddenly, he was back in his jaeger, feeling the machinery around him as an extension _of_ him. And there, where Pe- where it was familiar, the consciousness of another.

A very disoriented, somewhat unstable other, but another nonetheless. _Oi, shitty brat_ , Rivaille thought in that direction. After a moment, Eren did, in fact, turn to face him.

“How-”

 _You’re in my mind and vice versa, idiot. Consolidating your thoughts will bring them to the forefront and make them loud enough to hear, although_ “-sometimes speech is easier.”

 _“Rivaille, are you mind-talking again? You know you’re not supposed to,”_ said a voice over the comms. Rivaille rolled his eyes, thinking _jerks_ in Eren’s direction, but ushering Mike that he most definitely wasn’t, at all, out loud.

“Now just drop us onto the jaeger already so we can give her a little spin, we’re at 100 percent and ready,” Rivaille added. Eren was still staring at him with wide eyes. Rivaille scowled.

 _Cut that out, brat, you’ll set them on me. Mind-talking isn’t allowed,_ Rivaille though. _Or technically possible,_ he added, as an afterthought. Eren was about to nod, Rivaille could _feel_ it, but didn’t at the last moment. Instead, he faced forward, taking in the complex communications panel. Then they felt a lurch, and _Freedom Wing_ ’s head connected to her body, a surge of mechanical information almost overwhelming Rivaille’s mind.

He reveled in it.

Communicating his intentions not in words but in mental gesture, Rivaille began to lift his right arm, which was enveloped in hologram. Eren lifted his left, and as one they brought their arms together, a note of elation soaring through the drift as _Freedom Wing_ responded in kind, seeming to crack her knuckles.

Rivaille let out a happy sigh. He was in his jaeger again, after so long, and the drift was working, neither was shorting out, and the brat was acceptable, and-

 _“Rivaille, Eren, how are you two feeling?_ ” said Erwin over the comms.

Rivaille reached over and pushed down his comm button. “Fucking brilliant,” he stated with no inflection.

“I second what Rivaille said,” Eren added from the other end of the control panel.

 _“Good. Do you want to go out? There’s no kaiju in the vicinity, but this_ is _a practice run, so if you want to practice I won’t stop you.”_

Rivaille met Eren’s eyes. He felt a strong notion of “yes” that wasn’t quite yet a word in his mind (that was a shock; Rivaille was the only one he knew who could mind-speak with words. Maybe this brat had potential after all?), and nodded. Hitting the mic again, he said, “Drop us.”

They heard a whirr above them, and a few seconds later the command station moved out of their view as they dropped down, the fast-moving elevators and slides taking them quickly to the other side of the wall.

Rivaille’s impassivity was shattered, his happiness too much to keep in. _Come on, Eren, let’s give this beauty a run,_ he thought, and the two began to move their legs in unison.

 _Freedom Wing_ coasted for several miles at a comfortable run, before her pilots turned her back toward home.  As they gazed at the wall in the distance, Eren seized up.

Rivaille had just enough time to think, _fucking shit,_ before memories not his own began to cross over the drift, becoming more solid and colored with every passing millisecond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Freedom Wing_ 's design is based off of Titan!Eren's, in case you guys were wondering ^^;;; (so that's what the head looks kind of like) I've done a few sketches, I might post them sometime if anyone's interested. 
> 
> Also this chapter gave me SO MUCH TROUBLE I can't even.


	5. The RABIT, or: there's a reason traumatic events are called traumatizing, if you ask Rivaille

_NO_ , Rivaille shouted mentally,wrenching himself from the memories’ grip. He pushed the comm button, opening a line with the command station.

“Baby brat’s all tired, we’re having a rest now,” he said, struggling to hold his mind free from Eren’s recollections. Gritting his teeth, Rivaille pulled a move he had done only once before, and reached far enough around (not in; in was dangerous, _in_ was the rabbit) Eren’s mind that he felt two sensors and a feeling of drowning- but the jaeger was his and he brought her to a complete stop, waiting for-

 _“Understood,”_ said Erwin’s voice, and with that, Rivaille stopped fighting the current and drifted with it, almost stumbling into the young boy right before him. From his shock of brown hair and convenient placement, Rivaille assumed that this was Eren. He followed the child’s line of sight, staring up at the wall. Or rather, Rivaille mused, the beast that was coming _through_ the wall.

Rivaille recognized the kaiju almost instantly. Category 4 quadruped (though this had been before the last distinction had been needed to be made), codename Chicacchironi (even back then, Hanji had been charged with names). The attack had been five years ago- one of Rivaille’s earlier missions. He scanned the area, noting the jaegers in the area, and finally spotted _Freedom Wing_ in the distance. Yes, this had definitely been in the earlier days- she wasn’t even spinning yet.

The ground lurched under Rivaille’s feet, and he saw the young Eren running, screaming. Chasing after him as the solidity of the memories faded the further they grew from Eren, Rivaille finally caught up enough to hear what the young boy was saying. Rivaille felt a chill run down his spine.

“Momma! Momma!”

Oh.

 _Yeah, this is definitely a good time to pull him out,_ Rivaille thought as Eren’s cries grew more and more frantic as he reached a destroyed section of the city. Rivaille gritted his teeth, certain of the outcome, only to have it confirmed moment later, with screeching wails and desperate cries of ‘mother’. Rivaille concentrated hard on his hand and reaching out to Eren.

It took him three tries before his willpower was enough to break through the memory and make physical contact.

The twelve-year-old spun around, eyes wide and filled with tears. _He had the same eyes then as he does now,_ Rivaille thought to himself, before giving his head a shake and fixating Eren with his gaze.

 _Listen, Eren, you have to stop. This is a memory. Just a memory,_ Rivaille thought at Eren as hard as he could.  For one terrifying moment, it seemed as though Eren was too far gone to even be able to hear him. _Just a memory,_ he repeated. _You and I, we’re co-pilots now. Aboard_ Freedom Wing. _And listen here, you shitty brat, we don’t have much time. Erwin and the others will notice if we don’t answer for too long. We can’t have that._ A note of desperation crept into Rivaille’s think-voice. _I can’t have that._

Then, determination. _Eren, I can’t have you lose me my jaeger again._ The mere thought of being banned from _Freedom Wing_ again made Rivaille’s blood run colder than it already was at the sight of Eren’s past (a past Rivaille wished he could learn in some other way). _Eren. Eren fucking Jaeger you listen to me. This. Is. A. MEMORY!_ Rivaille threw everything he could muster at Eren with one last mental shout.

The boy in front of him blinked, once, twice, and Rivaille choked back a sob- he’d done it, they’d chased a rabbit, _Freedom Wing_ was no longer his- and prepared to go back to the jaeger proper and pilot her home. Then Eren blinked again, but when he reopened his eyes, they were different- older- and Rivaille watched, relief coursing through his body like the best drug on Earth, as Eren melted into his present self and screams and broken walls and dead bodies were replaced with whirrs and gears and metal struts of the jaeger.

Rivaille took a deep breath. She was still his.

((***))

Eren looked on, completely mortified, as Rivaille took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and allowing his features to fall back into their normal arrangement. He’d done it. He’d chased the rabbit. He’d done _exactly_ what Rivaille had told him not to do, and even brought Rivaille into his own memories, showed him things he hadn’t wanted to see.

“Rivaille, I-“

 _Shut up, you shitty brat. Erwin and command just think we stopped because you were tired. They don’t know anything about the rabbit, and if you value your life, things will stay that way._ The glare accompanying those words lent weight to the threat. Eren gulped and nodded mutely.

“Good, you rested up then?” Rivaille asked aloud, his voice completely neutral.

“Yes,” Eren murmured. Rivaille looked at him for a few seconds, before reaching out and hitting the comm button.

“ _Freedom Wing_ to command, we’re heading back. What’s the word with kaiju?”

“ _None that we can sense in your vicinity. There’s a few that look like they’ll arrive in a few hours, but nothing to worry about.”_

“Copy that. Here, we go, brat,” Rivaille said, sending Eren the urge to move his left leg. He did so, and soon the two found a rhythm, _Freedom Wing_ thundering over miles of plan outside the wall. The closer they arrived to the entrance hatch, however, the more Eren couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. His first run in an actual jaeger, and he’d gone and blown it. And in front of Rivaille, no less, the soldier he’d looked up to for years.

Eren heard a soft sigh to his right.

 _Eren, don’t worry about it too much. Most rookies have some issues. Given your past, it’s not surprising. We were just given a lot less leniency to work with here, and I had to make sure Erwin wouldn’t take_ Freedom Wing _away from me again, not after such a short time._ Eren noted the strong emotions that accompanied the mind-spoken messages; anger, fear, relief, elation.

 _I’m not holding anything against you,_ Rivaille added. Eren felt extremely relieved upon hearing that, and Rivaille snorted (in reaction to Eren’s own relief, the drift connection told him).

Soon enough (or rather, not soon enough- Eren had underestimated the amount of power needed to lift and move the pedals for such a long time; the resistance was huge), their run was over, and _Freedom Wing_ was loaded back into her docking station.

 _“Neural handshake disengage in 3… 2… 1… neural handshake disengaged._ ” Eren reeled a bit, not having realized how much _more_ there had been in his mind until it was suddenly gone. The clasps around Eren and Rivaille’s arms and boots opened with a click, followed a few seconds later by the whoosh of the jaeger doors as they opened onto the grilled boardwalk.  Rivaille stepped gingerly off the foot pedals, and Eren followed rather clumsily behind.

Commander Smith greeted them, smiling. “How was the run?”

“Good,” Rivaille grunted. Smith huffed and turned to Eren.

“For you? This was your first time in a jaeger, after all.”

Seeing Rivaille look at him out of the corner of his and remembering the threat, Eren gulped a bit, but managed to push a sunny smile on his face. “It was wonderful; I really can’t wait to go again.” He wasn’t lying- for all the trouble he had undoubtedly caused, when he was actually in his right mind, the feel of the mechanics around him, moving to he and Rivaille’s combined will- yeah, that had been something (Rivaille’s ass under the jaeger suit had also been something) (not that Eren had looked, of course).

“Coffee?” Rivaille asked, just as Hanji quite literally _burst_ through the doors of the command station.

“Helloooooo Rivaille and Eren! How was the run? Did you meet any kaiju? According to a few calculations I ran a while back, there should be several Category 3’s coming soon, did you happen to see any while on your-“

“Coffee?” Rivaille repeated, looking disgruntled. Hanji rolled her eyes, handing Rivaille the cup she had been holding. “Coffee,” he stated once more, before downing the creamy brown liquid in a few gulps. Both he and Eren shuddered at the same time (Eren thought coffee of any sort was too bitter; judging by Rivaille’s ‘what the sugary fuck kind of coffee is this?’ comment, he thought whatever Hanji had given him too sweet).

The two bickered back and forth for a few moments, while Commander Smith directed the shutdown of the command station. Eren’s eyelids drooped; he hadn’t realized how much adrenaline had powered him through the return. Now the fatigue was catching up to him, both mental and physical, and he just _knew_ he was going to have sore muscles tomorrow- the brain was a muscle, right?-

-just in time for morning conditioning. Wonderful. He let out a small groan, starting when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Why don’t you go ahead and take the rest of the evening off?” said Commander Smith. “Jaegers are more exhausting than they’re made out to be. Besides, your class has dinner in another hour, and I’m sure no one will mind if you skip the end of afternoon conditioning.” Smith smiled kindly.

Eren nodded, grateful. “I think that would be great, sir,” he said.

“Then go ahead, Rivaille will show you back to the locker rooms. We’ll notify you next time we’d like to have you two practice, sound good?”

“Yes sir,” Eren said, belatedly standing to attention (awkwardly, with his helmet under one arm).

“Get moving, shitty brat. Some of us have responsibilities other than loafing around all day.” Eren nodded to Hanji as he passed her (she waved back enthusiastically), and followed Rivaille back to the locker rooms, where they both began to undress.

Eren, of course, couldn’t help but peek at Rivaille. He was solid muscle and sinew, as far as Eren could tell- not that he had expected anything different, given that Rivaille was a pilot, and the best of the best at that. But still, seeing the rippling muscles in person was-

“Jaeger,” Rivaille intoned. “Are you quite done yet?” Eren flushed, hurrying to change out of the circuitry suit.

“D- done with what, sir?” Rivaille raised an eyebrow at that.

“With changing. What else would I be waiting for? And since when have you called me ‘sir’? I’ve been inside your fucked-up mind, shitty brat, the time for formalities was over a long time ago.”

Eren flushed, if possible, even further. Nonetheless, he was soon in his normal clothes, and once again following Rivaille out the doors. This time, Rivaille led him to the barracks.

“I’ll probably be calling on you at some point tomorrow- you have to learn _Freedom Wing_ ’s fighting style soon, you shitty brat,” Rivaille said, turning on his heel and lifting a hand in goodbye, leaving a dumbstruck Eren to stare at the empty hallway before him, the words ‘shitty brat’ playing on repeat in his mind (okay so maybe there was a _small_ deal about Rivaille) (yes, that was a pun on his height). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter that _really_ wouldn't cooperate. Whatever. 
> 
> Also, check this out guys: http://luciferwearsamwinchester.tumblr.com/post/57039091090/someday-i-will-learn-how-to-lineart-properly  
> This is what Eren looks like! (Albeit in forest green). (The art's not mine, obviously, you can tell by how good it is ^^)


	6. Post-drift Happenings, or: reasons why Rivaille can never decide if Hanji is the best or creepiest friend ever (he's leaning towards creepiest)

_Fuck, and I didn’t even get to apologize again,_ Eren thought as he collapsed onto his bunk. He rolled onto his back, staring at the latticework holding the bed above his up, mentally comparing it to the structures holding _Freedom Wing_ ’s cockpit up.

 _Not very similar at all…_ was the last thing Eren could remember thinking before his exhaustion overcame him.

He awoke an hour later to the sounds of his roommates returning from afternoon conditioning. He had just enough time to blink blearily a few times before Armin, Connie, and Marco crowded around his bed, all asking questions at the same time. Behind them, Jean, Reiner, Berthold, and Franz were waiting a bit more patiently (Jean seemed rather annoyed, if truth be told).

Eren sat up, yawning, and said, “Alright alright geez, ask your questions one at a time so I can at least _understand_ what you guys are saying!”

“Did you actually pilot today?” Armin said rather quickly, beating the others. Eren nodded, a maniac grin returning to his face.

“ _Freedom Wing_. For an hour or something. We even went outside the walls!” There was a collective gasp at that; trainees were _never_ allowed outside the walls- only trained pilots ready to fight (and kill) the kaiju were.

“ _You_ went outside the walls?” said Jean, skeptically.

“Yeah, what about it?” Eren replied, feeling his pulse beginning to rise. Jean just snorted, and Connie took that as his chance.

“So you were really with Corporal Rivaille? You drifted with him? How _was_ that?”

“Of course I was with Ri- Corporal Rivaille. Who do you think I kept trying out with? And yeah, we drifted. It was…” Eren paused for a moment, willing his face not to flush as he recalled his embarrassing rabbit chase. “It was weird. Like… there’s a _thing_ in your brain? I dunno. But it was so cool- you can feel all of the gears and stuff of the jaeger, and they feel like… like _part_ of you. And Rivaille can- er, I mean, he’s just super-good at controlling the jaeger. And stuff. But damn, it’s really exhausting; I think I need to train more.”

“Wow,” said, Armin, eyes copying the glow of Eren’s. Eren nodded.

“And Rivaille even said he’d probably call me out of conditioning again tomorrow because he wants to work with me!” Alright, not technically true- Rivaille had said teach him how to fight, which was absurd, because (even though he was no match for Rivaille), Eren had not spent the last three years getting his butt kicked by Annie for nothing.

“That’s so cool, Eren! Hey, when do you guys think we’ll get to pilot jaegers?”  Marco asked.

“Wait, I thought you wanted to come to the military police with me?” Jean asked, seeming slightly hurt.

“Well, yeah,” Marco replied. “But we don’t really get much choice, do we, if we’re highly drift compatible with someone?”

“What do you-”

“He’s right,” interjected Reiner. “They put drift compatibility as priority number one, so even if you don’t _want_ to pilot a jaeger, they’ll make you if you’re got a strong compatibility rating with someone else. I overheard Shadis telling Nanaba that it keeps getting harder to find people who are truly drift compatible.”

“So yeah,” finished Marco. “And besides, while I don’t really want to go outside the walls, being a jaeger pilot sounds like it’d be so awesome…”

“Say, Eren?” asked Berthold.

“Yeah?”

“You were drift compatible with Corporal Rivaille, right? That’s why he chose you, right?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Eren furrowed his brow.

“How do you know if you’re drift compatible with someone, then? What did it feel like?” All seven of them were quiet now, waiting for Eren as he collected his thoughts.

“I mean, it was really weird… the first two times I went to spar with him, it wasn’t this way, but, the last time- yesterday- there was a moment when we were sparring, when I felt like I could almost tell where he was going. And I could tell where he was going to strike, and it seemed like he could tell where I was going to strike too, and so neither of us could land a hit…” Eren shook his head. “It was a very weird feeling.”

The silence continued for a few seconds, before Connie broke it by saying, “Wow, and with Corporal Rivaille, too… that’s way cool. What’s he actually like, huh?” Eren opened his mouth to answer (short, really mean, ridiculously in shape, unfairly hot), but at that moment Thomas peered into the room, reminding them all that the dinner bell had rung. With the threat of food, all eight trainees quickly exchanged their sweaty clothes for clean ones and rushed down to the mess hall.

Of course, once there, Eren was interrogated again by all the girls, and the line of questioning on both parts was furthered (to the point where other people actually began answering Eren’s questions for him).

Once dinner was over, Eren eschewed the recreation hour, choosing instead to go back to his room to sleep. As he wandered through the halls leading back to his room, he stopped paying attention to where he was going, absorbed in his recollections of earlier- specifically, the ones he hadn’t told anyone- about watching, once again, oh-so-vividly, as his mother had been first crushed, then eaten by a kaiju.

Eren furrowed his brow. _Except no,_ he thought. He had only remembered up to her being crushed, before he had felt a hand on his shoulder- one that hadn’t belonged in his memories.

Rivaille.

Now that Eren thought about it- he couldn’t remember the jaeger coming to a stop, either. Had Rivaille done that? Piloted alone? If so, then he really was as strong as the rumors said… and the mindspeak. He hadn’t mentioned that to anyone else either, remembering Rivaille’s words: _technically not possible_.

If it wasn’t possible, then how-

“Ow,” Eren mumbled, picking himself up off the floor and looking at the obstacle that had been in his path. “Watch where you’re-”

Said obstacle (of course, just his luck) stared back, slate grey eyes expressing pure disdain and annoyance.

“Oh. Rivaille. Uh, hi. I didn’t- I wasn’t paying attention, sorry.”

“Shitty brat,” Rivaille said, devoid of emotion. “I was looking for you.”

((**))

After waving Eren goodbye, Rivaille had gone back to his own room. Alone.

It had been two years, and he still found the sensation of being the only one to open the door a weird one; especially now, coming back soaked in sweat from powering the jaeger. The two beds mocked him as he went to the bathroom, promptly stripping and putting his dirty clothes in a hamper.

The shower felt good, and Rivaille allowed himself a moment of pure relaxation, leaning his head against the back wall and letting the warm water pound onto his back.

 _So the brat’s mother was killed_. The scene had played in Rivaille’s mind a few times more than he would have liked already- the screams of horror from young Eren echoed a bit too close to home for Rivaille’s liking. And, of course, not to mention that he had been one of those tasked with eliminating those kaiju- and had failed. On epic proportions. That had been the largest loss of human life since the walls had been built- not to mention that they weren’t even supposed to be able to fall.

Then again, so many things were like that, Rivaille mused, finally turning off the water and stepping out into a towel, and then clean clothes. Everyone believed everything to be permanent, until it was taken abruptly away from them.

Rivaille fell backwards into the bed closest to the wall, seeing the picture frame out of the corner of his eye. He quickly averted his eyes to the ceiling, before losing the battle with his own will and reaching out to grab it.

The picture had been one of the few they had ever taken together, and she had insisted upon it being framed, despite Rivaille’s protests at the time. He had secretly been glad she had persisted. Especially- especially after.

He ran a thumb over the face next to his. Her strawberry blond hair was shoulder-length, and her cheery smile seemed to light up the whole picture. Next to her, Rivaille was turned a little bit aways from the camera, making it seem as though he had been looking at her. His face was neutral, but the crinkles at the corners of his eyes gave away the hidden smile.

“Yo. The new recruit, his name is Jaeger. His last name is, I mean. His first name’s Eren. We took _Freedom Wing_ out for a spin today. She’s been upgraded; you’d love it.” Rivaille put the picture back onto the ledge above the headboard. “He’s an okay pilot, actually. I was surprised. He’s got nothing on you, though.”

“Who’s got nothing on me?” Rivaille spun around quickly, noticing Hanji standing in the doorway.

“The fuck, Hanji? How’d you even open the-” Hanji held up a ring of keys.

“I made a copy of yours a while ago,” she said, smilingly smugly to herself.

“What, you don’t even want to let me take a _shit_ in peace anymore?”

“Take as many shits as you like, Riri, but the fact remains that the dinner bell rang five minutes ago and you need to eat,” she said, waving her hands around. Her eyes twinkled mischievously. “Maybe if you eat enough, you’ll grow more!”

Rivaille looked up from tying on his cravat _just_ to stare at her for that comment. She giggled, before reaching out to grab Rivaille’s arm, and dragged him down to dinner.

At dinner, Rivaille was content to let Hanji ramble, though he occasionally entertained a question about how the run with Eren had gone (he never answered with more than ten words). He noted the unusually large gathering at the other end (the trainee end) of the mess hall, and wondered briefly what was happening, until he saw Jaeger.

Of course; the shitty brat was the first in his class to pilot, wasn’t he? Rivaille tsk’ed.

“What?” Hanji asked around a mouthful of food. Rivaille looked in distaste at her dirty mouth. “You don’t approve of all the attention your co-pilot’s getting, hmm?”

“I’ll pretend there was not further meaning to that than the superficial,” Rivaille retorted, handing her a napkin, which she put down before using.

“Oh come _on_. You’d have to be completely _blind_ not to notice the way Eren stares at your ass.” Rivaille stared. “Actually,” Hanji considered, gulping another mouthful, “I’m not entirely sure that being blind would necessarily make it any harder to spot.”

“Thank you, Hanji. I had no idea.”

“You might want to consider glasses, then,” she countered immediately, tapping her own and taking a swig of water.

“What, so then you won’t be the only shitty glasses in the compound? No thanks.”

Hanji rolled her eyes and ( _finally_ ) cleaned her mouth. “Anyways, Riri, I have to go check up on a few experiments, so, if you’ll excuse me, bye!” Rivaille watched her bolt over to the trash can with her tray, almost tripping twice in the process, before leaving the tray and running out of the mess hall. Rivaille finished his meal calmly, then went and threw his trash away as well.

Halfway back to his room, he decided that he wanted to go find Eren, if only to inform him about practice tomorrow. He decided to try the personal rooms first, then the rec room. As luck would have it, as he was turning a corner, his co-pilot quite literally ran into him, knocking himself to the floor.

“Ow,” Eren said. “Watch where you’re-  oh. Rivaille. Uh, hi. I didn’t- I wasn’t paying attention, sorry.”

“Shitty brat,” Rivaille said, noting the brief look of guilt across Eren’s face. “I was looking for you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My chapter titles keep getting longer.... oops....
> 
> Also sorry this took me so long ^^;;;


	7. Things, or: a chapter in which Eren is a teenager and Rivaille is a caffeine addict, and things start to happen

“Shitty brat, I was looking for you,” Rivaille said, watching as Eren scrambled to his feet.

“You- you were?” Eren asked, tripping over his own tongue. Distastefully, Rivaille noted that Eren had a bit of dust coloring his pants. He reached forward and began to brush it off, his hand dragging forcefully down Eren’s hip. It was only when he heard Eren’s sharp intake of breath that Rivaille paused to think about just what he was doing (but damn, the dust wasn’t giving up easily). Unsatisfied but grudgingly admitting his defeat in the face of lack of proper cleaning supplies (or at least, more proper than his _hand_ ) (which he promptly brushed against his own pants) he raised his gaze to meet Eren’s flushed face.

Rivaille tsk’ed. Eren shook his head ( _like a dog_ , Rivaille thought), before asking, “Um, what for?”

“I’ll be joining you and your classmates for morning conditioning tomorrow. Mostly you. I thought you could use the heads up.”

“Oh! Uh, yeah. Thanks. But um, I meant to ask- you said I had to learn to fight? I mean, I already know-” Rivaille cut Eren off with a snort.

“You know standard fighting tactics. _Freedom Wing_? She’s _anything_ but standard.” Rivaille sniffed, deciding abruptly that there had really been no reason to seek Eren out ( _why did you do it, then?_ ), and turned abruptly around. “See you,” he called over his shoulder.

Behind him, Eren sputtered. “I- what?! Aren’t you going to explain anything?!”

“Hmm, no.” With that, Rivaille turned back out the same corner, strolling leisurely back to his rooms. For some reason, the particular shade of Eren’s cheeks lingered in his memory longer than strictly necessary.

(((***)))

Eren stared at the corner around which Rivaille had vanished. He was vaguely conscious of the fact that his mouth was still open, but- “What the hell was that?!” he said to no one in particular. Shaking his head again, he ran a hand through his hair, before taking a breath and continuing to his room, trying his best not to think of Rivaille’s hand stroking firmly down his hip and thigh.

Yeah, he failed that one.

He threw himself facedown onto his bed, absently wishing that he’d washed the sheets last wash day- the next one wasn’t for another week, at least. Eren groaned, sitting up to unlace his boots and strip to his boxers for sleeping. He considered showering, but if Rivaille’s _completely unexplained_ (like, really, what the fuck was up with that?! Was there something he was missing about _Freedom Wing_? No, scratch that, there was _definitely_ something he was missing, he’d have to ask Armin later…) comments meant anything, Eren would probably be getting sweaty tomorrow morning as well, so really, what was the point in showering now?

Content with his decision and still completely totally _not_ thinking about Rivaille, Eren laid back and dozed off. He was awoken by Armin entering the room, and Eren felt a rush of gratitude that he was alone. If Jean had been there, he never would have heard the end of it.

“Hey, Armin.”

“Hi,” the blond replied, sitting down on his own bunk and beginning to take off his boots. “You didn’t miss much in the rec center today- Marco’s still beating everyone at poker, Sasha somehow smuggled in a bunch of food and divided it up, the usual.”

“Mm. Listen, Armin, I wanted to ask you- what do you know about _Freedom Wing_ ’s fighting style?” Armin paused, looking up at Eren.

“Her fighting style?”

Eren nodded. “Rivai- er, Corporal Rivaille found me earlier, he said he was coming to conditioning tomorrow , because I have to learn _Freedom_ ’s fighting style, whatever that means. I thought you might know, maybe you read something about it?”

Armin slowly shook his head, a pensive expression on his face. “Sorry, I’ve never heard about _Freedom Wing_ having a different fighting style from the other jaeger. I mean, every jaeger has a different style, don’t they? Because of the pilots. Was Corporal Rivaille hinting that _Freedom Wing_ is unique even in that respect?”

“ _Even_?”

“Mmhm. She’s the first jaeger to have a semi-internalized engine,” Armin said. “Meaning you can’t see it from the outside,” he added, seeing Eren’s confusion.

Eren’s gaze opened. “Oh, so that’s why I couldn’t see her engine!” Armin nodded. Eren was about to press Armin for whatever other information he had about _Freedom Wing_ , but just then the door opened again and Jean, Marco, and Connie walked in, effectively nixing the possibility of a one-on-one conversation. Eren had no desire to engage the others in conversation either; he already felt exhausted from dinner.

Instead, he grunted goodnight to everyone (Reiner, Berthold, and Franz had since returned as well, and Eren had been mildly surprised to learn that even after his nap earlier, he was still tired), and pulled the covers up to his chin. As they ran over his hip, he had a sudden flashback to something else running over his hip, warmer, firmer, with purpose and-

 _Fuck, I shouldn’t be thinking about Rivaille like that_ … was Eren’s last thought before sleep overcame him.

(((***)))

Rivaille woke up to the sound of the blaring alarm, cursing it in every language he knew before deciding that hitting the snooze was a worthwhile use of energy. Of course, it went off again five minutes later, and Rivaille grudgingly accepted that fate wanted him up (the thought of coffee from the mess hall also helped). As per his usual morning routine, Rivaille dragged himself to the shower, allowing some cold water to wake him as much as possible while still lacking caffeine. That done, Rivaille dressed in dark blue slacks and dark blue top, throwing a light jacket over the workout ensemble.

He headed down to the mess hall, feeling the cold water rush begin to wear off. As soon as he joined the line for breakfast (coffee), he found himself surrounded by Hanji, Mike, Auruo, and Günter, three of which were not caffeine addicts and thus far too awake for Rivaille’s tastes.

“So you’re gonna teach Eren _Freedom Wing_ ’s special secret today?” Hanji asked brightly, invading Rivaille’s personal space and tugging on his shirt. Auruo muttered something which made Mike laugh, and Rivaille grit his teeth.

“Hanji, I still haven’t had my coffee. If you’d be so kind as to hold off for _five fucking minutes_ while the line- oh!” Rivaille walked (possibly quite a bit faster than he normally would) towards the open coffee-maker, punching the buttons for a double espresso. A few seconds of impatient waiting and an almost-but-not-quite scalded tongue later, and Rivaille was already feeling better. At some point while reveling in the taste of his coffee, Rivaille had managed to pick up a bagel and find his way to the table at which the others were sitting, and he finally turned his gaze upon Hanji, who was engrossed in conversation with Mike.

“-but no that’s not even the really cool part! The cool part is that if you cut it open, you know, it’ll begin to heal right back! Except, we’ve discovered, if you coat the tools with-“

“Hanji, to answer your question from before, yes,” Rivaille said, giving a small nod in acknowledgement of Mike’s grateful glance. Thus successfully distracted, Hanji re-directed her general enthusiasm for life towards Rivaille, who’d immediately zoned out and was quite contentedly spreading cream cheese over the second half of his bagel. It was only when the other three at the table started laughing that Rivaille thought to look up. “Hmm?” he mumbled, as all four (five, if you _really_ counted Hanji) pairs of eyes locked on him

“She asked why you didn’t wear your _other_ pants,” Günter said, the stress of his words making it abundantly clear to Rivaille which ‘other pants’ were in question. Rivaille shot Hanji an icy glare, and she returned it with a smile, sipping innocently from her mug of tea.

“I think you should,” Mike said around mouthfuls of… what _was_ he even eating? “They make your ass look _great_ and if what Hanji’s been telling us is true, you’ve got yourself a _very_ avid spectator, hmm?” he added, a shit-eating grin on his face. Rivaille glared first at Hanji, then Mike, then at Günter and Auruo too, for good measure.

“Hey don’t look at me!” Auruo complained.

“So I don’t know why the entire shitty world has a fascination with my ass, but no, I will _not_ feed my shitty, hormonal, bratty, clumsy excuse for a co-pilot’s lust, if that’s what you’re all insinuating,” Rivaille grumbled. He’d always been confident in his body, despite being short, and he _knew_ that he had a nice ass- but really, some things were just overdoing it (Rivaille pushed aside the nagging voice that suggested maybe he _should_ wear the other, tighter pants instead).

The table was quiet for a few moments. Then Hanji started talking.

“First,” she said, ticking the number off on her fingers, “the entire shitty world does _not_ have a fascination with your ass- the only reason for that of course being that most of the entire shitty world probably hasn’t seen your ass, since the only times you really go on television are when you’re in your jaeger. It's really quite a shame, you know. To deprive that many people of such wonderful eye candy. Secondly,” another finger down, “that was four adjectives you used to describe Eren- five, if ‘excuse for a co-pilot’ is counted- and are you quite sure this is a one-sided crush going on here?” She, and the others, regarded Rivaille quizzically.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times at the sheer absurdity of it all. “You’re all a bunch of moronic gossip queens,” Rivaille concluded, eating the last bite of his bagel.

“You know, I think Eren’s wearing one of those tight workout shirts too,” Hanji crooned. Rivaille stared into his cup for a second, almost wishing there was still coffee on there, so that he could dump it on Hanji’s head (there wasn’t, and so he settled for turning the cup upside-down and placing it (carefully- it’s be no good if the cup broke) on the scientist’s head. She took it rather well, even holding still while Rivaille adjusted it to make sure it wouldn’t fall).

Rivaille stood up and took a step back, admiring his handiwork. “Nice hat,” he said finally. “Now all four of you get your damn minds out of the gutter, or else I’ll just go back to eating alone,” Rivaille half-threatened. “Goodbye,” he tacked on, grabbing his tray (leaving the cup) and making his way out of the mess hall.

“He never answered your question, did he, Hanji?” Auruo asked. Hanji had a pensive look on her face, the same kind she wore for running calculations.

She didn’t answer Auruo’s.

((( ***)))

Eren walked into the training and conditioning room side-by-side with Armin and Mikasa, eyes quickly scanning around for Rivaille. He was almost sad to note that the other man wasn’t present. As Coach Sis ordered them to form up, though, Eren wasn’t disappointed- Rivaille walked in, silence falling immediately and the double-doors swinging shut dramatically behind him.

“Sis, I need Eren. Jaeger,” Rivaille said, blunt and to the point as usual. Coach Sis grinned back in return- Eren wondered what kind of relationship he had with Rivaille, to be able to smile at his impassive face like that.

“Do ya now? Well I can give him to ya, but only fer a price,” Coach Sis said. Rivaille raised an eyebrow, and Eren would almost have sworn he saw Rivaille’s lips twitch, as if concealing a smile.

“What’s your price?” Rivaille asked, fiddling a bit with his jacket. Coach Sis leaned over to Rivaille and whispered in his ear, to which Rivaille nodded. The entire room of cadets watched the exchange with bated breath. Coach Sis stepped back from Rivaille, grinning wider, and Rivaille shrugged off his jacket, revealing a very nicely form-fitting dark shirt and bare, toned arms.

Coach Sis’s voice brought Eren out of his daze. “-this was a move developed by Corporal Rivaille a couple o’ years ago, and is now a pretty commonly used jaeger technique. All o’ ya who wanna become pilots should pay special attention now- ya can only use this move on bipedals, fer which it’s perfect fer practicin’ in pairs. Now watch Rivaille closely- I’ll be the kaiju,” he said, and then began to advance on Rivaille.

Rivaille, for his part, stood almost perfectly still, the weight of his body concentrated on his toes. As soon as Coach Sis was close enough, Rivaille sprang into action. His right foot swung out at the same time his right arm swung the opposite way; Eren watched the muscles on Rivaille’s back bunch as he twisted his body, arm and leg making contact with Coach Sis at the same time.

Coach Sis went flying, probably saved from cracking in his skull only thanks to his stellar “safe fall” technique. Rivaille didn’t even look phased.

Coach Sis stood up, gesturing towards Rivaille. “And that, students, is how ya execute the flip. Thank ya, Corporal. Ya can take yar Jaeger, now,” he said, motioning towards Rivaille before looking at the class at large and shouting for them to pair up with someone of equal strength.

Eren was very, very glad to be out of there- he _really_ didn’t feel like getting pummeled by his classmates. Instead, he followed Rivaille into a darkened room that Eren hadn’t even known existed, the door to which was hidden along the farthest back wall of the main training room. Rivaille flicked on the lights.

“Um, Rivaille?”

“Yes?”

“This looks like a dance studio.”

“Well at least _you_ don’t need glasses.”

“Why are we in a dance studio?”

“Just put these on and I’ll explain to you in a minute,” Rivaille growled, throwing a pair of black _ballerina flats_ at Eren, who caught them with a look of stupefaction on his face.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes,” Rivaille looked at him with a bemused expression, his own flats already on. “I don’t want the floor to get dirty.”

 _Oh my gods,_ Eren thought, turning to a curse he’d heard Krista use once, _Rivaille is actually serious about this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get this out earlier but then the characters refused to stop interacting with others and I couldn't fit in everything I wanted to so it's late but also longer? ^^;; (and this isn't even where I wanted to get for this chapter ugh!) But a GINOURMOUS thank you to the people who reviewed, you guys really are what kept me working through this chapter <3
> 
> In other news, this here: nagisa-chan-san.tumblr.com/post/57511465629 is _Freedom Wing_ in all her crappily sketched glory. 
> 
> Also did you know that caffeine from drinking coffee takes about twenty minutes to come into effect as a drug? Yeah. But Rivaille's also got a placebo-effect-thing going on with his coffee, so insta-effects it is. 
> 
> Extra bonus-points if you get why that's Krista's curse :P
> 
> Also this chapter is like completely un-beta'd (it's almost 7:30 am) so please- any mistakes, lemme know, kay?


	8. Drift compatibility, or: Corporal Ballerina strikes again (literally)

Rivaille watched as Eren huffed and finally put the shoes on. Satisfied that Eren had managed, Rivaille pulled out a whiteboard from where it was stored in the wall. Taking up a marker, he did a swift sketch of _Freedom Wing,_ including all the most relevant bits. Eren snorted.

“What? You got a problem, shitty brat?”

“No-o,” Eren said, shaking his head. “It’s just… is that supposed to be _Freedom Wing?_ ”

Rivaille turned to Eren, lips pursed. “What do you mean, ‘supposed’? That is _clearly Freedom Wing_.” Eren made a sound halfway between laughing and choking, and Rivaille scowled.

“Rivaille… that looks like a square with baguettes attached,” Eren said, clearly trying not to laugh (and failing _utterly_ , in Rivaille’s opinion).

Losing his composure for a second, Rivaille chucked the marker, hard, at Eren’s head. “You draw her, then, if you’re so brilliant!” Eren had barely half a second to react, just managing to deflect the marker away from his head. To Rivaille’s dismay, Eren confidently strode up to the board, adding a few lines here and removing some there. By the time he had recapped the marker, the drawing looked significantly more like _Freedom Wing_.

“It’s still not good,” he grumbled, stepping over to take the marker back.

“It’s better,” Eren said. Rivaille glared. _Cheeky brat._ But he nonetheless circled the jaeger’s belt, the dark band of metal that encircled her waist.

“That,” he said, tapping the now-capped marker against it, “is _Freedom Wing_ ’s secret. No, don’t say anything, I’m not done talking yet.” Rivaille then paused for good measure. “Basically, _Freedom Wing_ is built so that her top half can rotate rapidly and continuously, over 360˚, in either direction. _Of course_ ,” he said, raising his voice to forestall Eren’s, “that means the pilots _also_ have to be capable of spinning rapidly and continuously. Hence, this,” he finished, waving a hand at the dance studio.

Eren was still staring at the whiteboard drawing.

“Oi, brat, have the marker fumes gotten to your head or what?”

“No, it’s not that, it’s just… she can really rotate?” Rivaille pinched the bridge of his nose, walking back over to the whiteboard.

“Yes, she can, like this.” He drew arrows around the jaeger’s torso. “Start using your brain. If we hadn’t drifted, I’d almost think you didn’t have one.”

“Hey, that’s-“

“Are you coming?” Rivaille looked over his shoulder from his position a quarter of the way into the room, about three meters from the wall and the whiteboard. He turns to face Eren, pulling on the elastic band within his shoes, making sure they were on properly. _It works better in the jaeger,_ he thought, _where the smell of grease is more comfortable than the smell of oiled wood_.

But no matter.

“Watch, because I won’t repeat myself,” Rivaille said.

Then he stepped forward, a full step, only his toes hitting the ground. His back leg kicked out, and he’s spinning, eyes focused on Eren when he’s not turning, using him as an anchor, spotting on him, and if Rivaille thinks hard enough he can convince himself that he’s still in a jaeger and he’ll be able to use his signature move soon. Of course, there’s no way he can, and too soon he has spun to a stop. He exhaled loudly, taking a moment to center him before looking up to meet Eren’s very, very green eyes.

(((***)))

Eren was entranced. So maybe he’d always scoffed at dancers, but… the way Rivaille did it, made the spinning seem so natural and effortless and of course it wasn’t like Eren had noticed the interplay of muscles underneath Rivaille’s sinfully tight shirt, not at all, and now Rivaille’s stormy eyes met his own and-

“Look, I appreciate hero-worship as much as the next guy but until you learn how to pirouette like that, I won’t be able to use my jaeger. So move your ass and _learn._ ” Eren sighed. Rivaille could keep the impression of stoicness as long as he didn’t open his mouth. Then the full import of Rivaille’s words hit and Eren blushed.

“I’m not-“

“Cut the crap, kid, I can see your ears getting red from here.” Which, naturally, did nothing for Eren except to make his ears even more red. Curse his damn ears.

He walked forward, until he was level with Rivaille. “Um, Rivaille?” Rivaille grunted, still glaring at Eren. Eren took that as a sign to continue. “Um… I don’t actually know how to…”

Rivaille sighed. “Weren’t you watching?” he said, but his voice held no real acid. Forestalling Eren’s question, Rivaille widened his stance, placing one foot in front of him, turning it slightly outwards, while his other foot want back, perpendicular to the line of his shoulders. Rivaille brought his arms up elegantly in a curved fashion out to his sides. “Of course, once we’re in the jaeger, you won’t hold your arms in proper position, but for now, it’ll be easier to get yourself going this way.”

“Proper position?”

“Once you start spinning, in theory you close your arms,” Rivaille said, demonstrating my bringing his arms together in a circle in front of his chest. “That won’t work in the jaeger, but it’ll help you get your balance for now.”

“Wait, you mean proper as in like, _dance_ school proper?”

Rivaille arched an eyebrow, the rest of his face remaining as impassive as ever. “Yes, what else would I mean?”

“I… then you took actual dance lessons?”

“…yes.”

“…you never mentioned.”

“Is this really important?”

“Why didn’t I know that? After drifting, I mean?”

“Because,” Rivaille said scathingly, “there is a list about the size of a category five kaiju of things that you don’t know about me, and won’t, unless I so choose. Now shut up and watch.” Then, with Eren watching his every shift, Rivaille pushed his weight forward, twisting his body and bringing his arms together. He pivoted three times on the ball of his foot, before coming back down, landing gracefully in the same position he’d started from.

Setting his face determinedly, Eren took the same stance Rivaille had. Or rather, he tried to take the same stance, because within seconds Rivaille was next to him, tsk’ing and pushing his legs and feet into the proper alignments. Eren willed his ears not to turn red again (he had a sneaking suspicion that he was being less than successful).

“Alright, go,” Rivaille said, stepping back and crossing his arms in a self-satisfied manner. Eren nodded once, then stepped forward, imitating Rivaille as best he could.

He got about halfway through one rotation before he had to bring his second foot down to stop from landing on his face. From behind him, Eren heard Rivaille sigh again.

“Right, well I’ll leave you to sort this out, coffee is calling me,” he said. Eren turned around just in time to see Rivaille closing the studio door behind him, leaving Eren alone in the mirrored room. Eren gaped, then ran a hand through his hair.

“What _is_ it with this guy and leaving me standing?” he asked his reflection (naturally, it gave him no answers). Eren sighed, giving himself a couple of moments to collect himself before returning to the starting stance, and giving it another go.

((***))

Rivaille had indeed gone to fetch coffee, this one diluted with milk. He also grabbed a bottle of water, making sure it was sufficiently chilled. He made his way back to the dance studio, opening the door to see Eren successfully pirouetting. _He’s a fast learner, I’ll give him that._

“Oi, brat,” he said, causing Eren to stumble clumsily out of the pirouette. “Water.” He threw the water bottle at Eren’s head, noticing his eyes widen as his hand flew up to catch the projectile. Eren looked surprised, but he drank gratefully nonetheless.

“Hey Rivaille. Where _did_ you learn to dance? And why?”

“What’s this fucking obsession with me? First Hanji and the lot with my ass, now you with my dance…” Eren scrunched his brow in confusion. Rivaille rolled his eyes.

“When I was a kid. My mother enrolled me. Now get your ass over here, and help me unload these mats,” he said, pointing to the rust-colored mats strapped against the near walls. The two of them unstrapped the mats and spread them out, covering the smooth wooden floor completely (Eren had mysteriously lost his dance shoes, Rivaille noted) (Rivaille quickly did the same).

“Alright, now, we can spar,” Rivaille said, pulling two long staffs from a nook in the walls as well. He threw one to Eren, who caught it with a grace Rivaille hadn’t seen him use in any other activity (he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t excited to see it in action again).

They both took up their preferred fighting stance- Rivaille sideways, weight on his back foot, holding his staff akin to a billiards player; Eren standing straight-on, staff gripped tightly, horizontal to the ground, in both hands. It has to be a fundamental difference in their natures, Rivaille thinks as he locks eyes with Eren; he must face life head-on, bluntly, while Rivaille… well, bluntness is his forte in words only- everything else he would rather spin around and demolish from afar, never needing to face his opponent head on.

Eren twitches, and suddenly they both explode into motion, every action, every movement, coming sharply into the _now._ Rivaille’s staff shoots forward, propelled by his back hand and caught by it as well, once Rivaille’s reach reaches its peak; Eren’s turned his staff into a perpendicular block, and isn’t that funny how geometry both does and doesn’t define him, thinks Rivaille, dropping to the ground to avoid Eren’s overhead pass, swinging his own staff in an arc at Eren’s feet; but he’s sensed Rivaille’s motion and jumps, bringing down his staff in the same motion, leaving Rivaille only just enough time to somersault backwards, before springing back up, staff held sword-like at Eren’s face, who counters it with his own sword, and they give it a full minute of back-and-forth parries before breaking it off with an unconventional thrust, both twisting at the same time, and suddenly Rivaille has the thought, _this is what drift compatibility means isn’t it_ and then somehow both are on the ground and Rivaille has Eren trapped under him, staff pointed at his neck, and both of them are panting, hard, but their eyes are still locked and Rivaille knows the answer to his unasked question is a resounding _yes._

And then the lunch bell rings, shattering their drift-built illusion. Rivaille stands, muttering a soft “not bad” under his breath. He puts his staff away, instructing Eren to do the same, but leave the mats.

He heads to lunch, allowing the euphoria of the fight slowly, softly, wash over him and away.

He wonders if Eren feels the same. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jfc this chapter would not be written
> 
> also the tense change at the end was a purposeful change :D we'll be going back to past tense next chapter ^^ 
> 
> Also, for those of you who don't have an ao3, i post my updates on tumblr under the tag 'freedom wing' every time i post a chapter here, so you can always keep up with it via tumblr as well :)
> 
> On that note, school has started, and I'm going to try to update this fic at least once a week, most likely on a Saturday or Sunday. /Having set a commitment for myself, we'll now see how long that lasts.../
> 
> I am particularly proud of the title of this chapter ngl


	9. Passing Notes, or: Armin is the best multi-tasker in the military (he has to be, with friends like Eren)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter dedicated to all the people who really, _really_ don't want to be in school again.

Eren stumbled into the mess hall a few minutes late. Mikasa immediately stood up, but Eren waved her back down as he quickly made his way to the lunch line and grabbed… well, it looked somewhat edible, at any rate. He weaved his way back through the crowded tables, noticing, out of the corner of his eye, Rivaille in discussion with Hanji. He wondered briefly what they were talking about; Hanji seemed so animated.

He set his tray down on the table, flopping into the seat. “Hi,” he said, hearing an inhalation of breath from Mikasa. Across from him, Armin had his eyebrows raised.

“Eren, did that midget hurt you?” Mikasa practically growled. “Because if he did…” Eren gaped.

“Mikasa, you can’t be talking about Rivaille…?” She pointed to a bruise on Eren’s arm, one that, in truth, he hadn’t noticed earlier. “Oh, that’s nothing to worry about. We were sparring. I don’t even know how I got that. I’ll be fine, don’t worry about it,” he said, but Mikasa gave him a skeptical look, unconvinced.

“So what fighting style did he teach you?” Armin asked as Eren began to eat the food.

“Dancing,” Eren mumbled. Even Mikasa made a face at that. “No, I’m serious, he had me doing pira- piro-”

“Pirouettes?”

“Yeah, pirouettes. He had me doing those for like, an hour. Or something. I dunno. I guess that’s _Freedom Wing_ ’s style- she spins around really fast, and the pilots have to be able to do that too. But, really, you should have seen him- he took dance lessons or something when he was younger, and he can pirouette like a professional, it’s like… _wow_ , you know? I mean I’ve always thought dance was- what are laughing at?” Eren directed his question at Armin, who was trying to hide a grin behind his hand. Armin shook his head, now giggling openly, and Eren turned to question Mikasa. She wasn’t smiling, but her eyes betrayed her mirth. “Seriously, what’s so funny?”

Mikasa shook her head.

“It sounds like you’ve got a crush, Eren!” Armin finally said, still giggling. For the second time in a matter of minutes, Eren found himself gaping at his friends.

“You can’t be serious, I only-“

“I think anyone could tell, really,” Mikasa said. Eren looked down at his food, ears red.

“You guys are crazy,” he said finally. Mikasa mumbled something Eren doesn’t hear, and Armin shook his head sadly, but still smiling. Eren huffed, then continued eating. But now, of course, the idea is planted, and what if-

Eren forcibly shut down his train of thought. Rivaille isn’t important. Or, well, he’s important, but only in the sense that it’s only with Rivaille’s cooperation that Eren will ever get to kill a kaiju. And damn if he doesn’t want to do that. He wants to kill one, kill them all- make them pay for what they did to his family, to humanity-

Mikasa shifted next to him, calling him out of his internal musings.

“-come here,” she said, and Sasha approached, sliding into the seat next to Armin. Mikasa pushed her food over to her- there was still a fair portion on the plate, and Sasha even paused to give Mikasa a grateful look before digging in with gusto. Eren elbowed Mikasa, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Mikasa rolled her eyes, but the look she gave Sasha (only when Sasha wasn’t looking) was borderline fond.

Eren shared a look of silent agreement with Armin.

The four of them chatted a bit about all things inconsequential- Berthold lost another sock, Ymir and Christa were most likely getting it on last night (causing Connie to lose his bet), _why_ did Ness think it was okay to give homework- before the bell signaling the end of lunch rang, and they headed to theory and tactics class.

Eren, Armin, and Mikasa sat down next to each other, as per usual, lounging around until the door swung open. They, like the rest of the class, sat up straighter instinctively. They were unfamiliar with the teacher, which was usually not a good sign. People they didn’t know tended to assign homework, they’d learned. Those they _did_ know would have to grade it; for that reason, homework was relatively uncommon.

The man, tall, blond, scruffy beard, wearing an orange engineer’s jacket, went straight for the board. Across the top, in all caps, he wrote: MIKE ZACHARIUS.

“Hello. I’m Mike Zacharius, but you can call me Mike. I’m chief engineer and occasional jaeger pilot. Since the GenVI jaegers are going to be finished up later this week, I was asked by Commander Smith to come and give you all a lecture on the GenVI’s and jaeger piloting.”

Finished, he turned back around, sketching quick and confident lines onto the board, five jaegers coming to life under his marker. Eren snorted. _At least these ones look like jaegers._

“These are the five GenVI jaegers we currently have ready for release. This one-“ Eren tuned Mike out, absently doodling on the edge of his paper. He had _Freedom Wing_ \- what was the purpose of paying attention to the descriptions of the GenVI? There was no way he was piloting any of those anyway.

He blinked in surprise as a folded sheet of paper found its way in front of him. He looked at Armin, who motioned for Eren to open it.

 _So do you really have a crush on him?_ was written in Armin’s neat script. Eren scowled at his friend, who shrugged, taking notes on Mike’s speech at the same time. Eren wrote out a quick reply: _um, NO. you crazy?_ He passed the paper back to Armin.

Armin opened it, shooting Eren a glance that quite clearly read ‘done with your shit’. Eren rolled his eyes dramatically, motioning for Armin to pass the paper back, while trying his best not to look guilty (or like he was cussing out Armin inside his head, which he totally wasn’t doing. At all).

Armin complied, and under his previous scrawl, Eren added: _so he has a nice ass. and I like looking at it. doesn’t mean anything. fuq u._

As Armin read that missive, he actually snorted. His pen momentarily changed papers, before he passed the note back to Eren. _Of course it doesn’t. You’ve barely mentioned killing kaiju once in the past two days, and I’m supposed to believe that “doesn’t mean anything”? _

Angrily, Eren wrote, in large letters, _KILL ALL THE KAIJU_ , underlining it several times for full dramatic effect.  Then, in the small space he had left, _but I don’t actually mention kaiju that often do i??_

Another exchange, and Eren unfolded the note to see Armin’s newest message indicated with an arrow. _\-- >You don’t, but watching you react to my statement is enough to confirm that you do like Corporal Rivaille. _Just as Eren was about to write out a reply, Mikasa reached over and snatched the paper out from his hand. Eren made grabbing motions, but as he couldn’t verbalize or act out due to Mike, Mikasa was allowed to read the written conversation in peace.

She scribbled something onto the paper, passing it back to Eren.

_@Armin- good work :)  
@Eren- I cant say I approve of your choices but if you think this is the right path for you I wont stop you I will kick his ‘nice ass’ though if you ever need me to. be safe little bro_

Eren looked up, horrified. _mikasa I swear I DON’T WANT TO FUCK RIVAILLE. YOUR YOUNGER THAN ME TOO I’M NOT YOUR LITTLE BRO. ALSO YOUR SO IN LOVE WITH SASHA_

This time, before he was able to pass the paper back to Mikasa, it was taken out of his hands by Armin. He flipped the paper over, writing on the blank back, hesitating a moment in the passing, to avoid Mike’s gaze. Eren read the message.

_@Eren- your is possessive. What you’re looking for is the contraction you’re- you + are.  
@Mikasa- Thank you. However, I have to agree with Eren- what is your relationship with Sasha? _

Eren added a quick _fuck you armin_ on the next line, before passing it over to Mikasa, who pulled the edge of her scarf a bit higher before writing out a (in Eren’s opinion very long) response.

_I think shes nice maybe I even like her romantically but I dont want to have sex or anything with her. And Eren no one said anything about fucking anyone are you sure you dont like him_

Eren reread it, making sure he had understood correctly. _so you like her but you don’t want to have sex w/her? and idk I don’t really want to fuck armin_ Finished, Eren shuffled the missive off to Armin. A few seconds later, it was back in his hands.

_@Mikasa- oh, yeah, I forgot you were asexual. My bad.  
@ Eren- Mikasa was talking about your comment about fucking Rivaille, not about your retort to me being right. But let me just go on the record as not wanting to fuck you either._

Eren sighed. _o right ace sorry. but really armin fuck you and grammar. do you think I could borrow your notes though if we get tested over this stuff???_

Mikasa once again took the paper, giving it back to Eren with _@Armin- no worries :) @Eren- what Armin said also you can borrow my notes_ added to it.

 _thank you_ he scrawled, passing it to Armin. Before he had a chance to reply, however, a loud wailing filled the room. Eren jumped to his feet, the note cleared of his mind.

The kaiju sirens were sounding.

 _“A kaiju has been sighted. Trainees please report to the standby area. Pilots and maintenance crew please report to the docking stations. Over.”_ Several members of the class sighed in annoyance at the routine message, almost too bothered to get up. Mike, however, was scanning the mass of cadets as they began to make their way to the door. His eyes alighted on Eren.

“Jaeger, come with me,” he said, pushing his way bodily through the crowd and opening a path for Eren to follow. On his way out the door, Eren threw the now-crumpled note into the recycling bin, waving goodbye to Armin and Mikasa, a grin on his face.

 _Maybe today, I’ll get to kill a kaiju_ , he thought happily (getting to hang out in the command center with Rivaille didn’t factor into his smile) (nor was he in denial) (nor was he denying his denial) (that would be silly).  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please point out grammatical errors ^^;;;  
> Also I'll reply to all comments from previous chapters tomorrow, right now it's way past my bedtime and I'm about to fall asleep <3


	10. Happiness is a Lie, or: Death do us part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are/were traumatized by Episode 21...
> 
> ...I'm sorry.

As they turned into a side hallway, Mike slowed and Eren almost ran into him, at which point Mike leaned down and gave a large sniff.

“Uh…” said Eren, watching a small smirk come to the man’s face. Mike then resumed walking without further commentary, and Eren was left no recourse but to continue following him. They took a few more turns before entering the command room Eren had been in last time- as soon as he walked in, he searched for Rivaille, and walked over to where he was in conversation with Commander Smith and Hanji. 

“-that’s a lot. We should be on standby in our own command.”

“Rivaille, I need you running the display, not in your jaeger. Besides, Eren doesn’t have any combat experience and things would most likely end badly.”

“Oh, hi, Eren!” Hanji said, making Commander Smith start and Rivaille simply turn and glare.

“Um, hi,” Eren mumbled. “…does this mean we still won’t get to kill any kaiju?”

Smith shook his head, expressionless. “Not today, Eren. Please understand; we need a team such as yours to stay alive, and you’re not well-versed enough yet in _Freedom Wing’s_ style to be able to fight at peak efficiency.”

Eren bit the inside of his cheek, but his eyes blazed furiously, before resigning himself.

“Hanji, Rivaille- stations please, we’re about to drop,” Smith said, returning to his own. Hanji turned and sat in her chair in the same motion, but Rivaille walked across the room in the opposite direction. Eren watched him move, graceful as a cat, and about as talkative. He faltered about a bit, unsure what to do; luckily, Hanji noticed, and motioned for him to come over.

“These blips here,” she said, pointing to bright red-circled points in the holo-display, “are kaiju. These here,” she said, indicating the two yellow dots moving quickly towards the red, “are our two jaegers. We’ve got Auruo and Moblit in _Raven Blue,_ and Erd and Günter in _Falcon Dance._ Ah- they’re online now!” Hanji exclaimed. “Erwin, the line’s up!”

Commander Smith nodded in understanding, then pulled the microphone towards him.  

“ _Raven Blue,_ connections good?”

“ _Roger that, sir,_ ” same a voice Eren didn’t recognize.

“And _Falcon Dance?_ ”

“ _Online and feelin’ good. Ready to kick some kaiju ass!_ ” said another voice.

“Good. Have at ‘em, then,” Smith said- or growled, his face becoming fierce and making Eren write a mental note to never piss off Commander Smith.

_“Copy!”_

_“Roger!”_

The speakers crackled back into silence, and the large holoscreen lit up with data points, coming together to depict the two jaegers and their opponents.

“There’s three Category 2, two Category 3, and one Category 4. One of the Category 3’s is bipedal, as is the Category 4,” Hanji said over Eren’s shoulder, her face lit with enthusiasm. “And since we’ve got Erd and Günter, they probably won’t fucking _pulverize_ it, so maybe I’ll even get a decent sample this time!” she was practically bouncing in her seat, and Eren couldn’t help but smile with her- her joy was contagious.

One of the yellow blips met with one of the red, and a loud cheer rose in the command room. ‘Get that fucker’, and variations thereof, seemed to be the most common form of cheer, and Eren returned his eyes to the large screen, watching as scanner data poured in and built up the hologram of a four-footed monster, its vaguely reptilian face repulsing Eren and heightening his wont to murder it.

The jaeger swung a large fist, knocking the kaiju into the air; another cheer, and a cry of “ _Falcon Dance_ has made contact as well!”, followed by further whooping. The atmosphere was exuberant, and Eren let his emotions flow, groaning and cheering with the command crew. At one point, he looked over to Rivaille; Eren was somewhat dismayed to find his impassionate as always, still seated at his station, hands flying over the controls.

Looking back at Hanji to make sure he wouldn’t be missed (he wouldn’t- she had a notebook open, filled with illegible scrawls and half-drawn kaiju diagrams, and she was muttering to herself under her breath), Eren weaved through various people, ending up behind Rivaille.

“What do you want, shitty brat?” Rivaille grumbled, eyes never moving from the diagram of the jaeger ( _Falcon Dance,_ Eren thought) on the screen in front of him. Eren watched the diagram for a few moments, noting the areas of shifting red and orange. Rivaille’s hands flew over the keypad as a particularly large patch of red began to form over the jaeger’s left arm in sync with a loud whoop from the soldiers; soon the red abated.

“I just wanted to see what you were doing,” Eren answered, mentally redacting the last two words. “And… I’m sorry. It’s my fault that we aren’t out there right now- I’ll get better though. I promise.”

Rivaille didn’t turn around, but Eren could have sworn he huffed. “Yeah, you better, brat.” His fingers beat the keys again, and Eren had already begun to turn away sadly when he heard Rivaille’s voice just above the thrum of background noise. “I have to make sure that no sectors of _Falcon Dance_ overheat. The jaeger is, in theory, self-regulating, but she’s an older model, and her refrigerating systems need a push on occasion. Like now,” he said.

Eren stepped a bit closer, noticing the patch of intense red on the shoulder, and the strip of code that Rivaille quickly wrote, after which the red began to dissipate.

“And before you ask, usually Moblit does this job, but he’s out right now and I’m next best of those here.” Rivaille exhaled slowly, displeasure evident. His slender fingers hovered lightly over the keypad, and Eren bit his lip. _Now is_ really _not the time…._

Suddenly, a loud booing rose up, followed by cries of ‘no’ and ‘shit’. Rivaille went with a ‘fuck’; Eren looked up at the main display, trying to figure out what he’d missed.

One of the bipedal kaiju had engaged _Falcon Dance_ ; it had swung its arm wildly, and its mouth was open and glowing blue. Turning back to Rivaille’s display, Eren noticed that a large portion of _Falcon Dance_ ’s upper arm was black- he looked up at the main display, finally noticing that the right arm look caved in.

The speakers crackled, and the command center went quiet almost instantly. “ _Falcon Dance to Command, do you copy?!”_

Commander Smith already had the microphone in hand, and Eren felt a nasty premonition clench in his gut. “Command to _Falcon Dance,_ we copy. Get yourselves out of there, your main artillery arm is completely offline!”

“ _Roger,_ ” said a different, more pained voice. The command center broke into a relieved twitter, and the hologram showed _Falcon Dance_ turn and begin to run, but Eren was still on edge. He looked around- Smith was still clutching the microphone, an odd expression on his face; Mike was furiously typing green onto three separate black screens; Hanji had grown still.

“ _Fuck!_ Erwin, gimme the mic!” Hanji screamed. Smith took one look at her panicked expression before handing over the microphone without question. Eren stole a quick glance at Rivaille, who was ignoring the happenings, still typing quickly. The patch of black was rimmed in red and expanding; Rivaille gritted his teeth, and Eren turned his attention back to Hanji. She pressed down the button and began talking rapid-fire- “Erd, Günter, that Category 4 bipedal you were fighting, it’s accelerating at unprecedented speed for a kaiju, it’s going to catch up to you! There’s also reading coming in of yet another kaiju, behind you and to your left, a Category 3 as well! Watch- out…”

The microphone clattered to the ground, stunned silence engulfing the command center. They watched in collective horror as the hologrammed kaiju knocked _Falcon Dance_ to the ground before sinking its phosphoric teeth into the casing. Alarms began blaring around the command center, alerting to this and that, but Eren couldn’t tear his eyes away. Half the screen was _Raven Blue,_ engaging the two Category 2 at once; the other half was _Falcon Dance_ slowly flickering in and out as her sensors were mauled by ammoniac acid and the weight of one- no wait, shit, the second titan Hanji had mentioned was there now as well- the weight of two titans, their thick fingers gouging at the steel plating and breaking it.

Suddenly, the screen went black. Eren made a noise halfway between a yell and a bark, and the speakers turned themselves back on.

“ _Sorry, guys. We’ll- we’ll see you in the next life.”_ The microphone stayed on long enough for everyone to hear a crunching noise and a cut-off scream.

“No…” Eren whispered, eyes wide, mouth open in shock.

((***))

_“Sorry guys. We’ll- we’ll see you in the next life.”_

Rivaille’s blood ran cold as he heard Erd’s words, the spreading chill synchronized with the black overtaking the jaeger on the display in front of him. Rivaille’s hands didn’t tremble as he steadfastly continued typing, but the display soon cut out, a little box with the red words ERROR: NO INPUT FOUND blinking at him in mockery.

He let his hands fall flat. Alarms rang loudly in his ears, the cacophony lining up with his mental state to a degree that should have been alarming but instead was oddly comforting in an odd, disjointed way.

 _This is a joke. A sick, cruel joke. Erd and Günter, they wouldn’t- they can’t-_ Rivaille pushed back the wave of memories that was on the verge of overtaking him; it was useless for him to have a breakdown now. He could mourn later.

“ _Raven Blue to command. We’ve annihilated the bastards who ate_ Falcon Dance. _Requesting transport back.”_

Erwin was at the mic, face disbelieving. “Copy that, hatch number 5 is prepared to take you in,” he said, voice completely devoid of intonation. Behind him, Hanji had dropped her masks, her face somber, tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. Next to him, Eren was staring at the main screen with wide eyes and open mouth. _The brat’s probably never seen a comrade get eaten before_ , Rivaille thought, the notion mirthful to him.

“Ha,” he said softly, the single syllable falling clumsily into the room. Eren closed his mouth and turned to look at him, expression shifting to concern. “I’m leaving,” Rivaille stated, turning and making a beeline for the door, emotions threatening to overwhelm him with every step.

He didn’t notice Mike, gripping the edge of the table with white knuckles wet from teardrops.

He didn’t notice the tears streaming quietly down Hanji’s face, her expression one of infuriated determination.

He didn’t notice Erwin’s eyes, downcast and horrified, belying the maniacal smile gracing his features.

He didn’t notice the half-step Eren took towards him, one arm extended, brow furrowed and words of confusion, compassion, concern trapped just behind his lips.

He saw instead the gold-brown eyes of a woman he’d respected, he’d fought with, he’d maybe even loved- he saw the life snuffed out of them even as a portion of his mind went blank, taking with it a portion of his heart- he barely made it to his room before collapsing; sobs that wouldn’t come in the presence of others now consuming him, wracking his body until, hours later, sleep overcame him, quieting his mind and carrying him in a dark chariot to oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made myself sad.
> 
> In other news:  
> -I also post updates on tumblr, under the tag "freedom wing" (which I also track, if you'd rather contact me that way ^^)  
> -i also sometimes post commentary under that tag, although most of it is along the lines of "HELP WHAT ARE JAEGER NAMES" (seriously though- i need some seven more jaeger names, this is not a joke)  
> -this week's episode wasn't okay  
> -if you haven't already figured out who rivaille's previous co-pilot was, shame on you (but not really i still love you)  
> -that is all
> 
> -jesus fuck is it september already


	11. Rise of the GenVI, or: in which Jean's dreams are crushed (Ymir's, not so much)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long and kinda choppy but I need shit to happen and this is setting up for the shit to happen so :/ Sorry for the choppiness (I'm gonna go on a limb and assume none of you mind the length...)

Eren woke up a few minutes before the alarm rang. Sighing heavily, he threw an arm over his eyes, wishing he could go back to sleep. He hadn’t even _known_ Erd and Günter. But Rivaille had.

And that was the crux of the matter, wasn’t it?

Rivaille’s face as he had left the command station… it _hurt_. Sure, his face was usually impassive, but then… it had just been _empty._ So disbelieving and… and _sad._ And Eren hated it; hated that he was part of the problem- because _Freedom Wing_ would have been able to handle that kaiju, wouldn’t she have been? And it was Eren’s fault, all on him, Rivaille had been ready, but Eren had gone and fucked it up-

The alarm beeped, bringing with it the groans of seven sleepy cadets. Eren sighed softly, then removed his arm from his face. He and the others got dressed, a few light-hearted squabbles breaking out, but Eren wasn’t in the mood. Armin seemed to pick up on this, shooting Eren a sympathetic gaze (which Eren avoided) and placing a hand on Eren’s shoulder.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, not even trying to deny how nice it felt, to know that his friend had his back. Armin just smiled, eyes crinkling slightly.

Feeling a bit better, Eren headed down to the mess hall with Armin, grabbing a bowl of porridge (he thought) and a glass of milk before sliding into their usual table. Mikasa soon joined them, looking at Eren with concern.  By now the entire base was well aware of the demise of _Falcon Dance_ and her crew.

“I’m fine, Mikasa,” he said with a sigh. She huffed back at him.

“No, you’re not. We’ve been together since we were kids, I’d like to think I know when you’re fine. And right now, you’re not.”

Eren stared into his porridge, admitting to himself that Mikasa _did_ have a point. He set down his spoon. “It’s just… they weren’t supposed to _die._ That’s… it’s unfair. And it’s my fault, and Rivaille, he- I- I’m so hopeless.” 

Mikasa’s hand reached out to touch his, where it gripped the table tight enough to turn his knuckles white. “Eren. It’s not your fault. They knew what they were doing. And you’re still alive, instead of having gone out there with one day of actual practice and gotten killed.” Those words set something off in Eren’s mind. He grinned maliciously.

“I’ll get revenge for them. I’ll kill _all_ of them. Revenge for Erd, Günter, our mother… everyone who died because of those bastards.” Mikasa patted his hand lightly, and next to him Armin sighed quietly.

“Well that’s wonderful, and I wish you luck with that, but right now we have morning conditioning again,” Jean said as he walked past their table, glancing at Mikasa and with an apologetic Marco following him closely behind. Eren glared at Jean’s back, but nonetheless stood up and followed Armin and Mikasa to the training room.

Once they arrived, Coach Sis made eye contact with Eren and beckoned him to the side. Brow furrowed, Eren complied.

“I have special instructions for ya today. Commander Smith says ya hafta go into the side room like ya did last time with Corporal Rivaille. He says there’s stuff set up fer ya to use.” As Eren continued to stare at him in confusion, Coach Sis shrugged. “That’s all I got, kiddo.”

“…okay. I’ll just be going then? Sir.”

“Yea, ya run along now,” Coach Sis said, making shooing motions. Eren saluted briefly, then left, filling in Armin and Mikasa quickly before entering the dark side room. He groped around for the lights, finally finding the switch and flicking them on. His eyes widened as he took in the room.

Half of it was still a blank dance studio; a pair of ballerina flats lay next to a full water bottle on the floor. But the rest of the room had been quickly remodeled- or at least, undergone several installations. There were at least six different weight-training machines, a treadmill, an ellipse, and two devices Eren couldn’t recognize off the bat, but whom the small pamphlet resting atop them classified as “combat trainers”. Commander Smith’s message was clear.

Eren took a deep, determined breath, refocusing all his worry into the task at hand. Pulling on the ballerina flats, Eren began to spin, spotting as Rivaille had taught him to do, but wishing he was spotting on Rivaille rather than a crappy drawing on a whiteboard that had neglected to be erased. He stopped when even the spotting could no longer keep nausea at bay, taking a swig from the water bottle before moving on to the rest of the training equipment. There he lost himself, mindlessly training until the lunch bell rang.

Lunch was rather uneventful, but someone had pushed two tables together and now there were even more people present and talking, giving Eren an excuse to eat as fast as he could and go take a shower before tactics.

Feeling refreshed but also sore (he really shouldn’t have done that fifth rep…), Eren headed to tactics, where he was greeted by a vaguely familiar guy in an engineer’s uniform, who handed him a blue note, folded, once again, obscenely intricately. As the guy left and Armin and Mikasa looked curiously over his shoulder as he tried to unfold the message without ripping it (was it just him, or was this a lot more complicated than it had been last time?), Eren harbored hope that maybe Rivaille was feeling better, and that they were going to be allowed to ride in _Freedom Wing_ again.

Finally, he managed to reduce the series of folds to a single horizontal one. Eren flipped it open.

_Command 2.0, ASAP. Smith’s orders._

There was no signature.

“See you later, again, I guess?” Armin asked. Mikasa was frowning. Eren read the note once again.

“Yeah, I guess…” he said, then waved them off with instructions to notify whoever was teaching and headed off to the new command station. Upon arrival, he was greeted by a subdued Hanji.

“Heyo, Eren. Rivaille’s already ready, so if you remember how to get down to the lockers, we need you suited up. You _do_ remember, right?” Eren nodded, turning to leave. “And, Eren?”

He stopped, looking back at Hanji. “Yeah?”

“You- ah, you know what? Nevermind,” she said, running a tattooed arm through her ponytail. Eren gave her an odd look, but she just waved him off. Shrugging, Eren made his way to the lockers, entering to find the glass panel already removed and one of the suits missing.

 _It really is different,_ he mused, _getting ready on your own._ Donning as much as he could alone, he toted the rest over to the machine which had been programmed to fasten the spinal attachment and tighten all the rivets in the event that one pilot was unable to do so. It was jerky, and it caused the suit to pinch Eren's back in several places (luckily, a shrug undid that, but...) . _I mean, not having every action of mine scrutinized is nice, right? And if Rivaille’s not here, I can’t get distracted by him…_ Still, it all felt very much _off_.

Anxious to get out of the empty locker room- were those GenVI suits there? Huh-, Eren began walking along the grill to the piloting chamber. Rivaille was already inside and prepared, all connections to the machine already in place. He didn’t greet Eren when he entered, and Eren’s stomach dropped as he locked himself into the jaeger as well.

“ _Preparing neural drift sequence. Drift sequence activate in 3… 2… 1… Neural drift complete.”_ The astoundingly familiar (he’d only done this once, should it really feel so much like home?) sensation of Rivaille’s mind and the jaeger’s machinery pressed on Eren.

 _“Hello Eren,”_ said Commander Smith’s voice over the comm. “ _This is just a training session- you’ll only be out an hour, because I know you were working hard this morning, but we need you and Rivaille to be in best shape soon.”_

Eren could have sworn he heard Rivaille snort.

 _“In any case, we’ll drop in five… four… three… two… one. Have fun out there!”_ The comm cut out as a lurch in Eren’s stomach signified their downwards drop, another jolt bringing them to a stop before picking up horizontal speed, crossing out under the walls. As they were transported, Eren tried to reach out for Rivaille through his mind- he had no idea what he was doing, but he figured that if he thought hard enough, Rivaille would notice.

Right?

 _Oi, shitty brat, I can feel you thinking. …and your concern. I’m fine, okay? They were just my friends._ In those few seconds, Eren felt a wave of emotion emanating from Rivaille, but it was quickly shut down, returning to quiet background noise. _And stop being so fucking guilty, they knew what they were getting into. Thinking it’s all on you is so fucking useless._ Eren decided to drop it, and focus instead on their practice run.

The rays of sunshine glittered brightly over _Freedom Wing_ ’s head as she came up. In sync, Eren and Rivaille stepped forward, the giant mechanical figure copying their motions. They ran for a bit, ‘loosening up’ according to Rivaille, and then, finding a nice, flat area, Rivaille told Eren that they were going to practice spinning.

Eren watched as Rivaille tapped the command screen, clicking a series of buttons. His brow furrowed a bit, until he felt the machine around him extend claws into the ground. He directed a mental question mark at Rivaille.

“Those are to keep _Freedom Wing_ planted while we go at it,” he said aloud, adding a mental _I’m not supposed to mindspeak, so here’s to throw them off._ “Normally, we would spin while in motion- jumping, usually- but for a first run we’ll spin stationary, and the centrifugal force will topple her if we’re not careful.”

“Ah,” Eren replied, the mental imagery supplied by Rivaille clearing up the whole affair.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

Eren watched for a second as Rivaille shifted his weight, centering himself as he had in the dance studio. The jaeger, having been manually locked in place, didn’t copy his motions, even when Eren joined in.

 _Now,_ Rivaille said, and as one, they stepped forward, swinging their back legs around. Eren immediately felt the toll of the weight he wasn’t used to swinging with him, and had to stop after only one revolution.

“Tsk. Is that all?” Rivaille snorted. Eren frowned.

“This is a lot harder-“

“I know it is. But trust the jaeger. Fall _into_ your harness, and it’ll move with you easier. Shitty brat.”

Eren nodded, psyching himself to ignore Rivaille and give it another go. This time, he grudgingly obeyed Rivaille’s instruction, and did, in fact, find it easier- and _Freedom Wing_ herself began to spin as well.

It was exhilarating.

“HaHA!” he shouted, and he could have almost sworn he saw the corner of Rivaille’s mouth twitch.

“Well done, kid, you managed to make her spin once.” Even with Rivaille’s emotionless manner of speech, Eren couldn’t miss the sarcasm. He made a grumbling noise.

“Whatever, can we try again?” he asked. Rivaille huffed, but acquiesced. They continued practicing for another half hour, at which point their comms crackled online.

“ _Rivaille, Eren, your hour is almost up. We need you back at the hatch in ten minutes._ ”

“Roger,” Rivaille said, retracing the jaeger lock sequence and retracting the claws. They set off again, large, bounding mechanical steps stirring up dust and dirt in their wake. And there, in the periphery, Eren could feel- almost _see_ \- thoughts and images and sound bytes that weren’t his own, and closer, forming a wall between him and the memories, an ironclad force of steel-eyes will. Eren only hoped there were no lagomorph kaiju waiting to tear that wall down.

They arrived back with no further incident, and Eren was dismissed with an hour until lunch. He meandered to his room, the hours of morning conditioning catching up with his most recent escapade in the jaeger and dragging his eyelids downwards. He fell asleep, and didn’t wake up until the next morning (at which point he was seriously mad at Armin for not getting him dinner) (“Sasha ate it” was his [unfortunately completely believable] excuse).

After breakfast, they headed to morning tactics (Mikasa was muttering something about not taking Eren out of class again), only to find the door locked a crowd beginning to for outside it. Everyone was milling about in various states of confusion, when finally, after a few minutes, Mike appeared. The hubbub grew louder, until Mike whistled sharply, causing those closest to him to cover their ears and everyone to shut up.

“Right, now that I have your attention: the GenVI jaegers are officially off-production, and awaiting their piloting teams. We’re meeting in the auditorium in five minutes for official announcements. Dismissed!” It took a moment for the collective psyche to process what Mike had said, and he was already halfway down the hall on swift steps when the class began talking animatedly once again. Realistically, only very few of them actually had a chance at being pilots, and even then, not everyone wanted to. Most wanted simply to be engineers, but a few wanted to work in the military police.

They moved as a group towards the auditorium, Eren finding a comfortable seat in the fifth row, flanked by Armin and Mikasa. It was dark within, and they lowered their voices accordingly, becoming a low murmur. After a few minutes of waiting, lights blinked on at the front, and Commander Smith stepped up, microphone in one hand and piece of paper in the other.

He cleared his voice, tapped on the mic, and then looked out into the crowd. “As I’m sure you’re all well aware, the GenVI jaegers have just come off production. As you are also aware, we conducted compatibility tests recently-“ Eren furrowed his brow and leaned over to Armin, who whispered ‘When you were training with Rivaille’ to him. “-and we will be using those results to account for pair-ups as of right now.

 “Before that, though, I should mention that none of the GenVI have names as of yet- partnered pilots will be allowed twenty-four hours to come up with names, which will be submitted to us for review, and eventually all jaegers will be customized. Those of you not selected as pilots have the choice of joining the military police, if your grades are high enough, or of joining the engineers and becoming part of the jaeger support teams.” He looked out at the crowd once more before continuing.

“And now, I’ll be reading off the lists of paired pilots. Sasha Braus and Connie Springer.” Pause- Eren saw Sasha and Connie making faces at each other, clearly excited. “Krista Lenz and Ymir.” There were a few whistles in the crowd at this one- it was common knowledge that the two were basically head over heels for one another. Krista hid her face in her hands while Ymir pumped the air. “Next, Mikasa Ackerman and Annie Leonhardt.” Eren glanced over to Mikasa. Her face was blank- no one really quite understood the relationship between her and Annie, but most assumed it wasn’t favorable. “Reiner Braun and Berthold Hoover.” There were a few more whistles- their relationship wasn’t as obvious as Ymir and Krista’s, but there was a very solid suspicion as to the truth. Berthold looked like he would rather be anywhere else but there, while Reiner had a large, happy grin on his face. “And finally, Jean Kirstein and Marco Bodt.” Jean, Eren was pleased to note, looked rather shell-shocked- _haha, the jerk can’t even go to the military police, now! Too much compatibility, huh?_ Marco, on the other hand, was smiling shyly, not meeting anyone’s gaze.

“Good, now that all the pilots have been announced, I expect everyone in the new command stations in fifteen minutes! We will be getting the pilots into their jaegers and letting the command crew have their first live-fire shot at it. Dismissed!”

The room burst into noise as the lights flickered on, and the group moved as one, heading towards the new command station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y U NO HAVE LAST NAME YMIR?!  
> also what is beta-reading before posting ahahahaha checkmygrammarplz
> 
> Anyway, last chapter got a hella lotta comments... maybe I should write sad stuff more often? >:D  
> (but seriously wow thank)
> 
> Also yeah idk it's probably cause I'm stupid or something but even though I'm the author and I KNOW that "GenVI" is pronounced "Generation Six" or "Gen six", I always end up saying "Ghen-four-i". IT'S NOT EVEN A FRICKING ROMAN FOUR DAMNIT. **ALSO FOR REALS I NEED NAMES FOR THE GENVI YOU YES YOU GIVE ME A NAME. NOW. _PLEASE_ **
> 
> Next chapter will have more of Rivaille's perspective, I promise!


	12. What's in a Name, or: A jaeger by any other name would smell just as mechanical

“I’d better go find Annie,” Mikasa grumbled as they neared the command center. Armin nodded, scanning the crowd, while Eren playfully punched Mikasa’s shoulder.

“Have fun!” he said, only half-sarcastically. “Seriously though, piloting a jaeger- it’s great.” Mikasa gave him a look he couldn’t read and pulled her scarf up to cover her nose.

“She’s over there,” Armin announced, distracting them both and pointing out the blonde head on the far side of the group. Mikasa let out a sigh.

“See you guys later,” she said as she walked away, weaving through the people in her path. Eren huffed, and Armin turned to him, eyebrows raised.

“Well, it looks like Mike is leading the pilots down to the lockers… what are you going to do?”

Eren shrugged. “I don’t know… I don’t see Rivaille anywhere, so-”

“Eren!” Eren turned to see Hanji waving frantically at him, pointing at both him and Armin and beckoning. Eren motioned for Armin to follow him over to her.

“Hi, Hanji. This is-“

“Arlert, Armin, right?” she cut in. “I’ve heard about you…” she squinted at Armin, who shifted nervously, then readjusted her glasses. “Erwin told me you were going to be assigned to alternate Kaiju Watch, in case I’m not available. Basically, you get to be my aide!” She slapped Armin on the shoulder, seemingly thoroughly excited about the whole affair (not that that was far from her usual state of being). Armin, for his part, looked somewhat shaken, a mixture between confused and excited.

“Hey, you’ll do great,” Eren said, patting his friend’s shoulder. Then he turned to Hanji. “Um, is there anything I should be…?”

“Hmm… is Rivaille not here?” she asked with a furrow in her brow. When Eren shook his head, she sighed.  “Alright, go talk to Erwin, he’ll have something for you to do.” She beckoned Armin then, and Eren left before she launched into explanation about how the devices were supposed to be used- not that Eren could imagine Armin would need that. The Kaiju Watch station had received maybe ten minutes of coverage in class (there was only one, and since it involved some insanely complicated equations, few could manage it) but Eren was certain that Armin had memorized all that information and was more than fully capable of acting on it. That was how he was.

Eren spotted Commander Smith on the other side of the room, and began to make his way over there- the command station was much more full now- but before he could, Smith picked up the mic and tapped it twice, the noise echoing over the loudspeakers and quieting everyone. Eren stopped walking.

“Right, now that you’re all here- first things first, we need you to divide yourselves evenly into five groups, one for each jaeger. Kirschstein and Bodt’s is over there, Leonhardt and Ackerman’s there, Springer and Braus here, Lenz and Ymir’s here, and finally, Braun and Hoover’s in that corner over there. We highly suggest choosing a pilot team that you get along with, although we realize this will not be possible. Moblit, Auruo, and I will be coming around to make sure every station has been covered.”

As people began to move across the room, Eren positioned himself against a wall, trying to facilitate the movements of people as much as possible. When Smith passed near him, however, he was spurred to action.

“Commander Smith!” Smith turned, meeting Eren’s gaze. “Sorry sir, but I don’t know what I should do. I haven’t seen Rivai-, er, Corporal Rivaille anywhere, and-“

“Ah, yes,” Smith said, nodding to himself. “Rivaille won’t be here today, but since you two will eventually be our keystone team-“ Eren winced internally as Smith word drove a pang of guilt deep into his stomach “-we can’t assign you to man one of the GenVI stations. You can simply hang around here for the time being.” He waited to see Eren’s nod of assent (well, resignation) before turning and continuing on his way.

Eren stayed where he was for a few seconds, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Finally, he decided to look out of the large windows leading to the jaegers- they were clear for now, not showing any holograms just yet. He watched as the piloting teams walked out together onto the boardwalk, splitting off at their respective jaegers. Mikasa was wearing a deep golden suit, matching the metallic sheen of her jaeger. Annie, a few inches shorter, followed right behind her.

Eren refocused his attention back to the others- Jean and Marco in indigo, Ymir and Krista in bright red, Connie and Sasha deck in sky blue, and Reiner and Berthold in a green that was not (in Eren’s own unbiased opinion) nearly as gorgeous as _Freedom Wing_ ’s. As of yet, none of the jaegers had crests or names inscribed onto their chest panels.

“Alright,” said Smith over the loudspeaker. “The pilots are locked in, and teams have been finalized- engage neural handshake at will.”

A small hubbub began as teams called out to each other, synchronizing everything and beginning drifts. Eren felt an intense longing to be down in _Freedom Wing’_ s command pod, but shook it off, wandering over to where Armin and Hanji were deep in discussion about something.

“-but what if the f-variable was changed? That could explain the dysfunctional calibration in the peripheral-“

“Armin you’re a genius! Well of course you are, Erwin said so, but hmm, let me just-“ she began furiously typing, and Eren took a few more steps closer, lingering just beyond Armin’s chair.  Armin noticed the movement, tilting his head inquiringly at Eren.

“Smith didn’t have any work for me to do,” he said, shrugging by way of explanation. “And Rivaille’s not here either, nor gonna show up, I guess…”

Armin made a sympathetic noise, then patted an empty chair on his other side. “Why don’t you come and sit down? We can both look at the monitor. It’ll give you something to do at least.” Eren smiled gratefully, sitting down.

Digitalized _‘drop initiating in’_ voices began to ring, followed by the loud grinds of gears as they slowly lowered 30-some-ton metal behemoths into the transportation chambers. Eren leaned back in his chair, eyes tracking the five yellow points as they moved into an empty screen- no kaiju, then. He opened his mouth to comment to Armin, but the latter was occupied with talking complicated stuff that Eren had no inclination of understanding with Hanji, so Eren closed his mouth and settled himself to be bored.

The next half hour seemed to inch by incredibly slowly, with everyone else having work to do except for Eren.  He rejoiced when he heard Smith put in the call for the jaegers to return, and couldn’t help but feel slighted as everyone went about congratulating the newly returned pilots, asking them questions (not that Eren wasn’t curious, it was just that… well, he had been _first)_ that carried through lunch and afternoon tactics (afternoon conditioning having been replaced with tactics due to the pilots’ workload) and eventually dinner down to the rec hall, where Mike was waiting to take names for the jaeger.

In a no-nonsense fashion that Eren had come to associate with her, Annie made eye contact with Mikasa once, who nodded, before walking up to Mike and saying something.

“Hey, we can’t hear!” someone shouted from the back of the growing crowd, and Mike looked up.

“Ackerman and Leonhardt have chosen the name _Topaz Maelstrom_ \- if you were on their command crew today, remember that name for next time, because the stations will be labeled under that name!” There were a couple of whoops in the crowd, from people Eren assumed were the command crew for the newly-christened _Topaz Maelstrom._ _Fitting name for the jaeger, she’s got that color…_ he thought.

“Nice name,” he said at Mikasa. She looked at him blankly, then acknowledged him.

“Mm. I suppose it is.”

“How’d you guys choose it?” Armin asked from Mikasa’s other side.

“I liked the word maelstrom, and she liked topaz. We compromised.” The conversation would have continued, but they were interrupted by Mike’s booming voice once more.

“Braun and Hoover command crew- you are now serving the _Aegis Colossi_ , that’s _Aegis_ spelled with a e.”

“Interesting name,” Eren thought he heard Armin mutter.

“What’s it mean?” he whispered over.

“Oh, nothing, it’s just a name from an old storybook I read once- something about protecting. They must be taking their job seriously,” Armin replied. Both turned to look back at the designated ‘front’- where Mike was- as two voices were raised ever louder.

“No, we can’t name it that!”

“Oh come on, Sasha, it’ll be great!”

“I really don’t think they’ll allow it, Connie!”

“I’m gonna tell him!”

“No! Don’t! That’s-“

“Mr. Mike sir, we would like to name our jaeger _Sneaky Dickgrabber!_ ” Connie pronounced, seemingly rather proud. Next to him, Sasha was alternating between an expression of grudging amusement and total mortification. Half the room was shouting, and Mike was simply staring at Connie.

“No,” he said without inflection, causing Connie to appear crestfallen. Then he brightened back up.

“Okay, what about, _The Springer_?” he asked, sweeping the air for dramatic effect. Mike opened his mouth to answer, but Sasha interjected.

“I want ‘sprinkles’ in there somewhere, though!”

“Okay… then what about _Springer Sprinkles?”_

“Nah, that’s too long…” Sasha paused for a moment, but the room remained relatively quiet, as everyone was curious as to what _Sneaky Dickgrabber_ was actually going to end up called. “What about… oh! _Springles!_ ”

Connie pondered that for a moment, then clapped his hands and rubbed them together. “ _Springles._ I like it! Mr. Mike sir, we would like to name our jaeger _Springles!_ Like Springer and sprinkles combined.”

“Alright… _Springles_ command crew, you got that?”

“I think it’s the _Sneaky Dickgrabber_ command crew, sir!” some shouted, causing everyone to burst out laughing. Judging by Mike’s face, he wasn’t too amused by that, though if Connie’s grin was any indication, _some_ goal had been achieved.

“Right, right, whatever. Bodt, Kirschstein, name?”

Jean stepped forward, hand half-raised. “ _Delta Mustang_ , sir!”

As Mike wrote the name down, Eren turned to Armin and Mikasa. “Heh, _Mustang_ suits him- he’s got such a horseface, I’m sure people will mistake _him_ for the mustang!”

“Be nice,” Armin retorted, but couldn’t stop a grin from showing. Finally, Eren saw Ymir move (or rather, her move other people out of the way).

“Me and Krista’s will be called _Acrobat Historica,_ ” she drawled, looking at Krista the whole time. Krista, to her credit, returned the gaze, and Mike muttered something as he scribbled the name down.

“Right, everyone, listen up! Tomorrow, instead of morning conditioning, you will report to the new command station, understood? We want you to have as much practice as possible before we send you up against any actual kaiju!” There were several mumbles of ‘got it’ and the like, and then Mike dismissed them. The crowd dispersed, everyone taking up spots in the rec room. Armin had pulled out a deck of cards, and as several more people joined the game, Eren couldn’t help but wonder what he was going to be doing tomorrow, if Rivaille didn’t show again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: gave up on editing halfway though, I'll probably come and fix some mistakes tomorrow. for now, gomen.
> 
> Yooo this took me a while, gomen gomen. 
> 
> First off, a HUGE-ASS THANK YOU to everyone who gave me name suggestions for the GenVI- I responded to most of you personally, but I would just like to thank you all one more time (I basically came up with no names on my own, so ^^;)  
> Anyways, I made a tumblr post about the jaeger names and my rationale for why I chose those I did, you can find it under the tag 'freedom wing' if you are so inclined :)
> 
> Also, ha, remember how I said that this chapter would have more of Rivaille's perspective? Riiiiight.....


	13. Coffee, Tattoos, and Friendship, or: Hanji

Rivaille was awoken once again by the beeping of his alarm. He glared at it for a couple of seconds, then, accepting the fact that he would eventually have to wake up, rolled over to his stomach, hitting the off button. He rolled back onto his back, arching into the air and stretching his muscles, still tense from sleep.

Releasing the tension, he collapsed into the mattress, arms splayed, and gazed up at the ceiling. His brows came together and he exhaled a mild tsk. A spider had made its home against one of the metal plates, and while Rivaille had nothing against spiders, the thought of a cobweb on his ceiling irked him.

He remained laying down, however, lost in thought. The new recruits had split into their own teams two nights ago; Erwin had told him that the numbers had worked out shockingly well, and Hanji had even been able to take one of them under her wing. _Poor bastard_. Mike had told him about _Sneaky Dickgrabber_ last night, and while it was crude, Rivaille couldn’t help but feel that aligned quite closely to his own sense of humor. He wondered, with no real interest, how good the new recruits were. Supposedly all of them were in the top ten overall, except for one. _Right, because you took Eren._

At the thought of his partner, Rivaille shifted uncomfortably, fiddling with the badly-done sewing job on a pillowcase corner. If he was honest with himself (he tried to be, really, it wasn’t his fault if sometimes a small white lie smoothed everything over, was it?) ( _small_ white lie, his ass) he’d been ignoring the kid. Eren hadn’t done anything to deserve the cold-shouldered treatment Rivaille knew he was giving. It was Rivaille’s fault.

That thought brought a foul taste to his tongue. So many things were Rivaille’s fault. Too many. If only he’d-

Rivaille clenched his jaw, turning his focus elsewhere.

Three days, was it? Since he’d last gone out in _Freedom Wing_. He missed her. There was something about the feel of the jaeger, the mechanical muscles working in tandem with his being, a natural high that never wore off. The benefits that came with it- killing kaiju, knowing that maybe his actions would save others from death ( _oh, if that isn’t irony_ , said a sneering voice deep within him)- well, those were nice, as well. And his partner-

Well, there was a piece of work. Rivaille hadn’t let himself reflect too much on Eren’s memories. They were Eren’s, after all, and not freely given. Rivaille wondered if he should ever ask about them. Clearly the kid had some heady recollections, rivaling Rivaille’s own (a small, selfish voice insisted that Rivaille’s were bigger, worse, more tragic). He seemed otherwise fine- his drive to kill kaiju was overpowering, flooding through the drift constantly, powerful and (though of course Rivaille would never tell him) energizing.

_What would he do if I let down the walls?_

Rivaille snorted. Hanji and Erwin were the only two who knew the full extent of Rivaille’s past. Auruo, Erd, and Günther (a twinge of pain) knew more concretely than most. What gave Eren the right to know his past, after not even a week of actually knowing his name?

 _He_ is _your co-pilot. Didn’t you always tell your team that you can only pilot successfully if you trust one another?_ Rivaille groaned, flipping onto his stomach and burying his face in his pillow. Why did everything have to be such a struggle for him? Only it wasn’t everything; just when things came to, well, _feelings_. Yeah. Rivaille was shit with feelings.

He heard footsteps in the hall outside his room, and raised an eyebrow in surprise when they stopped in front of his door. Once he heard keys instead of a knock, however, Rivaille groaned, making sure his face was deep into the pillow. The door swooshed (that was good, he wouldn’t be needing to oil it yet), and footsteps entered his room.

There was a moment of silence.

“Come on, Riri, your alarm is off I know you’re awake,” Hanji said, making the rest of the trip to his bed and sitting down on the side. Rivaille flipped over and sat up.

“What if I’d fallen back asleep?”

“You’re Rivaille, you don’t sleep on your stomach,” she said, handing him the mug she’d brought with her. Rivaille took it, sniffing appreciatively.

“Do I even _want_ to know how you know that?” He took a sip of the steaming coffee, savoring it.

“Probably not. How’s the coffee?”

“S’good. Thanks.” Rivaille took a few more sips, the two of them sitting in comfortable silence. Hanji scratched absently at one arm, rustling a bandage Rivaille hadn’t previously noticed. “Did you get a new tattoo?”

“Eh? Oh, yeah, I had it done yesterday. Not really new, just finally decided I had enough time to finish up the shading on them.” Rivaille nodded absently. The swirling green had looked pretty shaded to him, but then again, this _was_ Hanji, and with Hanji, all bets were off. A few more seconds of silence passed, until finally Rivaille caved in.

“Alright, cut the crap, why are you here?”

“You haven’t been downstairs for coffee in almost three days. I thought you could use some.”

Rivaille blinked. “I’ve gone after breakfast is over.” Hanji shook her head.

“You know full well what I mean, Rivaille.” Rivaille looked down at the mug, swirling the dark liquid. Yes, he knew exactly what Hanji meant- he hadn’t eaten a meal with anyone since… well, since Erd and Günther’s deaths (and ouch, did that hurt to even think). Because yeah, they were _dead_ , and Rivaille didn’t think he could bear to be reminded of that every time he sat down to eat. Empty chairs were only salt in an open, bleeding wound.

Hanji scooted closer, and an arm found itself around Rivaille’s shoulder. Before he had time to process, he’d already leaned into her touch, and she squeezed lightly, warmth emanating onto Rivaille’s back. “I know you’re feeling horrible, Riri. But you’re not the only one.” Rivaille stopped swirling the cup, uncertain of where Hanji was going but already decided he didn’t really want to hear any of it.

“Look at Auruo. Who’s he got now? Me. Mike. _You_ , Rivaille. Hell, who else’ve _I_ got, Riri?” Hanji took a deep breath, as if to steady herself, and Rivaille felt a pang of guilt worm its way into his chest. “And I’m not trying to belittle your grief, but-“

“It reminds me of Petra,” Rivaille said, quickly hiding his frown behind the mug, the bitter taste of coffee soothing him slightly. Hanji’s arm pulled his closer to her (something for which he was secretly grateful). “And I don’t… it’s…mm.” Rivaille let his sentence trail off, choosing to concentrate instead on the consumption of his beverage.

“I know. I know. Petra was also my best friend, you know. I still miss her. And now, Erd and Günther as well.” Hanji let out a dry, humorless chuckle. “We think we’ve seen it all, don’t we. We signed up to work with the damn kaiju, to fight in the damn jaegers. They get destroyed almost faster than the factory towns can make them. And yet, we’re always shocked, whenever anybody dies.” She leaned her head back, arm still wrapped around Rivaille. “We should be used to it by now. But. It still fucking hurts. And you know? The cruelest thing about it, is that we have to move on. Keep fighting.” She paused, looking at Rivaille. He schooled his face into blankness out of habit (he knew Hanji saw through his masks, anyway). “But we can’t do that alone.”

Rivaille tilted his head back, finishing off the coffee. He ran his tongue over his teeth once. Hanji remained quiet, and Rivaille allowed the silence to continue for another few, long seconds. “Yeah, fine, Miss Shitty Glasses. I’ll come to breakfast with you,” he said finally.

“Wonderful,” Hanji said, a sad smile stretching across her face. She squeezed him one last time, then let him go. He got up, rummaged in his drawers for new clothes, then went to the bathroom, showering (less thoroughly than he’d’ve liked) and dressing.

He reflected on Hanji’s talk as he did so. _Maybe she’s right_ , he thought. _Maybe… I don’t have to go through this alone._ Wouldn’t that be nice.

_Fucking four-eyes and her fucking intelligence._

Rivaille strode out of the bathroom, feeling better than he had in days. His hair was still wet, and the longer portion clung to  his undercut, water dripping down the nape of his neck.

“You ready?” he asked Hanji, who gently set back the picture she’d taken off the shelf and stood up. She reached and brushed a few of the droplets off, eyes glinting mischievously.

“Ready! And Riri, I forgot to mention! Guess who has been looking over at our table at least once every five minutes? _Every_ meal?” Rivaille groaned as Hanji’s enthusiasm returned.

“Please not who I think it is?”

“Oh come one, poor kid’s seriously worried about you!”

“Shitty brat.”

“You’re so mean, Riri!”

Rivaille snorted. “Being nice never got me anywhere.”

“It got you to be friends with meeee,” Hanji said winningly. Rivaille snorted louder.

“Should’ve been meaner, then,” he grumbled, but his eyes were soft. Hanji drew herself up, acting supremely offended, but the smile on her lips showed she wasn’t taking what Rivaille said to heart (a wonderful aspect of their friendship, he thought).

They came into the cafeteria during the last couple of minutes. Rivaille quickly grabbed another coffee and found some biscuits that didn’t look all that bad, then made his way to the usual table. The empty spaces tugged at his heart, but Mike and Auruo looked happy enough to see him, and Rivaille even allowed a grin to show through as he sat down, greeting them for the first time in days. Mike smiled back understandingly, Auruo a little broken but nonetheless trying to be happy.

Suddenly, Hanji cackled, motioning with her head to something behind Rivaille. Rivaille turned, and was greeted by Eren’s approaching form.

“Rivaille! You’re back!” Rivaille snorted. Eren seemed far too happy for his own good, and was that relief Rivaille saw?

“What do you want, shitty brat?”

Eren faltered. “I- eh?”

“Are you going to answer?” Rivaille managed to keep his face straight as Eren looked ever more like a positively lost puppy, but judging by the noises at the rest of his table, the others were having a hard time holding in their laughter.

“Er, right, I, um. Just wanted to say hi.”

“Hi.”

“…hi.” Eren waited for a few seconds, then motioned to leave. “Erm, I’ll just. Be going then.”

“Wait, Er- Jaeger.” To his credit, Eren froze mid-step, peering inquisitively in Rivaille’s direction. “We’ll go out with the others, today. Afternoon, right?”

The transformation on Eren’s face was almost comical, he looked so happy. “Yessir! Afternoon!”

“Good,” Rivaille said, turning back to his table. Hanji was still giggling.

“Riri, that kid’s got it bad for you, huh?” she said, elbowing him and raising her eyebrows suggestively. Mike joined in the giggling- although Rivaille wasn’t sure if that even counted as giggling, with his deep voice.

“Shut up, shitty glasses.” Hanji hummed happily, and Rivaille turned his attention back to his breakfast.  

 _I won’t have to do this alone_ , he thought. It was a nice thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Rivaille's PoV! As promised! :D 
> 
> Um... I can't actually remember if the doors in Pacific Rim had keys??? -i need to buy that movie ASAP jfc- well they do now in this verse.  
> Levi and Hanji are my brotp aldkhgalkdh I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. SO. MUCH. 
> 
> Also because I don't know how well I communicated this: it's been three days since Erd and Günther died, two since the end of last chapter. So yeah... 
> 
> what are chapter titles /shot
> 
> also again for a reminder, "freedom wing" is the tag i've designated this to tumblr with ^^


	14. Rite of Passage, or: Here are your dogtags, wear them well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't update last week. This was because life chloroformed me and dragged me down to its basement, where it forced me to do all its paperwork (it was _bad_ ).

Tactics passed at a snail’s pace for Eren. He doodled a spiral onto the margin of his notebook, adding a wavy line underneath. He groaned, head leaning heavily into his hand as he glanced again at the clock. He squinted at it. _Oh, good,_ he thought. _At least the fucking_ seconds _hand moved._

He jolted as a finger poked him roughly in the side. “ _Ow_ ,” he muttered pointedly, glaring at Armin. “The hell was that for?”

“Eren, you heard what Commander Smith said!” Armin whispered back. “You and Corporal Rivaille are one of the most important jaeger teams, you can’t _not_ pay attention to the group tactics-“ Armin fell silent, catching a glance from the instructor. He scribbled onto a piece of paper, tore it off, and passed it to Eren.

_Those could save your life!_

Eren tsk’d softly. _yea I know but honestly Rivaille knows it all why do I have to bother even_

Armin took back the sheet, frowning and adding something else before passing it to Mikasa. The paper tarried with her for a while, but it was eventually handed back to Eren.

_That’s not an excuse, Eren. He knows better than most that things happen. Tell him, Mikasa! You’ll be out there too, after all._

_Eren I really have to second Armin here for all we know the shorty could get eaten or something also you cant just rely on him all the time thats not safe and I wont be there to protect you Ill have to be in my own jaeger_

_Exactly. You have to learn this stuff!_

Eren glared at them, scratching a _whatever_ onto the page, grudgingly focusing on the board in front of the classroom, taking in the diagrams and various formations. Yeah, no, he was going to forget this in five minutes. Tilting his head, he snuck the clock another look.

Two minutes had passed.

_I’m never gonna make it._

~~

The phrase “saved by the bell” had never resonated quite so much with Eren before. The second it rang, he was on his feet, notebook and pencil already put away, and the only reason he didn’t sprint to the cafeteria was the knowledge that that wouldn’t change the speed at which lunch was dismissed.  Instead, he settled for shifting his weight from foot to foot, impatiently awaiting Mikasa and Armin.

“You’re not going to get to see him any sooner even if we speedwalk,” Armin said as he approached and Eren turned to move.

“I- what?!” Eren sputtered. “I don’t- what?! I want to pilot my jaeger-“ (when, he wondered, had it become _his_ and not _the_?) “-and get better at that so I can destroy the kaiju!” Seeing Rivaille wasn’t even on the list of reasons. Nope.

Well maybe a little.

But Armin didn’t need to know that. (From the raised eyebrow he got in return, Eren could only assume that Armin already knew) (Eren huffed).

“Can we just go?” Eren groaned. Armin smiled at him, and even Mikasa allowed a small grin as they headed down to the mess hall and acquired lunch. Eren wolfed his down, holding stunted conversation around mouthfuls.

“You excited, Mikasa?”

Mikasa pulled her scarf tighter, fiddling with the ends. “I guess… piloting is really cool. But…” her eyes darted over to the table where Annie, Berthold, and Reiner were eating, and then she shrugged.

Armin’s eyes narrowed a bit, a sign that he was calculating something. Eren almost asked what, but was jolted from the sides by Connie and Sasha squeezing in on either side of him. Sasha reached out towards Mikasa’s food, a pleading look on her face (which Mikasa didn’t- couldn’t?- refuse), while Connie began talking to Eren.

“So are you and Corporal gonna join us today?”

“Mmhm,” Eren mumbled around a mouthful of stewed potato.

“Cool… I really want to see you guys fight, I’ve heard _Freedom Wing_ has a special fighting style and everything…” he left his sentence hanging, prompting Eren to finish it. Eren nodded.

“Yeah, we do.” He couldn’t help the note of pride creeping into his voice. “It’s super-effective, too!” Or at least, Eren thought it was… not that he’d ever actually killed a kaiju yet. His mouth twitched slightly into a frown. For some reason, he’d always pictured himself become a pilot and then immediately wiping out as many of the beasts as he could; clearly, reality wasn’t going to comply with his wishes.

“Well?” Connie asked. “Are you gonna say what it is?”

“Naw, that’s a surprise!” Eren said, grinning.

“Ey that’s not fair!”

“Suck it, Connie. Anyways, I’m going to go to the bathroom now,” Eren said, standing up awkwardly and shoving Connie and Sasha sideways a bit, so he’d have room to get out.

Depositing his tray back on the return stack, Eren left the mess hall. There were bathrooms inside, of course; but they were also the _mess hall_ bathrooms. When given other options, it was generally the other option that got chosen. In this case, Eren had the perfect other option- the bathrooms in the piloting locker rooms. Sure, they were far away, but… well, he had to go down there anyways to change into his suit; he’d just do that earlier, and be prepared by the time Rivaille arrived.

The hallways were almost eerily quiet for a shatterdome of that size- only the lunch crew was still around (Eren almost wished he were lunch crew- because there were few of them, and they were willing to wait an extra hour for food, they often got specially prepared, _good_ food). Eren’s footsteps rang too loudly in his ears, and he was relieved by the time he arrived at the lockers.

He made a beeline for the bathroom, swinging open the door with more decorum than was strictly necessary-

-and found himself looking down on a handkerchief’d Rivaille.

“Uh,” Eren said.

Rivaille straightened up from where he had been kneeling, scrubbing the white-tiled wall, and pulled the handkerchief off his nose, letting it slide to his neck.

“If you’re here to take a shit, use the last stall. I haven’t disinfected that one yet.”

“I- okay.” Eren felt a blush begin to creep up his neck, and he shuffled to the last stall. He fumbled with his zipper, and outside he heard the distinctive noise of a spray can being used, followed up shortly by the sounds of scrubbing.

 _What_ , exactly, Rivaille was scrubbing was a mystery, as the walls had seemed perfectly clean before. The stall was also spotless, even given that it was in the lockers and not the mess hall. In fact, it almost looked-

“But if you _are_ taking a shit, don’t miss. I _did_ already wipe it down, you know.”

“…why?” The question was the only thing that came to mind as Eren finished up, tucking himself back in and flushing. He walked out of the stall, greeted by several cans of cleaning product followed by Rivaille, who got right to work cleaning the space Eren had just vacated.

“What do you _mean_ , ‘why’, you shitty brat? Don’t you care about hygiene?” Rivaille paused, giving Eren a very obvious once-over. “Tch, I don’t suppose you do.”

“Hey! I keep clean!” Eren argued, hastening to wash his hands.

“Whatever, brat. Don’t drip water onto the edges of the sink. And go get dressed, the dismissal bell’s almost rung.”

Making an exaggerated show of not dripping water as he reached for the towel (this earned his a flicker in Rivaille’s eyes; what that flicker _meant_ was an unknown), Eren grunted in assent and exited the bathrooms. The bell could be heard ringing dimly in the distance as Eren approached the glass panel in front of their suits, and looked for a place to pull the panel open. At some point, he accidentally brushed against it, but then the glass lit up, asking for his fingerprint. He pressed his thumb to the center of the projected circle, and the panel smoothly swished off to the side, allowing Eren access to the circuitry suit and the armor.

He hummed contentedly as he stripped and pulled on the circuitry suit- just like last time, it fit him perfectly, snug in all the right places. He jumped a little when Rivaille appeared (how had he learned to walk so quietly?), but busied himself with making sure his armor was strapped correctly and sneaking as many glances as he thought he could manage (without getting caught) of Rivaille in a skintight smoke-and-gold suit. He and Rivaille then exchange spinal attachments, tightening up each other's back plates.

The others arrived just as Eren was pulling on his boots. He fistbumped Mikasa on his way out, noting absently that the armor she was handling now had a crest on it.

His anticipation mounted as he approached the giant head of the jaeger, and he found himself shifting impatiently for the second time that day. Next to him, Rivaille was impassive, merely standing at parade rest with helmet in hand. Finally, they received the clear to hook themselves in and begin the drift.

For all that the time previously hadn’t passed fast enough, his time in the jaeger felt like nothing. Two spins, maybe twenty- tactical formations? Rivaille was dictating direction, and Eren was content to follow- and a light-hearted race with the other teams (Ymir and Krista, with _Acrobat Historica_ , came in first, but _Freedom Wing_ was a close second and Eren was fairly certain _Acrobat_ had had a head start), and then the dreaded ‘time to come back in’ crackled over the comms.

Each jaeger headed to her respective entry hatch, and Eren watched wistfully as the ground rose up around _Freedom Wing._

 _There’ll be more time on other days_ , Rivaille said over the drift. Eren looked at him for a moment, before raising his eyes again with a noise of agreement. Those days couldn’t come soon enough.

They were the last to arrive back, and consequently the last two in the locker rooms as well. Just as Eren was pulling on his shirt while heading for the door (his suit had already been put away), Rivaille called him.

(((***)))

“Oi, brat, wait a moment,” Rivaille called. Eren paused, looking back with a quizzical expression. Rivaille rummaged in his right pocket, fingers finally alighting on his sought item. It tinkled faintly as he pulled it out, looking over it once more before extending his hand in Eren’s direction.

Eren, seeing it was meant for him, came closer to Rivaille, and reached out to take it- or, more correctly, them. The dog tags clinked together as Eren brought them closer to his eyes, running a finger over the embossed name and, on the second tag, double-winged crest.

“Are these…?”

“They’ve got your fucking name on it, of course it’s yours,” Rivaille said, but with no menace. Eren continued his inspection, nonplussed.  “You’re a soldier now,” Rivaille added. Eren looked up at that.

“Does everyone have them?”

In answer, Rivaille reached around his neck, lifting up the chain. Unbidden, Eren stepped closer, and Rivaille resisted the urge to hide his tags or step away.

“You’ve got two!” Quicker than Rivaille would have expected, Eren’s hand shot out, and he himself stepped closer, fingers running over Rivaille’s dog tags.

“Petra Ral…” The name was a murmur on Eren’s lips as he read, and Rivaille felt the familiar clench in his chest that heralded it. “She was…?” The question was spoken softly, gently, and for once Rivaille didn’t mind.

“Yes. She was.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

A few more seconds passed, then Eren returned the tags, stepping back. He ran his fingers over his own tags once more, then pulled them on over his neck, grinning stupidly. “The wings look even cooler on the dog tag!”

Rivaille snorted. “Whatever. Let’s just go to dinner, shall we? Unless you’re feeling constipated, at which point the toilets are over there,” he said, pointing.

Eren huffed, seeming bemused. “Dinner sounds nice,” he said, turning and beginning to leave. Rivaille followed him, flicking off the lights as he went. His thumb traced absently over the wings around his neck; once his own, once Petra's. Yes, he still missed her, but- he watched the form of the brown-haired soldier in front of him- now there were three pairs of wings in circulation.

Then his stomach growled loudly, breaking off any thoughts Rivaille might have had. Dinner _did_ sound nice, actually, he reflected. Then:  _I wonder if there will still be any coffee left…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked about Hanji's tattoos, and I present you: http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130721070750/pacificrim/images/0/01/Newtons_Tattoos.jpg Newt's tattoos! :D Hanji's are very similar- the main differences would be wall-type pattern on her arms (upper arm, about halfway through is where the top edge of the wall would be, and the bottom gets cut off by more kaiju) and a vaguely more humanoid appearance to the kaiju (she is particularly fascinated by the bipedal ones). ((Yeah btw shoutout to minorthirds for the initial idea!! :D))
> 
> Anyways! Um, OH YEAH. THERE WAS FANART IN the TAG AND I ASDFGH yeah :3 So y'all can go check that out if you're so inclined ^^
> 
> In regards to this chapter, I have no idea what I'm doing is basically the summary here? Yeah. Cool. :D :D :D :D /shot  
> [it's almost 3am plz ignore my comments] [i could probably write so much better if i wasn't sleep-deprived i am so sorry i will try and sleep before next chapter gomen gomen]
> 
> Also! Seriously, nitpick my grammar/spelling- I try and catch it but even with the combined prowess of me and spell-check, stuff gets missed and I really hate that so PLEASE if you see errors let me know??


	15. Morning Practice, or: yeah okay so Eren has a crush on Rivaille

The next morning, the cadets were informed (via the whiteboard in the communal bathroom) that they were to report to the training room rather than the lecture hall. Somewhat put off by the change in a routine that had been the same for years, but not quite yet awake enough to question it, they ate breakfast before heading to the training room.

Thus arrived, Eren jerked into full wakefulness as two grey eyes met his own. “Ri- er,” he began, silenced by a flicker in Rivaille’s eyes. Next to Rivaille, Eren noticed belatedly, Coach Sis was trying to get everyone’s attention.  After a couple more seconds of milling about, Rivaille sucked in a deep breath.

“OI, DIPSHITS!” he shouted, voice carrying easily and the crowd quickly silencing. “Listen to Sis.”

“Thank ye, Corporal. ‘Right, now then- engineer’s, yer all’a be with me in the main room. Pilots, yer all’a go with th’ Corporal an’ train separately. Clear?”

“Sir!” came the affirmative, voiced en masse through years of practice. Following the commands given, the small group of ten, plus Eren (who waved over his shoulder at Armin, who seemed rather lost without his two best friends- Eren almost wished he could stay), followed Rivaille through the (to Eren now familiar) side door. Inside, mats had been laid across most of the floor, and the cadets shuffled onto it, making sure to shuck their shoes off to the side.

“Alright, here’s the drill,” Rivaille began. “You’re all pilots now, big fucking whoop. You and your partner will be practicing sparring- yes?”

Ymir lowered her hand from its spot slightly above her head, her face the picture of disinterest. “We’re supposed to fight kaiju, not people.”

“If you were any less stupid you’d have noticed by now that the proportion of bipedal to quadrupedal kaiju has been increasing almost  exponentially, mean that if there’s a kaiju bigger than _Acrobat_ , you’ll need to be able to effectively take it down as though it were a person,” Rivaille retorted scathingly. “Additionally, sparring builds trust and strengthens the bond between co-pilots. The deeper the bond, the better you fight.”

Rivaille, having wandered over to the wall during his little speech, pulled out twelve sparring staffs, only just managing to hold them all within his fingers. Silently, he handed one to each person. Eren extended a hand for his without paying much attention, causing his fingers to brush Rivaille’s and his ears to redden imperceptibly.

“Everyone got a staff?” he asked finally, scanning the room just to double-check. “Good.” Finally, he moved in front of Eren, who assumed the ready stance. “On the count of three, sparring begins. Spar a four-point match until one of you wins, then stop and wait for further instruction. Got it? Good? On the count of three, then. One-“ Rivaille took his ready stance, weight on his back foot, “-two-“ he brought up his staff, and Eren lifted his own just a smidgeon higher, “-three!”

Rivaille lept forward, not waiting for Eren to begin their exchange. His sword sailed a clean arc towards Eren’s head, but Eren ducked, weaving sideways and bringing up his staff in a swing towards Rivaille’s midriff.  Rivaille blocked and retaliated in a single motion, scissoring his staff across Eren’s and almost catching his fingers, before thrusting through a gap and halting his staff mere millimeters from Eren’s shirt.

“One,” he counted, and was that a sing-song lilt Eren heard? No matter, because he quickly twisted away, using the momentum of his spin to lash out and land a point against Rivaille. The two fell into a rhythm of parries, veritably dancing around each other as the rest of the room faded into a background hum. Eren could hear his heart pounding in his ears, the beat accentuated by the clash of their blurred staffs. Rivaille took two points in quick succession, but Eren quickly made up the difference, and they circled each other, panting, Eren’s staff held diagonally across his chest and Rivaille’s in his starting position.

A short cough from Eren’s right broke his concentration, and he blinked once, the feeling of synchrony gone. Rivaille took advantage of the moment, using a foot to sweep Eren’s legs out from under him, causing him to land heavily on his back. Eren groaned as he looked up the red staff to Rivaille’s face, which exuded an aura of quiet happiness. Suddenly, a cheer rose up from the watching teens.

“That was _so cool_ ,” Connie exclaimed, confirming noises coming from every part of the circle. Eren blushed slightly, moving to prop himself up on his elbows. Even Jean, he noted, seemed grudgingly impressed.  A flurry of motion caught his eye as Rivaille hiked his staff back, leaning on it nonchalantly as he extended his hand towards Eren.

Eren blinked for a moment, before smiling broadly and taking the proffered hand. It was warm and calloused in his own, and Eren was took his time pulling himself up, if only to hold on a bit longer. He mumbled a thanks as he let go, eyes flicking to and away from Rivaille’s face. But- and maybe he’d been imaging it- he thought he saw the corner of Rivaille’s mouth twitch up. The thought made him irrationally happy, and he tried not to smile too widely as he bent to pick up his dropped staff.

“Alright, stop staring,” Rivaille grumbled at the others, handing his staff to Eren, who took it mutely. “Now, I want you- plural you, don’t give me that look- to practice sparring again, but using official forms this time. I’ll walk around and correct whatever you fucked up.” Rivaille paused, hands clasped behind his back. There was a moment of silence in the room. “Well? Hop to it!” Rivaille barked. He tilted his head slightly in Eren’s direction, adding a mumbled, “That _is_ what you fuckers say, right?”

Eren snorted, shaking his head slightly as he watched (Rivaille watch) everybody begin to spar, following forms that had been drilled into them for the first year of training. After a couple of seconds of clanks and ‘kya’s ringing out through the room, Rivaille walked to the first group, gruffly giving out pointers.

Eren watched, eventually leaning the staffs against the wall and sliding himself into a sitting position on the floor, taking in the scene before him as Rivaille shouted down a terrified Connie and Sasha, who had been taking their task less than seriously. After a few more seconds, Rivaille moved on to watch Berthold and Reiner, and Eren smirked at the size difference, Rivaille having to crane his neck to properly look at Berthold’s face.

Rivaille stood at parade rest as he watched the two pilots spar, his hands clasped right above his lovely ass. _Ugh_ , Eren thought, taking his head in his hands. _When did Rivaille’s ass become_ lovely? His thoughts flew back to the scribbled conversation he’d held with Armin and Mikasa a few days prior- _maybe I really_ do _have a crush on Rivaille? Wouldn’t that be just great, then he’d see it in the drift too, and then he’d probably_ -

Jean’s abrasive voice pulled Eren out of his internal turmoil. “-not doing anything, just sitting there!”

Rivaille was standing next to Jean and Marco (who honestly looked like he would rather just not be there), and his expression was one of mild disapproval ( _when did I actually begin to discern his moods…?_ ). “Yes, Kirschstein, he is, because, in case you didn’t notice, his partner is currently giving the rest of you fuckwads tips on how to properly fight.”

Eren stood up, walking over to give Jean a piece of his mind, when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder. He turned his head to see Mikasa holding him back, shaking her head lightly. Eren grit his teeth.

“That’s still not fair, though,” Jean grumbled, seeming chastised but not quite willing to give up yet.

“Is it? Well, Kirschstein, when you’re ranked top of your class in hand-to-hand combat skills, come back and speak to me, mm?” Eren’s eyes widened slightly, followed by a stupid grin. Rivaille knew that he was top of the class? And, such a comment- coming from Rivaille, that was the equivalent of a loud cheer.  The hand on his shoulder squeezed, and Eren turned back to Mikasa, still smiling. She raised an eyebrow, and Eren blushed, coughing to hide his chagrin as he tried to return his face to a less giddy state. He thought he saw Mikasa smile and shake her head before she patted his shoulder, returning to where Annie was waiting, her usual bored expression matched by her pose.

“Everyone get back to-“ Rivaille was interrupted by the door flying open.

“Hellooooooo pilots!” Hanji practically bounced into the room, her high ponytail flouncing in the air. Rivaille let out an audible sigh as everyone turned to stare at the scientist.

“What do you _want,_ Hanji?” he grumbled.

“Oh, nothing, really,” she said with a grin. Rivaille raised an eyebrow.

“Spit it out or _get_ out, I’m trying to teach, here,” he responded.

Hanji sighed dramatically. “Alright, alright, well, if you promise not to tell anyone, calculations show that there’ll be a few kaiju coming this way within an hour. There’ll be five or six, so I think most of you will get sent out!” Suddenly her gaze sharpened behind her glasses. “Whatever you do, don’t vaporize the kaiju, we need them for valuable experi-“

“Within an hour?” Rivaille interrupted.

“Yep! I’m- well, I suppose Armin is helping, but I’m still working through the preliminary algorithms-“

“We don’t all speak science,” Rivaille drawled. Hanji stuck out her bottom lip.

“There should be three bipedal ones,” she huffed, her eyes twinkling. She took a deep breath to add more, but Rivaille began speaking before she could get a word out.

“Alright, practice ends here today. Go take a shit or whatever it is you do before facing giant, man-eating monsters from who-knows-where. We’ll meet in the lockers in an hour. Please have your asses wiped beforehand, because no way in hell am I cleaning that off for you.” Rivaille waved his hand to emphasize his point.

The others quickly put their staffs away and headed out, Mikasa tagging behind a bit until Eren motioned for her to go on without him. She gave him a look, but left nonetheless, leaving him behind with Rivaille and Hanji, who were both, as Rivaille put it, ‘speaking science’. Eren tried to listen in, but got quickly lost, and settled for standing off to the side while observing the way Rivaille’s hair fell over his face.

After a few minutes, they finished their conversation, and Eren was well into wondering what the smooth black strands would feel like if he ran his hands over them. Hanji waved on her way out, and Eren began moving towards the entrance.

“Hey, brat,” Rivaille said, more of a statement than anything else. Eren looked over at him questioningly. “Come have a coffee with me.”

Eren blushed. “Er, I don’t dri-“

“Whatever. Come anyway. I’ll only get mobbed by Shitty-glasses if I don’t have someone with me,” he added. Eren snorted lightly, fully believing Rivaille’s words.

“Alright, but I’m not drinking any coffee,” he said. Rivaille shook his head sadly.

“Poor soul, you don’t know what you’re missing.”

“But it’s so gross!” Eren said as he fell into step next to Rivaille, following him along the hallways to the mess hall.

“Watch what you say, you shit, I can’t have you insulting the only thing keeping over half this shatterdome awake, now can I?” Rivaille’s eyes seemed softer, and for the second time that day, Eren almost thought he saw a smile.

“Heh, I guess not,” Eren said, grinning. He stretched his arms up over his head. “So, we’ll get to actually engage kaiju today?” he changed topics, eyes glowing.

“No,” Rivaille immediately replied. “Not until I’ve had a healthy dose of coffee.” Eren laughed, happy. _Killing kaiju with Rivaille- yeah, I like that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long A/N will be long:  
> Okay, first things first- I went though and edited the previous chapters on account of TheOddGinger and my dear friend boociferscaresamwinchester@tumblr pointing out some errors I'd made regarding Pacific Rim canon (thx u guise <3). Basically, the changes amount to Eren and Rivaille needing to help each other buckle fully into the suits- if you've seen the movie, they've got these robot things that... you know what, here's a picture- look at the right-hand figure: http://i1.wp.com/www.splinebomb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/pacific-rim.png?resize=616%2C341 ANYWAYS basically they can't do that alone-- however, since 100 years have passed in this fic's canon since the creation of the Jaeger Program, they've also come to terms with the idea that two pilots won't always be putting on their suits at the same time/time is too much of the essence for them to do it manually. Because of that, machines have been created that will attach the spinal clamp and tighten the bolts, but since that's pretty uncomfy, the pilots generally prefer to exchange (there's a severe enough lack of personnel that they can't have other people simply do it, as is done in Pacific Rim).  
> Also, I changed rabbit to RABIT and ammoniac slime to kaiju blue when I thought it was appropriate ^^  
>  **tl;dr- they can't get their suits on without external help, rabbit is sometimes RABIT and the glowy blue stuff is kaiju blue**
> 
> Okay secondly, wow guys thank you so much for reading this far I am???? Wow????? Like I am seriously floored by how many lovely comments and kudos I get it makes me all fuzzy and warm inside <3
> 
> Thirdly, can we talk about neuroscience and how, if you COULD actually connect your brain to a giant-ass robot, your brain would actually develop the necessary abilities required to pilot it??? Like, that's not even sci-fi it's a legit thing that could happen because brain plasticity and _neuroscience is really frickin cool guys_ (that being said- who wants to build me a jaeger? :D) 
> 
> Lastly, this chapter was supposed to be published back on Sunday. Sorry....
> 
> P.S. FW is a 60-page document. this is huge. I have literally never written anything this long in six years, guys. this is HUGE. asdfghjkm /shot


	16. Calculation Error, or: war only determines who's left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel obligated to apologize twofold: firstly, because (due to the interference of college apps and school and a con coming up soon) this chapter is late; secondly, because of this chapter (on the bright side, it's longer than usual). Love you guys <3

The coffee break (or water break, in Eren’s case) passed at an odd pace, seemingly simultaneously too fast and too slow.Eren shifted on the bench for the third time in the last minute, looking up agitatedly, only to be met with Rivaille’s gaze.

“Nervous, brat?”

Eren started, almost falling off the bench as he jumped a few centimeters into the air. Rivaille was watching his over his cup, an eyebrow slightly raised. Eren made and then quickly broke eye contact.

“Not nervous so much as… maybe a little nervous,” he said, a slight chuckle worming its way in at the end. His stomach was a definite mess of anticipation, excitement, and nervousness; on the one hand, kaiju. On the other, kaiju. They were terrifying, and Eren constantly toed the line between being so hateful of them that he wanted to kill them all, and being so scared of them he could barely function (the latter was usually at night, after his silent nightmares had subsided).

“We all are, our first time out there. You should have seen Auruo- he pissed himself, first time in the field.” Rivaille peered at him over his cup (or his hand, really; his way of holding cups was odd to say the least and Eren had no idea how he could even drink that way) as Eren’s mouth fell open.

“No, you’re kidding!” Not that he knew Auruo all that well, but he’d seen him around a few times and knew he sat with Rivaille at lunch, but still- “Pissing yourself in the suit must suck.” Rivaille’s expression instantly went dark.

“You have no idea… the cleanup afterwards was hell- I should know, I was charged with it.” Eren snorted as the image floated to the forefront of his mind, unbidden, of Rivaille with his white handkerchief from the other day, furiously scrubbing a driver suit. “The lockers stank of piss for a week,” Rivaille added on with a grumble, and Eren allowed himself a soft laugh.

The door to the mess hall swung open, startling the two of them. They turned to see Marco and Connie enter, pausing as they spotted Eren and Rivaille. Connie waved.

“What are you doing here?” Rivaille said, side-eyeing them as he sought to empty the contents of his cup.

“Just wanted some water,” Marco said, angelic smile on his face. Rivaille grunted, turning back inwards to the table. Marco and Connie got water, waffling between leaving and joining Eren and Rivaille. Luckily (or maybe not) for them, Hanji burst into the mess hall, glasses perched high atop her forehead, a flurry of motion tugging a bewildered Armin behind her.

“RI-RIIIII! We’re going to sound the alarm in five minutes, they’re on our 100 kilometer radar now! You’re supposed to be in the lockers! You too!” she added, pointing to Marco and Connie in turn. Armin waved sheepishly at Eren from behind Hanji’s white lab coat, and Eren waved back. The motion caught Hanji’s eye, who was confused for a second before spinning around and dragging Armin out to stand next to her.

“Is this the poor brat you’re indoctrinating?” Rivaille asked as Armin whispered hi to the three trainees- or, well, they were no longer trainees now, Eren supposed. That was an odd thought.

“I’m not indoctrinating him any! I’m just opening his eyes to the wondrous world of kaiju!” Hanji exclaimed, striking a pose. Rivaille rolled his eyes, but Eren thought he could read amusement in them. That thought, in turn, made him grin. “But anyways! I just came here to tell you to get moving, since I figured you’d gone to get coffee because, by the way that’s not healthy, you’re kind of addicted. Like smoking. Only drinkin-“

“Smoking is dirty,” Rivaille said, wrinkling his nose (Eren suppressed a ‘cute’ that was on the tip of his tongue). “At least coffeeshops smell good, when we’re actually allowed off this damn shatterdome to visit them.” This time it was Hanji’s turn to roll her eyes; the four younger soldiers watched the interaction curiously.

“Whatever, you know perfectly well what I mean. Now get moving!” she said, deftly stealing the empty cup from Rivaille’s hand. He shot her a glare, but nonetheless pushed himself up, sliding out from the bench and motioning to Eren and the others to follow. Hanji and Armin followed the lot out, and Eren waved as they split ways, Hanji choosing to climb a floor right there and Rivaille continuing along the usual route.

The kaiju siren sounded just as they’d taken the final turn to the lockers. Everyone else was already there, in various states of undress (Sasha and Jean were having a muscle contest for some reason) (Eren didn’t particularly want to know), but as soon as Rivaille entered the noise quieted. Rivaille raised a slim eyebrow.

“Please, no need to quit your gossip on my account,” he said, downright sauntering over to _Freedom Wing_ ’s locker, tapping in the code. Eren joined him as the babble cautiously resumed once it was clear Rivaille wasn’t going to be mad. Eren concentrated himself on getting into his circuitry suit without ogling Rivaille (why did it become harder every time?). He began strapping on what armor he could, looking up when Mikasa walked over to him (her step was, like Rivaille’s, preternaturally soft in the chunky boots).

“Need help with your spinal attachment?” she asked, the gold on her own armor glinting. Eren opened his mouth to assent, when a hand on his shoulder made him pause.

“I believe that would be the co-pilot’s job,” Rivaille said, face truly devoid of emotion. He locked eyes with Mikasa, and Eren flipped his gaze between the two of them several times. After a few seconds of Eren’s mounting (and very confused) panic, they seemed to come to an understanding, because Mikasa nodded and even almost _smiled_ (what).

“Sorry, my bad,” she said before turning and walking away, catching Eren’s eye as she did (Eren downright _refused_ to accept that her eyebrows had, in any way, shape, or form, waggled).

“Gimme your attachment,” Rivaille said, and Eren silently passed him the segmented metal tube. He stood as still as he could as he felt the armor plates on his back tighten fully, coming to rest snugly on his shoulders, which he rolled once before turning and being presented with Rivaille’s spinal attachment. He repeated the process, clicking it into place before using the knuckle of his glove as a screwdriver.

They were the last two out of the lockers, but that was okay since _Freedom Wing_ was the closest jaeger. Eren didn’t much envy Reiner and Berthold, who had to walk the farthest to their green jaeger.

“Hey, look at their crest,” Eren whispered to Rivaille.

“It’s Aegis, isn’t it?”

“Huh?”

Rivaille rolled his eyes. “Their jaeger’s _Aegis Colossi_ , so their crest is Aegis, from one of those ancient legends. Mythical shield,” he tacked on in elaboration at Eren’s confused face.

“Right…”

“Just get in the jaeger, Eren,” Rivaille said, a touch exasperatedly. Eren complied, and once they were hooked in, a voice connected to their jaeger, asking to begin the drift.

“Roger,” Rivaille said.

“ _Drift sequence commence in 3… 2… 1… drift sequence commence._ ”

Eren allowed himself to go limp, memories washing over him in blue-scale as he felt Rivaille’s mind reach his, the familiar press of machinery on his consciousness. _“Neural handshake complete_ ,” finished the voice.

Rivaille reached forward, hitting the comm button. “Drop us,” he said. The holdings around them shuddered as his command was followed, and after a second of descent the jaeger’s head clicked with her body, and Eren had to close his eyes as a wave of new stimuli crashed over him.

 _Alright_ , said Rivaille’s voice in his mind. _If you have anything to say that you only want me to hear, better say it now, ‘cause I’m turning on the inter-jaeger comms now_. Eren shook his head, trying not to think about things he would say to Rivaille, knowing it was futile- and indeed, Rivaille snorted soon after. As he leaned forward to engage the mics, Eren closed his eyes and felt out for Rivaille’s consciousness, encountering a wall blocking him.

 _Don’t even try, brat._ Eren grinned sheepishly at Rivaille, who then spoke aloud. “Piloting teams, sound off. We need to make sure the comms are all on.”

 _“Springles here, ready for action!”_ said Sasha. _Freedom Wing_ lurched as she hit the elevators, waiting and ready to carry her out.

“ _Topaz Maelstrom, we copy_ ,” said Annie.

“ _Delta Mustang here!”_ Even over the comms, Jean’s voice grated in Eren’s ears.

 _“Acrobat Historica, I think we’re ready!_ ” said Christa.

“ _Aegis Colossi is also ready_ ,” said Reiner, his deep voice a rumble of the comms.

“Okay, great. Command, what are the kaiju stats?”

“ _Hello!”_ said Hanji. “ _For this mission, we’ve got six kaiju! Ideally that’ll mean a lot of experimental material! Anyways, we’re dealing with two quadrupedal ones- a Category 2 and a Category 3. As for our bipedal ones, we’ve got three category threes, and a fairly large Category 4-_ “ There was a crackling sound as something happened on the other side, and when the mic clicked back into life, Commander Smith was the one speaking.

“ _Rivaille, I recommend you and Eren take the Category 4, tactical formation one. Over.”_ There was another jolt as the vertical elevators kicked into play, and the trapdoors above them opened, depositing _Freedom Wing_ on the ground outside the wall.

“Roger,” Rivaille said, he and Eren turning _Freedom Wing_ ’s head to look back at the other five jaegers, rising up out of the ground.  He let go of the comm button, but continued speaking. “You heard him, tactical formation one. _Aegis_ and _Delta_ , take our right flank. _Topaz_ and _Springles-_ I preferred _Sneaky Dickgrabber,_ can I call you that instead?” -someone on the other end of the comms began to choke- “you take left flank. _Acrobat_ , center.” The giant robots moved, forming a triangular formation with _Freedom Wing_ as their point. Eren couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride. His jaeger, on point-

 _Our jaeger, you shitty brat. Or if anything, mine_ , Rivaille said, an accompanying mental smirk sent as well. Eren snorted, but conceded the point.

Rivaille once again reached to press the comm button. “Kaiju coordinates?”

“ _North north-east, ETA ten minutes._ ”

“We’ll go meet them, then. Teams, move out!” Together, Eren and Rivaille stepped, and _Freedom Wing_ followed, eating up the ground under her stride. Fanned out behind them, the sunshine of the day let the bright jaegers gleam. They had been in motion for a few minutes when they sighted the first kaiju.

“ _It’s bipedal!”_ said Connie.

“Yes, gold star for you. We’re shifting the formation two points to the right, _Delta_ , this one’s yours.”

“ _Roger.”_

Not that Eren was jealous or anything, but he was jealous. Fucking Jean would get to kill a kaiju before he would-

“ _Quadrupedal!”_ said a trembling voice. Eren bet it was Bertl. “ _And more!_ ”

“ _That’s the Category 4, Rivaille! Don’t kill it!”_ Hanji crackled over the comms, clearly referencing the giant bipedal with the scowling face. Eren understood Rivaille’s intentions, and surged forward as Rivaille told the other teams to leave the Category 4 alone, and focus on the others.

 _Ready?_ Rivaille asked. Eren grit his teeth, a nervous energy washing over him and leaving him with what was probably a crazed look in his eye.

“Ready,” he growled, earning himself a murmured ‘hoh, not bad’ from Rivaille. They thundered closer to the kaiju, and it locked its eyes on them before opening its mouth, revealing a blue tongue, and roared. Eren growled back himself, allowing the voices from the other jaegers to become background noise. He focused on the kaiju and _Freedom Wing_ , barely realizing what Rivaille was having him do before doing it.

 _Freedom Wing_ leapt into the air, clearing the ground my at least two dozen meters, and inside the cabin, Eren and Rivaille began to spin. Long blades, razor-sharp, dropped from _Freedom Wing_ ’s arms, and the jaeger became a blur of green and silver in the air, her spin hardly slowing as she met the kaiju, resistance negligible even through the kaiju flesh. Eren grinned ferociously, and a sense of satisfaction emanated over the drift (along with disgust- _kaiju blood is groooosssss_ ). _Freedom Wing_ landed again, taking a few running steps to counteract her momentum, before turning around and running back at the kaiju, severing with a thrust and a drag its neck, almost separating the head from the body.

Eren was euphoric.

((**))

The sense of angry joy bashing at him through the drift was definitely something Rivaille was not used to. Most people, they just wanted the kaiju gone- Eren, he wanted to be the one to _make_ them gone. _Well,_ Rivaille thought to himself _, it’s convenient this way, I suppose_. He flicked his arm, Eren mimicking the action; some of the kaiju blood on _Freedom Wing_ ’s left-hand sword flew off, and Rivaille found himself mildly happier.

He tuned back into the conversations going on in the other jaegers, scanning the area as well. For the most part, the new pilots were doing rather well (rather, of course, being a relative term)- only one kaiju was left, and it appeared that _Aegis_ was heading over to help _Delta_ deal with it. It was an agile quadruped, jumping more than usual- an abnormal, then. Wouldn’t Hanji be pleased- the command comm crackled into being. _Speak of the devil_.

“ _Rivaille quick turn around there’s been some sort of calculation error, there’s three more kaiju that shouldn’t be there and one of them is a category five-“_ Her voice was hysterical. His stomach dropping, Rivaille and a shocked (and angry- he was always so angry) Eren turned. Barreling towards them, another bipedal, this one armed with a wide-gaping jaw, raised a forelimb, and Rivaille thanked drift compatibility as he and Eren both made to move in the same direction, throwing _Freedom Wing_  out of the way.

The vaguely fist-like shape crashed into the ground next to the category four carcass, birthing a crater that soon began to fill with kaiju blue. The category five shrieked at them.

“Everyone, get these new kaiju!” Rivaille ordered, trying to keep his voice level as panicked cries began to sound over the comms. “Work tag-team if you have to, just make you take these fucks down, cause that’s your damn job!”

There were a few ‘roger’s, but Rivaille was pleased to note that the use of the comms switched almost immediately to coordinating between jaegers. Next to him, Eren thrummed with excitement as the kaiju approached.

 _Swords out_ , he said to Eren, who flicked his wrist in tandem with Rivaille’s, allowing the swords to slide back down. Together, they took two running steps and leaped, the kaiju copying them, only to receive a whirled slashing across (and through) one shoulder. It roared again, batting at _Freedom Wing_ and knocking her to the side.

That didn’t seem to faze Eren, though, and soon the jaeger was back up, going in for a second charge. That, too, didn’t succeed in killing the kaiju, but- _third time’s the charm-_ they finally managed to kill it, though not without sustaining a heavy, almost denting blow on the thigh plating.

They pulled out their blades from the faintly steaming carcass just in time to intercept two more kaiju. They charged, but at the last moment one of the kaiju, a long-clawed one, made a quick dash, and _Freedom Wing_ ’s blades missed it by a hair. Rivaille pursed his lips as their sword cleaved through the other one (couldn’t be more than category two), and once they were done, Rivaille was unsure whether it was his will or Eren’s they turned them to face the last oncoming new titan.

Suddenly the constant shouting over the comms broke into a pained scream. Rivaille felt a crack appear in his walls at that sound, and Eren’s head snapped around, his eyes blinking away the angered, vengeful cloud that had been surrounding him. His eyes widened as he realized what the cacophony over the comms was.

Rivaille could see that Eren wanted to turn and see what had happened, but the last kaiju in sight approached them, long blue tongue lolling out of its mouth. It gave them a bit of trouble at first, seeming unusually quick for a kaiju, but it was brought down with the flip Rivaille had taught the class and put down, a swift blade to the neck permanently decommissioning it.

Swords still out, Rivaille and Eren ran _Freedom Wing_ back to the others, finishing any kaiju that weren’t already finished in their way. The screaming over the comms didn’t allow for voice distinction, but Rivaille’s gut continued to clench tighter and tighter as they neared the three grouped jaegers.

Rivaille felt like throwing up as _Topaz_ moved out of the way, allowing _Freedom Wing_ to approach. At their feet, in tangle of wires and crushed plating (with bits of kaiju strewn liberally around), was _Delta Mustang._

Shock and fear from Eren crossed the drift, rendering them both immobile for a few seconds. The screaming had died down, and Rivaille signaled to Eren to kneel down. The final jaeger had walked up at some point, and now the four stood watching as _Freedom Wing_ carefully lifted a large portion of _Delta’s_ command module, exposing the pilots.

Or, pilot. Only the knowledge that he was in the position of Responsible Adult kept Rivaille from completely losing his mind; it was all a third-person déjà vu, the reliving of a nightmare. Nearest them, Jean was out cold, a gash in his armor just below his right hip, from which blood appeared to be dripping. Slightly farther, next to the worst of the mangling, was Marco.

Rivaille heard a choked noise from Eren, and he really couldn’t blame the kid. Half of Marco was gone, bitten or ripped or somehow else severed from this body. His helmet had fallen away, baring his skull and brains to them all. Rivaille took a deep breath, and in some other jaeger, someone began to cry.

“Okay, we’ll take Jean and Marco with us,” Rivaille said, pushing aside his emotions and leaving his mind blank. “Leave the jaeger here, an extraction team can collect her later.” Guiding _Freedom Wing_ ’s hands, Rivaille (and Eren) carefully snapped the connecting rods, allowing them to lift Jean out of the fallen jaeger’s head. Cradling him carefully, Rivaille ordered _Topaz_ to extended a hand, and just as gently deposited Jean there. Even the distaste Rivaille had earlier noted for Jean was now gone from Eren- but the roiling anger was still present as they kneeled down and removed Marco’s body.

“ _Freedom Wing_ to command, open the hatches and let us back in in five.”

“ _Copy,”_ said Erwin. There was no background noise to be spoken of, and Rivaille felt sorry for the new crew- death on the first mission was never easy.

A kind of traumatized silence settled over the deployed jaegers as they made their way back, _Freedom Wing_ and _Topaz Maelstrom_ both taking extra care to run as smoothly as possible. They finally arrived at the open hatches, and the ride back to the shatterdome was an agonizingly long one.

Upon final docking, a crew of people came out as _Freedom Wing_ , copied a few spots down by _Topaz Maelstrom_ , lifted her hand, allowing her gruesome cargo to be carried away.

The drift was terminated, and both Eren and Rivaille stumbled out of the jaeger with less coordination than normal.

“What… what was that,” Eren stated, green-blue eyes wide in hurt and confusion. Rivaille appraised them for a moment.

“That was war. Our lives,” he said. “in exchange for the kaiju’s.”

Eren didn’t seem convinced that that was the natural order of things, and Rivaille half-hoped he never would be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha now wasn't that _fun?_ :'D /rolls away/
> 
> Y'all know the drill by now- when I post at 3 am on a school night, i haven't beta-read so feedback is appreciated ^^;;


	17. Aftermath, or: 'delta' stands for 'change'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI MY LIFE HAS BEEN RAPIDLY-SLIPPING-THROUGH-MY-FINGERS-AND-INTO-AN-OUT-OF-CONTROL-VORTEX CLUSTERFUCK. THAT SUCKS. ALSO I'M SO SORRY THIS CHAPTER IS A WHOLE 2+ WEEKS LATE I VERY NEARLY HAD A BREAKDOWN CAUSE I THOUGHT I COULDN'T UPDATE (let that tell you about my current mental state...). ANYWAYS SORRY HERE HAVE A CHAPTER.

Two days passed after the attack before the funeral was held. It was a somber occasion, everyone wearing full parade dress- the entire 104th was present, as well as several senior officers.

It was so different from Erd and Günter’s death, Eren mused as he formed rank with the other pilots. There had been no body then- and thus, no funeral parade nor march. Eren struggled to keep his eyes trained forward as the order to salute was called, and more than a hundred boot-heels clicked in unison, followed by the muffled thumps of fists hitting chests.

Somewhere, a trumpet sounded, its mournful notes ringing clearly through the open courtyard. On order, the newly-made soldiers broke into two, leaving a path down the middle. At the end stood a funeral pyre, a soldier- probably someone from the command team- standing near it, as close to attention as she could get with a burning torch in hand.

The trumpet sounded again, and this time, four soldiers bearing a paladin began to march down the center path. A flag laid atop the raised coffin, the emblem of Wall Rose shifting slightly with each step the soldiers took. Eren thought it almost ironic, that they would cover Marco’s coffin with the flag of the place that had killed him; however indirectly, it was coming to this shatterdome that had been the beginning of the end for Marco.

A speech was given, which Eren didn’t bother paying much attention to, and the coffin was set gently down onto the top of the pyre. There were a few seconds of silence, whereupon the torch-bearer lit the base of the pyre, the dried wood catching light easily.

“Swords out!” rang across the courtyard, and as one, all those who were in the front lines drew their ceremonial swords, pointing them skywards, following the already-formed trail of smoke. _One final salute to a fallen soldier_ was the phrase they had been taught 

Eren fought back tears.

\---

Dinner afterwards was an equally somber affair. Most people had changed out of the dress uniform, but there were still a few white-panted figures to be found. Eren sat down heavily across from Armin and Mikasa.

After a few seconds of silence, Armin opened his mouth to speak. “You guys remember earlier, how Hanji came in with Rivaille and pulled me out of training?” Mikasa nodded and Eren grunted around his food. “Right well… she had me help her write out messages to the others shatterdomes- I wrote one to Karanese- but anyway, she was asking about their recent kaiju sightings.” Armin paused, fiddling anxiously with his fork.

“And?” Eren prompted. 

“And… well, they all reported the same thing we did. Their algorithms aren’t working properly anymore. Karanese had an extra three kaiju show up out of the blue, and Hanji said that a Category Five slipped in somewhere else…” Armin paused again. “I’m worried,” he finished with a whisper.

Eren reached over, taking one of Armin’s hands, at the same time that Mikasa slung an arm around his shoulder. Armin’s eyes began to water, and Eren frowned.

“Listen, Armin. I don’t care if there’s two, three, hell, even _four_ more kaiju than expected. We’ve got Corporal Rivaille! We can take any of those fucking monsters, anytime, any day. This,” Eren said, gesturing at the room at large, “was something that will _never_ happen again.” He punctuated the end of his sentence by squeezing Armin’s hand, pushing aside thoughts which wondered who, exactly, he was trying to convince.

((***))

Rivaille had finished his lunch early. Intentions made clear to his table, he returned his tray and set out towards the hospital wing. Whoever had designed it had either been a sadistic bastard or a coldhearted one, of this Rivaille was sure. Who else would build the hospital right next to the courtyard designated for funerals?

Of course, maybe it was a comfort for some of the wounded to watch their comrades go up in flames. Judging by the look on that kid’s face as he had peered down from the third-story window (Rivaille doubted anyone else had noticed; his own spotting it was merely chance, after all), however, it wasn’t for him.

Arriving at the proper doors, Rivaille patted his pockets one more time, before knocking. He have the kid two seconds, after which he opened the door anyways.

As expected, he was awake, staring listlessly at Rivaille. The IV and the heart monitor blipped slowly, tracing patterns Rivaille neither could nor wanted to understand on the computerized screen beside the bed. Through the window, Rivaille could still see smoke.

“I didn’t say you could come in,” the kid- _no, Jean, he has a name, Rivaille_ \- said.

“I didn’t ask.” 

Jean stared at him for a few more seconds, before giving what might have been a shrug and turning his head to stare out the window. Rivaille shifted awkwardly from foot to foot- he _hated_ feelings.

Finally, he grabbed one of the waiting chairs, dragging it over (flinching when it squeaked against the floor) and sitting down next to Jean’s bed. Reaching into his pocket, Rivaille pulled out a set of dogtags- there was a nick towards the top, where the steel had been forcibly rent apart, but otherwise they were still in good condition.

He held them out, catching Jean’s eye. “Here. This is a sign that he lived. That his life had value. For us, and everyone else within those walls. That’s what these represent.”

Jean’s eyes darkened, though they remained fixed on the dogtags. Rivaille didn’t dare so much as move, lest he break off whatever was going on; Jean, however, still made no motion to reach for the tags.

Suddenly, his eyes flickered to Rivaille’s face, and Rivaille was startled by the force of the anger held within them.

“You think you can come in here, and bring me his fucking dogtags, and then I’ll be _better_? That I’d just _get over_ my fucking _best friend_ getting killed while we were _drifting?_ ” Jean’s voice escalated as he spoke, and Rivaille brought his hand down to his own lap as Jean took a breath. “WE WERE _DRIFTING_ , RIVAILLE! _DRIFTING!_ I HAD TO FEEL WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO FUCKING _DIE_ , AND YOU BRING ME THOSE FUCKING _BITS OF METAL_ , AND TELL ME THAT’LL HONOR HIM?! YOU- you- you don’t-“ Jean broke off into a heaving breath, the heart monitor beeping wildly. Rivaille waited quietly for him to continue. “What the hell do you even _know_?” Jean hissed at him.

Right, well, so much for waiting quietly.

“What do I _know?_ I know exactly what you’re going through, that’s all.” Rivaille did his best to keep his voice even. “The first person aside from Erwin and Hanji to accept me was Petra- she was my co-pilot. Drift compatibility is great, isn’t it? You feel so at ease with the person. Being around them is natural, easy. So when- so when we were out, that one time. We were also in the drift, and we didn’t- didn’t notice the kaiju until it was too late.

“We didn’t realize it at first, either- but it’s teeth were phosphoric, or some bullshit like that, and it burned through our plating, opening _Freedom Wing_ right up. Then-“ Rivaille paused, swallowing tightly. He looked out the window for a moment, composing himself, as Jean looked on with stunned, wide eyes. “Then the kaiju attacked in earnest,” Rivaille finished simply.

He reached up, taking on of Jean’s hands and opening it with his own. “No one is ever, _ever_ ready for it. And whatever anyone else says, it doesn’t get any less shitty, cause you never forget something like that. So…” Rivaille pressed the dogtags into Jean’s palm, curling his fingers back around them.

Jean stared at his hand for a few seconds, his knuckles tightening around it as his breath began to hitch.

“I… you know… what he said?” Jean choked out, tears falling in earnest now as he brought his closed fist to his lips. “When… when we were… choosing names. He said… ‘delta stands for change’. He… he said we should… choose delta… so that we’d… we’d also change. For… for the better. Only now-“ Jean’s heaving grew louder “-only now, we’ll never… never change-“ and broke off into incoherent sobs.

Rivaille didn’t move for a few seconds, unsure of what to do ( _damn feelings_ ) but in the end, he settled for placing a hand on Jean’s shoulder, squeezing lightly and rubbing it gently. He opened his mouth to say something- but what do you even say in that situation? ‘ _You did well’? ‘Good job’? ‘I’m proud of you’?_

In the end, Rivaille settled for saying the only thing that felt honest.

“I’m sorry.”

\--

It was a few hours later when Rivaille finally found his way to Erwin’s office. He knocked as he opened the door, stepping inside and closing it again without second thought. 

“Hello, Rivaille,” Erwin said, not looking up. He was seated against the far wall, in an old red armchair that Rivaille honestly find quite abhorrent, but Erwin had taken quite a liking to, and so there it was. His elbows rested on his knees as he leaned forward, fingers templed just below his lips. His eyes rested on the chessboard gracing the coffee table in front of him.

Rivaille stood opposite him, taking in the layout of the board. _It’s changed since last time_ , he thought/

Out loud, he said, "So."

“So?”

“Does this mean you’ve got a new lead?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay anyways more justification about my unintended hiatus: 1) NEBKON (hello, anyone?) which was super fun but also super stressful. 2) I got sick for a good portion of the following week. 3) WHOEVER SAID SENIOR YEAR WAS EASY WAS A FUCKING LIAR. 
> 
> /ahem/ 
> 
> comments about the chapter!  
> -oh my will you look at that it's once again way-too-fucking-late :D I finally got a beta though, so I'll update with a better version in a few days, if you check back later ^^;; ((this is also when i'll go and fix any formatting errors, cause i'm not on my own computer and what is formatting))  
> -"full parade dress"/"dress uniform" is basically their SnK uniforms- the straps come from the prototype jaeger versions, where the user was strapped in thusly rather than with the "modern" jaeger equipment. Normal uniform is the Pacific Rim-style of clothing- typical military garb, etc, only that the jacket is still usually required.  
> -they're in Shatterdome Trost :)  
> -more actual riren interaction in the next chapter, i promise!!  
> -am i allowed to say "the plot thickens" yet


	18. -The Best Part of Bad Days is that Sometimes People Notice-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mini-chapter aside- this takes place the day after Marco's death.

It was Rivaille who initiated contact, a fact which surprised everyone. He’d walked over, flicking Eren on the head as he was eating breakfast and telling him to get a move on already, we don’t have the whole day. Eren had, understandably, been mildly confused, but had nonetheless wolfed down a few more bites of porridge, bluntly excused himself from the table, and gone to follow Rivaille (who, typical of him, was already out the door by the time Eren had placed his tray onto the ‘dirty’ rack).

As Eren slid into step next to Rivaille, not a word was exchanged. Rivaille slipped his hands into his pockets, slouching slightly as he walk (something Eren had never seen before). They continued a ways in silence, until Rivaille took a wrong turn and Eren almost got lost, only to double back with a jog, falling into step once more.

“Rivaille, where are you going?”

“You didn’t sleep last night.”

“...is it that obvious?”

“No. I guessed.”

“...did you?”

“...no.”

They lapsed into silence again. Eren wondered if anyone in his room had slept at all last night. Berthold had cried softly for a while, that he’d heard, and above him, Armin had tossed and turned for the better part of the night. Eren had wanted to sleep (and badly); but the insides of his eyelids had been branded with his comrade’s fall, and his mind refused to end the ceaseless generation of memory after memory of flying stones and kaiju roars and his own, frantic screams.

Exhaustion had overwhelmed the imagery an hour before wake-up.

Eren followed Rivaille quietly into the elevator, only remembering to watch Rivaille press the buttons after he’d already finished. Rivaille stared dispassionately at the closed elevator doors, his stance still relaxed. Eren took the moment to observe him (hair still combed, cheeks still perfectly shaved- but darker bags under his slate-stone eyes).

The elevator dinged, and Rivaille stepped out, Eren once again following. The door had opened into a stairwell leading up, and Eren finally knew where they were.

“Bit of fresh air will do us both good,” Rivaille muttered. Eren nodded, focusing simply on placing his feet one step at a time. Rivaille pulled out a set of keys as he reached the door at the top, unlocking and opening it onto the top of the shatterdome and Wall.

There was a light wind, blowing just hard enough to keep the temperature a touch below ideal. Eren strode to the far edge, the one that overlooked the kaiju lands. It really was beautiful- lush green, small groves of trees populating the plains here and there (Eren purposefully ignored the scars in the dirt that traced the jaegers’ paths). If only… If only it was their world.

A light thwack to the back of his head caught his attention. He grabbed the red staff, eyes widening slightly, and looked up to Rivaille, who held his own.

“Come on. Spar with me.”

Hesitant at first, Eren soon let himself go, the motion easing his sore muscles and the rhythmic thunk of staff on staff easing his mind. He appreciated their drift compatibility as he never had before; they moved in opposition and in tandem, a flowing, ever-changing mass. Eren lost himself in it, and, despite running on a single hour of sleep, could feel both his spirits and his drowsiness lifting off.

Neither of them knew how long they sparred atop the Wall, each working up a sweat despite the breeze cooling them down. Finally, Eren collapsed dramatically, allowing himself to flop to the ground.

He rolled onto his back, spread-eagled, and gazed up at the blue sky. Rivaille settled himself cross-legged above Eren’s head. Eren tilted his head back, sight shifting from the sky to Rivaille.

“Thanks.”

Rivaille’s mouth twitched. He bent down, and Eren almost moved, but was grateful that he didn’t when Rivaille’s forehead met his own, black bangs tickling his cheeks with every infinitesimal motion.

“What for, brat?”

Eren smiled, closing his eyes, aware of the heat of Rivaille’s skin against his own.

“You know what for.”

The only answer he got was a hum, but that was fine by him.

They stayed like that, Rivaille cross-legged and bent over, Eren on his back, forehead to forehead, until the bell rang for lunch.

(At which point Rivaille promptly ruined any semblance of a moment, proclaiming loudly that Eren stank and was not to be permitted into the mess hall until properly washed up with due amounts of soap, thank you very much).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've noticed that a lot of people both in real life and on tumblr (myself included) have been having a generally shitty time, whatever the cause may be. So of course, being the shitty, escapist, sometimes-idealist that I am, I decided to write this aside, in hopes of cheering myself up a bit (which actually worked) and possibly you guys as well.
> 
> In other, possibly more succinct words: I dedicate this chapter to anyone and everyone who's ever had those days where everything feels like shit, and to those people who helped you in that time. 
> 
> (That being said, of course- I can't offer much, what with a screen separating us and all, but if ever you need someone to talk to- whatever the reason- my askbox on tumblr is always, always open (nagisa-chan-san.tumblr) I'm always willing to listen.)


	19. Charades, or: I bet jyour Ah've gut dhe besshur dwift compata... pata... pabulty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late. Again. Sorry. (or: calc kills, what is sleep, hi I have 3 papers due in the next 3 weeks).
> 
> ...actually at this point it might as well be early jfc.

The kaiju alarm sounded, waking Eren up out of an engineering-details-induced torpor. “Herh?” he grunted, blinking rapidly to clear the sleep out of his eyes.

“Eren, come on, you gotta get moving,” Armin said, poking him in the side. Suddenly, the walkie talkie strapped to Eren’s belt- Rivaille had given it to him at breakfast, saying he’d better ‘be sure as fuck to keep it on’- crackled, and Rivaille’s own voice emanated.

 _“Eren, we’re up. Tell the crew of_ Aegis Colossi _that they should get their asses over here as well.”_

“Er, right,” Eren muttered, looking around for a few seconds before climbing on top of one of the desks. He cupped his hands around his mouth, and shouted, “HEY! IF YOU’RE IN THE CREW OF _AEGIS COLOSSI_ , WE’RE UP!” Eren jumped back down as an excited babble broke out, presumably from the crew in question. He was just about to open his mouth to say something to Armin, when the walkie-talkie crackled again.

 _“Heeey, Eren! Are you still around the others? It’d be_ great _if you could tell Armin he needs to come down as well!”_

Eren lifted the walkie-talkie to his mouth, pressing down the transmission button. “Roger that, Hanji, he heard,” he said, raising a brow at Armin to confirm that this was indeed true. Armin nodded, sighing gently, and waggled his fingers a bit at Eren and Mikasa before making his way through the crowd surprisingly quickly.

Once Armin was gone, Mikasa turned to face him. To his left, Eren noticed Berthold and Reiner approaching. Mikasa reached out, gently touching his shoulder with one hand, her other running over the scarf she was wearing.

“Be safe, okay?”

Eren tried to hide the quick flash of annoyance he felt with a smile. “Of course I will. Besides, I’m with Rivaille, he’s the safest one to be with.”

“Hm,” was all Mikasa would say to that. Before Eren could pursue that, he was roughly knocked over as Reiner clapped a hand to his back.

“Come on, Eren, enough chit chat, we’re supposed to be off fighting kaiju!”

As if to confirm Reiner’s statement, the walkie-talkie came to life again, Rivaille sounding suitably annoyed. “ _I fucking swear, brat, if you don’t get over here soon I’ll just go pilot on my own.”_  Eren rolled his eyes, but waved to Mikasa before following Berthold out the door.

The three pilots walked towards the lockers, _Aegis_ ’  crew headed the same direction, a floor above them. Reiner seemed excited, talking loudly and brashly about killing all the kaiju (Eren couldn’t agree more). Berthold just seemed nervous (and a touch sweaty) but that was normal, and Eren wasn’t too worried.

Rivaille was waiting for them in the lockers, an impatient glare on his face as he sat on the bench as comfortably as he could given the half-on state of his piloting suit. He flicked his eyes in an obvious motion towards Eren’s suit, which was behind the open glass. Reiner and Berthold moved to their own corner, and Eren began to change (blushing as he felt- or imagined- Rivaille’s eyes on him).

He fumbled a bit with the chest piece as he lifted it over his head, letting out a frustrated noise when one of the connecting straps caught itself behind his back, where he couldn’t reach it. Just as he was about to remove the whole thing and make sure all the straps were properly aligned, he felt a hand brush his back.

“Shitty brat,” Rivaille said casually, tapping Eren’s arm up above his shoulder in order to finish buckling his straps. Once finished, Rivaille ran his fingers lightly over the smoothed straps, raising goosebumps on Eren’s arms as he felt the slight pressure to the side of his ribs. Then Rivaille reached out around him (Eren sucked in a breath as Rivaille was forced closer), grabbing the spinal attachment, before moving to stand behind Eren and fastening both the attachment and Eren’s back plates.

Rolling his shoulders to check that all fit well (not that he doubted Rivaille- it was more force of habit from trainee days ( _had that really only been a week and a half ago?_ ) than anything else), Eren turned to face Rivaille, who presented him with his own silver spinal cord attachment. Once all the plates had been tightened, Eren noticed a small wrinkle in the cloth portion of Rivaille’s suit, and before he allowed himself to think too much of it, Eren had already reached out and smoothed it down.

Rivaille turned around, one brow raised in what (had the rest of his face not been completely blank) Eren would almost call mirth.

“Er,” Eren muttered, suddenly feeling very self-conscious and looking away, taking great interest in Reiner and Berthold as they approached.

“You ready?” Rivaille called, and Reiner answered with an affirmative, Berthold still seeming anxious at his side. Both teams made their way to their respective jaegers, waiting for the mechanical connections to secure them. Someone in the command station had left the comm on from their end, and voices trickled over, _Freedom Wing_ ’s more experienced crew helping out _Aegis Colossi_ ’s whenever necessary.

“ _You_ ready, brat?” Rivaille asked, looking over at Eren.

“Ready!” Eren responded with a feral grin, earlier bashfulness brushed away with the thought of the impending fight.

 _“Neural handshake sequence, initiating in 3… 2… 1…”_ Eren let go completely as he threw himself into the drift, welcoming both _Freedom Wing_ and Rivaille’s still walled-off mind into his own.

The next hour passed in a whirlwind of two kaiju- or had it been three?- being killed in a literal dance of blades, then working with Reiner and Berthold to carry one of them (a Category 4 bipedal, unique because of- and at that point Eren had ceased to pay attention to the excitable scientist babbling over the comms) back to Shatterdome Trost.

Stumbling out of the drift, it took Eren a while to calm himself down from his adrenaline high; he’d gone to take a quick shower (when even _he_ realized he stinked, it was a problem), and was mildly pleased but also a tad embarrassed when he discovered Rivaille to be waiting for him.

Rivaille gave him a once over, and Eren’s hand tightened unconsciously on the edge of the towel which covered his waist. “Get dressed, we’re going partying,” Rivaille muttered gruffly, looking away. Himself eager to put on his clothes ( _Rivaille was looking at me, Rivaille was looking at me, Rivaille was-_ ), Eren obeyed, but was still a little confused.

“Er, partying?”

“Mhm. Hanji’s so happy she said she’d pay for half the booze…” Rivaille shrugged, but Eren could tell he wasn’t exactly displeased.

“Um, okay…” Eren pulled on a shoe, wondering if he was really allowed.

“And yes, you’re the pilot, it’s required you be there,” Rivaille said, answering Eren’s unasked question ( _I think our drift compatibility is showing)_. He ended with a quiet mutter.

“What?” Eren asked.

“I said, ‘besides, I need you for charades’,” Rivaville said, eyes rolling.

Now having both shoes firmly on his feet, Eren stood up fully, his brows furrowed together. “Charades?”

“Pilot tradition. Get drunk off your ass, play charades with your co-pilot. Supposedly it proves drift compatibility. Designated driver serves as referee.”

“Designated… we don’t dri-”

“That’s the point, brat,” Rivaille said, reaching up to lightly swat Eren’s head. “Now, shall we get going?”

Eren nodded slowly, processing the information given. “Does that mean you play charades, then?” he said, a smile beginning to form. Rivaille stared at him.

“Yes, Eren, that does actually mean I play charades.”

Eren only grinned wider.

(((***)))

On first thought, bringing the brat(s, plural, because the crew of _Aegis Colossi_ was being initiated in pilot and crew tradition that night as well) was a horrible, _horrible_ decision. Rivaille could count at least three of the ex-trainees that looked to be passed out, and the traditional game of charades had only just finished (speaking of passed out brats, Eren was still making gestures at him, apparently not having processed that the game was over).

On second thought, it was a wonderful idea, because the drunken antics of soldiers were _incredibly_ amusing. Although, maybe it was time for him to stop drinking- even though Rivaille could hold his liquor surprisingly well for someone of his stature, he could feel himself toeing the line between ‘pleasantly drunk’ and ‘this will bite you in the ass tomorrow’.

Wild motion refocused his eyes. Eren had tripped (over what, was unclear), and fallen to the ground, giggling. “Rivaiiiiiille,” he said softly, “you didn’guesh yet!

“That’s cause the game is over, fuckwad,” Rivaille retorted. Eren shook his head violently, which in turn cause his whole body to start moving. He stopped once he spotted a beer bottle.

“So, Rivaille, enjoying yourself?” It was Ivan, one of the men on his crew that had served the longest. Rivaille grunted.

“Hanji’s paying for the drinks and I’ll make her pay for the resulting alcohol poisoning, so yeah, I’d say it’s decent,” he replied. “A bit dirty though,” he amended as he heard the sound of retching.

“Always ish, always ish…” Ivan clapped Rivaille on the shoulder, then wandered off, allowing Rivaille’s full attention to turn back to Eren, who had opened (and apparently downed) the beer and was now staring at Rivaille with his arms crossed (and his cheeks flushed cutely, even though Rivaille wasn’t paying attention to relative levels of cuteness at all).

“What,” Rivaille barked.

“You-!” Eren said, dramatically (and slowly and clumsily) pointing a finger at Rivaille. “Ha’nt guessh dyet.” Rivaille sighed heavily.

“Alright Eren. What is it?”

“Nooooo! We haf- hafter shOw them our dwift co-patibililibity!”

Rivaille suppressed a second sigh. “A frog,” he deadpanned.

“Nope!” Eren recounted in a sing-song voice.

“Alright, I give up.”

“Itsh-” here Eren burst into giggles again (which Rivaille also found cute, not that anyone was caring). “Ish jyour ASS, Rivaille!” Eren said through his laughter, practically doubling up after every word. Rivaille was speechless.

“My ass,” he repeated. Eren nodded vigorously.

“Yeour ass is booty-ful, Rivaille! Haha, _booty_.”

Rivaille blinked, long and hard.

“Alright, shitty brat, off to bed with you, come on,” Rivaille said, walking over (the line wasn’t straight, but at least he wasn’t as shitfaced as Eren).

Surprisingly, Eren went without protest, although keeping him still was a hassle- he would run forward, yanking Rivaille with him (at some point they’d begun to hold hands- probably to keep Eren in check, Rivaille reasoned), before stopping abruptly and changing direction.

But in the end, after far too long, they made it to Eren’s shared room. Rivaille rapped smartly on the door, hoping there would be someone inside. Eren, next to him, suddenly seemed gloomy.

Luckily, Rivaille’s wishes were answered- Armin opened the door, his face making a slight ‘o’ of surprise when Eren smiled broadly and planted a sloppy kiss on Armin’s forehead.

“Your friend’s wasted, please take care of him,” was all Rivaille said by way of explanation. He turned to leave, but was then stopped by a tug on his sleeve. He turned back, correctly having guessed Eren to be the culprit. “What now? You have to sleep. And drink water.”

“But Rivaiiiiiille I want… I want a kish,” Eren muttered.

“A kiss,” Rivaille repeated.

Eren nodded vigorously again. “Like gudnaght kish!” he said, clapping his hands together. Behind him, Armin looked like a cross between amused and horrified.

With a sigh, Rivaille returned his eyes to Eren. “Alright, fine, one goodnight’s kiss,” he said, reaching up to pull Eren down before placing a kiss gently on his forehead. “Now go the fuck to sleep,” Rivaille grumbled, this time turning and stalking off for real.

Now, to find Hanji and challenge her to a drinking contest….

(((***)))

“Oh for fuck’s sake someone turn the lights down they’re cutting my eyes in half,” was the first thing Eren said upon waking up. “Ow, my head,” was the second.

Almost instantly, Armin was by his side. “Hey Eren, how do you feel?”

“Like shit… what the hell happened?”

Armin blinked, and for a moment it seemed in sync with the pounding of Eren’s head. “You mean you don’t remember?”

Eren closed his eyes, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. “I remember… the last thing I remember was losing a round of charades and  having to take shots…” Armin chose that moment to grin, and a feeling of foreboding washed over Eren. “Wait, Armin- ow, fuck, my head- do you know what happened?” Armin just grinned (Eren _really_ didn’t like that).

“Just ask Corporal Rivaille, Eren. He knows _exactly_ what happened.”

Eren flashed Armin a horrified look, to which Armin responded with a widening smile.

 _Fuck_ , Eren thought. _What… what did I do?!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo I almost included the actual kaiju fight, but then I just wanted to post this chapter, so no kaijus for the moment, sorry ^^ Anyways, light-hearted chapter to make up (?) for the angst of the last few ahaha ^^;;;;;;
> 
> Totally 1000% inspired by this post on tumblr that was like, "i bet charades is a blood sport among drunken jaeger pilots seeking to assert their superior drift compatibility" (something to that effect let me paraphrase just this once). And i decided that since I could make that 'canon', it WOULD be. 
> 
> Also some riren, before I forget that this is a fic with a ship.
> 
> (also I think [?] I've worked out most of the world-building details now- kaiju vs titans, the walls, etc etc, so if you'd like to know, hit me up because honestly nothing gives me greater joy than going on rants about this fic i'm 95% sure my irl friends are all sick of hearing about it ^^;)


	20. The Hangover, or: the game is afoot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I had an update schedule? AhahahHAhHAHAA ~~sorry~~

“Wake up wake up wake up!” The excitable voice filtered slowly into Rivaille’s consciousness, and he opened his eyes to see a pair of cat-eye glass hovering over him, their owner bearing a way-too-cheerful-for-this-hour-in-the-morning grin.

“Hanji, what the fuck do you- oof.” Rivaille cut himself off in favor of bring his hands to his forehead.

“Here, aspirin, water, coffee, in that order please,” Hanji said, handing Rivaille two pills and a cup, a thermos tucked under her arm. Rivaille eyed it jealously, but nonetheless downed the prescribed medicine. _Mouth tastes like shit, erugh._ He blinked owlishly at Hanji, who still had a huge grin plastered on her face.

“Can’t you go take a shit somewhere else, four-eyes?”

“Been there done that already, Riri!” Rivaille narrowed his eyes, still not quite entirely awake. The water had helped though, and he could feel the edges of the fuzziness in his brain fading away.

“And you? Why aren’t _you_ hungover?”

“Pft! I wasn’t _nearly_ as drunk as you were last night when you arrived! And besides, I drank more water than you, too. You should do that, you know. Drinking water. One glass of water for everyone one glass of alcohol and-”

“And you have to piss like a horse,” Rivaille interrupted. “I’d almost rather have a hangover than be going to the bathroom every five seconds.” Hanji shrugged jovially.

“Anyways, the real reason I came here-”

“I need to brush my teeth.” Rivaille stood up and walked to his bathroom, Hanji trailing behind and still talking.

“-was to tell you- guess what day it is?!”

Rivaille grunted, squeezing a decent amount of toothpaste onto his toothbrush.

“C’moooooon, Riri, guess!”

Rivaille eyed her wearily. “Saturday?” he said, with the tone of someone who had given up on reason.

“Noooooo! Well, yes, technically, but nooooo! Today’s our off day! You should totally come help me in the lab!”

“Eh?” Rivaille raised a brow slightly, toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.

Hanji sighed melodramatically. “Didn’t you pay attention to Erwin’s announcement last night?”

Rivaille spit into the sink, clearing his mouth enough to talk. “I’m fairly certain I was too shitfaced to be capable of paying attention to anyone, last night,” he grumbled, pooling his hands under the faucet to catch water.

Hanji waved a hand at him. “No, no, it was before that, after you guys came back with the kai- CRAP! MY EXPERIMENT! Okay bye gotta run I left the stove on it’s definitely done by now and crap let’s hope it doesn’t explode crap crap crap crap!” Hanji’s voice trailed off as she sprinted out the door and into the hallway.

“Eh?” Rivaille mumbled to no one in particular. A dribble of spit-slicked toothpastey foam fell into the sink, and Rivaille shot it a burning death glare before taking the water in his hands and aggressively cleaning out his mouth. He washed his face as well, before pausing and turning slowly to face the open door through which Hanji had vanished.

“That fucker took my coffee.”

\--

Having dourly completed his coffee-less morning routine, Rivaille made good time to the mess hall, bee-lining for the coffeemaker. Most important task completed, he then joined the bagel line, hoping he wasn’t too late to get a warm one (he was; his bagel of choice was lukewarm at best). Resigned to less-than-warm bagel, he trudged to his usual table.

Hanji was missing, of course- as was Auruo, though Rivaille had not the slightest idea where _he_ might be. Mike was sitting in one of the corner seats, but most surprising was the fact that Erwin was seated next to him. Rivaille’s eyebrows arched up as he slid into his seat.

“What?”

“Well, good morning to you too, Rivaille,” Mike muttered warmly, and Rivaille grunted, rolling his eyes, knowing that Mike wouldn’t take offense. It had been several years since they’d eventually made up for their first meeting, and over the course of that time they’d come to, if not completely trust each other, then at least read and respect one another.

“Yes, good morning,” Erwin said, a soft smile gracing his lips as Rivaille stubbornly hid most of his face behind his large coffee mug, the bittersweet smell already rejuvenating and calming him.

“I’m hung over, cut me some slack,” Rivaille grumbled, exchanging his coffee for cooled bagel.

“Hm, and whose fault is that?” Erwin teased. Rivaille glared at him balefully. Sometimes the best course of action was a tactical retreat, and Rivaille decided to pursue that for now, rather than get scolded about his drinking habits (Erwin could be preachy like that sometimes).

“You never answered my question,” he said flatly.

Erwin nodded. “It’s nothing much, I just wanted to let you know I’d like to have a talk.”

“We’re talking.”

“You know what I mean.”

Rivaille chewed contemplatively, swallowing as he processed the thought. “What about?”

Erwin waved a hand airily. “Hanji’s got ah… _theories_.” Rivaille bit back a groan. If Hanji had theories and Erwin wanted to talk to _him_ about them, that was a sure sign that it was something decidedly dangerous at the least, capable of destroying the entire shatterdome at most (talking down was usually necessary- along the lines of _“no, Hanji, why don’t you try a scale figure detonation of a jaeger arm first…”_ ).

“Alright, I’ll be there…”

“Thank you.” Erwin immediately returned to whatever his previous conversation with Mike had been- something about electronics and the new tracking system and several official terminologies that Rivaille wasn’t too familiar with. Besides, he had a cold bagel to focus on. Most people were finishing breakfast by now, and Rivaille forced himself to ignore the footsteps passing close by his back ( _it’s been seven years already you’d think you’d have let go of the instincts already_ ). One pair stopped by him. Rivaille looked over his shoulder to find Eren standing there, seeming rather nervous.

“Ah, Rivaille…”

For what seemed like the five thousandth time that day (and it wasn’t even properly _day_ yet, he thought sourly), Rivaille raised an eyebrow questioningly. “What, brat?”

“Uhm I… I just wanted to say sorry,” Eren mumbled, green eyes downcast. Only now, Rivaille was actually confused.

“...sorry? For what?”

Eren began to blush (and Rivaille would be lying if he said he didn’t think it was cu- _no, nope, shutting down that thought now_ ). “For… for last night, I’m sorry for how I behaved, Armin told me what I-”

“Oh, pft. It’s nothing,” Rivaille said, resisting the urge to smile. Was he really so worried about… well Rivaille’s memory was pretty fuzzy, but he was almost certain it had only been a goodnight’s kiss (which was really _nothing_ on the scale of ‘shit Rivaille’s done while drunk’) (and he couldn’t say he really regretted it either)

“Eh?” Eren had stopped fidgeting, looking more like a startled dog than anything else.

“Are you deaf? I said it’s nothing.” Rivaille made sure to shoot Eren a bored glance. “Now why don’t you go run along, hm? You’ve got the day off, no?”

“I- o- oh, okay,” Eren stuttered, his blush intensifying, making no move to actually _move_. It was only when one of his friends- Mikasa, was it?- called him that he actually began to walk towards the double-doors of the mess hall. “Um, bye, Rivaille,” he said quickly, turning and half-jogging to where his friends were waiting. Rivaille tracked him until he vanished (waving shyly once he’d noticed Rivaille’s eyes on him), then turned back into the table, grabbing his coffee once more.

He was about to take a sip when he noticed two pairs of eyes on him. “What?”

“Such a nice co-pilot you have there,” Erwin replied breezily, that faint smile back on his lips. Rivaille narrowed his eyes.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know,” Mike said, his deep voice rumbling. “According to Hanji, you two’ve got a _thing_ going on.” Rivaille scowled.

“That shitty four-eyes, the hell kind of fucking lies is she spreading?”

Erwin leant forward. “I notice you don’t deny it…”

Rivaille huffed indignantly. “Of course I deny it! You just interrupted me before I could! Fucking _Hanji_ thinks he’s crushing on me or something-”

“Oh I think it’s safe to conclude he was,” Mike interrupted, Rivaille glaring. “I mean, did you see him?”

“That’s not-”

“Rivaille,” Erwin said solemnly, clapping a hand on Rivaille’s shoulder. “Just accept it.” Erwin was still smiling, but something about his eyes told Rivaille he meant something on a deeper level (and Rivaille didn’t really want to go check out what that deeper level was, not yet, not _now-_ ). Rivaille stood up abruptly, chugging the rest of his coffee.

“You are shitty, intolerable excuses for human beings. Erwin, I’m letting myself into your office if you don’t hurry up.” With that, he left, followed presently by both Erwin and Mike.

Outside the mess hall, they met Hanji, who was grinning broadly (never a good sign) and humming slightly to herself (even worse sign). Moblit (poor guy, he had to have the patience of a cat) was standing a half-step behind her, looking exasperated. They joined the group, and all five of them made their way to Erwin’s office, Hanji chattering the whole time about scale hardness compared to nail hardness (or something of that sort; Rivaille’s thoughts wandered to the color of rosy cheeks).

Once they entered the clean, orderly space, Erwin took a seat behind his desk, and Mike claimed ownership of the only other chair. Hanji and Rivaille fanned out, Moblit remaining next to Hanji. There were a few seconds of tense silence, whereupon Erwin spoke, voice inflectionless.

“Alright, now that we’re all here, Hanji? Would you like to tell us your proposal?”

Hanji rubbed her hands together, eyes glinting alarmingly. “Well first of all, Rivaille, I’m sorry I ran off with your coffee this morning, I almost ran back to give it to you but then I needed some liquid for the proper levels of-”

“To the point please, Hanji,” Erwin berated, and Hanji adjusted her glasses (so she’s decided to inform Rivaille that she’d used his ambrosia for an _experiment?!_ At least she’d apologized…).

“Right, right. Well, boys, basically… I think it’s possible to drift with a kaiju.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For people who think Rivaille's coffee addiction is unreasonable: clearly you have never seen me before I've had my morning coffee.
> 
> I also tried to work in some ACWNR canon... (???) I still headcanon that even though Rivaille trusts Erwin, they're still pretty confrontational in terms of their relationship ehe ^^;; Also, ages (which I know nobody cared all that much about, but anyways): Eren and Mikasa are 17, Armin is 16 going on 17. Rivaille and Hanji are both 22, Erwin is 30, and Mike is 29. Annie and Jean are both 17, Marco, Reiner, Bertl, and Ymir are 18, and Christa is 16. 
> 
> Anyways, this week and next week are gonna be pretty tough with finals and final projects ~~and okay has anyone read Virginia Woolf's _Orlando_ cause that's what we're readin right now and let me tell you~~ but I have a super-special Christmas update in mind, and I need at least one more chapter before that, so at least two more updates before/by Xmas is my plan *puts on determined face*


	21. Birthday Shopping, or: the many scents of soap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a bunch of ridiculousness this chapter is. 3k words of ridiculousness.

Eren waved at Rivaille once he’d turned back and noticed he was being stared at. Blushing, he turned around quickly enough to almost run into the doorframe, sidestepping with what he hoped was enough smoothness to make it unnoticeable. Judging by Armin’s giggle and Mikasa’s smirk, he hadn’t _quite_ managed… but that was a secondary issue for the moment.

“Hey Armin, are you pulling my leg or something?”

Armin’s giggle slid into a confused expression. “Huh?”

“With the whole thing with Rivaille,” Eren said, his cheeks blushing a little as he tried to avoid saying the word ‘kiss’.

“No… why?” Armin asked, his brows furrowed.

“Rivaille said it was nothing…” Eren frowned. Mikasa raised her eyebrows.

“Figures the shorty would be so wasted as to not remember anything,” she said. Armin shot her a glance.

“He wasn’t _nearly_ as trashed as Eren, though…” he said. “Even that aside, maybe it really wasn’t a big thing. This _is_ Rivaille, though…”

“Right, whatever,” Eren interrupted. “Let’s go, shall we?” he asked as he shoved all thoughts of Rivaille back to the back of his mind. The other two nodded, and they began their walk in companionable silence, following the metal-clad hallways in the direction of the main exit. Voices from around the corner steadily increased in volume, and soon Eren found himself face to face with Hanji.

“Hello, Hanji, hello, Moblit,” Armin said, proffering a little wave to Hanji and the man standing at her shoulder, a ‘done-with-everything’ look on his face.

“Hi, Armin! What’re you do- ooooh,” she said, her eyes glinting as she spotted Eren and darted quickly over to where he was, taking one of his hands into her own. “Helloooo, Eren! So tell me, are you going birthday shopping?” Eren blinked once or twice at the sudden invasion of his personal space, taking a half-step back.  

“Er… birthday shopping?”

“Yup! For Rivaille!” Hanji crowed happily.

“What?” Eren asked, confused.

“Well, his birthday’s tomorrow, I just thought…”

“ _What?_ Tomorrow? But he never said any-”

“Oh, psh. Rivaille, _say something_ about his own _birthday?_ As if. I practically had to force it out of him, heh,” Hanji said, looking inordinately pleased with herself. “But anyways, does this mean you _will_ get him something?”

“I guess… I mean, yes, but what- what does he even _like?!”_ Eren said, panicked.

“He likes cleaning supplies,” Hanji said, finally exiting Eren’s personal space in favor of placing a thoughtful hand over her chin. “Yeah.”

“What.”

“It’s true! Anyways, I think-”

“Ms. Hanji,” Moblit finally spoke up, his deceptively soft voice breaking through Hanji’s babble. “You have a meeting with Commander Smith and Corporal Rivaille…”

“Right! Okay, so- Armin!” Armin started a bit as his name was called with vigor. “Bring him to my office after you guys come back! And her too! We have plans to make!”

“Uh, okay…?” Armin seemed dubious, and Eren was inclined to share the sentiment.

“Super! Bye! Come on, Moblit, we’ll be late!” Hanji practically skipped down the rest of the way, leaving behind a sighing Moblit, who excused himself quietly before following.

“Uh…”

“Well,” Mikasa announced. “That was certainly interesting.”

“Is she always like this?” Eren asked Armin, still feeling somewhat overwhelmed. _Cleaning products…?_

Armin nodded solemnly. “Yup, always.” He shrugged. “She’s probably already got a plan already in place, too, knowing her…” he focused a worried gaze down the hall Hanji had taken.

“‘Plan already in place’ in a good sense or in a bad sense?” Mikasa asked sharply, beginning to walk forward again. Eren copied her as Armin shrugged again before moving.

“That’s an excellent question, actually. No idea,” he said.

“Hm,” she replied, unconvinced, and Eren tried to resist the urge to roll his eyes. Tried.

“Come on, Mikasa, she’s like, his best friend, I don’t think she’d do anything mean to him or anything,” he said, stepping forward to push the elevator down button.

“It’s not _him_ I’m worried about,” Mikasa grumbled, shooting Eren a very pointed look. Eren groaned.

“Look, I can take care of my-”

“I don’t think you’ve got too much to worry about, Hanji’s actually very nice,” Armin said in the tone of one who just-so-happened so speak his thoughts aloud. Mikasa and Eren snorted in sync; though, Eren thought, probably for different reasons.

“Very crazy, more like,” Eren said, poking Armin in the ribs as they entered the elevator.

“Ow! Not any crazier than any of you guys! She’s just very… uh, enthusiastic?”

“I’ll say… anyways, but, guys, what am I supposed to even _get_ for Rivaille for his birthday?!” Eren bit his bottom lip, thinking. He’d _drifted_ with Rivaille, and he still didn’t know what to get him… and then there was the fact that Rivaille hadn't even so much as hinted that his birthday was even coming up.

“Well… you _could_ always go with what Hanji said and get him some soap or whatever,” Armin suggested.

“Yeah, don’t adults like stuff like that?” Mikasa chimed in.

“Mikasa you can’t say that! _We’re_ almost adults! Well, ‘cept Armin, cause he’s small,” Eren said with a chuckle, earning himself a well-placed elbow to the stomach. “Oof.”

“I act more adult-like than either of you two!” Armin said, drawing a sniff haughtily, tilting his head imperiously away from Eren. Which, of course, meant he couldn’t see the offensive tickle attack Eren promptly launched. By the time their elevator dinged and swished open, all three were laughing, Armin having been tickled to the point of laughing tears.

Eren sighed contentedly, warmth suffusing his chest at the thought of his sister and best friend. He gazed around a bit at the station; there were several other elevators along the shatterdome wall, and across the open platform, a small train which connected the shatterdome with the inner districts of Trost waited for passengers, a large countdown clock above it beeping with the numbers of seconds until departure. Which, speaking of- “Shit, guys! RUN!” Eren shouted, breaking into a sprint in the train’s direction, Mikasa and Armin following his example seconds later as they, too, understood the situation.

They jumped on the train with exactly zero seconds left until departure, winded but grinning.

 _“Inner-city train departing now_ ,” said a mechanical voice, and the train lurched forward, Eren grabbing at one of the many handles running along the roof of the train in order to keep his balance. The trains were by no means new, and it creaked a bit as it began to pick up speed, but if the money went into funding machines such as _Freedom Wing_ instead of repairing the trains, Eren decided he couldn’t really be angry. The train took another curve as they entered Trost proper.

The city had grown a lot just in the last year. After the fall of Wall Maria, there hadn’t been many people willing to live on the wall towns anymore, but as that calamity faded slowly in people’s memories, Trost was returning to a bustling metropolis. The outer districts were all high-rise buildings, the most daring of which equaled the height of the walls, but continuing inwards, the buildings became more old-fashioned, their half-timbered patterns colorfully decorated with red and green patterns.

“Hey, I completely forgot! It’s the solstice celebration still, isn’t it?” Eren asked, turning away from the window. Armin nodded.

“Yeah, tonight’s the final night. Maybe we’ll even be able to catch the bonfire before we have to head back!”

“We’re supposed to be back by dinnertime though, that’s at 19 hours. Will they really light the bonfire before then? It’ll barely be dark…” Mikasa said.

“Hm…”  

“Well, we can hope, huh?” Eren said, moving towards the train’s door as it began to slow down with a loud screech of the brakes. He waited impatiently until the door opened, then leapt out, swearing as a gust of cold wind caught him in its crosshairs. “Geez it’s fucking cold here,” he said, turning back to watch Mikasa and Armin disembark. Mikasa pulled her scarf up a little higher, and Armin, of course, had had the foresight to bring a jacket with him. Eren stuck his tongue out.

“The temperature’s dropped quite a bit recently,” Armin mused, looking around for a moment before leading the way to the exit. Mikasa made the motion of giving Eren her scarf, to which he shook his head, thinking that he’d prefer to tough it out.

On the whole, that turned out to be a bad idea, as they window shopped and the wind didn’t stop for a single moment the whole time that they were walking down the streets. By the time Armin pointed out a likely-looking store and they stepped inside, Eren was sure his fingers were about to fall off.  He tried surreptitiously rubbing them together in an effort to un-freeze them, but Mikasa’s “what did I tell you” look made him stop out of sheer stubbornness to prove her wrong.

“Please, take your time looking around!” said the shopkeeper, appearing from behind a stack of elaborately-decorate boxes. “Let me know if you want to sample anything!”

“Alright, thank you!” Armin said cheerfully, already reading the labels on various products. Eren began to inspect the little boxes as well.

“‘Vanilla Joy’? What is this, a freaking-”

“This one smells like peaches. Does he like peaches, Eren?” Mikasa asked, sniffing an orange-and-cream package.

“Like I know!” Eren answered, feeling a touch overwhelmed. _What does he like, what_ would _he like, I don’t-_

“Hey, check out this one! It’s… it’s man-goh scented!”

“Armin, what the hell is a man-goh?”

“I’m not sure, but it smells nice. Here, catch,” Armin said, throwing the small wrapped bar of soap to Eren, who fumbled once before securing it in his hands. He brought it up to his nose, taking a whiff.

“Mm, that’s smells nice but… too fruity for him? I think?”

Armin shrugged. “I don’t know, you know him better than either of us,” he said, gesturing to Mikasa, who was comparing two soaps in her hand. She looked up at the attention.

“Here, try this one,” she said, likewise tossing to Eren. Catching it properly this time, Eren glanced at the label before moving to sniff it.

“‘Sweet Seduction’?” Armin choked on a laugh, Eren shooting him a baleful glare. “Really, Mikasa?” She shrugged.

“I dunno, I thought that was your thing.”

“ _Mikasa!_ ” Just as Eren was about to lob the soap back (totally not pointedly aiming for Mikasa’s face- he was _way_ too mature for that), the shop’s owner peeped around the corner.

“Sorry about that! I had to put those extra stocks in the back! Anyways, how can I help you three?” He’d brought his hands together so that the tips of his fingers rested just under his chin, eyes flicking between them expectantly. Armin and Mikasa both looked at Eren, waiting for him to say something.

“Er, right, uh… well, I’m looking for… for a birthday present. For, uh, someone who... likes to clean a lot?” Eren winced a bit at his own delivery. The shopkeeper, on the other hand, was nodding slowly.

“Mmhm, mmhm… I assume this is a male?”

“Ah… yes.”

“Mmhm…” the shopkeeper nodded along quietly to himself, clearly lost in thought, as Eren shot Armin a glance. Armin shrugged, raising his eyebrows. “Right!” the shopkeeper suddenly exclaimed. “I know just the thing! Come along, come along, this way!” he said, bustling about and weaving through different aisles and around a corner. “Ah, here we go. Try this one!” He held out a lilac package, topped with a silky purple ribbon. Eren took it, not bothering to read the label before sniffing.

“Oh, this is actually really nice,” he said, mildly surprised. He turned, passing it to Armin, who made an appreciative humming noise before handing it off to Mikasa. “What is it?” Eren asked.

“Lavender!” said the shopkeeper. “We had unusually plentiful growth of lavender this year, so I was able to make some soaps as well! It’s a very unique scent, I’m sure he’ll love it.”

“Mmhm…” Eren sniffed it again, doubt chasing itself around his mind. On the one hand, Hanji’d said Rivaille liked cleaning, and Eren _had_ stumbled across him disinfecting the entire locker room bathrooms… but on the other hand, did people even give soap for birthdays? What if Rivaille hated it? Was it even worth buying? Eren could always get Rivaille… coffee? Where did one even go about buying coffee? What if-

“Earth to Eren,” Armin said, waving a hand in front of Eren’s face. Eren blinked. “You should get it- Hanji seemed pretty serious when she said you should get him a cleaning product, so…”

“That was serious?” Mikasa asked. Armin made a face.

“For her, yeah.”

“Alright then…”

Eren cleared his throat self-consciously, then told the shopkeeper he’d take this one. The shopkeeper, looking delighted, led him to the counter, ringing up the purchase as Eren pulled out his wallet. As a member of the military, he got a small monthly pension, but as he never really used any of it, he had quite a bit saved up. He handed his cashcard to the shopkeeper, who handed it back after a swipe.

“Thank you for shopping!” he said.

“You’re welcome,” Eren said as he took the small bag that had been placed on the counter and turned to leave, earning himself a smack on the shoulder from Armin.

“What he means is thank you for the soap,” Armin said to the shopkeeper, who just smiled as waved as the three exited back into cold wind.

“Ugh, it’s _free_ z _ing,_ ” Eren said, not minding what Mikasa would have to say. “Can we go find a place to grab lunch or something? Preferably indoors?”

“I know a place,” Armin offered, taking the lead. It was a few blocks away, but all in all a cozy café that also served sandwiches. Eren ordered two, and hot tea on the side.

They chose a small corner table, pulling up another chair to accommodate all three of them. Mikasa set their little number tag in the middle, crossing her legs and loosening her scarf as she sat down.

“Oh, yeah!” Armin began as they waited for their order to arrive. “I meant to ask you- how’s things with Annie?”

Mikasa leaned back in her chair, tilting it on two legs. “Well, I mean, she’s nice enough… but kind of… aloof? Even when we’re drifting, it’s as if there were these… these walls she’s brought up. I never know what she’s thinking outside of the immediate range. It’s weird.”

“Huh, that’s kind of what it’s like with Rivaille. With the walls thing. Last time they were… ‘lower’, I guess? Yeah, so I dunno, maybe that’s ‘cause we’ve drifted a lot recently,” Eren said, quickly distracted once food arrived. Eren vaguely heard Armin addressing Mikasa, but he was lost in thought, both over the delicious sandwiches as well as the little lilac package that rested in his pocket. _Maybe I_ should _just go get him coffee anyways…? But then again, Hanji said she had a plan, so I guess if the soap doesn’t work, then I’ll just sneak some coffee from the machine and say it’s a present…? Argh, but I can’t do that, that’s too sleazy!_

“Eren, you okay?” Mikasa asked, watching Eren with an eyebrow raised. Eren removed his hand from where it was threaded into his hair.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m just… nervous, I guess.”

“About the present?” Armin asked. Eren nodded, swallowing thickly. Armin chuckled. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. I mean, worst comes to worst, it’s still a useful present, right? So Rivaille can’t possibly _hate_ it.”

“Yeah… I guess,” Eren said, unconvinced. Then he shook his head, ruffling up his hair a bit. “Whatever. These sandwiches are really good, though.”

“Ditto,” Mikasa said, wiping her mouth with a napkin. Armin smiled.

“I told you guys this place was good!”

“Yeah, yeah, stuff it with that sandwich of yours before _I_ eat it,” Eren replied, taking the final bite of his own sandwich, eyeing Armin’s.

“Haha, _no_ ,” Armin said, taking a large bite and promptly choking as Eren made a face at him. Mikasa patted Armin’s back, giving Eren a disapproving look.

“What, it’s funny!” he grumbled.

“Is not,” Armin wheezed, reaching for his drink and gulping down a fair amount, before returning to his sandwich, albeit with significantly smaller bites. Once he finished and the three paid, they decided collectively that the solstice bonfire was probably not worth the chilly wait, and decided instead to take the next train back to the shatterdome, a fact for which Eren was extremely grateful.

Eren, at Mikasa’s behest, had double-checked his pockets before getting off the train to ensure that the soap was still there. Assured that it was indeed still safely nestled in Eren’s pocket, they entered the shatterdome, taking the elevator back up to the main levels.

“Let’s go find Hanji, I guess?” Armin asked. When Eren shrugged a yes, Armin began to lead the way to Hanji’s office, Eren and Mikasa tailing behind him. Hanji’s office, they discovered upon entry, was actually more a laboratory than anything else. “Hello?” Armin called, peering around a giant tank on a cart that was in the middle of the path.

“Ah, Armin! Hello.” Moblit appeared from behind the tank, holding something vaguely tubular and definitely slimy in his gloved hands. “I’ll go tell Ms. Hanji you’ve all arrived,” he said, disappearing once more. Eren shifted nervously as he realized that the thing inside the tank was an eyeball, attached nerves and all.

“So, uh, what now?” he asked.

“Now we wait and see whatever Hanji’s got in store for us,” Armin said calmly, not appearing bothered at all by the _giant kaiju eye_ that was looking at them.

“That thing’s creepy,” Mikasa said, glaring at the eye.

“Tell me about it,” Eren muttered.

“Oh, wonderful!” exclaimed a voice from off to the left, and the three turned to see Hanji clapping her hands excitedly. “Let’s get started then, shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY OKAY SO THIS TOOK LONGER THAN EXPECTED, mostly because I got sidetracked by this one winmin fic I started writing on the spur of the moment, ehehe... ^^; ~~winmin ftw~~ But I can promise you the next chapter will be up sometime on Christmas! Because it's Rivaille's birthday. (Yeah, I realize it's the 24th already right now....)  
>  Also, speaking of Rivaille's birthday- I tried to make it as clear as I could, but basically the festival that's going on in Trost right now is the winter solstice festival, which lasts three days during which the sun is at its lowest point (22-23-24, in this case). And then the 25th is the first day after that, which blah blah some pagan theology thing I read a while ago, LEVI'S BIRTHDAY. Anyways, yeah. "Winter solstice festival". Then they have a summer version as well. Or something.  
> Also, yeah, I know nothing about soaps, only that lavender smells really fucking good and is used in a shitton of cleaning products OTL.  
> Also, Moblit is going to continue to be called Moblit for now, despite the fact that that's his first name... I dunno, new name translations mess things up. Watch Levi get a last name. _Can you imagine how much fic would be obsolete then. CAN YOU._  
>  Also, yeah, in case you were curious/didn't know this yet/forgot/whatever: I track "freedom wing", "nagisachansan", and "nagisa chan san", in case you'd like to contact me somehow/complain about my shitty writing skills. Whoo! :D  
> Sorry for my incoherent author's notes ramblings I am vury sorry.


	22. Happy Birthday Rivaille, or: Hanji, why

Rivaille’s alarm sounded, pulling him out of a fitful, kaiju-infested sleep. He pummeled the snooze out of force of habit, using the extra five minutes to regulate his breathing. The alarm rang a second time, and he pulled himself out of bed, giving the door a cursory glance (it was still locked- no danger of kaiju parts in the bathtub courtesy of Hanji on this morning) before trudging into the bathroom and setting the water to just under the hottest it could go. This was, in his opinion, the best way to get rid of the left-over trembles of nightmares.

After a few seconds of simply basking in the warmth of the water, Rivaille grabbed his soap (he was running out- he’d have to go find some more soon) and lathered up, scrubbing harshly. Washing away the lather, he shampooed and conditioned his hair quickly, stepping out of the shower just as the hot water was starting to cool.

In retrospect, the fact that Hanji hadn’t pounded on the door at least a few times already had been the first sign. At the time, though, Rivaille simply brushed his teeth thoroughly, combing his hair and washing his face once more just because. He sidestepped the empty bed, choosing one of the many navy trousers from his dresser. After a short debate, he chose a black tank top under a similarly navy jacket, one that had _Freedom Wing’_ s crest lovingly stitched onto the back.

Once he arrived at the mess hall and grabbed coffee and breakfast, Rivaille realized that Hanji wasn’t at the breakfast table either. Interestingly enough, Eren and his two friends were also gone- not, of course, that he’d looked, but they hadn’t been at dinner last night either, and he sincerely hoped that they hadn’t been taken in by the military police for theft of something (he really couldn’t put that past Eren, he thought fondly). Only Auruo was at the table, and so Rivaille chose a seat across from him, plopping down with just enough grace to not spill a drop of coffee.

“Morning,” he said gruffly.

“Morning,” Auruo replied, his voice containing a note of forced lightness.

“How’ve you been holding up?” Rivaille asked, somewhat guiltily. He hadn’t been _ignoring_ Auruo per sé, but he also hadn’t exactly been paying as much attention to him as he could have. Auruo had been even closer to Erd and Günter than Rivaille…

Auruo shrugged. “You know. Same old. I might go out with Moblit later today, there’s supposed to be a few kaiju approaching. _Garrison Rose_ ’s team said they might take the run with us as well…”

“Moblit, huh?” Rivaille said. “Doesn’t he also drift with… with whatshisname?”

Auruo nodded. “Yeah, he doesn’t bring much to the drift… it’s odd. He’s always fully there, but it’s like there’s just… nothing to share on his part, I guess. So he can pretty much drift with anyone he wants. Good thing that he’s a friend of mine, I guess, otherwise I’d have no one compatible enough to pilot, you know?”

“Mm,” Rivaille said. “Interesting guy. Not everyone can do that.”

“Yeah, no kidding. I tried once, almost brought us out of alignment.” Auruo shook his head self-deprecatingly, a lapse in his shield of faked arrogance. “But he hangs around Hanji so much, I barely get to see him anymore outside of our kaiju runs.”

“Oh? Speaking of, I’ve been looking for her, something came to mind last night about her current theories.” Not technically true- that wasn’t why he was looking for her- but if he did find her he might as well inform her about the flaws in her kaiju-drifting plan. Again. Because like hell she’d paid attention the first time.

“Try her lab, maybe?” Auruo offered. Rivaille pulled a distinctly disgusted face; Hanji’s lab was legendary for its being the antithesis of all Rivaille believed in. Auruo chuckled, then, and it hit Rivaille that that was the first smile he’d seen on Auruo since a while ago. “Well, Moblit will be there at any rate, and he always seems to know where she is. I have to go get him anyways… we could walk together?” He seemed almost nervous, but Rivaille nonetheless nodded, tilting his head back to capture the last few drops of coffee before standing up.

“Sounds fair. Shall we?” He led the way, first to drop off his tray and then to Hanji’s lab. They didn’t talk much as they walked, but Rivaille also found that it wasn’t necessary, as the silence was comfortable and companionable.  There was a slight pause when they couldn’t get into the elevator because someone was holding it up elsewhere, but otherwise their journey was uninterrupted.

Rivaille knocked twice on the lab door before gripping the handle. “Hanji, if you’re in there, you have exactly three fucking seconds to sanitize the entryway before we come in,” he said, speaking loud enough that he hoped his voice carried through the door. Mentally counting to three while ignoring Auruo’s smirk, Rivaille pushed the door open.

He was stopped by a huge-ass tank of yellow something-or-another sitting smack dab in the middle of everything, what could only be a kaiju eyeball rolling through the liquid.

“Groooss,” he muttered.

“Ah! Corporal Rivaille, Auruo! Give me just a second and I’ll be right there.” True to Auruo’s word, Moblit was present, slimy goo all over his gloves and work apron.

“So gross,” Rivaille said.

“I have to agree with you on this one,” Auruo added, eyeing Moblit carefully as he removed the apron and draped it, slimy-side up, over the edge of what might have been a sink (Rivaille couldn’t tell for certain, because sinks certainly weren’t supposed to have quite that array of color or, dare he say it, plant life).

“All right, sorry, can I help you?” Moblit asked once he’d also stripped of his gloves.

“We’re up soon, just a reminder,” Auruo said.

“Right! Let me turn a couple of dials here, then…” Moblit donned his gloves again, proceeding to make a few rounds of the lab, fiddling with various unlabelled but equally dirty knobs and buttons along the way.

“I’m looking for Hanji, she here?” Rivaille announced once Moblit was done. Moblit flinched.

“Ah, no, sorry, Ms. Hanji’s not here, she’s, uh, she’s gone…”

“What do you mean ‘she’s gone’?” Rivaille said suspiciously, narrowing his eyes as Moblit fidgeted.

“Um…”

Suddenly, it dawned on Rivaille. Today was his birthday, wasn’t it? And Hanji hadn’t come to wake him up, and then Eren and company as well as Hanji missing from breakfast, and now Moblit being dodgy and refusing to give straight answers about Hanji’s location- which could only mean one thing.

“Oh no… she’s doing something to my room, isn’t she.”

The audible gulp from Moblit was answer enough.

“That fucker.” That was all the warning Auruo and Moblit got before Rivaille took off running back the way he’d come, very much concerned for the state of his bedroom (but also a bit curious of what Hanji was doing this year that she thought could top last year’s calamity). The other two set off after him, and due to the nature of elevators, they all three arrived at Rivaille’s bedroom door at the time, Moblit apologetically trying to dissuade Rivaille and Auruo wearing a distinctly ‘I’m only along for the ride’ expression.

Rivaille flung the door open.

There was a deafening silence while both parties took in the other. Outside, Rivaille stood frozen, eyes widened in disbelief; behind him, Auruo was biting back a laugh and Moblit was looking distinctly ashamed of himself. Inside the bedroom were Hanji, Armin, Mikasa, and Eren, all equally frozen. The room, though- miniature solstice-wreaths were everywhere, accompanied liberally with streamers and gift-bows and even a cheesy letter-string upon which was written ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIVA1LL3!’ in rounded, glimmery letters. The small space around him and Petra’s picture had been decorated to the nines, several unlit candles and even more solstice paraphernalia at least somewhat artfully arranged around it. Further down the shelf, a large box with a disproportionately (ludicrously, even) large tag- which was readable even from the opposite end of the room- ‘to Riri, with love, Hanji’, followed by a little heart- towered over a much smaller present which appeared to be wrapped in nothing but red stick-on present bows.

“Oh dear,” Hanji said, finally breaking the silence. “Riri, you’re a bit early, I haven’t even finished preparing your most important present yet!” She moved over to a large bag which was strewn next to the foot of Rivaille’s bed, rummaging around inside it until she pulled out a bright red stick-on bow. “Or really discussing matters _concerning_ your present _with_ your present yet, but that’s beside the point.” Peeling off the back, she walked back over to Eren, sticking the bow to the middle of his forehead.

“Wha..?” he said, almost going cross-eyed as he tried to look at the bow. Hanji performed a little half-hop, spreading her arms in a showcasing motion towards Eren.

“Rivaille, meet your new roommate! It’s high time he moved in, anyways,” she sing-songed happily. There was a moment of collective shock, after which all hell broke loose.

The next ten minutes were comprised of an increasingly large babble of noise as everyone tried to figure out exactly what everyone else was trying to do. Mikasa seemed quite opposed to the idea of Eren changing rooms, but Hanji kept yelling it was only natural, since they were co-pilots, to also sleep in the same room lest they be caught unawares in different sides of the shatterdome. Armin, for his part, was struggling to even be heard of Eren’s loud voice (what position Eren had taken was wholly unclear), Auruo was guffawing, and Rivaille was trying to shut everyone up. At some point (probably via Moblit) a cake had appeared, just as lavishly decorated as the rest of his room, and Hanji had somehow conjured a miniature flamethrower from who-knows-where (to “light the candles”, she claimed), which only served to delve everything further into chaos.

Copious amounts of melted wax, several more bows and a few slices of half-eaten cake later, and the occupants of the room had finally calmed down enough for individual voices to be heard. Rivaille cleared his throat, drawing all eyes to him.

“Well?” Rivaille grumbled, forcing his eyes to focus only on Eren and not at the other people staring him down. “Are you moving in or not?”

“I- oh. Oh, yeah!” Eren said, his expression changing from confused drawn-together brows to open, happy grinning as he realized that Rivaille wasn’t actually fooling around at all. “Yeah, I’ll go get my stuff!” Eren practically bounced out the room, followed by Armin and Mikasa (who muttered something about ‘helping the idiot gather his things’), and Rivaille snorted in amusement. Once they were gone, Rivaille found himself the object of a very intense stare by Hanji. She waggled her eyebrows when Rivaille made eye contact with her, and he tsk’d.

“Honestly, I don’t know whether to love you or hate you right now. Say anything, and it’s definitely gonna be leaning towards hate.”

Hanji giggled, peeling the backing off a black stick-on bow before smacking it on the top of Rivaille’s head. “You’re welcome.”

Rivaille scowled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hanji totally grows drugs in her sink not even kidding. For those of you confused by my absolutely shitty description of a christmas bow, [this](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_8AeOMLEnrHo/TRKxfcyhI3I/AAAAAAAAArE/5hNPrUKJqn0/s1600/gift-bow-720.jpg) is what I was aiming for. Jaegers will feature again in the future, cross my heart, don't particularly hope to die but you know how that goes.
> 
> Merry fucking Christmas if you celebrate that, Happy Levi's Birthday if you don't, and also a (late) b-day shout-out to azelk on tumblr who shares a bday with Levi :D
> 
> But, that aside- I've probably said this before, but I truly never expected this story to get as much attention as it has, nor for it to continue as long as it has- I've been writing this monster since... July? Like. Considering who I am, that's a fucking miracle right there. So thank _you,_ for supporting this story and reading this far :)


	23. Of Ghosts and Laundered Things, or: Rivaille opens presents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to regularly scheduled weekend updates ^^ Also, because I have no shame, I should like to inform you all that I have started [another riren multichapter fic,](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1118615) if anyone's interested ^^;;

Eren practically bounced as he led the way from Rivaille’s quarter to his and Armin’s shared room. He’d known, logically, that at some point he would have to move in with Rivaille- well, not that he would _have_ to, but pilots typically roomed together, right? And the only reason the new teams hadn’t moved yet was because one of the wings of the shatterdome was being repainted. So they’d be moving in together soon as well. Right?

Mikasa coughed as Eren fumbled the key to the door, and he felt the small prick of nervousness expand. What if Rivaille didn’t want to share a room? He hadn’t exactly seemed happy… but then again, did he ever? And he _had_ asked Eren if he’d be moving in… Eren shook his head. _I’m over-thinking things. Besides, if anything goes wrong, I can just blame Hanji, it was her idea_. Thinking of Hanji, though, Eren wondered how long she’d been planning on surprising Eren like that- it wasn’t that he minded per se, but a bit more heads up probably would have been nice. _Especially_ , he thought, _in terms of convincing Mikasa…_ He loved her, of course, but sometimes… sometimes she pushed the concept of ‘sisterly over protectiveness’ a bit too far.

Armin pushed Eren out of the way the third time he almost dropped his key, pulling out his own and smoothly unlocking the door. Eren flung the door open and entered, spreading his arms, but the grandiose statement he was about to make died in his throat when he saw who was already in there.

“The hell? Aren’t you guys supposed to be in class or something right now? And why the fuck does Jaeger have a fucking bow on his head?” Jean glared at them balefully from the bunk not his own. That one was- oh, right Marco’s. Eren averted his eyes quickly, bringing a hand up to the blow on his forehead and letting Armin answer instead.

“We’re excused from class-”

“Wait, really?” Eren interrupted.

“Well, Hanji wouldn’t- well she might, but Moblit wouldn’t let us get in trouble,” Armin answered, turning back to Jean. “Anyways, we’re excused because it’s Corporal Rivaille’s birthday and Hanji requested we attend a party.”

“So what the fuck are you doing here?” Jean grumbled.

“Eren’s moving in with the Corporal, so we’re here to retrieve his things. He’s the present, that’s why he has the bow. Why he still has it on, I don’t know.”

Eren grumbled and pulled the bow off while Jean peered at him curiously.

“You’re moving in with the Corporal?”

“Yeah,” Eren said, beginning to feel defensive. “What of it?” Jean regarded him for a second before slumping down into the bed.

“Nothing. Get your shit and go, I was trying to take a nap. Doctor’s orders and all.”

“Yeah? I think I’ll do just that!”

“Eren, do you _really_ have to fight?” Mikasa mumbled, strolling over to Eren’s dresser and opening it. She looked at the clothes for a moment while Eren tried to come up with a suitable comeback. “Do you have a bag for all this?” she asked, gesturing broadly.

“Er,” Eren said. “Not… not exactly?” Next to Eren, Armin sighed.

“I got it,” he said, rummaging through his own drawer until he pulled out a large cloth bag, handing it to Mikasa, who began unceremoniously shoving Eren’s clothes into it. Armin made a noise of protest.

“Mikasa, at least fold them properly, you know Eren’ll leave them in there for a while and then they’ll get all wrinkly,” he said. Mikasa shot Eren a glance (which was totally unfair- _he_ wasn’t complaining, that was all on Armin) before making a half-hearted attempt to flatten out the clothes. The bag found its way to the floor, Mikasa kneeling next to it. Armin joined her and began to pitch in, motioning to Eren to help, which he did readily, although he, too, was tempted to just shove all his clothes in there without any pretense of order.

Soon enough there were only three pairs of socks left in the far corner, and Eren stood up. Armin turned to meet his gaze.

“I have to pee,” Eren said by way of explanation, then headed over to the bathroom, connected to the opposite side of the room. Meant to service eight boys, there were two urinals and two stalls- unfortunately, neither of the urinals worked, so Eren chose a stall.

Feeling much relieved, Eren exited the stall, only to find himself face-to-face with Jean.

“Whoa, what the crap, Jean?” Eren said, taking a surprised step backwards.

“Do you like him?” Jean said, completely serious expression in his face. Eren furrowed his brows.

“Eh? Like who?”

“Corporal Rivaille.”

“What?!” Eren sputtered, recoiling even further, feeling the beginnings of a blush crawling across his cheeks.

“You should tell him.” Eren looked up, meeting Jean’s eyes. Sure, they antagonized each other constantly, but Eren considered Jean a friend, and over the three years of their military training, he’d come to respect Jean. But most of all, he’d learned to see past Jean’s fake serious expression he used whenever he pulled a prank on Eren. As he searched Jean’s gaze, there was none of that. Jean was _actually serious_. The thought made Eren blush even more, and he finally broke eye contact, deciding to take interest in the roll of toilet paper hooked to the wall, flicking it with a finger.

“He probably already knows, we’ve drifted so often that-”

“Tell him anyway. Don’t rely on the drift for important things, that’s not saying it so much as… just. Tell him at some point, okay?” Something in Jean’s voice made Eren look up again. He met Jean’s eyes for the second time, realizing as he did so the depth of sadness that they held. _Oh_ , Eren thought. He swallowed thickly, and nodded.

“…yeah, okay.”

“Thanks,” Jean replied, clapping Eren on the shoulder. Then their moment was over, and Jean roughly shoved Eren out of the stall. “Out of my way, I have to piss.”

“Bastard,” Eren muttered, proceeding to the sink to wash his hands, drying them quickly and leaving Jean still in the bathroom. As he entered his room again, Armin and Mikasa were both standing around his bed.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Armin commented.

“No, it’s nothing…” Eren replied.

“Hm. You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay… well, I gathered all your pictures and things here,” Armin said, displaying a small brown pouch just large enough for Eren’s few possessions, “but we were wondering if you had to bring your bedsheets with you or not…”

“Oh,” Eren said, regarding his still-dirty bedsheets. “Um, probably? I dunno. I mean no one’s lived in there with his since Pe- since his old co-pilot died, so I don’t _think_ he has extra sheets…”

“Wouldn’t hurt to bring them,” Mikasa said, hoisting the bag containing all of Eren’s clothes over her shoulder. “But they stink and I’m not going anywhere near them.” Eren shot her a glare.

“They don’t stink _that_ bad…”

“Whatever you say, Eren,” Armin replied, “but I’ll let you take this one.” Eren glared at Armin’s half-smirk too, muttering half-hearted death threats as he stripped his bed by the sheets and rolled it up, comforter and all, and curled it under one arm. A small bit of the bedsheet trailed down the back, hanging loosely, but Eren paid it no mind. He grabbed his pillow, holding it over his shoulder by a corner, then he turned to Armin and Mikasa, raising his eyebrows.

“Let’s go then?”

“Yeah…”

The three walked out, Armin calling a goodbye to Jean before they left. As they began to retrace their route from earlier, Mikasa fell into step with Eren.

“Eren, are you sure you want to do this?”

Eren sighed. “Mikasa, haven’t we already had this conversation before? Like, three times?”

Mikasa’s head jerked sharply to the side. “Not this one, exactly,” she muttered.

“Great, so we’ve had five thousand similar ones.”

“But it was a surprise, wasn’t it?” Mikasa said, and Eren couldn’t ignore the concern in her voice. From his other side, Armin exhaled loudly.

“Yes, it was, but… I mean…” Eren trailed off. Mikasa huffed.

“Yes, but… I mean, I guess, if you really insist…”

“I insist.”

Mikasa sighed, long and only just barely audible. “Well, alright then. But remember, if the shortie tries anything you don’t want, I will-”

“Mikasa!” Eren exclaimed, feeling his blush mounting again.

“Are you two done yet?” Armin asked as they all three slowed to a halt in front of Rivaille’s door.  Eren took a breath, and pushed open the door. The soft mutterings inside died instantly, Hanji and Levi looking up to the three. Auruo and Moblit were gone, ostensibly to get their shared jaeger prepped.

“Oh, wonderful! You guys are back!” Hanji exclaimed. “Armin, put Eren’s stuff down, come on, I need your help!” Armin cautiously set the small bag of Eren’s things down on the end of the nearest bed with a look that was a mixture of trepidation and anticipation. Hanji had bounced over to the door, and once Armin had free hands and begun to walk over to her, she grabbed his wrist, pulling him out the door after her with a “bye!”. There was an awkward silence in the room as Rivaille, Eren, and Mikasa all looked at the door.

Two seconds later, Hanji poked her head back into the doorframe. “Heeeeey, Mikasa, so you’re strong and stuff, right?”

Mikasa furrowed her eyebrows, but nodded slowly nonetheless. Hanji strolled confidently over, still holding onto Armin, and now grabbed Mikasa’s wrist as well.

“Excellent! I’ll need your help as well!” Mikasa made a noise of protest, her eyes catching Eren’s for a moment, and Hanji tutted. “Eren’ll be fine, he and Rivaille can manage to set up a bed without killing anyone.” Mikasa looked at Hanji, unconvinced, but Hanji simply barreled forward to the door, now dragging both Armin (who waved meekly) and Mikasa behind her. As she left, Eren could almost have sworn he heard her say ‘and if Rivaille tries anything Eren doesn’t want, I’ll personally skin him! Or vice versa’, but he honestly didn’t want to know for sure.

Mikasa had left the bag with his clothes on the same bed as Armin had, which was, in fact, devoid of sheets. Eren dumped his bedsheets onto the bed, grabbing the two bags and moving them to the floor. Rivaille finally turned away from glaring at the doorway, his eyes alighting on Eren’s bedsheets.

“Oh no, that is _not_ going to happen,” he said striding towards a smaller door along one wall and glaring at the sheets as if he was going to burn them.

“Huh?” Eren asked, confused.

“I don’t even want to know how long it’s been since you last washed those. Bring that shit over here- try not to contaminate the entire fucking room in the process- I refuse to allow that kind of filth in my- our, in our rooms.”

Eren refused to allow himself to dwell upon the fact that Rivaille had just said ‘our’, focusing instead on his other words. “But the next wash day isn’t until-“

Rivaille swung open the door, revealing a pristine bathroom. “Put that shit in the bathtub and stay the fuck put,” Rivaille ordered, and Eren hesitantly gathered up all his sheets, taking them into the bathroom- which was even more spotless up-close- and dropping them into the bathtub. Rivaille went to a cupboard against wall on the opposite side of the room, rummaging around it for a few seconds while Eren waited. Once Rivaille turned and walked back, he was sporting a container of detergent.

Eren moved out of the way as Rivaille approached the bathtub. He turned the water on, testing it frequently for a few seconds before plugging the bottom of the tub. He poured a bit of the detergent over the sheets, then shoved them under the running water. The detergent began to bubble, and Rivaille motioned to Eren to come closer as he knelt, rolling up the sleeves on his jacket as he did so. Eren followed suit, and they waited for a few minutes, until Rivaille deemed the bathtub sufficiently filled.

“Alright, now scrub like this,” Rivaille said, grabbing handfuls of wet fabric and rubbing them against one another, effectively lathering up the sheets with thick soap. “We’re gonna do this to the entirety of the sheet, understood? No slacking.” Eren nodded and imitated him as best he could, and they worked in silence for a few minutes, until the kaiju alarm sounded and Eren sprang to his feet, splashing water over Rivaille and himself in the process.

“Oi! Eren! Sit the fuck back down, will you?” Rivaille grumbled, flicking water and suds off his hands before finding a towel for his shoulder.

“But- the kaiju alarm-“

“Yes, and? Auruo and Moblit are on that, we’re not needed.”

“But, aren’t we supposed to go to the safe areas?”

Rivaille looked up at Eren, his eyes slightly narrowed. “Do you know when that became standard protocol?” Eren opened his mouth to reply, but couldn’t remember, and so he closed it, shaking his head. “It only became protocol after the attack on Maria.” Eren looked up sharply; this was something he hadn’t heard before.

“Only after Maria…?”

Rivaille nodded. “Before that, the alarms would sound just to inform people that there was a kaiju in the general vicinity. Then that one fucker decided to go and smash through our walls… and they decided that it’d make people feel safer if they had a ‘safe zone’ to retreat to.” Rivaille snorted. “It’s all bullshit. If a kaiju wants in badly enough, it’ll find away. So sit your ass back down, I want these sheets washed so they’ll have time to dry before bedtime.”

“Right…” Eren muttered, processing the thought. _I can’t remember if they ever told us this in class… I’ll have to ask Armin…_

“Anyways, brat.”

“Yes?”

“Do you know how to activate and run a drift?” Rivaille said it nonchalantly, his eyes focused solely on where he was scrubbing sheets together.

“No…?” Eren said, wondering where this was all supposed to be headed.

“Hmm. Would you like to learn?”

“Huh?”

“Tomorrow, in Hanji’s lab. We’ll teach you. Bring Armin, too,” Rivaille continued, as if he hadn’t heard Eren. In afterthought, he added, “…and Mikasa too, if she must.”

“I-“

“I’ll remind you tomorrow. We have physical training after lunch though, so you should bring them right after breakfast. Someone’ll get you guys excused.”

“…okay…” Eren didn’t say anything for a moment, waiting to see if Rivaille was going to continue the thought. When he didn’t, Eren scrubbed harder for a while. “Are you going to tell me what this is all about?”

“You’ll find out tomorrow. I have orders not to tell…” Rivaille said, pulling the plug on the bathtub and turning the water back on. “Sorry,” he added after a couple of seconds of washing the detergent out of the sheets. Eren blinked a few times, not having anticipated the apology.

“It’s fine,” he said, scooting a bit closer to Rivaille in order to reach forward and run his sheets under the clean water as well. Seeing a mostly-used bar of soap on a small shelf built into the wall, Eren gasped. Rivaille turned to look at him directly.

“What?” he asked.

“You never opened your presents!” Eren exclaimed. Rivaille sighed.

“Why? Do you want me to?”

“Please!” Eren said. “I mean… unless you don’t want to…?”

Rivaille regarded him for a moment. “I’ll open them after we hang up these sheets.”

“Hang…?”

Rivaille pointed above him, and Eren looked up, noticing for the first time a series of clotheslines running from one end of the bathroom to another.

“Rivaille… just how often do you wash things in here?”

“Often enough,” Rivaille said brusquely. “Get used to it.” Eren looked back up at the clotheslines. _Maybe this won’t be as easy as I thought…_ “Stop daydreaming and help me, shitty brat,” Rivaille said, beginning to wring out the sheets. As always, Eren followed suit, and soon enough they had all the sheets dry enough to toss over the clotheslines and leave to hang. Eren launched himself excitedly at his new bed, bouncing on all fours until Rivaille finally took the presents off the shelf at the end of the bed and sat down opposite Eren, who pulled himself into a cross-legged form, watching happily as Rivaille pulled Hanji’s large box over to him.

True to his nature, Rivaille carefully unwrapped the box, making sure not to tear any of the paper in the process. To Eren, it almost seemed as though _he_ were more excited than Rivaille at the prospect of opening presents, and he gasped aloud when he saw what Rivaille pulled out of the box. It was a smooth, forest-green piloting helmet- _Freedom Wing’s_ crest was emblazoned on one side, just above where the ear would be, and the visor was black as ink. It was all sleek lines and smooth reflections, and Eren must’ve made a face, because Rivaille tossed it to him, a fond expression on his face.

“The dipshit made two, so I’m guessing one’s yours,” he said, reaching into the box and pulling out another helmet. It looked almost the same, except that the wings were on the right side of the helmet, opposite the ones in Eren’s hands. Eren looked at it, then back at Rivaille.

“Wait, really? This is- what?”

“Really, brat. Be careful with it, though. Hanji always works in special features, only she never tells me. It’s kind of a game. Don’t let any of them kill you, though.” Rivaille set aside his helmet, then grabbed the small box that was Eren’s gift. Eren ran his fingers once more over the crest before setting it off to the side, feeling completely overwhelmed and that his present definitely wasn’t going to even come close to comparing to a custom-built piloting helmet.

The shop keeper at the store had wrapped it in thick brown paper, and Rivaille unwrapped it with the same care he’d shown Hanji’s decorative wrap. Too nervous to keep looking, Eren moved his gaze from Rivaille to the helmet as his side, straining to hear any indication of Rivaille’s disapproval as the small box came open. Instead, he heard a soft sniffing noise, and Eren quickly raised his eyes to look.

“…thank you, Eren,” Rivaille said, a slight smile on his lips as he sniffed the soap once more.

“You’re welcome,” Eren replied, feeling as though his grin might split his face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, not proof-read because it's after 4am and I want to be rid of this.
> 
> I'm not particularly happy with the first half of this chapter, but.... whatever. Someday when I have more energy I'll go back and edit the entirety of _Freedom Wing_ and make it read all nice and pretty and coherent and stuff. Yeah. Actually speaking of that, for Christmas my family gifted me the official PacRim art book- [cue loud screaming]- but basically I got to see up-close just how much shit I fucked up in FW :D Whoot whoot (but I'm calling in artistic license on this one).
> 
> Special shoutout to Squid for telling me what bedsheets are actually called.


	24. Metal Unicorns and Ballet Lessons, or: damn those kaiju alarms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late again. ^^;;; Shortish chapter, too- I'll work on making the next one longer, I promise ^^ <3

The lunch bell rang as they walked through the doors of the mess hall, Rivaille having timed their departure from their room perfectly in order to beat the lunchtime rush. They were the third and fourth people in line, respectively, and Eren watched with curiosity as Rivaille selected only vegetarian options from the buffet-like lineup.

“Are you vegetarian?” Eren asked, taking a generous helping of the meat of the day for himself.

“I suppose. Although I wouldn’t say that whatever that is _you’re_ eating is meat, either,” Rivaille replied, inclining his head at Eren’s plate, and the meat (?) began to slip off to the side with the visual equivalent of a squelch. Eren shrugged- it didn’t _taste_ too bad, so…

“Why, though?”

Rivaille quirked an eyebrow. “Why what?”

“Why are you vegetarian?”

This seemed to give Rivaille pause, and he made a humming noise under his breath for a second before speaking. “Ate a few too many rats when I was younger. Can’t quite stomach meat anymore,” he said, walking off. Eren, caught completely off-guard by the casual tone in Rivaille’s voice, remained floored.  He was started out of watching Rivaille proceed to his own table by the person behind him telling him to move.  Still wondering at Rivaille’s words, Eren proceed to his normal table, sitting down just as Armin and Mikasa walked through the mess hall doors, followed by Hanji.

Armin and Mikasa approached him, while Hanji traipsed over to where Rivaille was sitting.

“We’ll get some food, be right back,” Mikasa said, rapping the tabletop with her knuckles, and Eren nodded, mouth full. Only a few seconds passed until Sasha and Connie set their trays down and pulled themselves onto the bench.

“Where’s Mikasa?” Sasha asked after a quick hello.

“Getting food,” Eren replied.

“You guys weren’t in class today, or Armin. What’s up?”

“Oh,” Eren said, trying to prevent himself from blushing. “Today was Rivaille’s birthday, and Hanji told us we’d be excused in order to celebrate…”

“I can’t fucking believe this,” said Connie, setting down his food and looking at Sasha in mock exasperation. “This jerk goes off and _parties_ while we’re stuck there with Sis going over the same drills we’ve had the last four years!”

“Was there cake?” Sasha asked, somewhat dreamily. Eren nodded, and Sasha sighed. “Alright Connie, I agree with you, I hate him too.”

“Hey!” Eren said, smiling despite his effort to keep a straight face.

“What’s this?” Armin sat down next to Eren, Mikasa pushing from the other side to make room for herself opposite Sasha, who grinned broadly at her.  Everyone made easy conversation, and at some point the fact that Eren had switched rooms was brought up, to which Connie wished him luck and Sasha told him not to die. Eren was confused, privately thinking that despite his demeanor, Rivaille wasn’t actually scary. He shrugged off the comment, at which point Armin remembered to throw a notebook and a pen at Eren’s head.

“Ow!”

“I knew you’d forgotten something,” Armin grumbled good-naturedly.

Eren looked at a notebook, only just now registering that it was from technical studies, and groaned heartily. “Armin, this is one of those things I _wanted_ to forget!”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome,” Armin replied, and Eren slung an arm over his shoulder, tuning back into the rest of the conversation until the bell rang for them to go to tech.

Once there, Eren zoned out, doodling little black squares onto the margins, their inky blackness reminding him of a certain person’s hair. Which caused Eren to violently scribble out the squares, which, seeing as he was using the exact same black pen, didn’t have much effect. He settled for burying his face in his hands.

Eventually, though, the period of torture was over (released a half hour early because- well, Eren hadn’t really been paying attention, all he knew was that he was getting out early and that was fine by him), and Eren exited with Armin and Mikasa, fully prepared to follow Armin to their bedroom, at least until Armin fixed him with a look.

“Aren’t you going to go drop that off in _your_ room, now?” Armin said. “So you won’t _forget it_ next time?”

“Oh! Right!” Eren said, embarrassed that he had slipped back into habit. He broke off then, telling them he’d see them at dinner, and made his way back to Rivaille’s- no, his- room. When he opened the door, he was greeted by a half-naked and wet Rivaille, clearly having just gotten out of the showers. Eren swallowed loudly, desperately hoping Rivaille couldn’t hear.

“Hey, where should I put my notebook?”

Rivaille looked up, patting himself dry with a towel. “Any of the drawers close to your bed work,” he answered. Eren looked away half a second too slowly to be considered normal, before noticing his bed.

“Oh! The bed!”

“You’re welcome,” Rivaille said. The bed was made with military precision, if military precision were multiplied times ten. There was not a single wrinkle in sight, a fact which Eren marveled at as he tucked his notebook and pen into one of the drawers next to the bed.

“Thanks,” he said, belly flopping onto it and groaning in appreciation of the soft, clean-smelling sheets. He laid there for a few seconds, before flipping over to his back, catching sight of Rivaille still toweling himself off in the corner of his eyes. “So…” Eren said.

“What do you usually do before dinner?” Rivaille asked, seemingly unfazed by the borderline awkward silence.

“Talk with friends.”

“Oh?”

“Mmhm.”

“Did you want to go to them?”

“Eh.”

“…what do you brats talk about?”

“I dunno. Things.”

“Things.”

“Yeah.”

“Well that sounds interesting,” Rivaille said, dragging out his words just so. “ _Things.”_

“Yeah. I mean, it’s not jaeger science, but.”

“Things,” Rivaille repeated, and Eren his head to look at him, noting that he was nodding in a show of feigned wisdom. Eren almost snorted, trying not to focus on the way the muscles in his neck connected to his shoulder as a single drop of water wound its way down from Rivaille’s hair- then it was smushed by a towel, and Eren looked away quickly trying o come up with something to say to fill the now definitely awkward silence.

“Um. You’re awfully talkative.”

Rivaille raised a brow. “I’m always talkative.” Eren half-chuckled, rolling back over onto his stomach, his eyes roving the sparse room until they landed on a picture of a young woman standing next to Rivaille. “Hey, Rivaille?”

“What, you shitty brat?”

“Can you tell me a bit about yourself?”

Rivaille’s reply was instantaneous and monotone. “My name is Rivaille, I’m twenty-three, today is my birthday-”

“No, no, not that, like… where are you from? Cause… you said you took ballet lessons, but you always speak so…”

“…so what?”

“…dirty,” Eren said, carefully avoiding anything that could be construed as eye contact with Rivaille.

“I object. I don’t like dirty. I speak coarsely.”

“…yeah…” Eren mustered his courage and looked at Rivaille. “Why?”

Rivaille looked at him impassively for a second, but Eren almost thought he could see hesitancy in his eyes. “…it’s a long-ass story.”

“There’s still a bit of time until dinner!” Eren said, pushing himself up into a cross-legged position. “Hopefully.” Rivaille just grunted, turning away and focusing on folding his towel properly. “Can you at least tell me what you meant by eating rats at lunch?”

“Exactly what I said,” Rivaille scoffed.

“So you actually ate rats?” Eren said, screwing up his face in disgust.

Rivaille shrugged. “If I could catch them. Fuckers are fast.”

“If you… wow,” Eren said, trying to imagine a younger Rivaille (the expression was the same) catching a live rat with his bare hands. “I- Where did you live?”

“Sina.”

Eren raised his eyebrows; he’d always assumed Rivaille had come from Rose, not Sina. “Is that where you took ballet lessons?”

“Oi, oi, shitty brat, don’t jump to conclusions. I lived in Herminha with my mother until I was… seven? That’s when she made me take ballet. And I was pretty damn good at it too, mm…” Eren stayed silent, waiting as Rivaille’s expression darkened. “And then she was murdered.” Against his will, Eren’s mouth formed a large ‘o’, and he exhaled sharply.  “There was no one left to care of me, father was some drunk bastard I never saw more than once, so I took to the streets. Managed by pick-pocketing until I was ten, give or take, then I hotwired a unicorn-”

“Wait, a unicorn, like, _the MP’s_ unicorns?”

“How many other unicorns do you know of, dipshit?”

“But… how?!” Eren was now perched on the edge of the bed. The Military Police’s unicorns were essentially miniaturized version of jaegers- except that, being miniaturized, only a single pilot was needed to guide them. And, well, they were also quadrupedal. And had a very sharp ‘horn’ on the front that was, in theory, used to disarm thugs. But, wait, didn’t that also mean-

“Officer was a lazy ass, let me drug his food while he wasn’t looking. Then I got in, drifted, and-”

“No way. You drifted when you were _ten?_ ”

“Only with the unicorn, brat, it’s not even that big of a-”

“When you were ten, though!”

“I know perfectly well how fucking old I was. Well actually, I don’t, time got kinda hazy around there, but my point stand that-”

“ _Ten_ ,” Eren repeated once more, partially because it was incredible- recruits weren’t allowed to drift even with the simulator until they were fifteen, because of potential neural damage- and also because the face Rivaille was making amused him.

“Did I fucking stutter?”

“No,” Eren replied hastily.

“Good, then stop fucking interrupting. Anyways, then I-” Suddenly, the kaiju alarms sounded again, their blaring cutting through Rivaille’s speech. Rivaille furrowed his brows and directed a look at the speakers that were blaring the alarm. “That’s odd, I-”

 _“Rivaille? Eren? Are you there?”_ Rivaille moved over to the walkie talkie and picking it up.

“We’re here,” he said into its microphone.

“ _Oh, good! The calculations are completely off, our sensors have spotted two kaiju about… eighty-five kilometers out and approaching quickly._ Freedom Wing _’s up, so are_ Topaz Maelstrom _and_ … _uh…_ Springles. _We expect you ready in ten._ ”

“Roger,” Rivaille said solemnly, flicking his eyes up to Eren as me lowered the walkie talkie. “I guess we’re up, then, kid.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~¡VIVA LA MIKASASHA! even though there isn't really any oops~~ Anyway! I had a lot of fun with Eren and Rivaille's conversation I love writing dialogue between characters. And I promise there's a reason for random interjections of kaiju alarms!  <3  
> Also, this could be so many levels of better, and I'm so sorry... just. Sorry. Better quality next chapter I fucking promise.


	25. On Drifting, or: introspection and a kaiju count

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo important thingamajig: tag on tumblr officially changed to "fic: freedom wing"~

Eren and Rivaille ran through the hallways as the alarms sounded, Rivaille leading and Eren following as they took an alternate route that would avoid the most crowded passages to the safe zone. Rivaille could hear Eren’s footsteps behind him as they skipped the elevator in favor of the faster stairs. They were the first team to arrive, Rivaille already unlocking the panels that held his and Eren’s circuit and piloting suits as the other four soldiers ran in. He barely registered the glowering on the blonde’s face- Annie, right?- before the swishing doors opened and his circuit suit was accessible.

For once, Rivaille didn’t bother to fold his clothes with his usual precision, allowing his shirt and pants to land more or less piled atop the bench as he donned the circuit suit, buckling what parts of the piloting suit he could without assistance. He shot a glance at the digital clock above the lockers. 19:17. His brows pulled together slightly. It was winter, _his fucking birthday_ (seriously, was a break really all that much to ask for?), and the sun had already been down at least an hour and a half. Kaiju were diurnal to the point of barely functioning at sunset, although on occasion there had been a few that had made it that long. But two kaiju showing up this late?

“Hey, Rivaille?” Eren said, and Rivaille shook his head, reaching out to take Eren’s spinal attachment and motioning for him to turn around. Eren complied, and Rivaille slotted the fine metal fittings into their slots, activating the attachment and watching its bug-like legs tighten into place. Then he adjusted the larger panels across Eren back, smoothing them all into place before turning and allowing Eren to perform the same for him (and if Eren’s fingers lingered a bit longer than strictly necessary, Rivaille wasn’t one to complain).

“Ready?” Rivaille asked as he turned around, looking up to meet Eren’s eyes, mildly irritated that he even _had_ to look up.

Eren’s gaze snapped back to Rivaille from where it had been roving around the room, and Eren gave a nervous nod. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I am.” Rivaille nodded slowly.

“Let’s get moving, then,” he said, Hanji’s new helmet- which he’d brought down to the lockers earlier- clasped under one arm as he stalked out into the jaeger docking bay. _Freedom Wing_ was waiting, as usual, her plating glowing in the low lights of the hangar, the forest green shiny and clean. Rivaille felt his usual swell of pride at being the pilot of such a magnificent machine. Next to him, an intake of breath from Eren led Rivaille to assume that he felt the same.

Rivaille glanced at Eren out of the corner of his eye, examining him. His piloting suit bore the same sheen as _Freedom Wing_ , the crossed wings on his shoulders glinting as well. His eyes were focused firmly ahead, his shoulders thrown back and his movements stiff- his entire demeanor oozed of angry determination. Reluctantly, as Eren ran a hand through his dark brown hair, shifting the chocolate locks just so, Rivaille admitted to himself that he cut a rather fine figure.

His thought was cut short by a loud whoop from behind him, followed immediately by a thunk and a clatter and a muffled exclamation of pain. Rivaille turned, noting with mild disinterest that Connie had apparently tripped on the gridwalk and fallen completely forward, his partner clutching the railings as she laughed hard enough to cry.

“Typical Connie,” Eren snorted, shaking his head with a fond expression, but making no move to help his classmate, who stood up shortly with help from his partner.

“C’mon, let’s get in the damn robot already, kaiju aren’t exactly gonna wait for us,” Rivaille grumbled as the sky blue pair headed to their jaeger. A bit further down, Mikasa and Annie were already stepping into their command pod, and Rivaille was quick to follow suit, heading to his position on the right side of the jaeger. He’d been on the right side with Petra, too, although that had been mostly luck of the draw, as she easily could have taken the role of dominant pilot. With Eren, the choice had seemed more obvious, although after their several drifts- had they really only been a team for twelve days? It seemed like so much longer- Rivaille was no longer sure.

“ _Drift sequence in 3… 2… 1… Drift sequence initiating._ … _Drift sequence complete._ ” The blues faded and his helmet cleared, Rivaille threw up his mental walls almost before he had processed the move. Eren’s consciousness pressed heavily on his, as it usually did- and Rivaille could understand why; beyond their small conversation earlier, Eren barely knew anything about him, while he had access to the ebb and flow of his memories, had stepped _into_ one of them. Although, that was slowly changing. Rivaille found it harder every time to keep his walls solid; harder to build them up as high.

Most alarmingly, Rivaille found that he didn’t _want_ to build them as high. Eren’s conscious and unconscious was a warm weight against his, contrasted to the cool emptiness of living machine, and they made him... feel as though maybe their situation wasn’t as hopeless as he’d thought. If there could be people like Eren in the world, people who possessed such fire and determination, then maybe- and just maybe, Rivaille wasn’t one easily given to optimism- maybe they could, someday, be free. Maybe they could spread the indescribable smell of freedom that the land outside the walls possessed, spread it on wings until the whole of humanity would breathe it in. Maybe.

Clearly the brat was having too much influence on him.

 _“Drop in three_ ,” said Erwin, a welcome pull away from his ruminations. As the jaeger rumbled forward into drop position, Rivaille leaned forward and pressed the comm button.

“Hanji,” he said. There was a moment of silence before the comm crackled into life.

_“Yeeeees?”_

“What the actual fuck is up?”

_“What do you mean?”_

Rivaille sighed, and on the other side of the comm pod, Eren mirrored his action. “I mean the fact that it’s- oof-” the jaeger lurched down, “-an hour after sunset.”

_“Ah, that. Weeeell… there’s been a slight malfunction of the calculations, you see.”_

“Weren’t you the one who said the math was the handwriting of nature or some bullshit?”

“ _Typo?”_

“…right.” The jaeger lurched once more to a rumbling, heaving halt, mechanisms on her outer plating preparing themselves to be cranked up several hundred stories to surface level. There was a blip on the mic, and when it came back online, it was once again Erwin’s voice speaking.

 _“We’ll deal with the implications of this later. For now, all teams- turn on your floodlights, prepare to engage within five minutes of being topside. Understood?_ ”

“ _Yessir!”_

_“Sir.”_

“Understood.”

“ _Excellent. Here we go. Category three is the closer of the two, category two following about two hundred meters behind. Good luck._ ”

Rivaille caught Eren’s eye as they began to rise. Eren grinned, but as usual, their mental connection exuded much more information- he was nervous- floodlights?- but with his friends around he had to show he was the best- no, seriously, what were the floodlights- it’d be fun to spin again- they could kill kaiju- the vermin- the _monsters_ who dared take this world from the humans-

 _Oi, brat, calm down_ , Rivaille thought, the roiling mass of Eren’s mind stilling fractionally. _Floodlight controls are on your side_ , he added, mentally guiding Eren through the process. The floodlights mounted on _Freedom Wing’_ s head and shoulder flickered on, their intensity growing brighter with every second, reflecting off the hatch’s walls- until the ground fell away and the floodlights powered into the darkness, illuminating less than was probably necessary for the piloting of a one-hundred-and-two-thousand-kilo jaeger.

“Of course the floodlights weren’t built to light up where we need to put our feet,” Riaville grumbled, allowing the mics to pick up his complaint.

 _“It’s a bit dark for us to be fighting like this…_ ” said Sasha (Rivaille drew shamelessly from Eren’s pool of knowledge, connection the name with a face with a voice with quirks and complaints and funny stories).

_“Oh! Rivaille!- by the way only you and Eren can hear this, the others aren’t in on this conversation-”_

“…yes, Hanji?”

“ _You can use your birthday present now!”_ Eren’s curiosity took Rivaille like a wave, only amplifying his own.

“Yes, wonderful, if only I knew what it was,” Rivaille deadpanned, bringing a ripple of amusement from Eren.

 _“Hold on a sec, I’m activating it… now!”_ The screens in the jaeger flickered twice, and then went even darker.

“Hanji, now we’re walking blind what the fuck.”

 _“No, no, it’s infrared! Turn and look at_ Maelstrom _or_ Springles!”

Sighing, Rivaille and Eren turned, _Freedom Wing_ complying with their motion, so the visor faced to their left, where _Topaz Maelstrom_ was striding forward in pace with them, her two pilots not having voiced a complaint against the low visibility. Except… in place of the floodlights, the whole of _Topaz Maelstrom_ was lit up in red, her joints- knees and ankles and waist particularly- a much more vibrant orange.

“Holy crap,” Eren whispered, Rivaille sharing in his awe (not that he’d show it, of course- he had a reputation to maintain, after all).

 _“So d’you liiiike it?”_ Hanji sing-songed over the mic. “ _Kaiju organs last longest in stasis in liquids that are about eighty degrees- that must mean kaiju have naturally high body temperatures, they’ll show up nice and yellow-white on your senso- ooh turn around turn around they’re coming!”_

 _I bet you a dead rat that she only did this so she’d be able to record the kaiju’s temperatures while alive_ , Rivaille thought, Eren’s question pressing against him in vague potential until he added, _she just made it so the internal heat sensors now function externally as well._

 _“I see one!”_ exclaimed a voice, and Eren and Rivaille turned around, their visor turning, true to Hanji’s prediction, yellow-white as the massive four-legged body neared.

“Okay, Eren and I will take this one, _Topaz_ and _Springles,_ you standby for the second. Try to cover each other with your floodlights, _Freedom Wing_ got an upgrade so we’re fine. Understood?” Rivaille said as the kaiju lumbered forward, gaping jaw ever whiter than the rest of it. _Freedom Wing_ lowered herself into a fighting crouch, a flick of her pilots’ wrists sending her swords hissing out of their sheath.

 _“Roger._ ”

The sight of the other two jaegers fanning further away was pushed from Rivaille’s mind as he and Eren focused on the one before them. There was a second where neither party moved, simply content to wait for the other to make a mistake. Then the kaiju’s nose twitched, and Eren shot forward, copied by Rivaille and _Freedom Wing_ , swords coming to a deadly point before them. The kaiju leapt out of the way, its tail whiplashing _Freedom Wing_ ’s head as it went.

Everything narrowed in Rivaille’s vision as he- and Eren, and _Freedom Wing_ , their wonderful mix of fire and ice- all focused solely on the nimble-footed kaiju. They didn’t even need to talk, their movements and thoughts truly one as they dodged and slashed, spraying the dark green ground with white splashes of blue blood, the remnants of which cooled quickly through the color spectrum as the battle moved on.

They danced with the kaiju three times, finally catching its leg and preventing it from escaping _Freedom Wing’_ s deadly blades. Eren and Rivaille both growled in victory as the sword cut through the kaiju’s neck, severing its head and allowing blood to gush forth. Rivaille caught himself, stifling the rumble in his chest and slowly making sure his walls were still intact, the adrenaline coursing through him leaving him a bit shaken at his loss of control- and Eren’s. The brat’s fierceness got the best of him, sometimes, and Rivaille clucked his tongue, bringing his focus, and consequentially Eren’s, to where _Topaz Maelstrom_ and _Springles_ were returning, their engines blurs of yellow, glowing kaiju carcass behind them.

“You ready to head back?” Rivaille asked, turning his head between the two other jaegers.

 _“Please,”_ said Connie.

 _“Yes,_ ” answered Mikasa simply, _Topaz Maelstrom_ idly shaking a hand that had acquired a bit too much kaiju blue. The cleanup teams would take care of it, anyway.

“ _Freedom Wing_ to Command, all three returning now.”

“ _Roger, return hatches at the ready.”_

“Let’s go,” Rivaille said, leading the way back to the return hatches, the sensation of sweat oozing onto his skin making him feel distinctly in need of a shower. Eren snorted, the vague certainty of ‘another’ crossing the drift. _Oi, you’re taking one too_ , Rivaille reminded him, a mental groan his only answer, although he could also feel Eren’s genuine want to clean up and cool off.

After docking the jaeger, all six pilots stripped quickly in the locker rooms, Rivaille leaving Eren to chat quietly with his sister as he made his way quickly back to his- their- rooms, throwing his clothes into the hamper and taking a long, cool shower. The faint scent of lavender lingered about him, and Rivaille once more appreciatively sniffed the soap Eren had given him earlier. No doubt Hanji had been involved, but the sentiment was still there. It was… nice. Yeah, that was the word Rivaille wanted.

Rivaille finished his shower and stepped out, drying off somewhat before wrapping a towel around his waist and exiting the bathroom, not missing the way Eren’s eyes flicked down when he caught sight of Rivaille.

“What, brat?”Rivaille grumbled, though not entirely unappreciative.

“Uh, nothing. I mean, are you coming?”

“Not on the towel I’m not,” Rivaille said, watching as Eren’s expression flitted from initial confusion to a deep blush as the meaning registered.

“N-no! I just meant- to the charades party-“

“Tsk. They’re throwing another one?”

Eren nodded vigorously as Rivaille crossed the room, selecting a few articles of clothing. “Yes they-” Rivaille grinned- his back turned to Eren, he’d dropped the towel, in favor of slowly dressing himself, and now Eren was stuttering. “Um, I mean, yeah, they’re still having it, I, uh, was wondering if you’d, ah, want to go.”

Rivaille calmly donned the rest of his clothes, opting for the slacks he wore to bed and a loose-fitting T-shirt. “No, I’m not going, and neither should you. Drift sim shit tomorrow. Bright and early,” Rivaille said, wriggling his fingers to emphasize just how bright and early is was going to be, only just managing to keep his own groaning internal (Eren had no such compunctions).

“Seriously?”

“Yes.”

“…can I go?”

“What did I just say.”

“That I _shouldn’t_ … not that I _couldn’t_ ,” Eren muttered, pouting. Rivaille shot him a glance as he folded his towel neatly over one arm.

“Don’t play fucking coy with me, you know what I meant.”

“But Rivaille,” Eren whined, dragging out the last syllable of Rivaille’s name, making a single shiver run down his spine.

“Do you even have _ears_ , brat?”

Eren sighed heavily. “ _Fiiiiine_ ….”

“Good,” Rivaille said, returning his towel to the rack in the bathroom before marching back to his bed, placing a hand on Eren’s chest and pushing him from a sitting position to full on his back along the way. Eren sputtered again, but Rivaille merely shrugged. “Lights out is in approximately three seconds,” Rivaille said as he pulled his blankets up to cover him, reaching over and turning off the light as he did so.

Eren tossed and turned for several minutes, and Rivaille was no longer so sure that sharing a room was the best idea- he hadn’t slept near another person in long enough that even breaths were sure to bother him, and so help him if the brat snored he’d fucking-

Instead, almost half an hour after Rivaille had turned off the lights, Eren sat up, clearly trying to be quiet. “Rivaille,” he breathed, the expectant silence remaining empty as Rivaille focused on keeping his breathing even and deep. Sure enough, a few seconds later, Eren got up and shuffled to the door, slipping out with enough noise to wake the dead (or at least keep Rivaille from sleep). Once he was gone, Rivaille shifted into a more comfortable position. _So_ that’s _why he didn’t complain as much as I was expecting when I turned off the lights_ , Rivaille thought.

Then he was struck by another idea.

“That fucking brat had better not be hungover tomorrow morning…”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: Hanji is using centigrade as her unit of temperature!!! That means the liquid stasis thing is 176 Fahrenheit. :D
> 
> DISCLAIMER 2: proof-reading and I aren't really friendly acquaintances, but this is one of my favorite chapters so far.


	26. Of Monsters and Men, or: shit hits the fan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW CHECK OUT [THIS AMAZING PIECE OF FANART?!](http://rhysketches.tumblr.com/post/75980468612) (It's so beautiful. I've stared at it for at least two hours straight (separate occasions)).
> 
> This week's chapter brought to you by: [this song!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klHpznbGeYc)
> 
> Also, send me your reactions~ I _love_ hearing them  <3

Eren awoke far too early to the sound of an alarm blaring far too loudly. His groan was echoed by another.

“Oi, will you shut the damn thing _off_ already?” grumbled a voice muffled by blankets. Eren tried to lift himself up, decided that was ultimately a bad idea once the shift in position caused his head to throb, and so settled for waving him arm around next to him until it made contact with the alarm.

“Thank the _fucking_ Wallist gods,” the voice grumbled again, and Eren had a moment of surrealistic though, during which he idly wondered when Armin had become Jean and when Jean’s voice had suddenly grown deeper. He blinked a few times. Then he sat bolt upright, looking around frantically in the few seconds left before his nausea caught up with him.

“Rivaille?!”

“Ah, he awakes. Much like he fucking did to me at three fucking A.M,” Rivaille said, leveling a burning glare at Eren, which was only mildly upset by a bedhead and blankets. Eren flushed, ignoring his hangover as he mumbled ‘sorry’. Rivaille glared for a few more seconds, then looked to _his_ alarm, muttering under his breath as he clicked a button on the top. “Also, fair warning, every fucking morning Hanji-”

Rivaille was interrupted by their door unlocking and Hanji bursting through, her white lab coat flying out behind her.  Eren yelled loudly, both out of shock and embarrassment, pulling his blankets up to cover his bare chest ( _when did I lose my shirt…?_ ).

“Riri! Eren! Come on move it move it!”

“What the fuck-“ Eren began, thoroughly confused as to why Hanji was now in their room, and also yelling _far_ too loudly.

“The brat’s hungover, so unless you have something for that, leave. I still need to shower, anyways,” Rivaille grumbled.

“Actually!” Hanji said brightly, pulling out a small thermos and shoving it in Eren’s direction. “Drink that up, it should help you! Although, you know, you really shouldn’t drink quite that much-“

“Rivaille told me the same thing last night. Morning. Whatever,” Eren mumbled, fumbling with the lid of the thermos.

“You mean at fucking three fucking A.M. when you decided to waltz in like an elephant on drugs?” Rivaille replied sourly, still covered by his blankets. Eren, watching him and Hanji interact out of the corner of his eye- she’d brought coffee in a different thermos (her coat had too many pockets to keep track of, Eren decided)- managed to open the thermos.

And practically threw up in bed, managing only just to make it to the bathroom before retching.

“What the _fuck_?” he heard Rivaille exclaim, and soft footsteps at his shoulders, then a hand rubbing his back as his stomach churned and he panted. “Hanji, the fuck was that?” Hanji poked her head into the bathroom.

“Ah, special concoction of mine. That’ll clear out any excess alcohol still in his stomach- it’s only been four hours, there’s still a chance he’s still drunk, never mind hungover.”

“And you had to make him fucking _puke?_ ”

Hanji shrugged, her expression innocent. Eren glared at her. “Well, it’s the fastest way, no? Just have him drink some water, and then come down to the lab! I’ll get Armin and Mama Bear! Bye!”

“Hanji!” Rivaille called, the volume causing Eren to flinch, but the scientist was already gone. Rivaille turned back to Eren, who looked back, confused.

“Did she just call Mikasa Mama Bear?”  Rivaille shrugged slightly, unperturbed. Eren opened his mouth to add on something else, but was forestalled as he felt his stomach contract again.  

They ended up skipping breakfast, Rivaille tending to Eren as he threw up (possibly tending more to the cleanliness of the toilet, but Eren preferred to think of it as tending to him). Rivaille insisted on showering afterwards, firmly instructing Eren to brush his teeth. Once Rivaille had vacated the showers (Eren glancing almost hopefully in his direction for a peek at... ah, _something_ ), it was Eren’s turn.

Once they were done and Rivaille had given him a once-over and instructed him to change his shirt because of a nanoscopic spot, Rivaille picked up the two thermos (one conspicuously empty), and Eren’s walkie-talkie.

“Oi, brat, I thought I told you to keep that one you,” Rivaille said, chucking it at Eren’s head. Luckily, Eren was feeling enough better that he was able to intercept it before it made contact with his head. He furrowed his brows.

“Why do I need mine if you have yours?” Eren asked, confused. They were headed to the same place, right…?

“Because it’s fucking protocol, brat. I don’t make the rules, I just follow them on occasion. This is one of those occasions.”

“…if you say so,” Eren replied, nonetheless clipping his walkie-talkie to his belt.

They left for Hanji’s lab, Eren’s headache slightly abated and his stomach rumbling. Rivaille glanced at him, eyes flicked pointedly to his stomach.

“Sorry,” Eren mumbled, abashed that he had not only apparently showed up to his room drunk and woken up still drunk, but also thrown up- and in front of Rivaille no less! Rivaille huffed air through his nose in the way Eren had come to recognize as laughter. Once they’d arrived at Hanji’s lab, she bustled them in, handing both Eren and Rivaille a bagel, which Eren ate rather more ravenously than Rivaille.

“Okay!” Hanji said, clapping her hands together. “Now that you’re all here- I hope you guys know how the drift functions on a technical level?”

“Yes,” Armin said, at the exact time that Eren blurted “no”. Hanji gestured for Armin to explain, busing herself with what appeared to be a helmet without the outer covering.  Armin cleared his throat, looking nervously at Rivaille and Mikasa, before focusing on Eren. Which, for the record, Eren thought was rather unfair- Mikasa, at least, had to not know how exactly the drift worked. He caught her glance, confirming his initial thought- _so_ unfair.

“Right, well,” Armin said. “What we call ‘drifting’ is basically brought about by forcing the beta waves in the brain to coincide with one another within a controlled magnetic environment. This enables the two brains to work as one…” he glanced quickly to Rivaille, who motioned him on. “Um, and, well, they bring the beta waves into alignment by force of small electric shocks. Uh, those cause the brain to emit a certain type of wave, and once the two brains are in sync, that’s drifted. Of course, the shocks also pass through the temporal lobe and generate a few theta waves, which contribute to that kind of… dreamy thing that goes on.”

“Spot-on, Armin!” Hanji interrupted, hefting what appeared to be the insides of a jaeger helmet. “Like Armin said, it’s all based on forcing brainwaves to occur at the same time, and this is achieved via tiny electric shocks that you can’t even really feel.” She touched her fingers to a couple of small pads that appeared periodically along the framework of the helmet. “The magnets,” she added, pointing them out, “basically help isolate the mind you need to drift…”

Eren zoned out for a bit, refocusing when Hanji asked him and Rivaille, as the only drift-compatible people in the room, to demonstrate so that Armin and Mikasa could see what, exactly was happening. They both complied, though not after Eren asked why, exactly, they were learning this.

“Hm, well, working with jaegers, it’s an important skill, don’t you think?” Hanji said sweetly, giving Eren the incredibly distinct impression he was being lied to. He looked to Rivaille, but his face divulged no secrets either, and so Eren sat in a chair and allowed Hanji to fasten what was left of the helmet to his head. He glanced to Rivaille while the other three prepared to initiate the drift. Rivaille looked back, and they stared at each other for a few seconds, until Hanji called out T-4.

The drift was familiar, Rivaille’s steady presence so heavy now that it wasn’t dwarfed by the jaeger. Eren and Rivaille sat there for a few minutes, simply waiting while Hanji went over various parts of the drift sequence on a small handheld camera she had pulled from another pocket. Rivaille provided snide, but silent, commentary on everything she said, and more than once Eren found himself fighting to keep a straight face (and failing miserably).

Eventually, Hanji released them from their drift, just as the lunch bell sounded. Their entire group made their way to the mess hall, Hanji sustaining most of the conversation. By the time they arrived at the mess hall, Eren and Rivaille had dropped behind and were the last to enter.

“Not bad for waking up drunk, brat,” Rivaille said as they grabbed their food. Eren paused before leaving Rivaille to go to his table, and in that second, Rivaille took the chance to reach up and ruffle Eren’s hair. “Not bad at all,” he added, then abruptly drew his hand away and turned, practically marching to his table without further comment.

Eren ate lunch in a daze.  

After lunch, he went to class with everyone else, trying to get himself to concentrate but failing miserably because- and he really hoped he hadn’t been imagining this- Rivaille might actually even have _smiled_ at him.

Suddenly, his walkie-talkie emitted a beep. “Hello?” he asked.

“ _Hello, Eren? We need you to report to the docking stations ASAP. The kaiju alarm is going to sound in about fifteen minutes, and we’d rather you beat the rush._ ”

“Uh... okay,” Eren replied, somewhat confused. Usually, pilots wouldn’t be sent out on missions on two consecutive days… then he shrugged, raising his hand to be excused. He left the classroom with all eyes on him, meandering through the halls without really paying too much attention, but rather allowing his feet to carry him to the lockers. Once he got close, though, he heard voices, and once he recognized them, his curiosity got the better of him.

“Rivaille-“ said Commander Smith.

 “What?” Rivaille replied, clearly annoyed.

 “ _Emerald Monsoon_ is coming with you, and there’s only two small kaiju.”

“We’ve already been out, we were yesterday, and whatever the fuck Hanji’s planning for, we drifted earlier too-“

“I know,” the Commander replied, a heavy note in his voice.

“So why?” Rivaille retorted.

“…Rivaille, do you trust me?”

There was a beat of silence, and for a moment Eren thought that Rivaille might not answer. But then he heard a sigh, and Rivaille’s resigned voice. “Fine, I hope you find whatever you’re looking for. If _Freedom Wing_ gets damaged, though, it’s all on you.”

“I can live with that,” Commander Smith replied. Then Eren heard footsteps, and had only just enough presence of mind to pretend to be moving as the Commander rounded the corner, and smiled softly at Eren. “Have fun,” he said, and Eren nodded.

“I’ll try to, sir,” he said, continuing to the lockers as Commander Smith headed in the direction of the command room.

Getting dressed was a quiet affair- it was just him and Rivaille, _Emerald Monsoon_ being housed in one of the older docking bays. They buckled up each other’s piloting suits in silence, and Rivaille ruffled Eren’s hair once more before they entered _Freedom Wing_.

Try though Eren might, the mental block Rivaille had created seemed as daunting as ever, and Rivaille didn’t even communicate with Eren through mind-speak. They met _Emerald Monsoon_ outside the walls, agreeing on their respective kaiju (both were Category 2) and then waiting for them to come close enough to kill. Here, at least, Eren excelled- for a few brief moments, he allowed himself to get lost in the fight, not having to think about anything other than where to place _Freedom Wing_ ’s swords.

It was all over far too soon.

((**))

Changing out of their piloting suits for the second time in as many days was the most exhausting thing Rivaille had ever done. Yes, he was physically fit- in his prime, really- but two kaiju runs was not an easy strain to bear, neither physically nor mentally. Next to him, Eren was moving quicker, almost bouncing- Rivaille chalked it up to excess adrenaline and told him to please fucking shower, taking his own advice the second he had stripped out of the circuitry suit.

The warmth of the water eased away the last of the strain from his muscles, although Rivaille knew he’d be sore the next day. _Huh, sore. That’s something I haven’t been in a while…_ He seized the bottle of shampoo from the built-in shelf it was hanging on. As he began applying it, he heard Eren drop a bottle of his own in the next stall over, and thought back to the drift and the… _different_ quality.

It had still been undoubtedly all Eren- anger and ferocity, aggression and bloodlust, the powerful waves of thought, as always, taking Rivaille by storm. But there had also been… well, ‘eye of the storm’ seemed to be the most apt description. Or maybe it had always been there, and Rivaille had simply kept his walls too high to peer out that far (he rather suspected it was the latter). Whatever the case, there had been a space of quiet within the whirlwind that was Eren, a silent sphere that Rivaille hadn’t been able to decode. Not, of course, that he could complain, seeing as his entire mind was closed off to Eren, and if Eren had the skill to block Rivaille, then-

“Hey, Rivaille?”

“…yes?”

“Uh, your walkie-talkie is buzzing.”

Rivaille groaned, taking an extra second to make sure his hair was completely shampoo-free before grabbing a towel, wrapping is haphazardly around his waist and stepping out, too bothered by the idea of someone trying to communicate with him over his walkie-talkie (that always meant business. Why no one invited him to coffee over the talkie, he had no idea- he’d certainly answer in a better mood if they did) to even care that Eren was staring openly. Time for that later.

“I don’t suppose you’re paging to invite me to coffee?” Rivaille grumbled into the talkie’s microphone, catching Eren’s eye as he did so. Eren, too, was shirtless, and Rivaille allowed himself the smallest of stares while he waited for the reply- Eren was, truthfully, a sight to behold, all lean muscles and smooth skin, a gold tone that Rivaille’s could never hope to achieve-

“ _Not this time, sorry_ ,” said Erwin’s voice.

“Wonderful,” Rivaille replied, his eyes drifting back up (and no he didn’t feel the _slightest_ compulsion to run his teeth along Eren’s neck, to feel the tense jaw under his lips, not at all) and making contact with Eren’s, one eyebrow lifting, making silent mockery of Eren’s open stare, never mind that Rivaille had been doing the same. Eren blushed and looked away. _Cute_.

 _“We need you down in the labs. We’re going to start the experiment now,_ ” Erwin said, and Rivaille’s attention was finally dragged away from Eren and to the conversation.

“What do you mean, we’re starting now?”

“ _Exactly that, Rivaille. I was positive I had spoken in Common…_ ”

“Fucker, you know what I meant.” Rivaille glanced quickly back to Eren, who now only looked confused. Rivaille shrugged.

“ _Yes, and you heard what I said. Fifteen minutes. See you there_ ,” Erwin said, cutting the line. Rivaille scowled at the walkie-talkie, before going in search of his clothes, Eren following him and changing with his back turned as Rivaille dried his hair and donned his pants and shirt. There was a second of awkward silence as Eren looked to Rivaille expectantly once they were both dressed. Rivaille pointed to the walkie-talkie.

“You heard the man, I have to head down to the labs,” he grumbled, wishing that Eren would stop looking so fucking dejected already. It was almost making Rivaille feel guilty.

“Right…”

“I think there’s still a few minutes left until dinner, so if you head down to the mess hall they’ll probably serve you early. Choice cuts and all,” Rivaille said, disgusting himself with his own tone of voice.

“Yeah… okay,” Eren said. Then he smirked. “Choice cuts? I thought you were vegetarian,” he teased. Rivaille shot him a glare and towel-whipped him, causing Eren to yelp and laugh. _At least he’s smiling again…_

“C’mon, shitty brat, let’s get going. Unlike some people, I actually have a time limit I’m working under…” Eren snorted, but nonetheless followed Rivaille out of the lockers. They walked in amiable silence until the junction that led to the mess hall, where Eren waved goodbye to Rivaille, still far too full of energy. Slightly put out, Rivaille continued on to Hanji’s labs.

He swung open the door with a tad more force than strictly necessary- actually, no. It was _completely_ necessary. He was tired and hungry, and instead he was stuck in a lab full of _madmen._ Hanji greeted him with a wave, before approaching and dumping a tangle of wires and cords in his hands.

“Hi! We need the blue-coated one and the red-coated one!” she said, scampering back off to… was that a kaiju brain sitting in that tank? _Groooossss…._

Rivaille looked down at the tangled mass of colored wire in his arms. Then he looked back up, spotting Erwin fiddling with some contraption, Moblit, back turned and looking like he was busy cutting something up, and Hanji dancing excitedly around the kaiju-brain-tank. Rivaille fake-coughed loudly. “So is anyone actually going to explain to me the fucking mechanics of this, or am I just going to be left with that half-assed bare-bones explanation you gave me the other day?”

“Well! If you insist-“ Hanji began, only to be once more cut off short by Rivaille.

“And keep it _short_ ,” he growled, Hanji looking immediately more crestfallen.

“Fine, fine, but you’re missing out…”

“Just get to the fucking point, four-eyes.”

“Right, right. Well…” she began, and as she paused to collect her thoughts, Rivaille found a chair and pulled it up to a cart that would make do as a makeshift worktable. He began to search the tangle for the end of the blue wire, his ears still focused on Hanji. “Basically, it comes down to the fact that every kaiju specimen we’ve ever had has always tested to have the same exact DNA- the only difference has been the placement of stop codons, which I guess means that the DNA isn’t the exact same, but rather… well anyways, suffice it to say that the only difference was which parts of the DNA were being expressed, and that’s accounted for every single phenotypical difference amongst kaiju.”

“Common, Hanji,” Rivaille replied, having stopped paying attention somewhere around ‘codon’.

Hanji sighed. “They’re all clones of each other.” Rivaille paused in extricating the wire, looking up at Hanji, who shrugged. “Every single one of them is identical.” Rivaille took a moment for himself, in order to process the information.

“Right. And so you want to drift with a clone because…?”

“Ah, and here’s the experimental part of it all! See, we’ve only ever managed to get a hold of three brain segments,” she said, tapping the tank, “because of _some people’s_ unfortunate tendencies to destroy especially the brain-“

“Yes, that would be because things without brains don’t try to eat you,” Rivaille muttered under his breath, earning himself a look from Moblit. “S’true.”

“-but that’s neither here nor there, because the _really_ interesting part is that every single one of these kaiju brains emits the _same exact beta frequency_.” Hanji paused again, and Rivaille looked up, meeting her expectant expression with a blank one. She made a frustrated noise, before continuing. “Look, Rivaille, I know you’re not this stupid-“

“Maybe I am.”

“No, you’re not. Whatever, all the kaiju brains are _constantly drifting_ with one another.”

“Well that’s not fucking creepy or anything.”

“Right?! So I was thinking… if we could bring ourselves into alignment with a kaiju, would we _also_ be in drift?”

Rivaille grunted, pulling the blue wire loose and getting to work on the red one. “Sounds dangerous.”

“Ah, that’s why you and Erwin are here! Moblit and I will drift, but we’ll be relying on you to forcibly pull us out if anything goes wrong!” Hanji said, moving over to where Rivaille was and picking up the blue wire, returning to her post by the tank and beginning to hook up a few wires.

Rivaille snorted again, raising an eyebrow at Moblit, who shrugged, looking distinctly uncomfortable. “Define ‘something going wrong’,” Rivaille said, disbelievingly. He really couldn’t imagine agreeing to hook his brain up to a giant, bloodthirsty monster’s.

“The point at which their physical signs demonstrate the same kind of strain as demonstrated by pilots with too high a neural load,” Erwin said, standing up and rolling his shoulders, handing something to Hanji, which she whisked away, along with Rivaille’s red wire, and set to work mounting.

“Hmph,” Rivaille said, sitting back. Moblit approached with small sandwiches, of which Rivaille took two, grunting out thanks even as he shoved the first into his mouth, too hungry for the moment to much care about crumbs. Erwin took one, Moblit took the remaining one, and Hanji continued fiddling in silence until all three of them had finished their sandwiches and Rivaille had found a cup of what he hoped was water and drank it.

“Alright, you guys ready?” Hanji asked, her usual mask of excitability slipping as the seriousness of the situation took over. Rivaille exchanged a glance with Erwin.

“Tell me which button I’m supposed to be pushing, and I’m ready,” he said.

“’Kay, Mo’, c’mere,” Hanji said, holding up a framework-helmet and motioning for Moblit to approach. He did, and Hanji fastened the helmet with care (Rivaille noted that she made sure that none of his hair was stuck in the various wires and cinches that stuck out- and also made a note to ask her about that later… she’d pulled out _his_ hair often enough). Once Moblit was done, Hanji procured a mirror from somewhere and went to work on herself, giving Erwin instructions on what to do just in case something backfired. Rivaille didn’t know if he was imagining Moblit growing paler with every word of Hanji’s or not. “And Riri!”

“Yes?”

“Okay so this button here,” she pointed to a large red button from which a bundle of cables extended like nerves, “will initiate the drift. I’ve set up everything to autorun, but it can also be used as a tuner, just in case. Erwin’s got most of the shut-down, but if he does anything, you need to bring us out of alignment first, ‘cause I know that _I_ can’t bring myself out and, I dunno, Moblit-?”

Moblit shook his head tersely. “I don’t think I could do it purposefully…”

“Right, which is why Rivaille’s here.” She clapped Moblit’s shoulder and laughed. “We sure look silly, huh?” she said. Rivaille couldn’t help but agree- Hanji’s hair was, as always, a mess; her sleeves were rolled up, and coils of brightly colored wire were wrapped around her arms like bracelets, contrasting with her tattoos. Her glasses were askew and the makeshift helmet-framework threw wires and sensors and who knew what else around her head like a demented halo. Moblit, save for his headgear, at least still looked _sane._

Hanji then wheeled the kaiju brain in its moveable tank slightly behind two chairs, sitting down on one and patting the other for Moblit to copy her. Once he had, she took his hand and squeezed slightly, then turned to Rivaille. “Hit it,” she said, and Rivaille nodded, pushing the red button and watching as several small contraptions whirred to life.

Soon enough, Hanji and then Moblit’s eyes glazed over momentarily, clearing up again with mirrored looks of horror. Rivaille glanced back to Erwin, who shrugged, then to Hanji and Moblit again. Suddenly, Hanji’s eyes rolled back into her head, and Moblit started shaking, bringing trembling fingers up to his nose, catching the drops of blood that fell there.

“Shit! Erwin! Cut the connection, I’m bringing them out of alignment now!” Rivaille yelled, twisting the tuning button the same way Hanji had demonstrated, watching as Erwin’s hands flew over the mess of electronics that was the source of their drift. There was a loud beep, and both Hanji and Moblit gasped, Hanji immediately ripping the headset off, several strands of her hair catching on it as she did so. She leaned forward panting heavily, all her limbs trembling.

 “There’s- hah- they’ve got this- this-“

“-hive mentality-“ Moblit added.

“-hive mentality, like we thought, but bigger, more, and- and there were-“

“-there’s four of them. Here. In the shatterdome. We saw four-“

“No… five. There was… one was unclear, I… there’s five- they’re intelligent, _inside_ , I-“

Rivaille felt his blood run cold as Hanji trailed off, her eyes wide and blood trickling slowly from her nose. Her eyes were fixed blankly ahead of her, her chest heaving. Next to her, Moblit was in no better condition, having leaned back against the chair, completely pale and seeming content to allow the backrest to support the weight of his head. Rivaille turned stiffly to Erwin, who was focused on the kaiju brain between the two, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes narrowed and gleaming.

“What do we do?” Rivaille hissed, glancing around the room quickly, feeling its walls closing in on him- _and now the enemy’s inside, and we don’t know who or where or how, we’re the disadvantaged, we always have been in this fight, this war that was always destined to end with our loss, and how did we even_ fool _ourselves into believing we stand a chance when our enemies can infiltrate our ranks so easily-_

“For now? We take care of Hanji and Moblit,” Erwin said, his voice soft but sure.

“But-“ Rivaille began, cut short by Erwin’s piercing gaze being refocused onto him.

“We take care of them, then you should catch a bit of rest as well. We’ll discuss this further tomorrow. Understood?” Erwin said, with the voice that made it clear that this was a command, not a request. Rivaille scowled, but nonetheless walked over to Hanji, crouching down next to her and slinging one of her arms over his shoulder, even as Erwin did the same for Moblit.

“Hup, here we go,” Rivaille said, standing up and bringing Hanji with him. She leaned heavily on his shoulder, but was able to move herself of her own accord, smiling weakly at Rivaille as he escorted her to her rooms. “You feeling up to take care of yourself now, shitty glasses?”

Hanji nodded, but didn’t move away from her doorframe. Clued in, Rivaille also remained where he stood, simply waiting. After a few minutes of shared silence, punctuated only by their breathing, Hanji spoke up.

“Rivaille?”

“Yeah, four-eyes?”

“I’m scared,” Hanji said in a small voice, her shoulders canting down as she admitted her fear (and Rivaille was suddenly reminded about the reason why she had taken the position of resident kaiju expert- two teams annihilated, enough jaegers destroyed, and she had decided there had to be a better way to defeat the monsters than to charge at them blindly) (she’d been right). Rivaille took one of her hands, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Me, too,” he said quietly, barely louder than an exhalation. “Me, too.”

((**))

On the other side of the shatterdome, in the rec hall, Mikasa frowned worriedly at Eren. He raised an eyebrow in return, momentarily distracted from the cards in his hand.

“What?” he asked.

“Eren… why are you crying?”

“Huh?” Eren reached a hand up to his cheek, his fingers brushing through the stream of tears. Shocked, he pulled them away, staring with wide eyes at the sheen of liquid on his fingertips. He looked back up to Mikasa, then to Armin, his brows drawn up in alarm and confusion.

“I… I don’t know…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I EXPECT TO HEAR REACTIONS FROM ALL Y'ALL. (#fic: freedom wing) ~~also i didn't proofread cause it's 1:20 on a school night ahahaha kill me now (but also point out any errors)~~
> 
> OKAY THAT BEING SAID um, separation of fact vs fiction? Fact: Temporal lobe is known to be connected to memories. Electric impulses to the brain can be used to stimulate these areas, causing people to experience different sensations (one famous example: vivid childhood memories). Fiction: Literally everything else. I have no idea how a drift would actually work, so I bs'd some stuff and used Big Words to make it sound smart (thank you, school, for teaching me that useful skill!). Because like, even if your neurons fire off in the same pattern like Armin said, that alone would hardly enable you to share thoughts... but you know, whatever. Beta waves are your conscious thoughts, and theta waves are like... dreamy-ish. See [here](http://www.brainworksneurotherapy.com/what-are-brainwaves) if you're interested in better explanations and more depth! (Oh, right, the magnetic thing- I watched a documentary a few years ago that stipulated that humans, as herd animals, share a sort of telepathy, but only within the degree of the same magnetic field. I forgot what the documentary was called and what else it was about, but... magnets). Also, the kaiju's brain mass/amount of material connected is far more than that of a jaeger, which is why both Hanji and Moblit get all shaky and nosebleed-y. 
> 
> _Emerald Monsoon_ thanks to catsonfire ^^


	27. Wolf in Sheep's Clothing, or: Eren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, rating change? JSYK.

Rivaille returned to his room, thoroughly shaken and completely mentally exhausted. He hadn’t felt a similar fear in years. Not since… not since he had found himself alone in the remaining half-cockpit of _Freedom Wing_ , those few years ago. Hanji had elaborated on what she and Moblit had seen as he’d walked her to her room- for the most part, haphazard visions of what could only be considered an alien world. But then there’d been five glimpses of- and at this point Hanji said she hadn’t really wanted to believe it, wouldn’t have, had Moblit not had the same reaction- the inside of the shatterdome, but through others’ eyes.

There were, without a doubt, five kaiju living, sleeping, _thriving_ in their shatterdome.

And no one had been any the wiser.

So yes, Rivaille was scared. He forced himself to reason through his fear, even as he jumped at his own shadow rounding the sharp corners of the hall. He’d combated the monsters for what seemed like an eternity- since he was fifteen, since he’d been found (and captured) by Erwin, brought to the shatterdome and trained as a respectable pilot. He couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t hated them, though; that was a fact of life, in the underground, to hate the beasts whose blood poisoned the air and contaminated the food, shortening the lifespan of its denizens by decades. The irony being, of course, that a good three-fourths of the underworld made a living directly related to scavenged kaiju parts- in his residence there, Rivaille had more often than not had to rely on the powdered bones and other such goods in order to scrape by.

Didn’t change the fact that he hated the monsters. Hated the monsters, but loved the freedom they’d so unfortunately taken from him and all of humanity. Their loss, really; he’d be sure to eliminate them all. _Just like Eren…_ he thought to himself, marveling once more at Eren’s determination and… and _fire_ , when in the jaeger (and, okay, even out of the jaeger, Eren was still something).

Speaking of the brat, Rivaille opened his door to the sounds of falling water and a disheveled pile of clothes on Eren’s rumpled bed. He tsk’d, moving over to the bed and picking up Eren’s shirt, turning it back right-side-out. “Brat,” he muttered under his breath, bringing the shirt to his nose before he thought better of it.  

He inhaled, scrunching his nose. Then he inhaled again. The acrid smell of sweat didn’t bother him as much as it normally did, the residual warmth of the fabric releasing a pleasantly heady aroma, one that could only be Eren. Rivaille inhaled once more, taking in as much of the scent as he could, until a noise from the bathroom jolted his out of his daze, and he quickly folded the shirt, disgusted with himself. Then, for good measure, he threw it in the bin he had long designated as dirty-clothes-bin. It was soon followed by Eren’s pants and- _fucking hell_ \- his underwear.

Rivaille was straightening out the bed when he heard another noise from the bathroom. He tucked the last corner in tightly, then wandered over to the bathroom, cocking his head so that his ear was angled towards the door. He waited for a few seconds, and no, it wasn’t being weird, that was his bathroom too (or, would be as soon as he’d cleaned it again- the thought of Eren’s dirty washwater all over his shower sent shivers up his spine), and he had to make sure Eren didn’t fucking _kill_ himself in there-

Then the noise sounded again, and Rivaille was able to identify a- a _groan_ -

Rivaille blanched. _Oh, fucking_ hell _no. That brat is_ not _jerking off in_ my _fucking shower._

((***))

After the awkward crying-in-the-middle-of-a-game incident, Armin had decided Eren was too exhausted and, _way_ against Eren’s wishes, managed to convince Mikasa of the same. Motherly as the two of them were, Eren was surprised he’d even managed to get another fifteen minutes out of them. They marched him back up to his new room, which was conspicuously empty, and Eren wondered where Rivaille was, wishing absently that he were there as Mikasa and Armin abandoned him with strict instructions to go the fuck to sleep (not quite in those words, but the gist was there).

Eren laid down on the bed for a few seconds, but the thought of trying to sleep repulsed him. He stood up, pacing the room for a while. Then he opened the door, look both ways, and sighed upon lack of sighted Rivaille. Deciding his boredom could at least be put to decent use, Eren stripped, throwing all his clothes on the bed and strutted to the bathroom, terrified for half a second that Rivaille would choose that exact moment to enter. He didn’t, though, and Eren made it to the bathroom without incident, turning on the hot water in the shower and stepping under it.

The heat was soothing, and Eren relaxed further by the second as he let the beating water ease tension in his muscles that he hadn’t been aware of. After at least a minute and a half of doing nothing more than standing there with his face turned into the showerhead, Eren finally decided to wash his hair. He reached over to the shampoo, pausing when he realized that two of the bottles were labeled shampoo. Curiously, he flipped the top of one open, sniffing it. It smelled like Rivaille. Eren lingered there with the open shampoo bottle a tag longer than strictly necessary, fumbling as he exchanged the bottles out and opened the second one. Standard military issue, that one was his. He squirted some onto his palm, running his hand through his hair a few times.

Rivaille had done that earlier. The hair ruffle thing. Eren could feel himself blushing, even in the privacy of the shower. It hadn’t _meant_ anything, right? Not that Eren would mind if it had, but it was practically impossible that Rivaille liked him back… right? He was always so cold, rude, oddly caring and even funny, beautiful as… as… well, Eren didn’t really know many beautiful things that were worthy of comparison. But whatever it was, Rivaille was more than that. He was... Eren didn’t even know _why_ he liked Rivaille- by all means, he shouldn’t. And yet…

Listening intently for noise that would indicate Rivaille had returned and hearing none, Eren deftly palmed his crotch, closing his eyes as he imagined black hair and piercing eyes, deadly and cutting as their owner’s tongue. Eren wrapped a hand around his now erect cock, thumbing its head as he pictured to what other uses Rivaille could put that tongue.

He panted heavily, pictures of steel grey eyes and blush-colored cheeks under him causing him to emit a groan. He thought he might have heard something from outside, but by that point he was too far gone to pay much attention to anything but the building pressure in his lower stomach as one hand kept moving where it was and the other flew along his cock, slowing only just enough to apply delicious pressure to the tip, before continuing down, running his fingers lightly over his balls and then even farther- Rivaille’s imagined tongue made him feel adventurous- and circled a finger around the rim of his asshole, slowly moving in one digit, groaning loudly once again as he jerked his dick roughly with his other hand. He moaned one more time, wondering what Rivaille’s lips would taste like on his own as he came.

Eren allowed himself another minute of leaning against the back shower wall, knees trembling slightly and a warm glow diffusing itself throughout his chest, before forcing himself back up. He grabbed the bar of soap that didn’t smell like lavender, and quickly lathered himself up, scrubbing with his nails where his fingers felt inadequate. He washed off the soap suds, then turned off the water, stepping out of the shower and drying himself with a towel, which he gently replaced on the rack once he was dry.

He swung open the door, taking a grand total of three buck naked steps outside the bathroom before he realized just what he was seeing and let out a noise halfway between a squeak and a yell. Standing before him was Rivaille, handkerchief hung loose about his neck, spray bottle and scrubber in his hands. Eren froze under Rivaille’s glare, his heart thumping wildly and definitely not focusing on the fact that he was standing _completely fucking naked in front of Rivaille, who wasn’t exactly hiding the fact that he was looking-_

“Shitty teenagers and their shitty fucking hormones and their shitty fucking penises,” Rivaille muttered, brushing past Eren and into the bathroom, wafting scent of bleach burning Eren’s nostrils. “You’d better at least have _tried_ to wash your fucking sperm down the drain…” he heard Rivaille mutter before the water came on again, accompanied by the squeaking of the spray bottle.

Eren finally unfroze, his mind struggling to catch up to the situation. He rummaged about his drawers in a daze, opening at least three before finding a pair of boxers that would do as nightclothes. Then he fell into his bed, noting offhand that it had been re-done- _Rivaille at work. Again._  He buried his face in his pillow, images of Rivaille both real and imagined floating before his eyes and causing him to blush. _How much did Rivaille hear…? I didn’t hear him come in at all, what if he knows…? Oh shit oh shit-_

Eren opened his mouth to ask Rivaille what exactly he had seen, when the man walked out of the bathroom, looking distinctly at peace with himself as he stripped of his cleaning gear. And everything else, which resulted in Eren making a noise and burying his face back into the pillow.

“Goodnight, brat,” Rivaille announced as he climbed into his own bed, turning off the lights, and Eren decided it could wait for another day to ask _exactly_ what Rivaille had heard (Eren had been told several times that he was loud when taking care of business, and if he had said Rivaille’s name… he really didn’t want to think about that). His mind was still racing, however, and Eren ended up rerunning their entire encounter several times, until he was no longer sure if he had been right in assuming that Rivaille had been checking him out or not. And then there was Rivaille’s nonchalant mutter about teenagers and- wait.

“Did you just call my penis shitty?!”

“Go the fuck to sleep, Jaeger.”

“No, seriously!”

“If I say yes, will you shut the fuck up?”

“No.”

“Good-fucking- _night_ , Eren,” Rivaille grumbled, a rustling of fabric signifying his motion as he rolled over. Eren’s last thought before falling asleep was, _I wonder if Rivaille’s okay? He sounds a bit stressed…_

((***))

Alarm the next morning was provided in the form of unlocked doors and Hanji’s unusually quiet voice telling him to wake up. Rivaille, who’d sat up on instinct at the sound of the door, blinked blearily at the clock on his nightstand, finding it a half-hour before his usual wake up.

“What the fuck, Hanji?” he grumbled, a deep breath from Eren reminding him to be mindful of his sleeping co-pilot. He glanced over, the corners of his mouth twitching at he took in the mess of hair that only just poked out over the shield of blankets.

“Erwin wants to talk to you,” Hanji said, her voice listless. Rivaille’s eyes snapped back to her, noting that the bags under her eyes were deeper than usual. Rivaille stood up, grabbing a couple of clothes before facing Hanji head-on.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” Rivaille said in a soft tone, leaning forward on the balls of his feet as Hanji shook her head sadly.

“I couldn’t fall asleep. I was… too… tense? Yeah,” she mumbled, accentuating her uncertainty with abstract waves of her arms.

Rivaille grunted, not knowing what else to say. It had only been Eren’s even breathing that had lulled him into sleep, after all. “Well, I’m going to go shower,” he said. Hanji nodded.

“I’ll leave your coffee here,” she said, setting a thermos on the nightstand, then she stretched. “Best get back to the lab,” she mumbled, leaving with a small wave in Rivaille’s direction. He stared after her for a second, then at Eren as he mumbled something in his sleep. Finally, he proceeded to take his shower, coming out and downing his coffee (black, someone had to give Hanji a medal) in one go before exiting his room and walking to the only place Erwin would be before breakfast- his office.

Rivaille stormed into Erwin’s office, scowl set, in place, and amped up to maximum overdrive. “Okay, start fucking talking.”

“Impatient are we?”

“Well it’s not exactly easy resting when you know there’s _five fucking kaiju_ in our _fucking shatterdome_ ,” Rivaille growled, knowing Erwin would see through his front of anger.

“Hm, I suppose you could say that,” Erwin said, and it was only through eight years of acquaintance that Rivaille was able to discern the inquietude in his voice.

“Tch…” They both lapsed into silence for a moment, Rivaille glaring and Erwin organizing the last of his papers, putting them all into their proper files- it was a nervous tic, Rivaille knew, because Erwin was smart enough that he didn’t really _need_ papers to remember everything, the bastard. Erwin closed it with a final snap, leaning back in his chair afterwards.

“Alright,” Erwin began.

“Fucking finally,” Rivaille muttered.

“Well, how much do you know about the first kaiju invasion?” Erwin asked. Rivaille raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“This is shit that twelve year ol-“

“Humor me,” Erwin responded. Rivaille’s scowl deepened.

“The usual. Big giant monster appears from who-the-fuck-knows-where, starts killing everyone, and humanity builds jaegers and succeed in only _partially_ killing ourselves after that.”

“Mmhm,” Erwin nodded. “And that has never struck you as odd?”

“Huh?”

“ _Where_ did that first kaiju come from?”

Rivaille furrowed his brows. “Erwin, does it even fucking matter? Can’t you just cut to the fucking chase already?”

“Rivaille, we’ve been at war with the kaiju for one hundred years. We’ve had advanced technology this entire time, and meticulous records have been kept- _but not a hundred years ago_. It’s gone, trust me, I’ve checked. So has Hanji. We can’t find any record of where exactly the kaiju _come_ from.”

“And?”

“And, Rivaille, this is the primary issue we’ve been dealing with, for years- lack of information. What do we know about kaiju? That they’re huge, their body temperatures are abnormally high, their blood is toxic, and now that they all share a mental structure. We know they die if you hit them behind their necks, but not where they come from, or how they reproduce, or _how we can defeat them_ -“ Erwin’s voice, which had been steadily increasing in volume, stopped abruptly. “And those records that should be there, that _should_ only be opened for access to those with clearance, are gone. Wiped. Someone is hiding information, Rivaille, and it’s this information that we need to _defeat_ the kaiju once and for all.”

“Okay… if I give you that one, what does that have to do with the kaiju that are _in the fucking shatterdome_? Isn’t that a more immediate fucking problem than a couple of hundred-year-old records that could have gotten lost as human migrated to the walls?”

“I’m getting there,” Erwin replied, easing himself back into the relaxed position he’d worked himself out of earlier. “You see, if we could have one of those kaiju on our side, then we have, potentially, the perfect spy, able to access as will the entire consciousness of the enemy-“

Rivaille snorted. “And what the fuck makes you think _any_ of the beasts is going to want to work with _us_ , who have, like you said, spent the better part of the last century killing their kind on sight? And this is even assuming they’re intelligent beasts-“

 “Ah, about that… You won’t like what I’m about to say.”

“There’s a lot of things on this fucking shithole of a world we live in that I don’t like.”

“Eren is one of the five kaiju.”

“…what the fuck,” Rivaille said, his eyes wide and lips slightly parted. He felt a chill run up his spine, and shook it off.

“I told you you wouldn’t like it.”

“No, what the fuck are you even _on_? _Eren_? A _kaiju_? Have you even _seen_ \- and plus I’ve _drifted_ with him, I think I’d-” Rivaille stopped as he remembered the odd space he’d detected in Eren’s mental landscape the day before. _No…_

“No, listen to me. When I was taking Moblit back to his quarters, he said one of the things he saw was a girl and a boy- and Oriental girl and a blond boy. Who does that remind you of?” Rivaille remained silent, not saying the obvious answer, and Erwin pressed on. “And then, there was a reason I ordered you to drop yesterday as well. Watch,” he said, pulling up a display and hitting the play button. Rivaille watched, his gut clenched painfully tight, as the video played back a segment from their last drop, in which Eren shouted ‘no’ and moved the jaeger to the side, successfully evading the kaiju’s attack. Stomach roiling, Rivaille glanced to Erwin.

“What’s this supposed to prove?” Rivaille said, his voice raspy.

“Eren shouted ‘no’ before the kaiju had even moved- as if he _knew_ what it was planning.”

“That’s not conclusive evidence, the instruments could have been out of sync, or- look, I fucking _drifted_ with him, he’s human-“

Erwin raised a hand to forestall Rivaille, who fell silent. “And earlier this morning I had Hanji pull up copies of Eren’s blood sequencing. Normally we only bother analyzing a small segment for military record purposes, but I had Hanji go through and finish the rest, as well as put it through tests usually only reserved for kaiju- ones that destroy ordinary human blood, which is why they weren’t conducted before.” Erwin’s expression softened. “I’m sorry, Rivaille, but Eren _is._ We don’t know how- another thing we don’t know- but he _is._ And it’s your job to convince him to work for us.”

There was a moment of heavy, speechless silence between the two, Rivaille tense, prepared to bolt, only his trust in Erwin keeping him from sprinting away and dismissing him as a madman. But the lingering thought- _what if I missed something, in the drift? I kept my walls up the entire time, because I didn’t want to trust him, now am I going to pay? Find out that my co-pilot is a fucking_ kaiju _? What if I’d just_ -

“If it helps any, Hanji speculates that Eren is unaware of his current state. How _that_ is possible… she suggested selective amnesia, seeing as if he’s forgotten then there would be no reason for that to come up in the drift…”

Rivaille shook his head slowly, taking a step back. “I’m going to ask him.” Erwin didn’t reply, merely looking on impassively. He’d expected this, then. Rivaille wanted to kick something. “I’m going,” he repeated, then gave Erwin a stiff salute, turning on his heel and marching out the doors. Erwin made no move to stop him.

Once he was sure he was out of earshot of Erwin, Rivaille broke into a dead run, stopping only long enough to unlock the door before flinging it open with a bang, waking Eren, who sat up sporting a bedhead and mumbling ‘whaaa?’. Rivaille met his sea-green eyes, and he felt his chest clench. If Eren was a kaiju, then- he shook his head, willing away the thought and the confusion it brought with it. Instead he strode over to Eren, placing a hand on each of his shoulders.

“Eren, are you a kaiju?”

Eren blinked at him. “What.”

“You fucking heard me. Are you a damn kaiju or aren’t you,” Rivaille repeated, the plea in his voice evident to his own ears. Eren’s eyebrows scrunches together in confusion, as he took in Rivaille’s words.

“A kaiju? How the fucking could I be- argh,” Eren said, moving to clutch his head as his eyes squeezed shut in pain. “Ow, ow, ow, I-“ Eren broke off, eyes flying wide open, staring at nothing, his breath picking up.

“Shit,” Rivaille muttered, reaching for his walkie-talkie and radioing Hanji’s channel.

“ _Yes?_ ”

“Hanji, get the fuck over here on the double, Eren’s having some kind of, of, of _seizure_ or something-“ Rivaille cursed inwardly again, his voice betraying far more of his internal emotions than he meant for it to.

“ _Be there in three,”_ was Hanji’s reply. “ _Keep him breathing as evenly as you can, but I think I have an idea of what’s going on, Erwin just finished telling me what he said a few moments ago…_ ”

“Eren, Eren,” Rivaille muttered, as Eren gripped his forehead once more, making pained noises all the while. He tried to rub Eren’s back, but gave up when that had no visible effect. Rivaille resorted instead to pacing, the two minutes it took Hanji to arrive seeming like an eternity.

She came in like a whirlwind, standing right in front of Eren and shoving something which Rivaille couldn’t identify under Eren’s nose. There were a tense few seconds in which Eren didn’t react at all, then suddenly he gasped, his eyes blinking and finally finding focus, even as tears began to spill over. Eren made eye contact first with Hanji, then, looking panicked, turned to Rivaille, seated next to him and holding him up.

The tears began to fall harder then, and Eren looked pitiful as he looked straight at Rivaille, saying through his sobs, “You’re right, Rivaille, you’re right, fuck, I’m, fucking fuck I’m a kaiju, Rivaille what do I-“

Rivaille, not knowing what to do, pulled Eren into a tight hug, allowing him to cry all over his shoulder.

 _Well_ , Rivaille thought, his stomach having stilled into a wrought-iron ball of ice, _fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well thank you, Erwin, for explaining what's going on. 
> 
> Also, it's 2:30 am on a school night ~~good life choices, a book NOT by me~~ and so I haven't proof-read it yet....
> 
> As per usual, I love hearing your thoughts, and I track the fic: freedom wing tag on tumblr ^^


	28. Initio Respice, or: consider the beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> March is, essentially, hell month. Sorry for the delay and brevity, hopefully the next one will be quicker and longer since I have spring break? I make no guarantees, though. 
> 
> That being said, whoever is responsible for [this](http://snkpositivityproject.tumblr.com/post/78619835102) and [this,](http://snkpositivityproject.tumblr.com/post/78739957785) know that you've made me so incredibly happy <3

Eren could only blink tiredly at Rivaille as the words echoed around his head. “What,” he managed, trying to process what was going on. _Are you a damn kaiju or aren’t you… are you a kaiju… are you…_ Something in the way Rivaille has placed his hands reminded Eren of his father. His father… suddenly a lancing pain pierced his mind, and Eren doubled forward, hands scrabbling and world closing up around him, his father’s face becoming clearer by the second.

_His arms are around your shoulders, dragging you out back. You can hear yourself crying, but only just barely above the sound of your thumping heart. Your head hurts because of it. You’re not entirely sure what’s going on, but then your father places you on the ground, holding you still with an arm that’s gentle until you begin to struggle against him._

_“Eren, stop fighting,” he grumbles, his voice strained, and for a second the pain you see in his eyes makes you want to stop, to listen to this man who’s never been anything but a kind father. But then he pulls a small syringe from his coat pocket, and your eyes widen as you begin to squirm and scream, trying everything in your power to get away from him._

_You can hear noises, volume steadily rising, and it takes a while for you to register that it’s your voice, crying out ‘no’ for your father to stop. He shakes his head, glancing to the sides and only then do you realize just how completely alone you are- there’s no one in the vicinity, and you doubt anyone can hear you yelling. Your father presses you down once more, a suffocating knee holding your chest still, his shinbone digging into your ribs while the hand not holding the needle grips your wrist, forcing your arm to lie still as the thin metal slides into your skin, the single point of pain intensifying—-_

_Earlier than that._

_“Daddy, I have a headache,” you mumble, white noise roaring in your ears. Maybe headache isn’t the right word- it doesn’t exactly_ hurt _, but then again, it has to do with your head and your Daddy’s a doctor, best around, so whatever it is, he knows how to make it better._

_“Do you now?” he says, his eyebrow raising in that way you’ve come to learn means he thinks something is funny. The noise in your ears is garbled now, like muted words. You tell him, and expect him to give you some medicine like he does whenever other people come to the part of the house you’re not allowed in._

_What you’re not expecting is him to stand up suddenly and stride over to you, face pale. You’re a bit scared, and you can feel tears of fright begin to pool in your eyes. He wipes them away softly. “Eren, you need to listen to me, and do what I say,” he says, and you nod, because your Daddy’s a doctor. “You know the walls we live behind?” Again you nod, but this time it’s because- how could you forget those walls? Armin has told you stories about places where the ground touches the sky in all direction, but you have never been far enough away from the walls to see this. You blink, confused, as an image rises, unbidden, to your mind. You haven’t been far enough away, have you?_

_“Eren, you need to picture walls just like that in your mind---_

_Earlier still._

_“Momma they’re coming!”_

_Your mother sits down next to you, then pulls your onto her lap and begins playing with your hair, brushing her fingers through it, gently untangling the knots. Instantly, your feelings of unease quiet down and away, and you yawn. “Who’s coming?” she asks, even though you’ve had the same conversation several times before already._

_“The…” you pause again, lifting your little hand up to your mouth to clumsily hide your yawn. “The reinforcements…” you mumble, and your mother begins to rock you to sleep, because you’re only three and still young enough for that. You mumble a few more answers to questions you don’t fully understand, before your vision is so blurry and hazy that your eyes might as well be closed. You do close them then, and the last sensation you feel is of your mother’s arms around you, gently rocking._

_You wake up, a few hours later, to your parents shouting. You move quickly and hide under the couch, catching only bits and pieces of their conversation- “do it for him”, “you know perfectly well we can’t hide”, “why Eren”. You don’t really understand what it means, but Momma’s tone is sad and angry, while Daddy’s is only sad. They say big words you don’t quite understand, and eventually you drop back off to sleep. Next time you wake up, you’re in bed. You roll over once, seeing your father outlined in the doorway._

_“Go to sleep, Eren,” he tells you, soothingly, and you follow his advice---_

_\---you’re not human, you always knew you were different, humans don’t have_ scales _, but you’re too scared to tell anyone except for---_

_\---close your mind off!” You don’t get what he means- close your mind off? From the others?_

_“That would be treason!”_

_“Eren Jaeger, listen to me and build those walls in your mind,” he urges. Disgruntled, you begin to do what he says- Daddy’s the best doctor there is, after all. You meet resistance from the others, but after telling them you have to, you manage to work some walls up- the noise quiets, the voices stop, and Daddy is holding out a small cup of orange liquid to you. “Drink this,” he says, and you peer inquisitively at the cup, suddenly very tired. “It’ll help.” You take a sip---_

_It’s the day your mother died. You’re out with Mikasa and Armin when the headache strikes, the voices in your head getting louder because they’re coming, he’s coming- you don’t know who they are, or who he is, or why they’re speaking so loudly- all you know is that something is going to happen._

_Your head hurts. Armin and Mikasa, obviously, notice. You tell them it’s nothing- like your parents told you to say. It’s normal, it’s nothing, the wall is going to---_

_\---fire spreading from the tip of the needle, and the pain is enough to make you stop moving, because that only makes it worse. Your father looks panicked, now, looking down at you frantically as he continues to press down on the syringe and the fire creeps farther._

_“Eren, listen to me, this should keep it under check until-“ he looks around for a moment, seeming hunted. You could care less; you feel the chill of cold sweat on every bit of exposed skin, and every muscle in your body feels tensed to the point of ripping. “You’ll remember someday. Stay safe, Eren_ ,” _your father says. And then the weight is gone, the fire is fading and---_

The smell was the first thing Eren registered. It was overpowering and burned his nostrils, and Eren snapped into consciousness in an instant. He opened his eyes, looking around frantically, first meeting Hanji’s and then landing on Rivaille. Tears began to well up in his eyes.

“You’re right, Rivaille, you’re right, fuck, I’m, fucking fuck I’m a kaiju, Rivaille what do I-“ Suddenly Eren found himself pressed against a warm shoulder, and he began to cry without end, streams of memories flitting through his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, that was really short, like my chapters were back at the beginning of this fic. Sorry bout that... Longer one next time! I just can't write anymore for this bit. Anyways, the English part of the chapter title is just the translation of the Latin part ^^;;


	29. First Transformation, or: if it looks like a kaiju and acts like a kaiju, then it must be Eren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? I told you it'd be faster and longer this time :D

It took Eren at least ten minutes to calm down, Rivaille gently patting his back the entire time, feeling completely out of his element. Hanji had taken a seat at the foot of Eren’s bed, messing with her walkie talkie while she waited with uncharacteristic patience. Rivaille attributed it to the sobbing mess at his shoulder, internally grimacing at the thought of Eren’s tears (or _snot_ , heavens forbid) on his shirt. He stayed put, thought, knowing that Eren needed the support.

Once the sobs had been reduced to only hiccups, Eren hesitantly looked up to Rivaille again. His eyes were puffy and red, and Rivaille reached out with a hand to brush a few latent tears away, starting when Hanji cleared her throat.

“Eren,” she said gently, finally dragging Eren’s gaze away from Rivaille. “I think you might have just had a flashback-“ Eren hiccupped and nodded. “Can you tell us what you saw?” Eren gulped loudly and Rivaille heard his breath begin to speed up, and silently wrapped an arm around Eren’s shoulder, pulling him close. Eren flashed him a look of- of fear and thanks, before turning back to Hanji. He opened his mouth a few times, and Rivaille noted that his eyes were still wide, and frightened, even as he simply looked at his fist, clenching and unclenching in his lap.

“My parents-” Eren’s voice hitched, and he forced himself to swallow before continuing on. “They knew that I was a kaiju. My dad- he- he was… testing something? I think?” Eren brought his hands up to his face again, fingers gripping tufts of hair. “Argh, I don’t- I can’t remember exactly…”  Rivaille squeezed slightly, and Eren took a shuddering breath.

“You say they knew?” Hanji asked, her voice completely devoid of its joking manner. She had pulled out a small tablet, and was writing furiously on it. Next to her, her walkie talkie was flashing red- no doubt she was recording the entire thing. Eren nodded again. “How?”

“I used to… share their minds. The other- the other kaiju. I could always tell when they were about to mount an attack, it was like there were… like other voices, only I couldn’t always understand them, only sometimes… also headaches. But I would tell my mother, and she’d get mad and yell at my father- something about not working, I can’t- I can’t really remember…”

“That’s fine,” Hanji said. “Just tell us as much as you _can_.” Eren gulped and nodded again, and under his arm Rivaille could feel him trembling.

“Hey, brat, it’s fine. We’re not about to decapitate you or anything,” Rivaille said, only realizing once Eren flashed him a look of pure terror that his words probably weren’t the most comforting. _That’s probably what the brat’s been expecting, though_ , Rivaille mused. _Especially given his drive to kill all the kaiju_ … Rivaille unconsciously tightened his arm. He didn’t want to think about the implications of Eren’s flashback, not yet. _Not ever…_

“And then. And then I would also-” Eren paused, drawing a deep, shaky breath, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. He blinked a few times, and Rivaille reached up again to brush his tears away, his hand lingering a bit longer than strictly necessary, not knowing how best to provide consolation. Eren took another breath, then continued. “I would also- transform. And stuff.” He paused, looking up from his hands for the first time since he’d started talking. Hanji gave him a little nod, which Eren imitated. “I can… I can turn into one of them. Scales and claws and- and everything,” Eren said, and it hurt Rivaille to hear the revulsion in his voice, the dislike and hatred that was directed inward.

“Hm, I suspected something like that,” Hanji said, fiddling with the hem of her lab coat as she focused on something off in the distance.

“What do you mean, ‘you suspected that’?” Rivaille grumbled. Hanji half-shrugged, still clearly lost in thought.

“One of the tests we ran on Eren’s blood was exposing it to higher temperatures- after all, kaiju regularly run several degrees warmer than a human. And when we did… well, that activated an enzyme that had previously been dormant- it didn’t register on any of our tests either, so it might just be something _produced_ by the heat- um, anyways, this enzyme, it triggered massive-scale reproduction, while at the same time rearranging the actual genetic sequence itself.” At Rivaille’s unimpressed expression, she continued on. “It became a giant mass of kaiju blue.”

Eren made a noise that sounded distinctly like a strangled sob, and Rivaille moved his hand from Eren’s shoulder to his back, rubbing smoothing circles into his shirt. “So what, then?” Rivaille asked, the question directed to Hanji even though his eyes wouldn’t leave Eren.

“Depends on what else Eren has to say. Eren?”

“My dad… gave me something. I don’t know. Last time I saw him, right after Maria fell. A shot of some kind. He said it would- keep it under check. Whatever that means.” Finished, Eren practically deflated, leaning against Rivaille with drooping eyes.

“Hm,” Hanji said, fiddling with her tablet. “Can you sense other kaiju, right now?”

Eren shook his head. “No, no voices…”

“Okay,” Hanji said. Rivaille felt a momentary spike of anger.

“Is that it?” he growled, hoping Hanji would catch on to his meaning without him having to actually say anything out loud. Rivaille still, irrationally, trusted Eren. He had more than enough evidence not to- his being a damn _kaiju_ was first on that list- but nonetheless, Rivaille trusted him. At the same time, the idea of kaiju inside the shatterdome repulsed him- the contradiction chased itself in circles, refusing to resolve itself.

Hanji, luckily, had taken the hint, and shook her head. “After I talked with Moblit and we decided to try the test on Eren’s blood, and that came back positive- Erwin ordered me to begin a sweep of all the other blood samples at our disposals. Unfortunately, it takes some time, and sometimes the blood samples are corrupted, or too old… and we only have so much space for the hundreds of samples we _do_ have.” She sighed heavily, a weary noise Rivaille hated to hear on his friend. “But Moblit’s still running the tests right now, so he’ll keep me informed if anything pops up… by the way, Eren, do you know if you can control your transformation?”

Eren nodded. “I just have to…” he paused, looking sick. “Hurt myself, somehow. And then I’ll be a- I’ll be able to control a kaiju.”

“Excellent! Hm, I wonder why that is?” Her tablet lit up, and Hanji checked it, quickly tapping out an answer of some sort before turning back to Rivaille and Eren, her mood considerably lightened and some of her enthusiasm returning.  “We’ll have to conduct some research later- for now, Rivaille, get him dressed!”

“What.”

“We’re going out front! I want to see Eren in action. Fifteen minutes is enough, right?”

“Hanji-”

“See you there, Riri! And of course you too, Eren,” Hanji said, spinning out the door and vanishing down the hallway. Rivaille glanced at Eren, who looked morosely back. Rivaille sighed, removing his hand from Eren’s back and standing up.

“Go wash up, I’ll get you some clean clothes,” Rivaille said. Eren nodded, taking one last steadying breath before standing up and tottering to the bathroom. “Leave the door unlocked, brat,” Rivaille added, and Eren paused. “So I can put your clothes in there. Don’t need a repeat of last night.” Eren chuckled slightly, seeming amused despite himself, and Rivaille felt a sense of satisfaction wash over him.

Eren ducked into the bathroom, and Rivaille waited until he heard the water running to begin rummaging through Eren’s drawers, choosing a set of clothes that he deemed suiting. Considering Eren’s wardrobe consisted solely of standard issue clothing (Rivaille snorted when he spotted ‘Eren’ written on one of the clothing tags), it wasn’t too hard. After he’d set the clothes down on the toilet- to his relief, Eren hadn’t been jerking off- and left, Rivaille paced around the room a few times, before stopping and staring at the picture of him and Petra on the shelf above his bed.

He sat down on the end of his bed, allowing his head to fall into his hands as the reality of the situation hit him. _Eren’s a fucking kaiju._

_I’ve been drifting with a kaiju for two fucking weeks and I didn’t even fucking notice. Fuck._

He didn’t want to think about how- but then, this… this _feeling_. He would have to stop denying it, he was definitely attracted to Eren. Eren was fire and warmth, passion in Rivaille’s world where there had been none for years. And now he faced losing that all over again- Rivaille slowly unclenched his fingers from his hair as he heard the water stop.

By the time Eren joined him, fully clothed, his dirty clothes in hand, Rivaille had managed to regain control of his expressions and shoved them back down. He cocked an eyebrow at Eren.

“Ready, brat?” Eren gulped and nodded, his eyes still marginally wider than usual. Rivaille sighed and stepped forward, into Eren’s space. Eren didn’t back up, settling simply for staring at Rivaille, his eyes, if anything, even more wide than they were before. Rivaille reached up and ruffled Eren’s hair. “It’ll all be fine,” Rivaille said, projecting a confidence he didn’t feel. Eren blinked quickly and averted his eyes, sniffing.

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

“What for?” Rivaille asked, before turning abruptly on his heel and taking a few steps, drawing out his walkie talkie and radioing Hanji.

“ _Hello?_ ”

“You left before telling us where the fuck we were even supposed to be, Shitty Glasses,” Rivaille said, holding the walkie talkie at an appropriate distance to accommodate Hanji’s voice while ushering Eren out of the doors. He paused and locked the room, more out of habit than anything else, while Hanji answered.

“ _Oh, right! I’ll be waiting for you guys in the docking bay- the old ones, on floor level. We’re taking a Unicorn, you’ll be driving!”_ With that, Hanji cut the connection. There was a moment of silence.

“What was that?” Eren asked, his brows furrowed. Rivaille sighed internally in relief at seeing Eren looking somewhat less shell-shocked and more like his normal self.

“Apparently by ‘see you out front and in action’ Hanji means we’re taking a Unicorn beyond the fucking walls… and you’re going to transform,” Rivaille finished, leveling Eren with a steady look. Eren returned the gaze, albeit a bit less assured than Rivaille knew he looked. “You can control it, right?”

“I-”

“And don’t bullshit me. If you can’t, you can’t, but I’d rather know now than when I’m strapped into a Unicorn and barely capable of moving faster than your average innercity train.”

“I can, but things go… things go blurry,” Eren said softly. Rivaille gave a noncommittal humming noise, and they walked the rest of the way to the docks in silence. They entered onto the boardwalk, walking around the older jaegers- Rivaille was disgusted to note that some of them had rust stains (and that, interestingly, one was missing)- until they reached the elevators. It was a quick ride down to the ground floor, and they stepped out of the elevator just as the bell sounding breakfast sounded.

“Hey! You made it! And missed the breakfast rush too!” Hanji exclaimed, turning away from the Unicorn she’d been examining and bouncing up to Eren and Rivaille. “So the plan is for us to get a bit beyond the walls, and then you can transform, Eren!” She checked her tablet again, grinning wildly to herself. “And then we’ll figure out how to un-transform you and we can get all of our tests going! In reverse order, obviously, the tests come first! But-“ Rivaille zoned Hanji out, leaving Eren in her grip, and walked up to the Unicorn.

Rivaille walked once around the familiar machine. It’d been a few years since he’d last piloted one of the MP’s Unicorns, but, vaulting himself up into the driver cockpit and flicking a few switches, Rivaille felt confident that his skills hadn’t rusted _too_ much. He motioned for Hanji and Eren to climb into the ‘backseat’- really, it was just a glorified trunk- and then lowered the driver helmet from its rest position at the top of the cockpit. Behind him, he heard Hanji explaining how the connection worked to Eren, but Rivaille blocked out the noise, sinking into the unattached space he needed to start the drift on his own.

Clicking the helmet into place over his own head, Rivaille felt the small electrodes brush through his hair, several coming to rest against his scalp, and grimaced. Helmets for Unicorns were usually personalized to fit the pilot’s head- clearly, Hanji had either threatened someone or stolen this Unicorn, and Rivaille was only now drawing the connection. _Shoddy, Rivaille, shoddy. You’d be dead in the Underworld already…_

The drift sequence was short, accustomed as Rivaille was to the several-second drift initialization time required by the massive jaegers, but filled with memories Rivaille had long managed to suppress- of hunger and cold and _filth_ and driving a Unicorn that brought him up through the ranks. Blinking twice to clear his mind and running a quick mental diagnostic- the left-hind-leg upper thigh motor wouldn’t rev quite as fast as the others, he’d have to watch out for that- Rivaille spoke, his voice echoing over the intercoms to Eren and Hanji.

“Are you shits ready?”

“Yes…”

“Yup! Just head to the drop pad and then straight out, I’ve gotten Erwin to get his crew on watch, they won’t say anything, we can just go a bit in front…” She looked a bit more antsy than usual, but Rivaille figured she was so with ample reason. There was a kaiju sitting next to her, after all.

Rivaille lurched to his feet, the Unicorn imitating his actions clumsily. _Well, it’s not a jaeger, that’s for fucking sure…_ As soon as the Unicorn reached the drop pad- many times too large, designed as it was for a jaeger- Rivaille clicked its feet into place and the whole contraption fell down, into the tunnels. Not filled by _Freedom Wing’s_ large mass as they usually were, the tunnels appeared particularly dark and ominous. Rivaille was glad when they began their upward climb, the hatch at the end of the tunnel flipping open to grant them access to the clear, early-morning sky. The grass around them still shimmered with dew; had the circumstances been anything different, and Rivaille probably would have stopped the Unicorn to simply admire the glittering view. As it was, he commanded the Unicorn to trundle forward, stopping once he saw Hanji waving frantically at him from the backseat.

He more or less parked the Unicorn, lowering its carriage to the ground so that Eren and Hanji could disembark. Rivaille stayed in the cockpit- they were in kaiju territory, after all.

“Hey Hanji,” he said over the intercom, making sure it was loud enough for her to hear even outside of the Unicorn. “Turn your talkie on to my frequency, I want to know what you shits are saying.” Hanji waved, and soon enough Rivaille heard the crackling that signified the live mic.

“ _Okay, Eren. So you know how to transform, right? I brought some things, I don’t know-_ ” Rivaille heard the distinct tinkling of metal items, but Hanji’s back was turned and he couldn’t see them. Judging by Eren’s distinctly alarmed face, they were nothing good.

 _“Ah, no thank you, Hanji, I usually just… bite…_ ”

“ _Bite? Oh, now_ that’s _interesting. And you’re able to do enough damage to trigger this… this process?”_

“Oi, Hanji- calm down, will you? I can practically fucking hear your brain working, even from here… _”_ Rivaille grumbled. Hanji turned and glared, sticking her tongue out at the cockpit. Rivaille thought he saw a knife sticking out of her lab coat pocket. _She’s crazy, really_ , he thought with a great deal of respect.

“ _Anyways, Eren, we’ll probably back off a bit- if your mass grows by too large a factor, we’ll be killed if we stay this close, and to be quite honest that would really suck. Here, take this walkie talkie- I’ll radio you when we’re far enough away, okay?”_ Eren nodded, glancing back up at where Rivaille was. The fear in his eyes was almost palpable.

“You’ll be fine, brat,” he said, and watched as Eren looked at the walkie talkie hanging off of Hanji’s pocket and then back at Rivaille, giving him a weak smile.

“ _I’ll try_ ,” he said, then he took a few steps back.

“ _Excellent!_ ” Hanji said, darting back to the Unicorn and climbing into the backseat again, thankfully having the presence of mind to turn off the walkie talkie before talking directly to Rivaille. “Let’s get going, shall we?” Rivaille brought the Unicorn back into motion while Hanji pulled out her tablet. As they turned and walked away from Eren (Rivaille definitely not paying attention to how dejected he looked), Hanji began talking again. “Erwin and Mike are in _Cerberus_ , on standby. Just in case.” Rivaille twitched an eyebrow, even though he knew Hanji couldn’t see.

“You think the kid’s gonna lose control?”

“No, I’m not particularly worried about Eren- if what he says is the truth- and he doesn’t really have any reason to lie, unless his father told him something- I was just asking Moblit, Dr. Jaeger used to be a big name-“

“Hanji.”

“Right, right, no, I have to say I’m more worried about the Category 3 headed our way.” One of the Unicorn’s feet scuffed the ground, catching on a tuft of grass, causing the entire machine to keel sideways, Rivaille hurriedly adjusting the remaining limbs to catch its balance, then continuing onwards.

“ _What?!_ ”

“Um, yeah. We’ll have Eren fight against it. See what happens.”

“ _Hanji-_ “

“I told you, _Cerberus_ is on standby, nothing bad’ll happen. If anything, we’ll just watch two kaiju have a go at each other and hopefully the friendly one take the enemy out.”

Rivaille ground his teeth, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. Multiple emotions swirled around in his vision, predominantly fear for Eren and, slightly smaller, fear for himself. _A Unicorn can’t outrun a kaiju, and if anything happens to Eren then I’ve lost- I’ll lose_ Eren. Rivaille shuddered, the Unicorn following suit and rocking Hanji out of her seat. She landed on the floor with an ‘oof’.

“I know you don’t approve of it, but- baptism of fire and all that. Rivaille, this is the fastest way to get the knowledge we need- the knowledge we _can get_ \- from Eren. The calculations are coming up wrecked- this kaiju here, too, it’s not supposed to be here, it was our far-ranging sensors that spotted it, luckily it’s a slow-moving one- we’re running out of time,” she said, her voice growing more rushed and frantic with every second. “Soon any vestige of what we can predictability will be gone, and you _know_ that we can’t have a constant patrol out there, we simply don’t have enough jaegers to cover the portion of the wall we need to…”

“I understand why you did it,” Rivaille answered, resigning himself to the coming proceedings. “That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“…sorry, Riri.”

He shook his head, turning the Unicorn around. “Just hope that nothing actually happens to Eren. Are we far enough?” They were almost a hundred meters away, Eren a small figure against the vast plains. Behind him, Rivaille could just make out the outline of the oncoming Category 3, and he felt his blood run cold.

“Eren,” Hanji said, speaking into her walkie talkie. “You can transform now.”

 _“Roger”,_ said Eren, and Rivaille squinted in his direction, trying to make out as much detail as he could. Then, suddenly, there was a tremendous crack, and Rivaille only had enough time to force the Unicorn’s feet to grip the soil before the shockwave hit, buffeting them sideways. The shockwave had also carried some sort of mist, which only slowly cleared to reveal-

“Holy fucking shit…” Rivaille breathed, a similar exclamation coming from Hanji behind him.

In front of them was, unmistakably, a kaiju. But it blinked, and bright sea green eyes observed them, and then it wasn’t just a kaiju, it was also Eren. Four stories tall as he crouched, his lithe, lizard-like body covered with alternating waves of green-blue-brown scales. Eren tilted his head slightly, and Rivaille refocused his attention on Eren’s frill- long, jagged, dried-blood-colored spikes that began where his jawbone ended, fanning out around his unmistakably reptilian head and continuing on, reappearing from time to time along the length of his back until they reached a conclusion in the slightly webbed end of his tail, which twitched, the webbing stretching and relaxing as Eren flexed the spikes supporting the teal strips of skin.

Rivaille could look at him for an eternity, content to observe the way his almost too-human arms rippled with muscle every time he shifted his weight; the way his claws, black as pitch, turned up the earth beneath them with barely an effort; the way his slit nostrils expanded and contracted with his every breath. His eyes were the same- but Rivaille would happily stare at those for an eternity, as well.

Of course, the universe would never lower itself to levels of compliance with Rivaille’s wishes, and so at just that moment, a kaiju roar rang out, the ground’s slight trembling sending vibrations through the Unicorn’s frame. Eren blinked once, then his eyes narrowed and his frill expanded. Rising from his crouch, Eren turned, and Rivaille had only a second to register the fact that he was _huge_ before a fanned tail swept inches over where the Unicorn had just been. Rivaille immediately lost some of his awe.

“Shitty brat, trying to kill us…” he said, continuing to back up the Unicorn.

“Oh, I don’t think he’s trying to kill _us_ ,” Hanji intoned, the excitement in her voice palpable. Rivaille took the Unicorn a bit farther back, then stopped and turned around to survey the scene. Eren had reared back onto his hind legs, standing now almost double his previous height, his tail acting as a counterweight, and Rivaille let out a huff of air at the sight. Eren had pulled his lips away from his two-tiered jaw, and the long, curved and deadly sharp array of teeth he possessed were on full display. When Eren roared, his bright red tongue was visible, and Rivaille watched, once again transfixed, as Eren’s entire body rippled, the sweeping movement of his arm diffusing throughout the rest of his body, and the impact with the now close-by Category 3 likewise so. _Never thought I’d say a kaiju was beautiful…_

The twin roars of the two kaiju sounded again, and soon the both of them were bleeding, Eren having sustained a scratch along his shoulder and the Category 3 sporting deep bite marks all along its forearm (Eren’s teeth now glistened phosphorescent blue). The Category 3 had one major disadvantage though; where Eren was supple and lean, the Category 3 was heavy and lumbering. Try though it might, once Eren had begun a fast-paced series of strikes with his foreclaws, the Category 3 was unable to prevent further damage, and soon both of its rounded shoulders were shredded, its cries seemingly distinctly more pained than aggressive. At one point, Eren returned to all fours and whirled around, his thick tail crashing into the Category 3’s head and knocking it completely off balance- and before it could stand, Eren pounced on top of it, landing heavily on its wounded shoulder, a deep snarl issuing from his throat as he sank he teeth into the other kaiju’s neck, ripping and tearing with all the force his formidable size could muster.

Eren continued to tear long after the Category 3 had ceased moving, his muzzle and forelegs completely drenched blue, occasionally stopping to roar. A few more minutes passed where Eren simply stood on all fours above the Category 3 carcass, panting heavily enough that the outline of his ribs could be seen through his scaled hide. He eyed the Unicorn, and for a moment Rivaille thought he might need to run for it. But then Eren collapsed, his body sliding off the Category 3’s and crashing nearby, on his side. Then he began steaming, and Rivaille pushed forward, the small Unicorn racing across the scarred plains. Hanji was yelling something- ‘ _Cerberus_ stand down’-, but Rivaille ignored her, set on rushing forward to find out what had happened to Eren-- _if he’s dead I- I will- I can’t-_

A rush of steam overtook their Unicorn, and Rivaille was forced to slow down, looking frantically through the fog and trying to make out anything that looked less kaiju and more Eren, but the more the mist cleared, the more it became apparent that the kaiju carcass had only shrunk a bit in size, not transformed back into a human.

“There!” Hanji shouted, pointing a finger into Rivaille’s periphery. He followed the line, finally spotting what Hanji had intended for him to see- Eren, human Eren, his Eren, was hanging out of his kaiju neck, strands of flesh holding him in place behind a large, flattened scale.

“Hanji!” Rivaille shouted. “If I can get close enough and open the roof, will you be able to grab him and pull him in?”

“Yes! Get as close as you can!” Rivaille needed no further urging. Despite the fact that the MP Unicorns were dreadfully poor at operating over anything but flat land (and even then, things were somewhat iffy), Rivaille had had more than enough practice at forcing the machines to obey his will. They clambered around a few of Eren’s frill-spikes, eventually coming to a halt a few feet under Eren-the-human. Rivaille slid back the roof of the Unicorn, thankful that it was convertible, and Hanji clambered onto the edge, Rivaille twisting uncomfortably in his seat to look at her.

She reached out to grab onto Eren’s shoulders, then drew her hands back with a curse. “What?!” Rivaille asked, mildly worried.

“He’s hot!” Hanji hissed, shaking out her hand and stuffing a finger in her mouth. Then she looked straight at Rivaille and grinned. “But I’m sure you already knew that, am I right?”

Rivaille gaped.

“Hanji fucking Zoë we do not have fucking _time_ for your fucking _bullshit_ get Eren and put him in the damn Unicorn already, I don’t want him to be hurt or-”

“Calm down a second, Riri, I got this,” Hanji said, mock-soothingly (which, unsurprisingly, did nothing to soothe Rivaille), stripping off her lab coat and wrapping it around Eren’s shoulders. Now that she could get a firm grip, she pulled. When that didn’t work, Hanji pulled harder.

“Hanji, I don’t think that’s going to-” Then Hanji yanked, and Eren slipped out of the surrounding musculature with a disgusting squelch, upsetting Hanji’s balance and causing the both of them to fall down into the back seat. Rivaille used the opportunity to close the roof, and forced himself to concentrate on bringing the Unicorn back out onto the grass. Once he had it set at a good speed, running back towards the hatch to the drop pad, Rivaille allowed himself to ask the question he’d been dreading.

“Is he…?”

There was a moment of silence. Then: “Yeah, he’s breathing fine and everything. Just looks to be passed out.”

Rivaille breathed a sigh of relief loud enough he knew Hanji had heard, but he didn’t care.

_Eren’s safe._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Um, in case you wanted a better visual on how I interpreted Eren as a kaiju, click here](http://th02.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2014/070/d/8/kaiju_by_chemukh_ayet-d79tn9x.jpg)
> 
> ~~And um... just for the record. My mental image of an MP Unicorn is a mini AT-AT Walker.~~
> 
> I AM SO EXCITED FOR NEXT CHAPTER GUISE <3


	30. Eyes on the Mirror, or: loyalty isn't skin deep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably the one you've been waiting for for 65k+ words. A scene that I've had planned out for so long that I didn't actually want to write it anymore... also, life got to me. I'm sorry.

The ride back went smoothly, the Unicorn only having suffered minor deterioration at the exposure to the kaiju blue from- from Eren? Eren’s kaiju? Rivaille furrowed his brows, unsure of what to think.

“Hey, Hanji,” he called.

“Yeah?”

Rivaille thought for a moment about what to ask. “…what just happened?” Rivaille heard a scratching noise from the back seat, and assumed Hanji was scratching her hair. _It’s probably filthy as fuck…_ The Unicorn shuddered slightly with Rivaille.

“I wish I knew, Riri… The change in size is consistent with what we saw in the labs, with his blood and the kaiju blue, but the way he came out of it makes it seem almost as if it’s a separate entity?” The scratching noise again. “We’ll have to ask him when he wakes up.” Rivaille remained silent after that. Hanji had said _when_ , so that meant… “Whoa,” Hanji breathed.

“What?”

“His- this is incredible! His wounds, they’re just- he’s got these little scratches and open welts, right? From being connected to himself or the kaiju or whatever it ends up being- but they’re just- healing! Only it’s not even scar tissue! This is- shit, I should be recording-” Hanji trailed off into unintelligible mutterings, the sounds of her tablet clicking away in the background. 

They reached the entryway hatch a few seconds later, the grinding of the transport system seeming unusually loud. Rivaille guided the Unicorn off and into the holding bay, orienting it the exact same way Hanji had had it before they’d left, noting with disgust a few traces of kaiju blue still dripping off its legs and onto the floor. He parked, disengaged the drift, and dismounted, quickly moving around to the back of the machine.

“You gonna take Eren?” Hanji asked, giving Rivaille a look he ignored.

“Yes,” he answered, kneeling down on the floor of the Unicorn to slide his arms under Eren’s knees and back- Eren didn’t even twitch, out cold as he was, and when Rivaille picked him up, he was shocked to feel how light Eren was. “He feels light… and really warm,” he muttered, more to Hanji than to himself. She was the closest to a doctor available at the moment, after all.

“His hair’s also longer,” she hummed. Rivaille’s eyes darted to Eren’s hair, which had been brushed out of his face, though upon closer inspection was indeed several inches longer than before. “I’m thinking it’s ‘cause of his metabolism speeding up or something-” Rivaille simply nodded absently at Hanji, shifting Eren in his grip until he was more comfortable. He began to walk back to this bedroom, taking extra care not to hit Eren’s feet on the doorways. Hanji followed, still talking. “The massive quantities of energy required to conduct a transformation of that size must be huge, after all, and the average temperature of a kaiju is far more elevated- of course, the fact that he’s not exactly skin-and-bones complicates the issue- I wonder- their system of converting energy to-”

“Eren!”

“Eh?” Hanji said, interrupted. Mikasa and Armin were racing down the corridor towards Rivaille, Armin looking a mix of shrewd and concerned where Mikasa looked scared.

“Eren! What happened!?” she practically growled at Rivaille as she neared enough to see the red tone to Eren’s normally brown skin. Rivaille tightened his arms protectively around Eren, only stopping when Hanji placed a hand on his upper arm.

“There was a training accident, he’ll be fine in a bit,” she bluffed, seeming perfectly assured in her lie. Of course, Erwin, Moblit, and Mike chose that moment to appear around the corner, looking troubled.

“Rivaille, Hanji- oh, hello,” Erwin said, pausing for a moment to consider Armin and Mikasa. Armin narrowed his eyes slightly under the scrutiny, but then Erwin sighed, motioning to Rivaille and Eren’s bedroom door. “I’m assuming you two skipped lunch?” _Lunch?_ Rivaille thought. _The fight must have taken longer than I thought…_ Hanji, meanwhile, moved over to his door, whipping out a remarkably full ring of keys and fiddling around with them.

“Eren wasn’t at breakfast or at the training this morning… and there’d been no kaiju alarm,” Mikasa said defensively, tugging on her red scarf. “We were worried.” Erwin nodded, seemingly in understanding, as the door clicked open and Rivaille glared at everyone to move out of his way. Once he was finally inside the room, he gently laid Eren down on his bed, brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen into his face. _He’s… beautiful…_

A loud exclamation forced Rivaille to look up. Mikasa looked aghast, Armin surprised, and behind Erwin, Hanji and Moblit were having a soft discussion, Mike simply observing everything in his usual patient way.

“But,” Erwin continued, voice firm. “This is classified information. I’m only telling you because you are logged into our records as the only relation Eren has left. And you,” Erwin said, focusing now on Armin, “probably would have heard from Hanji soon, anyways. The point being, however, that not a word of this is allowed out. Is this understood?”

“Yes, sir,” came the immediate chorus.

“You didn’t seriously tell them the brat’s a kaiju, did you?” Rivaille muttered, earning himself a look from the both of them.

“As I said, she’s his only relation. Hanji,” Erwin said.

“Yes?”

“What’s Eren’s present condition?”

“Perfect, as best I can tell. He’s running what would normally be a fever, but compared to what it was when we just extracted-” Erwin raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, extracted, like he came out of the body, I’ll show you clips later- extracted him, he was at a much higher temperature, probably closer to that of a kaiju. His superficial wounds have since healed up, no scar tissue or anything. There’s a chance, of course, that he’s got internal damage, but considering the rate at which he healed, I doubt that… that’s about it,” Hanji finished. The silence in the room was thick.

“So he’ll be fine?” Armin asked, chest deflating in relief when Hanji nodded, but his face returning to a concerned one moments later. “What does this mean, then? For us, and Eren? And how did you find out?”

“Those are all long stories, some of which we don’t have definitive answers for yet,” Erwin replied. “At best, it means a way to end this war. At worst…” he trailed off, tone heavy. “In any case, for now we will take no course of action. I’m sure Eren will inform you further once he knows. You two should get to your class, though. I do believe you still have higher-level jaegertech classes at this point in your careers?”

“Yes…” Mikasa muttered, seeming uneasy with the answers Erwin provided. Rivaille could sympathize; the very implication that something bad could happen to Eren made his stomach twist.

“Well.” Hanji yawned loudly and tiredly, and Rivaille realized that she most likely hadn’t slept in over twenty-four hours. “Anyways, Moblit, how-” another yawn. “How long ‘til the tests are done again?”

Moblit glanced at his watch. “The first batch should be ready in about five minutes or so…”

Hanji nodded a few times, stretching her hands up over her head. “Alright, we should really get goin’, then. Come on, we can escort you two to class, it’s on the way to the lab,” Hanji said, waving her hands to get Armin and Mikasa to follow. After a few seconds on indecision, Armin stepped forward, and Mikasa shot one last worried glance at Eren before following suit. “Catch you guys later,” Hanji said, waving and walking out the door.

“Bye,” said Moblit, following immediately after her. Armin waved a bit, and Mikasa glared at Rivaille, flicking her eyes in a very obvious way from him to Eren and back again. Rivaille nodded, bringing up a fist over his heart in a salute. Her eyes widened, but then she smiled.

“Bye,” she said, then left. Erwin turned to face Rivaille, Mike still waiting behind him. He opened his mouth to begin speaking, but Rivaille cut across him.

“Can’t we do this later?” Rivaille grumbled, looking pointedly at Eren where he lay passed out on the bed.

Erwin fixed Levi with a look, but then he sighed. “Tomorrow morning work, then?”

“…yes. After coffee?”

“Only if you bring me some. Don’t forget the creamer. Some of us use it, you know,” Erwin said, his expression lightening for a few seconds as Rivaille rolled his eyes in faked disdain. He turned to leave, Mike mimicking the action, but Rivaille cleared his throat, looking everywhere but Erwin.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, half under his breath.

Erwin’s brow creased. “For?” he asked, and Rivaille sensed that it was genuine curiosity rather than maliciousness that drove the question.

“For… exploding on you earlier.” Erwin’s expression cleared instantly. “I shouldn’t have.”

Erwin shook his head. “No, it’s fine- I’m sorry I sprung it on you like that. I can’t imagine what it would be like, to hear that kind of information. I… I trust everything between you two is still fine?”

Rivaille glanced at Eren, his expression softening. “Yeah, it’s fine.” His eyes lingered, and he turned back to find Erwin regarding him thoughtfully, Mike standing with a quiet smile on his face.

“Mmhm,” Erwin said. “Then we’ll leave you two alone. Remember to ask him about the mental communication and his transformation when he wakes up. Report that to Hanji, though. She’ll get it to me once she’s fully ‘analyzed’ it…” Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose, his head shaking slightly, and Rivaille snorted. Hanji’s analyses consisted of multicolored, handwritten notes stacked one atop the other in the margins of printed reports. Which, ordinarily, wouldn’t have posed a problem; however, given that Hanji wrote in a combination of chicken-scratch and shorthand… needless to say, Rivaille held great sympathy for Erwin.

“See you tomorrow, then,” he said, and Erwin nodded as he walked out the door. Mike waved, still smiling (rather too suggestively) at Rivaille. Rivaille flipped him off, seeing his grin widen as a result. “Bastard,” he muttered, not really meaning it. The door closed behind the two, and finally, Rivaille was alone with Eren.

He sat down on the edge of Eren’s bed, sinking his head into his hands and rubbing at his eyes. _Come to think of it, I don’t recall actually having had coffee this morning… or even if I did, I need another. Soon_. His thoughts soon turned, however, to Eren.

_He’s a kaiju, and yet… I can’t shake it. That feeling._ He sighed. Still shit at feelings, whoop-dee-do. If it was what he thought it was, though, then it could pose a problem. He was fairly certain Eren returned the feelings, but… he was also Eren. And a kaiju. And a jaeger pilot. And what if then something happened, something like- Rivaille momentarily saw the face of the boy he’d comforted earlier, Jean. Then Auruo, Erd, Günter… Petra. _What if the same happens then?_

Rivaille heard a shifting behind him, and twisted where he was sitting, banishing his conflicted thoughts away, so that he could face Eren. “Eren, you’re- are you alright?” he asked, noticing the tears that tracked down Eren’s face, despite Eren’s best efforts to hold them in. Eren looked at Rivaille for a moment, shaking his head with wide eyes. He scrambled to push himself into a sitting position, brushing away his tears, and Rivaille reached out to lend him support. “You might want to be careful, you might still have internal damage- does it hurt?” Rivaille said, trying to express as much genuine concern as he could. It still sounded fake to his ears, and Rivaille internally cursed.

Again, Eren shook his head, taking a shaky breath and trembling conspicuously under Rivaille’s hand. He refused to make eye contact, instead continuing to breathe rapidly. Rivaille let this carry on for a few seconds, until Eren’s tears renewed. Rivaille handed him a tissue and tried to speak like Eren’s tears were ripping into his heart. “Eren, why are you crying?”

Eren sniffed, voice subdued when he answered. “I’m a kaiju.”

“Yeah, so?”

“I’m a monster.”

“No, you’re not. You’re a seventeen-year-old jaeger pilot.”

“No, I’m a fucking _kaiju_.”

“Okay.”

“ _YOU DON’T GET IT!”_ Eren exploded. _“I’M A FUCKING MONSTER!_ ” Eren’s voice cracked, as did his mask of anger. He brought one of his fists up, unclenching and re-clenching his hand as he stared at it, chest heaving. “I’m a monster. I’m a _kaiju. I CAN TURN INTO A FUCKING FIFTY-METER TALL_ BEAST _AND I_ \- I _swore_ I’d kill them all and _now I fucking AM one_ and what am I even supposed to _do?_ ” Eren looked up at Rivaille, hopelessness clear in his gaze. “Am I supposed to die too?” Despite himself, Rivaille heard his own intake of breath; Eren, though, had fixated his eyes back on his hand and seemed to be oblivious, lost in thought. “All the kaiju- I said I would, but- I’ve spent my entire life _hating_ them, wanting to _kill_ them- does that mean I have to be killed, too? I’m-”

“Eren-” Rivaille began, reaching out to Eren, only to be rebuffed.

“I’m a fucking _danger_ to _everybody_ \- I should- Rivaille,” Eren said, his voice rising in pitch as he reached near-hysteric levels. “Rivaille I don’t- I don’t want to die, I don’t, I-”

“No one’s trying to kill you,” Rivaille said, as reassuringly as he could, finally managing to reach over and run a hand through Eren’s hair. “I wouldn’t let them,” he continued, eyes narrowing slightly. Eren’s breath hitched.

“Why? Don’t you want to see all the kaiju dead?”

“Yes, I do. Of course I do-”

“Then _WHY_? _DO YOU NOT REALIZE I’M A KAIJU?_ ”

“Well for a massive fucking beast you sure as fuck don’t _look_ to me like one, nor _act_ like one-”

“Does it even fucking _matter?_ You _saw_ me! _You saw what I was like! I could barely even fucking control myself, I-_ I had _teeth_ and _claws_ and-”

“ _Had. Had_ teeth and claws. But look at what form you reverted to-”

“I’m a fucking monster that doesn’t change anything I’m just a-”

“Eren, just fucking look in the mirror and-”

“NO! _HOW CAN YOU FUCKING TELL ME TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR WHEN ALL I SEE IS A MONSTER HIDING BEHIND MY FACE? I’M NOT EVEN_ ME _ANYMORE! I THOUGHT I WAS FUCKING_ HUMAN! _I THOUGHT I COULD_ KILL _THEM! AND NOW I_ AM _ONE?! I COULD TRANSFORM AT ANY GODDAMN SECOND, I COULD KILL EVERYONE IN THIS FUCKING SHATTERDOME, I COULD KILL_ YOU _\- WHY THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN STILL_ HERE _?”_

“BECAUSE I FUCKING _WANT_ TO BE!” Rivaille seethed. “You’re still fucking Eren fucking Jaeger, most obnoxious fucking copilot in the shatterdome! Your name is still the same fucking one as those fucking metallic monsters we use to beat up the living ones! I mean _fuck_ just because you didn’t know it before doesn’t mean you weren’t always a kaiju! Hell, I didn’t always know I liked you!” Rivaille saw Eren start out of the corner of his periphery, but paid it no mind as he continued on. “Did that change who I am on a fundamental level? Hell no! I’m still _me_ , Eren, just like you’re still _you!_ ” Rivaille jabbed a finger at Eren’s chest. “So accept the fact that you can’t change what you are and _move the fuck on_. Focus on what you fucking _can_ do. Crying’s great for stress-relief and all, but as a method of problem solving it’s really kind of actual shit! So _use_ that power you have!” Rivaille stopped the pacing he’d begun in the middle of his speech, turning towards Eren.

“Rivaille…” Eren said softly, his eyes still streaming and snot running down his face.

“Eren, who are you fighting for?”

“H-huh?”

“You heard me. Who or what are you fighting for. Humanity versus the kaiju. Whose fucking side are you on.”

“I- what?”

“Just answer the damn question. Who are you fighting for?”

“…humanity. Everyone here, Mikasa, Armin, you. People. So we won’t live like cattle inside our pens… so that people can have their freedom.”

“And _that_ is why I’m here. _That’s_ why I can let myself like you. That’s- Eren you’re fucking crying again.”

“Sorry,” Eren sniffed, forcing himself to stop. “But… _how?_ I’m not even _human,_ Rivaille. I’m a fucking _monster_ -“

 “Eren, I don’t care. I don’t _care_ if you’re a fucking monster. Even if you are, you’re a beautiful fucking monster, you’re-” Rivaille cut off, noticing how close he’d moved into Eren’s space. They were only centimeters apart, now- Eren’s eyes, still red and puffy, were stretched wide, his breath shaky where it brushed over Rivaille’s cheeks- and, suddenly, Rivaille made up his mind. “You’re _my_ beautiful monster,” he whispered, leaning forward, his head tilting slowly, until he pressed his lips to Eren’s.

 They stayed like that, for a few seconds, until Eren pulled away, his features contorted into an ugly grimace, his breath heaving, and began to cry again. He made motion to talk, but as it was unintelligible anyway, Rivaille simply handed him another tissue with the curt order to blow his nose, the sheets had just been changed.

Eren laughed a bit at that, seemingly in spite of himself, sniffing and blowing his nose a few more times. His tears ceased to fall, and after a few minutes of companionable silence, Eren’s breath had evened out enough to permit him to speak.

“Did you…”

“Did I what?”

“Did you mean that?”

“Mean what?”

“About…” Eren paused, averting his eyes to his hands, where they rested in his lap, clenched around the used tissue. “About me,” he whispered, his voice almost cracking on the last word. Rivaille regarded Eren for a few seconds, before reaching out with one hand and cupping Eren’s cheek.  Gently, he tilted Eren’s head up, so that they could make eye contact.

“Yes, brat, I did,” Rivaille said. And then Eren’s hand was warm at the base of his neck, fingers scrubbing his undercut as he was pulled forward, his lips meeting Eren’s with force, this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~did you all get my incredibly obtuse reference to the visual novel~~   
>  <3 <3 <3
> 
> Also, sometimes Hanji's sentences repeat things or don't make complete logical sense- this is very much on purpose. She's a scatterbrain who talks through her problems.


	31. Business, or: the scents of coffee and lavender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My excuses include life, upcoming exams, and prom. ~~definitely not laziness what no absolutely not~~
> 
>  **But okay listen up: from here on out, I'm working in information from the manga. _This means there may be spoilers for those of you who are yet unaware._** Given that this is an AUverse, things won't be explicitly out and stated but I mean you'll get the gist of it. So, take this as your 'turn back now' warning. ~~Or 'go read the manga because it's really diddly darn good' warning.~~

Rivaille woke up first, as was normal. He was laying on his bed, curled up into himself. And still wearing his clothes from last night. _Gross…_ He looked up, across the narrow space between beds, to Eren. After they’d kissed- and they had, hadn’t they? That could pose a problem. Not that Rivaille regretted it, not really. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. It could still pose a problem, though. But after they’d kissed, Rivaille had simply held Eren, feeling his warmth permeate through their clothes.

It had taken him a while to realize that Eren had fallen asleep. And then Rivaille had set him back down, and gone to lay on his own bed, telling himself a nap was permissible after the events of the day, and… fallen asleep, evidently. He didn’t know whether to be grateful or offended that no one had come to wake him up for dinner- on the one hand, he felt truly rested for once, but on the other, he was also gross and hungry.

He sat up, stretching his hands over his head to ease the kinks that had accumulated in his back. He sighed in satisfaction at the pleasant tingling of his muscles. Then, and only then, did he allow himself to look at his clock- 0614. Perfect- fifteen minutes until the alarm actually sounded. Just enough time for an actual shower.

Rivaille used the entirety of the fifteen minutes at his disposal, scrubbing his skin with force in an attempt to remove the sticky feeling of overnight sweat that had accumulated on his skin. The lavender soap Eren had given him smelled nice, its aroma diffusing into the damp air around him. By the time he got out, Hanji was already sitting on his bed, sipping from the first of two thermos she carried. She offered the other to Rivaille.

“Coffee, just for you.”

Not caring too much for propriety (and besides, Hanji had seen everything already anyway), Rivaille changed out of his towel into new clothes. “This is a better wake up than yesterday’s,  so I suppose I should thank you.”

Hanji raised her eyebrows, a teasing smile on her lips. “Woke up on the right side of bed this morning, did we now?Or should I say,” she said, leaning forward conspiratorially, “the right side of _Eren’s_ bed?”

“Ew, gross, no,” Rivaille said, making a face and taking a sip of (thankfully unsugared) coffee. “I mean look at him. He’s _drooling_.”  Eren’s mouth was slightly open on his pillow, a darker wet spot under his mouth. Hanji grinned nonetheless.

“Don’t even _try_ to deny the fondness in your expression there, Riri, you don’t look at _anyone_ that way.”

“Shitty glasses.”

“Ah, but you’re not denying it. I’m right then?” Hanji stifled a yawn with her arm, pulling off her glasses to rub her eyes. Rivaille almost cringed at the depths of the bags that were no longer covered by thick frames.

“No, and did you even sleep?” he bit out. Hanji looked at him in surprise, hand frozen in place over one eye.

“Uh, a few hours?” Rivaille leveled a look at her. “Alright alright I slept three hours while the stuff was cooking, calm down.”

“Three hours in the last what, forty-eight? Not fucking healthy.”

“I know…” she said, dipping her head and putting her glasses back on. “But I can sleep later, there’s stuff that needs doing now. Like hauling your very fine ass to Erwin’s office, for example,” she said, standing up and stretching. Rivaille rolled his eyes, but donned his boots nonetheless.

“Fine, fine, I’m coming, you piece of shit,” he said softly, glancing at Eren.

“Hurry up, we don’t have all morning!” Hanji trilled from the hallway. Rivaille paused, taking a few quick steps over to Eren’s bed and lightly running his fingers through Eren’s hair. Eren shifted in his sleep, but didn’t quite wake up, and a swell of something warm filled Rivaille’s chest. He leaned down and placed a kiss on Eren’s forehead, then turned and followed after Hanji, who greeted him with a shit-eating grin.

“Not a word, shitty glasses. Not a word.” Hanji mimed locking her mouth with a key, but then her playful expression was replaced with a serious one, her eyes narrowing just slightly.

“We got half the shatterdome screened,” she said, her tone very offhand. Rivaille looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

“And?”

Hanji stopped walking, fixing Rivaille with a grave stare that made his blood run cold. “Listen, you’re not allowed to tell Eren _anything_ from now on, not before it’s been cleared by Erwin.”

Rivaille’s brows pulled together. “Why?”

“Hive-mind,” Hanji said, finally breaking eye contact and running a hand through her hair, pulling at several knots. She began walking again, and Rivaille followed suit. “They all think alike- or at least, incredibly similarly- and we recorded unusually increased activity in our brain sample when Eren transformed yesterday-”

“You recorded that?”

“Sensors were already in place, for a different experiment. But the point is, we don’t know what he knows, or how much of what he knows can be accessed by the others. It’s a total lockdown of sensitive information passing through him from now on.”

“…understood,” Rivaille replied. He understood perfectly well, but at the same time, it bothered him to know that details of Eren’s future (not fate; fate spoke of death, future spoke of life) would have to be hidden from Eren himself. Rivaille looked up from his musings to see Hanji regarding him carefully. “Really,” Rivaille added.

“Okay. Then… Reiner Braun and Berthold Hoover.”

“The two pilots?”

“Yeah, their blood both tested positive…” There it was again. Hanji insistently pulled her fingers through another knot in her ponytail, seemingly unaware of her action, her gaze fixed off in the distance. Rivaille shuddered.

“And we didn’t run these tests before-”

“I told you,” Hanji interrupted, uncharacteristically sharp. “There was never any cause to run these tests before- humans aren’t _supposed_ to suddenly be kaiju, you know?” She made a noncommittal noise in the back of her throat. “But we still have half the samples left to go, and it’s especially complicated because Erwin doesn’t want anyone else on the project- just me and Moblit. Security stuff and all that.”

“You could have woken me up, you know,” Rivaille grumbled.

“Pft, I’m not the only one who needs sleeps around here. Besides, your boytoy-”

“Hanji, he’s not my boytoy.”

“Mmhm whatever you say. Just don’t tell him anything, okay?”

“I already fucking told you I won’t,” Rivaille growled. Hanji lifted her arms in surrender before reaching forward to open the door in front of them.

“Please,” she gestured, and Rivaille entered Erwin’s office, finding the man himself still surrounded by heaps of papers. Why the top brass still refused to go completely digital, Rivaille had yet to understand, but he supposed Erwin would look far less busy if instead of a forest’s worth of paper, he had a tablet. Erwin leaned back in his chair once Hanji entered the room behind Rivaille, shutting the door in her wake.

“Rivaille, I presume Hanji filled you in?”

“Mm. Shit, all of it. Are we just gonna let them-”

“As long as they don’t think they’re in danger, they shouldn’t pose a threat, at least until we work out some counter-measures. They haven’t seemed to be willing to make any moves yet, we’ll just have to hope our luck holds. Eren is a liability, though- we don’t know what he knows and what he doesn’t.”

“I thought we’d decided to trust him?” Rivaille asked, doubt evident in his voice.

“One should always play one’s cards safe, Rivaille, especially when the person you’re betting against would appear to have the upper hand.”

“Mm. And in the meantime?” Rivaille shifted his weight, setting himself down on the other foot.

“You know that I’ve been searching for answers for a long time- what are the kaiju, and where do they come from? We’ve found potential answers to both. I don’t know if the fact that we now have both at the same time is merely lucky coincidence, but Eren and the others can be used to find the ‘what’ answer, and we’ve definitely found a lead into the ‘where’ question.” Erwin steepled his fingers.

“And I wasn’t involved?”

“It had to do with the underground. I figured you’d rather not be involved.”

Rivaille grunted. While it was true that he’d rather not be involved with the underground again, he still didn’t have to like the fact that he was out of the loop. _But if so, then…_ “And now is better?”

“Now we have a person,” Erwin said.

“His name is Nick Pastor,” Hanji said. “Lives in Stohess. We think he’s connected to the disappearance of all those documents from a hundred years ago.”

“How the fuck-”

“You know how it is. Ask the right questions, give the right incentives…” Erwin shrugged a bit. Rivaille blinked at him.

“You know what,” he said. “I don’t even want to know.”

“As I said, we’ve been looking into this for a while now. The main point, however, is that I want you and Hanji to pay Mr. Pastor a visit. See what information he might actually have, and if he’s got any leads of some sort. Considering the precarious position we’re in, it would we best if we could figure this out as soon as possible…” Erwin brought his still-steepled fingers to his mouth. “And if we can do that, then we stand a chance of freeing humanity, for good.” Rivaille ignored the small voice in his mind that whispered _what about Eren?_ , choosing instead to concentrate on the situation at hand.

“Why send me? Not just Hanji? I have a fresh co-pilot, and know nothing about matters as far as this is concerned…”

Erwin’s eyes flicked quickly to Rivaille, in the way that meant Erwin knew Rivaille wouldn’t necessarily like what was coming. “If… extra research needs to be done, you’re the only one of us who knows the underground well enough.”

Predictably, Rivaille didn’t like it. He grimaced. “I hate it when you pull that logic shit out of your ass, you know.”

Erwin gave him a wan smile. “I know, I’m sorry.”

Rivaille snorted. “Right. When?”

“Preferably? Now.”

“…yeah, hell no. I’m not going anywhere with shitty glasses until she takes at _least_ a nap-”

“Hey!”

“-and secondly, what the fuck am I supposed to tell Eren? I can’t just up and leave him in the dark.”

Erwin reached for a mug in the corner of his desk, raising it to his lips. “Business trip?”

“The fuck? As if that-” Rivaille trailed off for a moment, contemplative. He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, and began speaking again. “You know, as much as it pains me to say it, that… might actually work with the brat.”

“Well,” Hanji mused, “it’s not exactly a _lie_ , is it?”

Rivaille raised a brow at her.

* * *

 

Eren woke up slowly, his alarm (set to the loudest possible volume, of course) cycling through three rounds of snooze before he felt capable of pulling himself out of bed. He caught a whiff of Rivaille’s scent still on his pillow, however, and sat back down on the edge of the bed, pulling the pillow into his lap and hugging it close to his body.

 _I’m a kaiju. I’m a kaiju, but Rivaille doesn’t care. Rivaille…_ all things considered, it didn’t really surprise Eren that Rivaille was already gone- breakfast started in ten minutes, and Rivaille had probably gone to the mess hall to secure himself his coffee. Eren smiled a bit at the thought, blushing slightly as he recalled the taste of coffee on Rivaille’s tongue the night before. It had never tasted that sweet before.

He stuck his tongue out at himself, embarrassed further by the direction his thoughts were taking. He glanced at the clock then, more out of habit than anything else, ready to- _shit._ Seven minutes until breakfast. Eren stripped on his way to the bathroom, definitely not spending the recommended two minutes brushing his teeth, peeing somewhere along the way and practically stumbling into new clothes. He was halfway down the hall before he stopped dead.

 _I’ve missed an entire day… I’m a kaiju. What do I tell them?_ Eren almost turned back to his room, but his stomach grumbled loudly, bringing his hunger back to the fore, and he decided to persist. _I’ll just tell them I had special practice with Rivaille or something… it’s not exactly a_ lie…

Eren tried to be as confident as possible as he walked through the mess hall doors a few minutes late, but he didn’t have to worry too much, as Armin and Mikasa waved him over once he’d acquired food (and boy, was he dying to _eat_ that food).

“So, feeling better?” Armin asked. Eren glanced at him, confused, but Armin continued staunchly on. “Your cold seemed pretty bad yesterday.” Eren widened his eyes in understanding, smiling thankfully at his best friend.

“Yeah, a lot better. It was just a quick thing…”

“Pft,” said Jean, who was sitting on the end of the table opposite of Eren. “You _would_ take a day off for a cold…” Eren resisted the urge to ask what had happened to cause the bags under his eyes to deepen so much- but he had a feeling he knew. Speaking of, though…

“By the way, fuckface, I told him,” Eren said, surprising himself with how steady his voice sounded, despite the very palpable warmth to his cheeks. The rest of the table- Armin, Mikasa, Sasha, Connie, Ymir, Christa, Reiner, and Berthold- all looked between the two of them, confused, and Jean himself looked downright shocked. After a few seconds of staring at Eren, however, his face broke into a smug grin.

“You know what? For once in your life, Jaeger, well done.” He looked like he was about to add more- Eren certainly knew _he_ was going to give a retort of some kind- but just then a loud and painful screeching filled their ears, accompanied by the swears of what was essentially the entire mess hall. Coach Shadis stepped onto an empty table, megaphone hanging limply at his side as he chose his own voice over the instrument’s brutal cacophony.

“Alright! Recently graduated maggots, listen closely! You’ve had about two weeks to transition to full-fledged soldier life, now’s time for you pieces of trash to get learning again! After breakfast, head to Auditorium 1C, we’ll be having you choose your elective classes or your non-alert jobs! Understood?”

As one, the new soldiers shouted, “yessir!”

After that, the dynamic at their table returned with impetus, jokes and names tossed easily amongst them all. It was… it was so _normal,_ Eren almost hated it. What would they do, if they knew he was a kaiju? He thought Mikasa and Armin might, with the looks they kept giving him and Armin’s careful diversion of any questions pertaining to Eren’s health or disappearance. But the others? Would they despise him? Would they fear him? Eren shook his head. Now was _not_ the time to be thinking about that. Now was time for breakfast.

They left the mess hall as a group, Eren taking up the rear. Commander Smith stepped around the corner of the hall just as Eren was about to exit the mess hall, making a ‘wait’ gesture. Eren relayed the information to Armin, who nodded, making sure that the rest of them kept walking. He shot Eren a glance, though, to which Eren could only shrug. After a quick conversation with Shadis, Smith beckoned Eren over, and motioned for him to follow as he retreated back down the hallway he’d come from. Eren followed, aware of the stink eye that Shadis was giving him.

“Um, Commander Smith, sir?”

“Yes?”

“What’s… uh?”

“Kieth will let you choose your electives later- for you, I would strongly suggest a higher-level mechanics class, that’s always especially useful to know as pilot,” Smith supplied.

“Ah, no- I mean, yessir, but… why are you calling me? Is it about-”

“No,” Smith said, cutting him off. “Rivaille simply has to go on a business trip, and he wanted to say goodbye before he left. I elected to come get you while he packed. We’re meeting at the station downstairs,” he explained as he stepped into the ‘down’ elevator.

“Oh,” Eren said, simultaneously elated that Rivaille had apparently wanted to see him badly enough to send Commander Smith, and terrified because, idol or not, Smith was pretty damn scary. And quiet. Eren was almost relieved when the elevator doors opened and he was greeted with a hyperactive Hanji.

“Ignore the shit, she finally slept a solid forty-five minutes without interruption, so now she thinks she’s invincible,” commented a dry voice, and Eren looked past Hanji to see Rivaille roll his eyes. Eren smiled softly.

“Oh?” he asked, moving over to stand by Rivaille, looking down the few inches that separated them. Rivaille was wearing a satchel, probably for his business trip.

“Yeah, brat,” Rivaille replied, but he was smiling. Smiling at Eren. Actually _smiling_.

 _That’s it,_ Eren thought. _I can die happy now._ Instead, though, he decided to go with a question. “So… business trip?”

“Yeah,” Rivaille said, “just found out this morning. Apparently I’ll be gone a few days. Think you can handle that?” Eren shot a quick glance at Smith, who was deep in conversation with Hanji and Moblit, and deemed it safe to proceed.

“I dunno… leave me with a nice memory or something?” he said cheekily.

“If that was a fucking pick-up line, you might want to try better,” Rivaille said, snorting. Eren instantly began to backpedal, but Rivaille grabbed his hand instead, pulling him back close. “I never said it wouldn’t work on me, brat,” he said. He leaned in, and Eren closed his eyes in preparation for a kiss, when- “You _did_ brush your teeth, right?” Rivaille asked, and Eren had to turn his face to avoid laughing in Rivaille’s.

“Yeah, I brushed my teeth,” Eren replied. “But I also just had breakfast…”

“Hm,” Rivaille replied. “I guess I can work with that,” he said, threading a few fingers over the nape of Eren’s neck before pulling him down into, finally, a kiss. Eren wrapped his arms around Rivaille’s waist, barely conscious of how awkward Rivaille’s satchel made it. The smell of coffee and lavender filled his nose. They kissed for what felt like a while, until wolf-whistling caused them to break apart. Hanji laughed raucously as Eren flushed and tried to smooth down his hair.

“If you’re ready, your train departs in approximately one minute,” Smith supplied, looking at Rivaille with a faint smile. Rivaille scowled.

“Yeah, yeah. See ya, brat,” he said, waving goodbye as he boarded the train. Hanji followed soon behind, leaving Eren, Smith, and Moblit all standing together on the platform. After a few seconds, a window opened, and Hanji stuck her head out, shouting at Moblit.

“And don’t forget, if you need help, get Armin! He knows his shit!” The train lurched then, and from behind her, Rivaille pulled Hanji back into the train car fully, shutting the window with an annoyed glare. Eren waved until the train rounded the corner and vanished from sight.

“He really likes you, you know,” Smith said, startling Eren.

“Huh?”

“Rivaille. He looks at you the same way Moblit looks at Hanji.”

On Smith’s other side, Eren saw Moblit wince and pull a face, muttering what sounded suspiciously like a ‘do not’ under his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again unbeta'd, because i'm a piece of shit, it's 2 am, and i'm impatient. i'll go back and fix errors tomorrow. later today. whatever.
> 
> pulling into the home stretch of the fic here, and i'm simultaneously elated and scared. We'll see how this goes ^^ (I only have 3 pages of notes for the rest of the fic...) 
> 
> but yeah! just as a reminder, i track "fic: freedom wing" and "nagisachansan"/"nagisa chan san" on tumblr ^^ ~~btw if you're ever bored i love hearing your thoughts and theories on what might possibly happen~~


	32. One Kaiju, Two Kaiju, or: My! How many kaiju there are!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Okay seriously if you didn't heed my warning at the beginning of last chapter- _if you want to remain spoiler-free, don't read any further._** I am no longer liable for any spoiling of plot that may occur.

 Eren was bored. Again. He had the vague sensation that he had been bored before, but whenever that had been, that period of boredom had _nothing_ on what he was feeling now. He’d signed up for this class after bidding Rivaille goodbye, at Erwin’s suggestion, but he understood neither heads nor tails of it. The only reason he’d scraped through three years of military JaegarTech classes had been because of Armin, and Armin had been forcibly coerced by Moblit into choosing a job at the lab. Eren glanced at Mikasa, but she was actually paying attention, so he didn’t want to bother her.

Instead, he continued staring a hole at the clock above the board, watching the seconds tick by and wondering if they’d always gone so slow. He had set his elbow on the desk and his head on his hand several minutes ago, and felt no compulsion to change that. He jolted when he heard his name called, and blinked a few times as he looked down at their instructor, who was giving him an annoyed stare.

“As I was saying, _Freedom Wing_ isn’t a GenVI, she’s actually a GenIV, however, when she was overhauled, her motors and machinery were re-formatted to much more closely resemble those of a GenVI, in most of the ways that matter. You’d benefit from paying close attention to this, Eren, even if your jaeger isn’t exactly the same.”

“Uh, yessir,” Eren said, surreptitiously pushing himself into a more proper sitting position and lifting his pen for the first time that class. He shrugged sheepishly at Mikasa’s glance, but she shook her head and returned to her notes which- now that Eren actually paid attention to them- were highly detailed and organized. Eren looked back at his own blank sheet of paper and sighed internally. _I wish I had that skill_ …

For the rest of class, Eren tried. He failed, catching his imagination off elsewhere more than enough times, but the fact that he tried… that had to count for _something_ , right? In any case, when class was dismissed, Eren closed his still blank notebook, telling Mikasa he’d join them at lunch after dropping them off in his room, which he immediately did.

Luckily, Mikasa had saved him a seat.

“So, Armin, how was your lab day with Moblit?” Eren asked as he took his seat, immediately getting to work on his peas-and-mashed-potatoes combo.

“Oh, uh, you know. It was pretty cool, I guess… I was. Organizing files, and stuff.”

“Mm, cool,” Eren said around his mouthful. “Oh, hey,” he added as Sasha walked over, sitting between Mikasa and Connie, and Annie took a chair as far away from everyone as she could, looking annoyed. “You okay?” he asked out of mild concern, rather than greet Jean, who’d just pulled up.

“Fine,” Annie replied tersely.

“Not hanging with Reiner and Berthold today?” Eren pushed. Which, given Annie’s disposition, was probably not a good idea. As expected, she leveled him with a glare, and Eren shrank back into his seat, trying to mumble an apology. Then Annie sighed heavily.

“No, they’re being dicks,” she said, aggressively stabbing a carrot. Eren decided to leave it at that.

“So are you guys all in that special pilot class?” Connie asked, flicking his eyes around the table. “I mean, except you, Armin.” Armin gave him a grin, but it was the kind of grin that- if someone knew Armin well enough to know this- was less an actual grin and more a marker of Armin not knowing how to reply.

“We are,” Mikasa said, looking at Annie. “It’s just continuing working on conditioning, isn’t it?”

“Mmhm,” Sasha said. “Like the sparring thing we were doing the other day. You in, by the way?”she asked, leaning over and making eye contact with Eren, who shook his head.

“Nope,” he replied. “Rivaille’s not here.”

“Oh?” Connie said.

“Yeah, some business trip or something.”

“Ah, gotcha.”

“And… Jean?” Sasha asked tentatively, looking over at their friend, who was aggressively squishing peas flat against his plate with his fork. Jean looked up, and tried a smile.

“Oh, no, I decided to go help with the mechanics… they’re repairing _Delta Mustang_ right now, and I… yeah.” It took several minutes for the tension to fade again after that, but once they got conversation going, things went smoothly until the bell rang. Then everyone got up, heading together to throw away their trash.

 Eren waved goodbye to most of his table right outside the doors- _they_ were going to do fitness training together in piloting pairs (well, except for Jean), not that Eren was jealous of them. Instead, he walked Armin down to Hanji’s lab, with the full intention of staying- until both Armin and Moblit teamed up on him and shoo’d him away. Muttering under his breath about goddamn traitors, Eren walked aimlessly through the shatterdome for a while.

He passed by the gym, and then a corridor that vaguely reminded him of something… _oh, that’s where Rivaille took me that one time._ Eren paused there for a few seconds, contemplating his options. He could continue wandering around the shatterdome for a while yet, or… or he could go grab a staff and train on his own. _Just ‘cause I can turn into a giant monster is no excuse for letting my physical skills slide…_ he snorted. _You’re fucking hilarious, Eren Jaeger._ Mind made up, Eren went to go procure himself a staff.

He stopped by the gym and what he’d come to think of as Rivaille’s room, grabbing a sparring staff and taking it with him, skirting around the edge of the gym, watching his classmates spar with each other, all of them moving together, with the exception of Connie and Sasha, who appeared to be playing some sort of ‘see-who-can-stand-on-their-toes-the-longest’ game. Shaking his head, Eren followed the path he’d been led on several days previously, after Marco’s death.

It seemed like forever ago, and Eren supposed it was- after all, that had been when he’d still been human- he cut himself off, shaking his head frantically. _No, don’t think like that_ \- _like Rivaille said, that’s now what makes me who I am, it’s who I fight for that does…_ but what if being a kaiju now meant that he would be more susceptible to changing sides? His blood ran cold, then hot. _No, I won’t allow that. Never._ _They killed my comrades…_

He frowned, familiar anger washing over him as he pictured the gentle smile and kind disposition. _If nothing else, I have to kill them all to avenge Marco…_ It really was a cruel joke that such a thing should happen, so soon after they’d been given their jaegers. And Jean… Eren shivered. Never would he admit it, but the asshole was one of his friends, and the way his eyes hardly seemed to smile along with his mouth anymore- well, that hurt almost as much as Marco’s death had. Especially because… Eren shuddered again. He didn’t _want_ to imagine how he would feel if Rivaille were to be ripped away from him in the jaws of a kaiju. _In my jaws…_

Eren forced himself to breathe deeply as he rode the elevator. He brought his fingers to his lips, trying to ground himself and remind himself- _Rivaille doesn’t care._ He sighed, loosening his unconsciously tightened grip on the staff. The elevator dinged, doors sliding open, and Eren stepped out, opening the connecting door to the roof. The fresh breeze was a bit colder than he remembered, but he welcomed it. More than enough reason to work himself as hard as he could.

He walked forward, leaving the elevator house behind him, making sure he was in the center of the clear space. He faced the lands outside the walls, spotting large rifts in the ground- _me_ , he thought with mild surprise. He hadn’t really realized just how big he’d gotten, but the overturned earth that approached the horizon was testament enough.

Eren took another deep breath, closing his eyes as he brought his staff up in front of him, parallel to the edge of the wall. He counted to three, stepping smoothly into his first form, working his way through all of them with single-minded concentration, forcing himself to focus solely on the motion of the staff around his body, on the way his calloused palms chafed against the wood, on the intricate footwork pattern that had been drilled into his mind over the years. After one solid run-through of all his forms, he started over from the beginning, this time embellishing the moves as he saw fit. Soon he was shadow-sparring against an invisible Rivaille, improvising his moves on the spot, challenging himself to be ever faster while keeping his footwork intact. He continued moving until he noticed his legs responding half a second slower than they normally did- only then did he stop, walking over to the side of the elevator shack, sitting down and leaning his back against it.

His head thunked against the hard metal, but Eren ignored the momentary throb and continued breathing- gasping, really- and feeling his heartbeat slowly return to normal speeds. The sun was significantly lower now, and Eren estimated that he probably had another hour left before the sun set. He was on the verge of dozing off when the rumble of the elevator cables jolted him back into full wakefulness. Well, almost. Instead of actually getting up, Eren simply titled his head in the direction of the elevator doors, even though they were obscured from view around the corner of the elevator shack.

The doors slid open, and Eren recognized the deep rumble as Reiner’s before he’d even processed the words he was saying.

“-take him back?”

“We can’t risk that!” said a voice that, considering the soft tremors that laced it, was probably Berthold’s.

“But he’s one of us now! You felt it!” Reiner retorted, and the pair walked far enough away from the elevator doors that Eren could now see them clearly. Their words, coupled with Reiner’s defensive stance and Bertl’s furtive one, made the hair on the back of Eren’s neck stand up. _There’s no way…_

“But that doesn’t mean we can just up and leave! You have to remember our mission-”

“Doesn’t having an untrained kaiju in the shatterdome interfere with that, though?” said Reiner. Eren definitely felt his blood run cold. _Oh. Oh man…_ Eren breathed in, steadying himself as he stood up, trying to make as little noise as possible and not hit his staff against anything. Luckily both Reiner and Bertl were too focused on what they were saying to pay much attention to their surroundings- and Eren took full advantage of that fact, loudly clearing his throat once he was near enough. Both of the soldiers jerked around, defensive and guilty looks on their faces.

“Hey, what?” Eren asked, thanking his voice for not trembling. Reiner and Berthold exchanged a look, Reiner’s hard and pointed, and Eren watched Berthold grimace after a few milliseconds. Reiner looked back to Eren, his entire body screaming ‘serious’.

“You’re a kaiju,” he said, and Eren took a step back, allowing his all-too-real nervousness to show through.

“Uh, _what?_ ” he said, half-chuckling as his mind raced with possibilities. _What is this? Reiner and Bertl- no, I must have- I heard wrong, right? Maybe they’re not_ -

“A kaiju. You’re one, just like us,” Reiner insisted, gesturing broadly to include Berthold into his speech. Eren froze then, trying to think of how to get out of this situation. He’d left his walkie-talkie in his room that morning in his hurry, of course he would remember that now… “We helped lead the charge through Maria. You could come with us, back to our home world-”

“Ha ha, you’re real funny, Reiner… you always did have a sense of humor. This is a good one… you must be tired, or something, to come up with such funny jokes…” Eren said.

“Y-yeah, Reiner! You’re just- you’re just tired-!” Bertl added, seeming even more nervous than usual.

“And besides,” Eren forged on, making sure his grip on his sparring staff was still loose, “if you really were the kaiju that led the rest, and killed so many people… why would you be talking to me about something like this? Would you expect me to say ‘okay, let’s go’ after hearing that?”

There was an acutely awkward pause in which both parties looked at each other in muted shock, trying to gauge the others’ reactions. _Please don’t let this be real…_ Eren thought as Reiner’s eyes darted about and Berthold began to play nervously with the collar of his sweater.

“Ha ha, yeah… I guess you’re right… I wonder what I was thinking…” Reiner said, eyes focused distantly. “I must be tired, after all…”

“Right…” Eren said. “Anyway, I was just about to head back…” he said, moving his staff in front of him and taking a step towards the elevator doors.  

“I’ve… probably been here too long,” Reiner said. When Eren looked back at him, he was staring at the ground, a little ways ahead of his feet. “I’ve lived here for three years… surrounded by idiots.” His tone had turned dark, and Eren tried his best to quell the goosebumps he was feeling. “We were- we were just kids… we didn’t know anything. If only… we wouldn’t have become these half-hearted pieces of _shit._ I don’t know… what’s right anymore… But… I do know that I have to face the consequences of my actions…” so saying, Reiner pulled a small pocket knife from his pocket, flipping the blade open. Eren’s eyes widened, and he took a step back, preparing his staff, confident that he could at least disarm Reiner, although if Bertl joined in-

But Reiner simply brought the knife to rest against the back of his forearm. “…and carry out my duty as a warrior.”

“Reiner, don’t-” Berthold began, and Eren felt an overwhelming pressure behind his skull, and the vague awareness of a body other than his own, just as Reiner pressed the blade of his pocketknife into his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WONDER WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NEXT CHAPTER   
> SO UNPREDICTABLE AMIRITE
> 
> Literally that entire dialogue between Reiner and Eren at the end is copied from the manga. I love having source material to work with.
> 
> once again un-proof-read, cause look at the time [heavy mental eye rolling]


	33. Betrayal, or: the end of everything you thought you'd ever known

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ~~may the fourth be with you~~ was what i was going to say, and then the chapter didn't get finished...
> 
> also, kicking it up with dramatic chapter titles ~~that don't even make sense.~~ why did i ever start giving my chapters titles like this. when did i think that would be a good idea. 
> 
> this is also a relatively short chapter, but there's a lot going on??? idk how that worked out. whatever. it's late and i have tests, so no proof-reading (yet) (again). (sorry).

Instantly, Eren was buffeted by a cloud of burning-hot steam, his shout of ‘NO’ lost into the sound of creaking metal and kaiju roar. As the steam cleared, Eren first caught sight of Berthold, who’d been thrown back against the ground, and was shielding his eyes with an arm. The giant, scaled leg was the next thing Eren saw, looming out of the mist, curved talons longer than Berthold himself. The metal casing of the walled creaked as Reiner- no, _the kaiju_ \- moved, steel paneling not built to withstand the weight of a kaiju denting and caving in.

There were several second of resounding silence. The steam cleared with the breeze, evaporation cooling Eren down and raising goosebumps on his arms. Reiner moved again, and Eren caught the flicker of a huge, forked tongue as his head turned, his interlocking scales grinding heavily against each other. Another wave of pressure hit Eren, his temples throbbing, and for a few seconds, Eren saw himself looked down upon from high above, felt claws that weren’t his own- and then, with a jolt, he was back in his own body, hearing the continued creak of the wall and knowing exactly what he had to do. _I have to get him off the shatterdome._

He brought his hand up to his mouth, biting down as hard as he could along the last joint of his thumb, teeth sinking into his skin far easier than should have been possible. An oddly familiar sensation overtook him- heat and pressure and tension, and the strangest sensation of his consciousness being stretched to new sizes. Steam surrounded him, cloaking everything even as his eyes formed, opening into a much wider range of vision than usual.

He found himself eye-level to Reiner, whose small, glowy eyes were half-hidden behind a large scale plate encompassing most of his face. Eren opened his mouth, a screeching roar escaping his throat as his vision tunneled onto that face, onto that person who’d been his friend, whom he’d trusted-

Eren lunged forward, claws extended. He hit Rein- the other kaiju, the one he vaguely recognized from his youth, from the background of his screams- with a heavy, dull thump, his claws scrabbling over the armoured shoulders but finding no purchase. The kaiju turned its head, jagged maw opening, and Eren registered the ringing of the alarm in the background, felt his foot catch on something-

-and then he was falling, his mass only slightly less than the other kaiju’s, both of them collapsing heavily to the ground outside the walls, a reverberating thump that, even in kaiju form, winded Eren.  He scrabbled to his feet, whipping his tail to the side, an action which left a deep line of overturned earth in its wake. Eren roared, and the other kaiju- _just come with us_ \- returned the call, its rumble deeper than Eren’s.

Eren leaped forward, over the kaiju’s head- _you’re a kaiju_ \- twisting his body in midair in ways he wasn’t fully aware of, landing on its back, trying to stick his claws under the plated scales, but the edges of the kaiju’s scales were razor-sharp- _you’re one-_ and they lacerated Eren’s fingers, smearing his blue blood all over the kaiju’s- _just like us_ \- hide. Eren roared again, this time almost more from pain than rage.

The kaiju- _ha, yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking…_ \- reached an arm around, heavy talons easily gripping Eren’s thinner skin and pulling him off, down to the ground. Eren landed on his back, his spikes flattening out uncomfortably under his weight. He snarled.

The kaiju- _do my duty as a warrior-_ bore down on Eren, using all his weight to keep Eren pinned, but Eren rolled his back, catching his hind legs under the kaiju’s stomach, raking down and pushing up in one motion. It didn’t completely dislodge him, but he shied away in pain just enough for Eren to grab one of his forelegs between his jaws, twisting with just enough torque to throw him, screeching, off.

Eren rolled back to his feet, bristling and roaring. How dare he. How _dare_ Reiner just fucking betray them all like that. How _dare_ Berthold betray them. Did their years together mean _nothing,_ now? For a moment, Eren was abated by a wave of regret that wasn’t his own, and he wasn’t sure he understood but if there was some sort mental connection going on, then like hell he was going to let it slide- Eren tried his best to focus all his anger and rage at Reiner, allowing the thought of betrayal to drown out anything that might have been camaraderie, and certainly all memories of good times spent together. Traitors didn’t deserve good memories.

Reiner seemed to halt for a moment, before opening his mouth and panting again, his tongue a true kaiju phosphorus, moving himself around to better face Eren. Eren crouched down, keeping one foot off the ground, pretending to limp away. The tactic had worked once before, so why shouldn’t it work now?

And so work it did. Reiner dropped his defensive stance, his shoulders lowering as he approached Eren.

- _just come home with us-_

_NO_! was Eren’s mental reply, just as he sprang forward once again, ducking his head under Reiner’s jaw, trying to catch the underside of his throat, less armoured than the rest of him, in his jaws. It didn’t work, but the surprise had Reiner stumbling backward. Eren was about to double his attack when loud gear-turning noises sounded behind him, and he turned around just in time to see the nearest four hatches open, spilling out jaegers- _Topaz Maelstrom_ and _Acrobat Historica_ he recognized, and _Garrison Rose_ he recognized from his first time in the command room, but the dark green one with a three-headed dog for a sigil he did not.

What followed was a moment of exquisite silence as the gears within the transports stopped turning, and the jaegers held perfectly still, mirroring the unmoving stances of the kaiju. Then came a thundercrack and a resounding shake to the ground, and Eren turned again, only to tilt his head up and stare at the kaiju that towered above them all, a steaming mass of thinly-scaled muscled.

_Shit—_ Eren hissed, backing up several steps and thrashing his tail. He heard the movement of a jaeger behind him, and turned to see the three-headed-dog-jaeger walk resolutely forward. It pointed at Eren, and then at Reiner, then itself and Berthold. Eren nodded as the jaeger gave a thumbs up, and then Eren sprang back into action, intercepting Reiner, who’d used the brief communication between Eren and the jaeger to begin his charge.

Eren pushed Reiner down to the ground, ignoring the pain as the edges of his scales caught on Eren’s skin.

- _you’re one of us_ -

Eren’s vision tunneled again, whether it was a memory or not, he didn’t care, because he was mad, _so mad,_ how _dare_ they, and now _so many more_ people were in danger, and Mikasa was there and the hatches opened again, loosing more jaegers that Eren didn’t pause to identify, yanking a few of Reiner’s scales between his teeth as he was.

Eren only just registered when a jaeger approached him, swords of a different shape from _Freedom Wing_ ’s trying to cut through where Eren had just loosened the scales- but Reiner pulled himself up, lashing out and hitting Eren square in the ribs, tossing him back with a screech. For the second time winded, Eren gasped as best he could, pulling himself to his feet via pure determination and rising to his hind legs, greeting Reiner with splayed claws, the jaeger having also been thrown to the side behind him.

They wrestled for a bit, but Eren had his feet thrown out from under him by Reiner’s heavy tail, and Reiner followed him down, flipping Eren over and taking the back of Eren’s neck in his jaws, clamping down just tightly enough to prevent Eren from escaping, no matter how hard he squirmed. Eren tried utilizing his tail, but Reiner seemed unfazed, simply dragging Eren away as Berthold, his giant kaiju sporting hundreds of scratches, all of them oozing blue, but none of them seeming significant enough in contrast to his huge frame- taller than the wall, and Eren had a sudden recollection of that day five years ago- he squirmed harder-

_Eren, hold as still as you possibly can_ , said a voice that was unmistakably Annie’s, directly into his mind. Eren did as he was told, mostly out of shock than will to obey- and motion out of the corner of his eye caught his attention, followed by a bang- and _Topaz Maelstrom_ ejected her emergency pod, the pod itself flying high into the air. Instead of deploying a parachute, however, it opened, its two segments unhinging and a small frame being caught in the air just above the pod.

And then the small frame was no longer small, and indeed far less human, resembling more a whippet than anything else, if whippets were blue-grey and furless.

Eren’s mind erupted into a cacophony of voices, both near and distant, conflicting opinions and emotions being tossed every which way, and Eren scrunched his eyes, trying not to let it all overwhelm him.

He was spared as the third kaiju- whom he could only assume to be Annie, as incredible as it sounded- raced forward, dodging around Reiner and slashing at his joints, forcing him to either drop Eren for greater mobility or else get further lacerated by Annie’s teeth. He let go of Eren, who immediately stopped playing dead and rejoined the fight, continuing to press on Reiner and keeping him distracted while Annie did her thing, augmented by, in the background, the occasional blast from a jaeger, although so far the effect of the plasma cannons on Reiner seemed to be negligible.

Berthold, on the other hand, was faring just worse- too many jaegers were on him at once, hitting him with everything he could, and he let out a pained cry and stumbled, one foot held off the ground- and Reiner suddenly roared in turn, pushing bodily past Eren and Annie and racing towards Berthold, shoving two jaeger off to the side before scrambling up Berthold’s shoulder until he reached his neck, and then biting down hard. Berthold’s body collapsed, but Reiner slid off without a problem, and Eren could feel conflicting waves of relief and anger and fear and uncertainty coming off him as he began running away, faster than any of the jaegers could follow, especially given that half of them were sporting dents in their plating.

Annie pursued Reiner a little while, before coming back, but abruptly stopping when a jaeger advanced upon her menacingly. Eren tried to make a move towards her, but his legs refused to move, now that the fight was over, Reiner growing ever smaller in the distance, and Eren’s heart slowly began to calm down, returning to a normal pace.

Eren watched blearily as Annie flashed brightly, the back of her neck hardening and becoming clear enough for him to just make out the face of his blonde-haired classmate underneath a thick layer of crystal-like substance.

_I wonder what that could be…_ he thought vaguely as his kaiju body collapsed to the ground and his consciousness tightened around him, retreating from foreign limbs and muscles and back into his own, not-so-human body. His vision faded as well, until it became a solid black wall that descended over everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's only 8 chapters left i'm so excited i can't believe. that being said, i'd like to thank you all, again, for reading and subscribing and kudo-ing and commenting, all of your support really means the world to me :) thank you
> 
> also there is not a word of actual spoken dialogue in this chpater i'm so proud of myself
> 
> p.s. reiner is totally not based off a monitor lizard-pangolin lovechild. nope.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~and much thank to catsonfire, for helping me resolve continuity issues otl~~


	34. Turncoat, or: consequences of love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trash I'm sorry. I hate this chapter, it refused to be written. Whatever.
> 
> Edit: also, in case you were [wondering about what Annie was thinking.](http://nagisa-chan-san.tumblr.com/post/85397499636/freedom-wing-topaz-maelstrom-aside-um-before)

Eren’s eyes blinked open, then immediately back shut. He groaned, the too-bright light now shining so strongly through his eyelids that he had no idea how he hadn’t noticed it before.

“-ren?” The red light went dark as someone moved between him and the light, and Eren hazarded opening one of his eyes. Dark hair swam slowly into focus.

“Mikasa?” Eren asked, immediately regretting the action. His throat burned.

“We should get him something to drink, his voice sounds hoarse…” Eren tilted his head to the other side of- well, it certainly wasn’t _his_ bed, of that much he was certain- to _the_ bed, then, where Armin was standing, looking nervous. Eren tried to smile at him.

_Oh, he’s awake…_

_Shh, you know his mind is still open…_

_Shouldn’t he have learned to close it off by now?_

The various voices jerked into Eren’s mind, feeling for all the world like he was drifting again. Only that didn’t make sense, couldn’t make sense, because Rivaille wasn’t there… was he? Eren turned back around as a hand touched his shoulder gently. Someone was talking to him, of that much he was certain, but the drift-feeling was passing, and both the voices in his mind- now that was a weird thought- and the voices in the room- was it a hospital ward room?- were fading… into…

 

Eren heard the voices first, this time. He scrunched his eyebrows together, focusing first on the tone and then, later, on the words. And then-

-a soft hand running through his hair. Eren’s eyes snapped open. “Rivaille!” he croaked. Rivaille’s eyes darted down to him, and Eren was startled to see the emotion they held.

“Eren-” Then Rivaille squinted, narrowing his eyes into anger. “Pull a stunt like that one more time and I swear I’ll send you into an _actual_ coma,” he grumbled. On Eren’s other side, he heard a tinkling laugh, and turned to see Hanji laughing (at him?) as she readjusted her glasses. Catching Eren’s confused look, she smiled broadly at him.

“He says that, but he hasn’t left your bedside since we got here,” she clarified, which only confused Eren. He tried to move his hand, but belatedly realized that, at some point, Rivaille must have taken it, because now their fingers were interlocked and Rivaille squeezed lightly.

“Since… when?” he managed, and Rivaille clucked his tongue lightly.

“Be quiet for a minute, you need water,” he said, and Eren nodded feebly as the hand let go of his.

“Here, let’s get you sitting up so you can drink,” Hanji said kindly, setting a notebook down on top of Eren’s blanket-covered legs and reaching over him to the other side of his bed. She pushed some sort of button, and the bed cranked slowly upwards until Eren was half-sitting, mostly-leaning. Rivaille came back with a glass of water, which Eren gratefully drank in a matter of seconds. He licked his lips when he was done, finding them unusually chapped.

Rivaille took the glass from his hands, filling it back up from a bottle he’d brought with him, handing it back to Eren without comment. Once Eren had finished that glass as well, he tested his throat by clearing it emphatically. When it didn’t hurt, Eren forged on.

“What did you mean, ‘since you arrived’?” he asked, flicking his eyes between Hanji and Rivaille. Rivaille glanced at Hanji with a raised eyebrow, and she in turn looked to you.

“Mhm, we got back… last night? Last evening? Ish. Anyways, when they told us you were out cold, Rivaille practically _sprinted_ here-” at that, Rivaille snorted- “and he’s really only left to shower and take a shit.” Hanji threw herself dramatically onto the edge of the bed. “I’m _so_ glad you’re better, he’s been making me fetch him food and coffee _all day_ -”

“Not like you’ve got anything better to do,” Rivaille grumbled, and Eren chuckled as Hanji stuck out her tongue at him, before clearing his throat again, and asking the question that he didn’t know if he even wanted to know the answer to- _how long did Rivaille say he was going to be on his business trip, again?_

“How long…?”

“You’ve been out for the last four days, I’ve been told,” Rivaille said dryly. “And it’s currently-” he glanced up at the wall above Eren’s head. “-eight o’clock at night. You missed dinner, well done.”

“Four days?!” Eren said, paling slightly. What had he even done to deserve to be out for four days?

“Yup! Seems like fighting so long while transformed _really_ took it out of you,” Hanji said cheerily. “Last time you were only out for one day! Or, well, half-and-then-some, ‘cause from what I’ve heard you and-”

“Hanji, you’re scaring him,” Rivaille said, carding his fingers through Eren’s hair. Eren leaned into them.

“Right, right, well, Eren, so, I was hoping you could tell me anything you remember? What _exactly_ happened? ‘Cause no one seems to know anything, except that two of our GenVI pilots are missing, one’s encased in a crystal harder than kaiju blades, and there were four kaiju outside? I mean, I have a pretty good idea, but- Eren, you okay?” Hanji asked, her voice switching from excited to concerned in a second as Eren started trembling.

“Yeah, y-yeah, I’m fine, I just-” Rivaille’s fingers gently brushed his head again, and Eren took a steadying breath. “I’d forgotten, for a moment…”

To her credit, Hanji simply waited quietly while Eren tried to calm his breathing, hands curling into the blankets and using them to wipe at his eyes. Rivaille ran his hand along Eren’s shoulder, and Eren found comfort in the warmth. He finally managed to bring himself under control.

“S-sorry, I-”

“Don’t worry about it, Eren,” Hanji said, smiling warmly at him. “You’ve been through a lot, it’s fine.” Eren gulped and nodded, glancing up to make eye contact with Rivaille before speaking.

“Right… well, um. Reiner and- and Berthold, both of them are- were- are kaiju, just… just like me. And… Annie too.” Hanji nodded along, and Eren noticed that she didn’t seem very surprised, but he decided to contemplate that another time. “And… I was sparring up on top of the walls-”

“On top the walls?” Hanji asked curiously.

“Where I brought you?” Rivaille asked, his voice low. Eren nodded at him, and Hanji nodded in seeming understanding moments later.

“Sparring with who?”

“Just… myself,” Eren said. “You guys weren’t here, so I didn’t have anyone with me for sparring, so I decided to go up top.” Eren paused hesitantly, and Hanji nodded him on. “And then I was resting when Bertl- Berthold and Reiner showed up. And they were talking, and it was… and then they saw me, and told me I should go with them.”

“Did they say where?” Hanji asked.

“To their hometown… I don’t…”

“Mhm, that’s fine.”

“And then I told them that I wouldn’t go, and Reiner… he just pulled out a knife and cut open his arm and transformed- and then I did too, only… I can’t remember anything too well after that, it’s… blurry. I remember hearing voices, though. In my head and stuff. It was… almost like I was drifting, actually,” Eren said, shooting an apologetic glance to Rivaille. Rivaille gave him a dismissive half-shrug. “And then… and then there was a lot of fighting, and… Annie told me to hold still. Once Reiner had grabbed me… and then she. She transformed too, only- but she helped me, okay?! She’s not- not _evil_ , not… not just another kaiju!”

Rivaille squeezed Eren’s hand slightly, and Eren drew another shaky breath. “And then she helped me, and Berthold and Reiner got away, and… I can’t remember anything else.”

“Mmhm,” Hanji muttered, her pen flying over her tablet. A few seconds passed in silence, and Eren became acutely aware of Rivaille’s thumb running in circles on the back of his hand. Hanji cleared her throat. “Right, well, how are you feeling now?” she asked cheerily.

“I’m…” How _was_ he? Reiner and Berthold’s betrayal still hurt him, and- but then Annie? And- _shit_ \- “Wait, is Mikasa okay? She’s Annie’s co-pilot, and-” Eren trailed off as Hanji and Rivaille exchanged a glance. “She’s alright, right?” he continued, even as his throat began to close. If something had happened to Mikasa, he would-

“Eren,” Rivaille said sharply, and Eren drew a deep breath, turning to look at Rivaille, who squeezed Eren’s hand tighter. Belatedly, Eren realized he was shaking again, and forced his muscles to calm down, stilling himself through sheer willpower.

“Where-”

“She’s fine,” Hanji said, and Eren snapped to face her- she was focused on her tablet, however, not making eye contact. “But we’ve had to… uh, contain her?”

“Contain-”

“Because of the situation with Annie. Annie’s-”

“She’s not hurt, is she?” Eren asked, brows pulled together.

Hanji shook her head. “No, she’s- well, we think she’s fine- she appears to be encased in a crystal. It’s hard as diamond as far as we can tell, I brought out my diamond drill and it made barely a dent. Until you woke up, we had no clue what actually happened. And for obvious reasons pertaining to the fact that we couldn’t consider Mikasa trustworthy- she’s been drifting with a kaiju who was aware of that fact, seemingly- and she _allowed_ Annie  to disengage her, the signs of accidental drift misalignment were missing-”

“What shitty glasses is _trying_ to say,” Rivaille interrupted, shooting a pointed glance at Hanji, “is that Mikasa’s fine, she’s just being confined to a reinforced cell. And don’t worry,” he added, forestalling Eren’s open mouth, “we’ve made sure she’s plenty comfortable. I’ll try and send her up tomorrow.”

Eren swallowed, and nodded. “Thanks,” he half-whispered.

“Aside from that, really, how are you?” Hanji asked again.

“I’m… I dunno. I feel sore all over. And… I’m still kind of. Kind of tired,” Eren replied.

“Right,” Hanji said. “In that case… professional opinion here would be that you need food and sleep to recuperate.”

“I’m… not really that hungry,” Eren said, his stomach knotting up at the thought of eating. “I’d take a bit more water, though.”

“Mm,” was Hanji’s response, and Rivaille poured Eren another glass of water through the thick silence.  After a few more seconds, during which Eren gulped down the water and Rivaille held his free hand, Hanji spoke up again. “Okay, well, I’ll be going then,” she said. Rivaille grunted and Eren waved to her.

Once Hanji was gone, Rivaille leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to Eren’s lips. “You need sleep,” he muttered as he drew back. Eren made a noise of protest, but was ignored by Rivaille. “And I need a fucking shower. Or three.” Rivaille stood up and reached to his belt, pulling off a walkie-talkie, another one taking its place. Eren blinked once, thinking he was seeing double, until he realized Rivaille had had two on his belt. “This is yours, by the way,” Rivaille said, wiggling it a bit and leaving it on the white nightstand.

Eren let his head drop back into the pillows. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll… keep it there, I guess,” he grumbled, surreptitiously trying to keep his grip on Rivaille’s hand. Rivaille was having none of it, and raised a testing eyebrow.

“You fucking better, brat,” he said, gently (but firmly) pulling his hand away, taking a few steps back in the process. “And you’d also fucking better get some sleep. As much as I’d like to stay-” and there, Eren’s heart did an awkward fluttery thing that he wasn’t, in truth, all that opposed to- “-I need a shower and you need sleep if you’re ever gonna recuperate enough to pilot with me.”

Eren pouted. “Jerk,” he muttered.

“Tch,” Rivaille said, but his voice held no real venom. He stared at Eren for a few seconds, and Eren used the chance to observe Rivaille’s eyes, which seemed oddly dull under the fluorescent lights, and the washed-out bags under them. Eren felt a spike of guilt- he’d contributed to Rivaille’s stress, that was no good.

Suddenly, Rivaille made a noise back in his throat, and the distance between the two was eliminated as Rivaille sat on the side of Eren’s bed, leaning fully over him and planting a kiss on Eren’s lips. Eren’s noise of confusion and surprise turned into a happy one as he tilted his head a bit more. He opened his mouth as soon as he felt Rivaille’s tongue on his lips, and for a few seconds, the world was nothing more than Rivaille’s breath against his and warm wetness and the smell of Rivaille filling his nose when he dared focus enough to raw breath-

-and then Rivaille pulled away, leaving both of them breathing heavier than they were before.

“I’m glad you’re safe,” Rivaille whispered, leaning his forehead onto Eren’s. Eren tried to compose a reply, but his brain simply kept running over Rivaille’s words, instead. Rivaille seemed to understand, because he smiled- soft, barely there, but a smile nonetheless- before getting up and walking to the door. He was just about to turn off the lights when Eren called out.

“Thank you,” he said, adding, when Rivaille quirked a brow, “for caring.”

Rivaille turned off the lights, plunging the room into, if not darkness, then extreme dimness. Rivaille was silhouetted against the doorway, yellow lights from the hallway casting him in shadow. He said something, but it was too low for Eren to decipher clearly- other way, maybe- and then he was gone, the door closing with a soft click.

Eren closed his eyes. He didn’t have to wait long before falling asleep.

 

He was woken up the next morning by a dark-haired nurse. She bustled in, bearing a tray with food, and leaving Eren to it. That didn’t have to wait long, either, his appetite having fully returned while he slept. Once the nurse- Eren learned her name was Nifa- left, Rivaille entered, thermos in hand, idly informing Eren that he and Hanji were trying to work it out in such a way that Mikasa would at least be able to come and visit him. And that _he_ was trying to get Armin to come- but Hanji had him bogged down with work, and he’d said he’d visit once he finished.

Eren was grateful.

Rivaille muttered something about Hanji and keeping an eye on her as he excused himself, leaving Eren with a coffee-flavored kiss (Eren found that he didn’t mind the flavor as much as he once might have).

He slept for another hour, until a loud knocking at the door woke him. He yawned, scooting himself into a sitting position. “Come in?” he asked blearily, still out of it. The door opened a little, and Eren caught a flash of blond.

“Armin?” he called, confused now, still swiping his fist at his eyes.

“Uh, no, not quite,” replied a soft voice. Eren blinked.

“Christa?” he asked. The door opened wider, revealing Christa, holding hands with Ymir. Not that Eren was particularly surprised by that, but Ymir seemed reluctant, and besides- “What are you guys doing here?”

Christa looked up at Ymir rather than answering, and Ymir made a face, but turned and fixed Eren’s eyes with hers.

 _We have something to tell you_ , said Ymir. Or, rather, her voice, in Eren’s mind. His eyes flew wide open.

“You-”

Ymir nodded. Eren stared. Then Christa cleared her throat, and both- both kaiju, he supposed- turned their gazes to her.

“We didn’t- we didn’t want to go to anyone else first, because they might not have given us a chance to speak…” she said. “Or believed us,” she added. Eren nodded mutely.

“…should I call Rivaille?” Eren asked with a touch of trepidation. Both Christa and Ymir exchanged a glance that was far too serious for their personalities. Ymir cocked an eyebrow at Christa, who looked back to Eren.

“Please. That… that might be easier. To- get this all out of the way now, I suppose.”

Eren nodded again, reaching onto the side of his bed for his walkie-talkie.

“But… I don’t want them to take Ymir-”

“I’ll tell Rivaille…” Eren pressed down the call button, switching to Rivaille’s frequency.

“ _Yeah?”_ Rivaille said, his normally smooth voice cut through by static.

“Um, can you come up to the hospital room?” Eren asked, hoping his voice wasn’t as shaken as he felt.

“ _Eren, are you okay?”_

“Yeah I just… there’s a few people here who want to. Tell us something. But don’t- don’t come to, to arrest anyone or anything.” There was silence on the other end of the walkie-talkie for several seconds.

“… _alright. Give me five minutes._ ” Eren set down his walkie-talkie, looking straight at Ymir, searching his mind for any kind of drift-like connection. He couldn’t find one. Ymir squinted at him while Christa played with her shirt.

“You should put up some mental blocks, you know,” she said sardonically. Eren blinked at her, then looked down at his hands, vaguely noticing for the first time light marks that must have been left over from his teeth. He clenched his fist.

“I don’t know how,” he muttered, then added, in a clearer voice: “Teach me.”

Ymir scoffed, but Christa smacked her arm, and she looked at Eren again despite rolling her eyes. “It’s all about visualization. Just picture a wall around your thoughts- or part of your thoughts, whatever- and make sure you can see it clearly. Bibbity-bop, you’re done. Granted, it takes a bit of practice to get it strong enough to keep out someone who wants in-” Eren was suddenly hit by the thought that _that_ was what Rivaille was doing- creating mental walls strong enough that Eren couldn’t see through them, “-but I hear you’re used to practicing shit.” Eren regarded Ymir silently, trying as hard as he could to picture a wall around his mind. “On rooftops,” she added, and Eren shot her a glare. Christa hit Ymir’s arm again, and Eren felt a slight sense of vindication- at least, until he felt Ymir’s mind brush his again.

 _Asshole_.

The connection faded as quickly as it had come, and Eren glared at Ymir, who smirked. Next to her, Christa looked between the two, a worried look on her face. Eren opened his mouth, and was greeted by the brush of Ymir’s consciousness again. It was too weird- like drifting, only not, because he felt a _presence_ rather than memories… yeah, it was _weird._ Narrowing his eyes, Eren tried to throw up a wall, picturing large, heavy bricks between himself and Ymir’s presence in his mind.

Ymir blinked a few times at him, then broke into an easy smile. “Well done,” she said, causing Christa to look even more confused. Eren grinned then as well, and Ymir looked like she was about to add something when the door opened and Rivaille stepped inside. He made eye contact with Eren first, for only a millisecond, before turning to look at Ymir and Christa.

“You had something to say?” he said bluntly. Christa nodded, and Eren couldn’t help but notice that her hand had found Ymir’s again. “Well?” Rivaille demanded, moving into the room until he was seated in the chair next to Eren’s bed again- his posture was relaxed, slouching, but Eren could see the tension coiled inside his frame.

“Uh, yeah, we just wanted to-” Christa began, but then stopped, drawing a breath, as if to steady herself.

“Oh, fuck this,” Ymir muttered, rolling her eyes again from where she stood, half a step behind Christa. She glared directly at Rivaille, and Eren felt a twitch of possessiveness. Rivaille didn’t move. “I,” Ymir said, enunciating her word and pointing to herself with her free hand, “am a kaiju, same as that idiot right next to you.” Christa made a small whimper, more of resignation than anything else, and Eren guessed that this was probably not how Christa had planned it to be said.

Rivaille had visibly stiffened, staring at Ymir. Then he turned to Eren. He didn’t say anything, simply watching him with a flat expression, but Eren understood the intent- or, what he thought was the intent. He nodded.

“She is. She… spoke to me. In my mind. Like… like Annie did. She’s… we’re… kaiju.” Rivaille considered this a second, then nodded sharply, returning his attention to the two girls.

“And you?” he asked, eyes focused on Christa. She nodded, eyes looking down, and then straightened her posture.

“Do you know my name?” she asked.

“Huh?” Eren said, and Rivaille glanced at him out of the corner of his eye before raising an eyebrow at her.

“Christa Lenz,” he said. Christa nodded.

“Yes. Well, no,” she amended, and Rivaille frowned. “My actual name is… Historia Reiss.”

Eren didn’t understand what _that_ was supposed to mean, but judging by the way Rivaille’s eyes had opened wider, it had to mean _something._

“Reiss?” Rivaille asked, leaning forward. Christa- or, Historia?- she nodded. Rivaille brought his hands together, fingers interlaced in front of his mouth. Several seconds passed in silence, Eren too intimidated to ask what, exactly, had just happened- Rivaille had seemed more shaken by the information that Christa wasn’t Christa than by the knowledge that he was in a room with a kaiju. Two kaiju.

“We-” Christa said after a second, her normally soft voice grown even smaller, mimicking her body language. Rivaille held up a hand, and she stopped. Ymir glared.

“I’m guessing that’s not all you wanted to tell us,” Rivaille said, voice heavy. Christa shook her head. “Is it information that will help us win this fucking war?”

“Possibly?” Christa said, sounding miserable, at the same time that Ymir said, “Probably.” Rivaille regarded them both for a second, then he reached for his belt, where his walkie-talkie was.

“Can I call in Er- Commander Smith? I don’t like explaining things twice.”

Christa’s hand tightened around Ymir’s, her knuckles almost white. “Don’t let him take Ymir.”

“I can’t guarantee anything,” Rivaille replied. “She’s a kaiju.”

“So’s he,” Ymir drawled, pointing at Eren.

“Special case,” Rivaille bit back.  “I’ve drifted with him. Besides, what proof do I have that you’re not lying or going to transform in here?” He was answered by silence. “Exactly. So can I call Smith or not? Either way, he’s going to get the information.”

“Call him,” Ymir finally said, waving her hand in dismissal. Eren watched as Rivaille brought the walkie-talkie to his mouth. _He really trusts me that much…_ A wave of warmth surged in his chest.

“Erwin?”

“ _Yes?”_

 _“_ Hospital room, Eren’s. Things you might want to hear.”

“ _…roger. ETA 5 minutes.”_

Rivaille put down the walkie-talkie. “Why?” he asked, and everyone looked at him, confused.

“Why…?” Christa finally said.

“Why now? Why come forward with this information, _now?_ ” he said. The lines of his eyes were straight and hard.

Ymir shrugged, and Christa deferred to her. “The events of a few days ago convinced- well, convinced her. I’m betraying everything I have, but…” Ymir paused, and Eren didn’t miss the way her eyes flicked to Christa before returning to Rivaille. “Sometimes it’s worth it.” Rivaille raised an eyebrow. “I’ve decided,” Ymir continued on, her voice becoming filled with more determination. “That the plan my kind have for this world doesn’t align with what I want. So. I’m done.” Then she chuckled. “I always was a self-serving bastard.”

They lapsed back into silence again, and remained that way, until a sharp knock on the door gave way to Commander Smith, Hanji close behind. She waved at Eren, who half-heartedly waved back. Commander Smith took in the occupants of the room, and pulled over a chair from there three were settled against the wall, sitting himself down next to Rivaille.

“I have something to hear?” he asked, the calculation practically palpable in his gaze. Christa nodded, looking to Ymir before continuing.

“My real name is Historia Reiss, and Ymir is a kaiju.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, such trash.  
> Also, Eren didn't actually see Mikasa in the beginning- his nurse has short dark hair, so that's what happened (partially why Armin looks nervous).
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Also! Before I forget! Gonna announce this here, because why not- ignore if you hate obnoxious author's comments- but I'm gonna be at Anime Midwest in Chicago! If you're also gonna be there, lemme know, I wanna meet people :D (nagisa-chan-san.tumblr)~~


	35. Secrets of the ACROBAT HISTORICA, or: in which a lot of talking is done and Erwin makes some plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPEAKING OF _ACROBAT HISTORICA_ THOUGH UM THE AMAZING [HANATSUKI89](http://hanatsuki89.tumblr.com/) ACTUALLY _DREW_ [YMIR AND HISTORIA IN FULL PILOTING GEAR](http://hanatsuki89.tumblr.com/post/88034488443/my-new-addiction-is-this-fic) AND ALSO [THE SPRINGLES PILOTS](http://hanatsuki89.tumblr.com/post/88324730298/2nd-team-from-the-fic-freedom-wing) AND BASICALLY CLICK THE LINKS YOU WON'T REGRET IT (and give her SO MUCH LOVE) ~~(i am seriously so in love with these)~~
> 
> aaaaaanyways, here's the chapter :D

Erwin blinked hard, but didn’t seem overly shocked at Chri- Historia’s announcement. Figured. Rivaille huffed air out his nose. Historia and Ymir waited, their hands still conspicuously entwined. Eren looked like he’d been caught in the middle of taking a shit, and Rivaille was probably exuding his, as Hanji called it, ‘aura of danger’. Hanji. Now _there_ was one that would have been happy in the present situation. Vaguely, he wondered where he was- but if Erwin hadn’t brought her, there was probably a good reason.

“Are you offering knowledge to aid our cause?” Erwin asked, and Rivaille snorted. Trust the man to never be up-front with anything.

Ymir, seemingly along the same train of thought, snorted. “If you’re asking if I’m willing to betray my superiors without their knowledge and give you as much information as I can about the inner workings of kaiju society- yes. Yes I am.” Her voice was steady, but Rivaille didn’t miss the way her hand tightened around Historia’s.

“And you?” Erwin asked, flicking his eyes over to the blonde, who seemed to shrink in on herself under the gaze.

“I- I know a few things about the world outside the walls…” Historia trailed off into uncertainty, but Erwin nodded nonetheless, turning back to Ymir.

“Let’s hear it, then,” he said, his elbows on his knees and his upper body canted forward. Rivaille scooted his chair sideways, until he could lean against Eren’s bed with ease. It only took a few seconds for Eren’s hand to find its way to his shoulder, where it squeezed lightly. Rivaille brought his hand up to cover Eren’s, returning the gentle pressure. Meanwhile, Ymir began talking.

“Well, firstly, I don’t think you have any idea what the fuck kaiju even are,” she said, and Rivaille had to swallow down a smile, impressed as he was by her brashness. Not many could speak thusly to Erwin- and every line of her body seemed to dare Erwin to challenge that assumption. He didn’t, and she continued. “Kaiju isn’t, of course, the word for what we really are… that’s untranslatable, but whatever. We come from a different world-”

“Different _world_?” Eren sputtered, and Ymir nodded. On Rivaille’s shoulder, the hand had tightened.

“Then there’s some physics gobbledegook, which I never understood anyway, so don’t ask me to explain it! But a…” Ymir paused, emitting a sound that was clearly intentional, but sounded more like a grunt than anything else. A very inflectional grunt. Eren stiffened next to him, and Rivaille cast him a glance. “There’s really no accurate translations for any of this, so sorry. But it’s like… a portal of some sort, between the worlds. And we- they- the kaiju- they… take over worlds. That’s the goal. To convert every planet to their own. And to do that-”

“-they send you,” Erwin finished, steepling his hands in front of his lips, the picture of calculation.

Ymir nodded. “Mmhm. We’re all… created. At behest of- of the Originators. That’s a really fucking awkward word. And will you _stop doing that?_ ” Ymir snapped, glaring at Eren. Eren stared back, his eyes wide in confusion. Ymir rolled her eyes. “Get your fucking emotions under control. _Behind a wall_ ,” she said acerbically, and Eren ducked his head, staring instead at the white blankets that fells around his waist. Rivaille squeezed the hand on his shoulder again, slightly confused, but not enough to make a fool of himself and ask.

“Why you, why here?” Erwin said, clearly bent on bringing the discussion back under control. Ymir shot him an annoyed glance.

“Us because we’re literally _created_ for the singular purpose of being warriors to destroy the only sentient beings on this world. Here because it was ready- the conditions are right for us,” she said, spreading her hands slightly, as if to indicate everything. “And our home world is crowded. Too many beings, all that shit. So the- what did I say I was calling them? Originators? Whatever, they want this world, and we were supposed to give it to them,” Ymir said. Rivaille quelled down the bristling sensation in the pit of his stomach as Eren was included in her gesture.

“And your human appearance?” Erwin said, causing Eren to wince a little. Rivaille made a soft clicking noise, drawing Eren’s attention, and sent him a soft glance. Eren made what might have been a smile, but looked more like a grimace.

“We’re the newest… ‘line’, I guess you could say. Kind of like the GenVIs. The most advanced- our… Elders, they live a really long time- time is a weird concept back on- on our home planet. Anyway, they realized the others weren’t working, and has us… all five of us made. Only,” she said, pausing slightly, before jerking a thumb at Eren, “he’s a problem. I remember hearing the Elders talking once… his? The kaiju that was acting as surrogate mother. She went on a mission despite that, and… well, Eren was supposedly lost,” she said, her head held high as she gazed at Eren.

Eren stared back with wide eyes. “Oh,” he whispered. “But then… how did I? My parents?” The tone of his voice was completely and utterly lost, and Rivaille felt a pang of sympathy. _First his parents were dead, then to find all this out…_

“Fuck if I know,” Ymir replied shrugging. Eren looked slightly put out, but didn’t press further- a fact which Rivaille took to mean that Eren was still tired.

“And you know where this… portal is?” Erwin asked. Ymir nodded. “And willing to divulge that location with us?” Once again, Ymir nodded. “And how to close it?”

“Ah. Not exactly,” Ymir replied, finally seeming nervous. “No one has tried to close it before… I figured we could explain it best as possible to you, and you’d figure it out. It’s unstable at times, so maybe a bomb or something. I dunno.”

“Hmm,” Erwin replied. Several seconds of tense silence passed between them all. “I will be asking you for further details later,” Erwin said, in a tone somewhere between a question and an order. Ymir saluted lazily. Erwin stayed stock still, his gaze on her unwavering, for several seconds before turning to Historia. “And you? I assumed that by Reiss you meant the merchant?”

Historia nodded, then took a breath and sighed. She seemed more subdued when she began to speak.

“I’m the daughter of the current lord of the manor, Rob Reiss, and a mistress. As an illegitimate child, I was raised by the servants of the manor, more or less, but given the same education in family matters as any legitimate child would have been- should- should something happen to one of them. I left as soon as I could join the military, against my father’s wishes, and took a false name in order to not tarnish the family name, of course, but…” having said the last sentence in a rush, Historia took the time to steady herself for a moment before continuing on in a curiously flat voice.

“In any case- I learned that, before the first kaiju invasion, the Reiss family- or, one of its members, really- was in charge of security and intelligence in the places that existed before the walls. Analogous to the Military Police’s job today, if they were to report to someone other than the king- that was the first Reiss.

“Then, when the kaiju came and the walls had to be built, security became the most important, and Reiss was ordered to keep the people in check. He… decided that the best way to do that would be to confiscate and make illegal any information pertaining to the lands outside the walls and what it was like before constant kaiju attacks.”

“In the ignorance of the people lies the safety of the rulers,” Rivaille muttered, and Historia (and Eren) spared him a glance before continuing.

“He made it illegal to speak about the lands beyond the walls, as well as any technology that would aid in that attempt- he sent spies everywhere and wire-tapped. Eventually, everyone was either too scared to talk about it, or paid off not to. Younger generations grew up not knowing about outside. They were, according to Reiss, complacent- with no one to remind them of the lands that they had once possessed, the people were content to simply live within the walls and fear the kaiju from a distance. The government’s objectives turned from reclaiming land to simply maintaining what they had, and the people didn’t ask for more- they were safe within their own world. The government, of course, could then get away with simply investing in a few jaegers and saving the rest of their money for themselves.

“Originally the idea had been to return the information to the people once internal factions had stopped fighting, but then Reiss decided that the information would simply regress what had since become a stable society. All the information that had originally been saved in the Reiss manor was moved to the basement, and locked up there. It’s still there today.” Historia finished on the same disinterested note with which she began.

“Hmm,” Erwin said again.

“House Reiss… do you know what it looks like?” Rivaille asked, toying with several of his memories. Tentatively Historia nodded, and Rivaille made a gesture for her to elaborate.

“It’s… a big house, sits on top of a hill, there’s a really long road up to it…” Historia’s brows were furrowed as she trailed off, clearly confused.

“It’s big? Rust-colored brick?” Rivaille asked, leaning forward. He’d wondered why he hadn’t been able to recall a ‘House Reiss’- or more correctly, recall the interior- but now it was clear. He made a pleased humming noise in the back of his throat, leaning back. Erwin shot him a glance that promised interrogation later, and Rivaille gave him a minute nod. He waved off Eren’s clear confusion.

Erwin also sat back after a bit, his arms folded, his eyes focused somewhere that wasn’t Ymir or Christa. Probably plotting, the fucker. The silence stretched on, Eren lightening it a bit as he reached up to press his fingers to his temple. Rivaille frowned, noticing out of the corner of his eye as Ymir tilted her head to better look at Eren- but her face, unfortunately, gave nothing away.

“Also, Annie would like to speak with you,” Ymir added, and Rivaille’s eyes flicked back and forth quickly, from Ymir to the look of realization on Eren’s face. Eren caught his eye, and Rivaille quirked a brow. Eren shook his head quickly.

“I just had a strong headache, and that’s- she’s probably why,” he clarified with a soft whisper. Rivaille nodded, refocusing his attention to Erwin, who was focused on Ymir.

“Should we?” he asked. Erwin seemed contemplative. He held up a hand at Rivaille, putting his line of inquiry on hold, focused instead on Ymir. Rivaille did his best not to be annoyed.

“She’s inside a crystal, is she not?” he asked instead.

“Yeah, but it’s not like she’s dead or anything.” A pause. “She’ll come out if you agree to talk to her.”

“…very well then. Let’s go. Rivaille?”

“I’m coming,” Rivaille replied, standing up and losing Eren’s hand from his shoulder.

“So am I!” Eren quickly said, flicking his blankets off and twisting to the side. Rivaille shot him a glare.

“Eren, you shouldn’t be fucking walking right now-”

“This is important!” Eren rebutted, showing no sign of back down. When no one replied, Eren continued. “I’m coming.”

Rivaille rolled his eyes. “Fine, but I’m not fucking carrying you if your weak-ass limbs can’t take the walk. And you look stupid in that hospital wing getup,” he groused.

“If you’ll follow me?” Erwin said, cutting across Eren’s retort- something about having shoes and not caring, anyways.

The small group left the hospital wing, not exchanging a word beyond Erwin’s tacit directions to the cell where Annie was being kept. Erwin ordered Rivaille to call Hanji and inform her of their new whereabouts, should she need them. They arrived and Erwin opened the door right as the last of Annie’s crystal fell away- simply shattered to pieces on the floor. Rivaille didn’t bother to hide his stare, remembering vividly the way even Hanji hadn’t been able to make a mark on the crystal. Annie seemed to sense this, shrugging her shoulder and stretching her arms.

“The crystal was an extension of my body, before you ask,” she said.

“You said you wanted to talk?” Erwin said, standing at parade rest. Rivaille mimicked his pose, resisting the urge to twitch an eyebrow at how blunt Erwin was. Eren slouched against a wall, making it clear that four days of inactivity had left him weaker than he would have liked to admit. Rivaille could find no pity in himself- he’d _told_ Eren to stay in the hospital wing.

“I did,” Annie said, ceasing her stretching and simply standing.

“And?” Erwin asked.

“Much of what I have to say is exactly what Ymir told you, but I just wanted to make it clear that I…” Annie trailed off for a bit, and no one took it upon themselves to break the silence. “There’s a current, in life. And most people, they follow the current, swim with it- and see themselves as strong for it. Because they’re not drowning. Even if the current is wrong, or filled with debris, or anything else. But then there’s some people who will fight the current.” Rivaille didn’t miss the way Annie’s eyes flicked to Eren, then to Ymir, before focusing back on Erwin. “These people are strong enough to fight the current… those people who have a will and put it to use, ready to change the course of the river if they have to… those are the kind of people worth admiring. And I’ve decided to become one of them.” She finished with her face blank, but her head held high.

Eren seemed confused as heck, but Erwin nodded, apparently having taken Annie’s words seriously. _Oh great_ , Rivaille thought. _They can fucking talk in riddles to one another._

“You’ll understand if we can’t trust you fully quite yet,” he said, nodding to Ymir and Historia to include them in the statement. “However, as long as you continue to help, I see no reason to imprison you. But understand this is merely my giving you the benefit of the doubt. Should you make any action against us, I can assure you that you will not live to see another day,” Erwin said, his voice dropping menacingly. Rivaille pondered the truth of that statement- they could have been lying to him all along, couldn’t they have? _‘Desperate times call for desperate measures, indeed…_

“In addition, you will submit to Hanji for a tracking device implant. As I previously stated, we won’t kill you, but neither can we trust you. You should understand.”

“That’s not fair!” Eren exclaimed, interrupting the entire scene as he pushed forward off the wall. Erwin shot him an unreadable gaze, but Eren didn’t back down. “You’ve known I’ve been a kaiju for… for days now! And I was never told to get a tracking device-”

“No, Eren, I understand,” Annie said. Eren closed his mouth in what could have been a comical fashion, had the circumstances not been weighted as they were. “It makes perfect sense. I don’t like it, but I understand it.”

“Yeah, I suppose,” Ymir said, regarding the nails on the hand that wasn’t clutched in Historia’s with great interest.

“Excellent. We’ll break for lunch now, but I would like you three to meet me in my office afterwards,” Erwin said, indicating Annie, Ymir, and Historia. “Rivaille-”

Whatever Erwin was going to say, it was interrupted by the door slamming open, an embarrassed-looking Armin standing guiltily in the doorway. Then he caught sight of Eren.

“Eren!”

“Oh good,” Rivaille drawled, stepping closer to Eren and grabbing his sleeve, which was thin, white hospital cloth. “You can take care of him,” he said, and pushed Eren towards Armin, who reached out to steady his friend, his mouth opened and brow furrowed in silent question.

“Ri- what?!” Eren exclaimed as soon as he got his footing back.

“I need to talk to Erwin and possibly Hanji about something. I don’t have time to babysit your fucking ass,” he said, nonetheless swiping his fingers once through Eren’s hair. “Get Arlert to take care of you. Food and shit.” Rivaille waved his hand dismissively before turning to look up at Erwin, raising an eyebrow. Erwin seemed to take the hint.

“Very well,” he said, striding forward to the doors. “I will have Hanji on hand in my office after lunch. In the meantime, I assume you know your way back to the cafeteria?” When he received a nod, Erwin grunted in satisfaction, then turned and left. Rivaille followed him silently. As soon as they were out the door, he heard Armin speak up.

“Uh… what just _happened?_ ”

Rivaille chuckled to himself. He’d almost want to stay, simply to see what kind of answer the kid was going to get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~it's not even 3am anymore will you look at that~~
> 
>  
> 
> SO MUCH DIALOGUE  
> I PROMISE INTERESTING THINGS HAPPEN SOON  
> LIKE NEXT CHAPTER KIND OF SOON
> 
> anyways, in the movie, the alien things that create the kaiju are referred to as Precursors and their world as the Anteverse. This is, unfortunately, not the movie, so.... :D


	36. The Title-less Chapter, or: the author has had a severe drain of chapter-naming creativity

“Alright, talk,” Erwin said as he closed the door to his office behind Rivaille, somehow gesturing towards the chair in the same motion, making it clear that Rivaille should take a seat.

“Mm,” Rivaille said, obliging the gesture as he pondered how best to explain. A sudden surge of very Eren-like ‘fuck it’ coursed through his head, and he shrugged to himself. _Why not_. “I think I’ve told you about my… situation before you picked me up?”

“Enough to understand, yes,” Erwin replied.

“Right, well- we stole a lot, right? Only- there was always this… that one property- and we were never allowed on there. It’d’ve been stupid to try and get on, anyways, the security was always tougher than the rest and the other kids, they’d beat you if you even thought about it. But we got a shipment once a month, of food, from there. Big house on a hill, red-colored bricks.”

“Ah,” Erwin said. “The Reiss house.”

“Exactly. She’s not lying- at least, not… much. There’s important shit in that house, that’s for sure.”

“Hm.” Erwin seemed to think for several seconds, before fixing his eyes back on Rivaille. “If we got you in, would you be able to recover the information?”

Rivaille cocked an eyebrow. “You think you’d be able to get me in?” Erwin nodded, a trace of a smile visible. Rivaille narrowed his eyes. “If you got me in and let me have Hanji for an hour to build some fucking hacking devices…” he shrugged. “Shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Excellent,” Erwin said, pulling up his own walkie-talkie and pressing down the button. “Mike, channel six.”

“ _Roger, switching now._ ”

Rivaille watched, bemused, while Erwin changed his channel as well and waited for Mike. Why Mike? Fuck if he knew.

“ _I’m on, Erwin. What is it?_ ”

“Well, it appears our coffee shipment from Reiss &Co. is a week late. We’re very much in need of that to keep the shatterdome working smoothly, I’m sure you know. Would you be predisposed to going and… having a chat with our dear Mr. Reiss?”

There was a moment of silence, then the walkie-talkie crackled. “ _I’m guessing I don’t have much of a choice, here. Now?”_

“No, in an hour. Where are you?”

“ _Was headed to the rec room._ ”

“I’ll send Rivaille to meet you there, then. He’ll brief you.”

“… _understood.”_

“Thank you, Mike.” Erwin put down the walkie, then focused back on Rivaille. Who, honestly, had long since given up trying to understand the mechanisms behind Erwin’s actions, and found it much easier to simply trust that they would work out. “Go talk to Hanji about the hacking software, first. She should have something on hand. Then you’re to go to the rec room, and find Mike. Explain to him about the situation with House Reiss and the information of beyond the walls. You two will head out to House Reiss- it’s still not too late for social visits. Mike will talk to them, you will go explore the basement.”

“Right. Any kind of information in particular you’re looking for? I doubt I would be able to collect all of it.”

“Focus on maps of the world beyond the walls, for now. We have three kaiju working with us, which eliminates some of the need… if there’s anything on the kaiju’s origins, that as well. Maps related to that.”

“Right.”

“You’re dismissed, then,” Erwin finally said, his tone the formal one he used when in his Commander role. Rivaille nodded, standing up and heading towards the door. He paused in the doorway, looking uncertainly back to Erwin.

“Erwin…”

“Yes?”

“Is there really a delay in the coffee shipments?”

Erwin half-smiled. “Go find Hanji, Rivalle.” Rivaille scowled, but left nonetheless. After a moment’s contemplation, he redirected himself through the mess hall, grabbing a coffee to go. Just in case.

* * *

 

Eren paced back across the door of Armin’s room for the third time, ignoring Mikasa’s pointed sigh.

“Look, Eren, why don’t we just go to the mess hall? It’s almost time for lunch, anyways,” she finally said. Eren made a distressed noise in the back of his throat.

“And you’re just… just fine, with this?!” he exclaimed. Armin, who was sitting on Eren’s old bed, winced slightly, glancing hastily up at Mikasa. Eren instantly felt a pang of regret, but didn’t withdraw his words. Mikasa’s eyes narrowed slightly and her hand came up to tug absently at her scarf.

“No, I’m not okay with it. It’s terrifying,” she said. Eren stopped pacing, looking at Mikasa with a pained expression.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean-”

Mikasa shook her head. “It’s terrifying, but… I still trust Annie, you know. The things she showed me…” Mikasa shrugged, almost uncomfortably. “She’s worth trusting.”

“That’s…” Eren started, stopping again moments later, considering his words. “I’m glad.” Mikasa smiled at him wanly.

“Hm. Well…” Armin began, and Eren could tell that Armin had his smart-person mask on- he was holding himself a little stiffer than usual. “I don’t know that we can necessarily trust… well, any of them, based on what they told me and what you’ve told me... But at the same time, they don’t really have a reason to be truthful.”

“We can trust them,” Eren said. Armin regarded him for a moment. Eren lifted his chin a bit, almost wishing Armin would contradict him. _Because, after all, if they can’t trust them… then how can they trust_ you?

“We have to,” Mikasa said, quietly, from her seat on the bed opposite Eren’s. “How else can we move forward?”

“Mm.”

After several seconds of silence, Eren resumed his pacing. A minute later, the bell for lunch sounded, and the three walked to the mess hall in silence. Eren glanced sideways, first at Armin, then Mikasa. Both of them seemed relatively lost in their own worlds. Eren didn’t like it. The worry was practically tangible. Eren sighed, but went on to collect his lunch all the same.

The three sat down at their usual table and began eating—only to be interrupted moments later as Jean, Sasha, and Connie either took an empty seat or pulled one up.

“Mm, hi?” Eren asked around his mouthful of chicken sandwich, raising an eyebrow inquisitively at Jean’s burning glare. _I haven’t done anything to piss him off lately, have I? I’ve hardly been around at all anyways…_

“But, okay,” Jean began, his eyes flicking to both Mikasa and Armin. “What the fuck is going on. First Eren’s _constantly_ gone, and then a random kaiju attack happens _on our own shatterdome._ Let me stress that I literally mean _on_. And Annie and Mikasa and Reiner and Bertl- who definitely went to go _fight_ said kaiju- have been missing for five days, and Ymir and Christa suddenly vanished this morning as well?! Don’t even _try_ and hide it, we all,” he indicated Sasha and Connie as well as himself, “know something’s up.”

“Uh, well-” Armin began, but not after exchanging a hurried but still very clearly guilty glance with Eren and Mikasa.

“And no bullshit,” Jean said, glowering at Armin. Armin gulped, and looked pleadingly at Eren. Eren sighed, reluctantly setting down his sandwich.

“Alright, I’ll tell you, but you can’t tell _anyone_ else in the shatterdome. Or, well, anyone else, _period._ Understood?” he said.

“Yes,” Jean said, his teeth very close to being gritted.

“Yup,” Connie added, and Sasha made a noise that was probably a yes, although it was distorted to the point of incomprehension by the amount of food in her mouth.

“Shake on it,” Eren said, extending a hand to Jean first. Jean rolled his eyes, but took Eren’s hand firmly in his own regardless, and gave it a firm shake. Eren then shook both Connie and Sasha’s hands; only then was he satisfied enough to continue. “Right, well. I’m a kaiju, Annie’s a kaiju, Ymir’s a kaiju, Berthold and Reiner are traitorous backstabbing kaiju-”

“ _Seriously_ , Jaeger? You couldn’t fucking act serious for _once_ in your _fucking life?_ ” Jean growled, his anger written clearly on his face. Eren bristled after a second of being taken aback.

“What the fuck, Jean? I _am_ being serious, you can fuck right off if you don’t want to know, fuck you,” he replied, slamming his hands down onto the table on either side of his plate, making everyone’s dishes tremble slightly.

“There’s… there’s no way you’re being serious, right?” Sasha said with a tone of fake joviality. Eren finally tore his eyes away from Jean’s, looking over to Sasha. Her eyes were wide, and she had half a smile on her face, the kind she used when she knew she was in trouble with Shadis but didn’t quite want to admit it yet.

“Ha…” Connie said as the silence dragged on. He looked completely lost. Finally, Mikasa took pity on them.

“Eren’s telling the truth. Annie showed me. In the drift-” Mikasa abruptly cut off, looking over Sasha’s shoulder. The others followed her gaze, watching as Annie, Historia, and Ymir walked over to their table. Jean, Connie, and Sasha stared unabashedly, and Annie glared back, while Historia seemed concerned with the state of her boots and Ymir seemed, as usual, bored.

“I could eat all of you, you know,” Ymir finally said, inspecting her nails. There was a moment of resounding silence.

“What the _fuck_ Ymir?!” Connie cried, his arms flailing comically as his chair tipped back, almost too far. Eren fought back a snort, and noticed Historia trying the same. Annie looked unimpressed. Ymir shrugged.

“Just saying.” She looked at Jean. “And confirming. Anyways,” she added, turning to Eren, who immediately narrowed his eyes at her tone. “You can’t know shit because your mental walls are _still_ shit. So go fuck around in Hanji’s lab or something while we fill the rest in.”

“What-”

“Bye-bye.”

“-the fuck?!”

“Aren’t you leaving?”

“Will no one tell me _anything?!_ ” Eren exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air, bringing them down to run through his hair afterwards, in complete exasperation and a touch of anger.

“Ymir’s right,” Annie decided to add, moving over to stand beside Eren’s chair as if waiting for him to get up and leave. _Which is probably exactly what she’s waiting for_ , Eren thought sourly. “Yes, I am waiting for you to move. Your mind is still too open. Work on that.” Annie’s tone was final

Eren  looked beseechingly around the table. Mikasa had her neutral face on, and Armin seemed to be siding with Annie and Ymir. Jean, Sasha, and Connie simply looked confused, and were of no help. Ymir waved at him sarcastically, Annie glared, and Historia avoided meeting his gaze. Eren sighed heavily.

“Fine, fuck you guys, too,” he grumbled, grabbing his tray and leaving (before even having finished his meal, which was practically unheard of). He stormed out of the cafeteria, heading first to his and Rivaille’s room and then, when that provided no distraction, to Hanji’s lab. Halfway there, he scowled and decided he might as well practice his mental barriers. He aggressively pictured thick brick walls around all his thoughts.

He didn’t stop when he arrived at Hanji’s lab and was greeted exuberantly, though when Hanji told him he was welcome to take a seat and then promptly launched into a running monologue of what she was doing, focusing on dull bricks became harder and harder. Eventually Eren let go, trying to focus on Hanji’s words while maintaining his mental shield on another level. He didn’t know if it had _worked_ , but…

At some point, Annie, Historia, and Ymir wandered down. Hanji also gave Eren a running commentary while she inserted the tracking device- a small metallic node, apparently- into each of the three’s arms. Eren didn’t make eye contact, focusing instead on hiding his feelings of shame for his earlier behavior behind nice, well-rounded bricks.

Eventually, after what seemed like hours, there was a swift rap on the door before it was flung open. Mike came in, carrying a full pack, followed quickly by Rivaille, who seemed to freeze at the sight of Eren.

“Eren…” he said, his eyes softening slightly. Eren lifted his chin, sure enough of what was coming. _Think of brick walls, Eren. Brick wall._ “Eren, you can’t listen in on this. Then they’ll know.”

Eren stood up. “Bye, Hanji. Thanks for letting me sit here,” he said, barely recognizing his own voice. He turned and left, brushing past Rivaille and Mike without acknowledging them. It was petty, he knew it was; but he was also too irritated at being ignored and brushed off to care. He went back to his room, collapsing face-down onto his bed, focusing on images of haphazardly stacked bricks.

* * *

 

Rivaille watched as Eren stormed away, not even acknowledging him. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the guilt at having provoked such a reaction. _It’s fucking necessary,_ he told himself sternly, slinging his pack off his shoulders and opening it. _If the other kaiju get hold of what we’re doing… although Annie and Ymir might already have betrayed us. Fucking fucks._

“Rivaille? I assume you were successful?” Erwin said, entering the room behind Rivaille, carrying his walkie talkie in his hand.

Rivaille pulled out a travel drive and several sheets of folded paper, as well as a book. “You could fucking say that,” he said, handing it all over to Erwin. Erwin took it interestedly, passing on the travel drive to Hanji, who quickly went and plugged it into her computer. “Mike defended the coffee bravely.”

Mike nodded, looking rather pleased beneath his fringe and moustache.

“Whoa…” Hanji said, causing all three men to look at her. On her screen she had pulled up a- well, it looked like a map, but so completely different from any map they had ever seen. There was just so much… _land._ And blue. Lots of blue. Hanji fiddled on her keyboard, and suddenly the map shifted, narrowing in on a red marker. Three concentric circles were etched out around the marker.

“Oh,” Rivaille said.

“That must be home,” Erwin added.

“Wow. And look,” Hanji said, tapping her screen with a finger. Rivaille fought down the urge to wipe the screen clean of the oily fingerprint. “This is… more water than in all our lakes combined, probably.” She squinted closer to the map. “Pacific… Ocean?”

The four of them crowded closer to the screen, as if of one mind, and spent several minutes studying the digital map. Finally, Hanji spoke up again.

“So we’ll ask what direction the portal’s in. Then we send off our girls- we can strap recorders to them using elasticord or something similar- they already said they’d go and see how many days that would take, to travel there, right? That way we’d get two birds with one stone, so to speak… we can line up the terrain with the recorder’s recordings, figure out the precise route. Cause the trackers I gave them won’t work too far outside the walls… This is a very detailed map, though,” she said, zooming in once again. “I wonder how…”

“Hanji,” Erwin said sternly, but Rivaille didn’t miss the way he almost smiled. “Focus on the mission at hand right now, not how they made the map.”

“That might be on one of the other files on the travel drive,” Rivaille muttered. Hanji glanced at him in excitement before catching Erwin’s eye and subduing herself.

“Right, right. Right, once we get the position of the portal, we can program this map into the jaegers, and use that to navigate our way there… of course, if we’re accompanied by _our_ kaiju, we shouldn’t have much of a problem. I wonder if they could keep the other kaiju away from us while we advance? It might be slow going, considering we’re going to be needing to carry weapons enough to collapse a trans-world portal…”

“Do you truly think the recorder would work properly?” Erwin asked, and Hanji nodded excitedly, opening her mouth to clarify.

“Sorry, I’mma let you finish, but can I go? I had to jump at _least_ three fences to get that map. And I doubt I’d be helpful in planning…” Rivaille waved his hand. “Whatever it is you’re planning.” _And I want to get back to Eren and apologize. For nothing. Fucking brat._

Erwin nodded, clearly distracted. “Yes, you’re dismissed,” he said. Rivaille saluted once, turned sharply, sidestepped Mike, and left. He let his feet guide him on autopilot back to his room, thinking about the map and the sheer vastness of the land and blue water that was depicted. And once he’d thought that the inside of the walls were big- but that the freedom he chased, the one he longed for so much- that it was so big? It was incredible, unbelievable, _impossible_ —but what did hundred-year-old maps stand to gain by lying?

He opened the door to the sight of Eren lying facedown on his bed.

“Eren?”

“Yeah?” came the muffled reply. Rivaille was mildly relieved to note that the tone wasn’t angry.

“You okay, brat?”

Eren rolled around at that, pulling himself up into a sitting position. He fiddled with his bootlaces, and Rivaille twitched. _Boots on the bed…_

“I just… no one’s _telling_ me anything. And I get why, but all this… it all concerns me. And I can’t know anything. And…”

“…yeah,” Rivaille said after a second. There wasn’t much else he _could_ say. “Sorry. We have to.”

“I know,” Eren said glumly. Rivaille sighed to himself, wondering why, of all things, he had to like this boy. Handsome, pouting boy. Whatever.

“Would a kiss make it better?” Rivaille finally asked.

Eren looked up sharply at that. A few seconds passed, then he looked back down at his laces, smiling softly. “Maybe,” he said.

“Guess we’ll have to try,” Rivaille said, moving forward. Then he stopped. Eren looked up as he did so, confused. “But first, _get your fucking boots off the fucking bed.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really much to say here... ngl though half the reason this took me so long is because I'm having so much trouble coming up with chapter titles. Help.
> 
> Actually no wait one thing- I'm taking the theory that they're in California (Giant Redwoods and Sequoias, anyone?) instead of Germany-- which is why they're, ha, on the Pacific rim.


	37. Testing Days, or: return of Delta Mustang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me so long. ~~I'm gonna regret posting this so late, typos will be picked for tomorrow when I wake up.~~
> 
> Shout out to the Writing Legion and SNK Write Night, as well as asylum-regular for helping me with this chapter's title :) 
> 
> And of course, thank you to all of you who are still here with me and reading- FW hit its anniversary like three months ago, which is a pretty big deal. So yeah. Thank you <3

Eren woke up the next day to his blaring alarm and Rivaille gone. After a few minutes of hazy 'being awake', Eren actually woke up, and got dressed. As an afterthought, he brushed his teeth.

Discovering he still had plenty of time (Rivaille must have set his alarm; usually Eren had only just woken up by now), Eren ambled slowly towards the mess hall. He let himself get lost in thought, reflecting on the events of the past few days.

_I'm still a kaiju, and now everyone else knows that Ymir and Annie and the other two are too… And Rivaille's probably. Off doing top secret stuff I'm not allowed to know._ Eren grumbled aloud. He glared at an offending rust-colored stain on the wall as he passed it.

Eren had just torn his eyes away from the wall, moodily searching for another spot to focus his hatred towards, when he felt an intense pressure behind his temples, and suddenly he heard Annie's voice, as if she were shouting from a long ways away.

_Stop thinking so loudly, you'll alert_ them _to your presence._

Eren wanted to scream.

_No, shut up and listen. Hanji asked Ymir and I to keep in contact through you._

Eren furrowed his brows. _Keep in contact…?_

_Yes. Now find her and tell her we've made it past point 3B._

_…what._

_Just repeat the message, Jaeger._

_This is another one of those things I'm not allowed to know, isn't it_ , Eren thought gloomily.

_Eren. Message. Hanji._

_FINE fine I'll go give her the message just get out of my HEAD already._

_Make me._

Scowling, Eren threw his entire mental willpower into a thick, heavy wall, completely with the impression of Annie's flattened face on the other side. Eren could have sworn he heard  her laugh, but the pressure on his head instantly lightened up, fading into almost imperceptible background.

He added a couple of steel beams to his fortification, just in case.

He started stalking back down the hallway, at some point in his mental conversation having come to a halt, and continued fortifying his mental wall, alternating between thinking of bricks and whether or not he should inform Hanji before or after his breakfast. But then his stomach rumbled, and the decision was made for him—besides, the chances of him even being able to _enter_ Hanji's lab and give her the message were close to none, because 'super secret stuff' was going on there and— _no, Eren, stop it. You know why they can't tell you. You wouldn't want_ them _to know, whatever it is they're planning. Especially if Annie means what I think she means…_

Eren felt a pressure again, and scowled even deeper. _Annie if you—_

But the voice—or voices?—Eren heard, vaguely cobbled together syllables in the back of his mind, definitely _weren't_ Annie. The pressure was the same, but—the garble soon straightened itself out, pressure increasing as it did so, until Eren was gasping and clutching at his head, his hands pressed vainly into his temples in an effort to alleviate the noise—

_—good, then—_

_—the lost—_

_—it's listening—_

_—alive?!—_

_—ick, send—_

_—orders for—_

" _Eren!_ "

Eren gasped, pushing away the hands on his shoulders, and curled up tighter on himself. He focused solidly on stone, thick, garbled stone, smooth and solid and not a crack in sight—and then the voices faded.

"Eren!"

Eren blinked once, coming back into reality to find himself leaning against the wall and trembling. Mikasa looked down on him, her hand hovering a few inches away.

"Are you okay?" she asked, exhaling audibly.

"Yeah," Eren said, looking down at his shaking arm. "I—I think so."

"What… _happened_? Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, yeah… I'm fine. I'm. Fine. I. Mikasa," Eren said, looking straight at her, "I heard them."

Mikasa wrinkled her brow. "Heard who?"

" _Them._ The… the other kaiju." Eren shuddered, focused his mind to exclude everything that wasn't _him_. And doubled that effort.

Mikasa was silent for a moment. "You have to tell Commander Smith, at least."

Eren nodded. "Yeah… and I have a message for Hanji, too." At Mikasa's questioning look, Eren elaborated, "Annie told me, right before… _them._ "

"Okay," Mikasa said. Then she stood up from her crouch, offering a hand to Eren. "Let's go."

Eren took her hand, embarrassed by the way his legs still shook a bit. Mikasa braced him up against her shoulder, and after a few seconds of resistance, Eren gave in and leaned against her.

"Commander Smith is probably in Hanji's lab, so if we go there we can get them both." Eren nodded in agreement.

"Wait, where's Armin?" he asked, suddenly aware of his friend's absence. Mikasa gave him a noncommittal noise in answer.

"I checked the barracks before I came to find you. He wasn't there."

"Oh."

"He's probably just in the mess hall," she said. _Waiting for us_ was left unsaid.

"Right…"

They walked the rest of the way in silence. Eren shrugged Mikasa off about halfway down, gritting his teeth and ordering his body to comply with his non-shaky wishes.

Eren was the one who knocked on the door to Hanji's lab. He knocked again after a few seconds, and was finally greeted by a frazzled-looking Moblit.

"Oh, Eren, Mikasa, hello. What are you-?"

"Is Commander Smith here?" Eren asked quickly, trying to glance behind Moblit.

"Yes, he's with Hanji," Moblit replied. Eren nodded.

"I have a message for them."

"Oh. _Oh._ Right, let me just—HANJI."

Eren heard a muffled reply from inside the room.

"Eren's here! With a message!"

More muffled noises.

Moblit turned to face him and Mikasa. "Right, give me a moment, I'll go grab them, okay? I can't let you in right now, I hope you understand," he said, before shutting the door to a slit and leaving.

Eren stared moodily at the door, the adrenaline from earlier beginning to ebb and making him suddenly aware that his heart had been beating much faster than normal. He took a deep breath, checked up once more on his mental wall, and exhaled. He looked to Mikasa, who was toying with her scarf, looking at him with concern.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm _fine,_ Mikasa, really…"

"I know," she replied, her expression not changing one bit. Eren rolled his eyes again, looking back at the door as it began to open again, and Hanji and Commander Smith exited, bringing the door shut behind them.

"So! Moblit tells us you've got a message?" Hanji said, looking eagerly at Eren. Somewhat reassured by the normalcy that was Hanji's slightly-unhinged-ness, Eren nodded.

"And something else, too," he tacked on.

"Oh?" Hanji asked, then waved her hand. "Message first, something else after!"

"Annie said to tell you they were at… B3?" Eren said, his confidence wavering as he realize he couldn't remember what Annie had said as well as he'd thought. Hanji, at least, seemed not to care.

"3B! They're at 3B already! That's—oh, oh, _oh!_ That's great, I just, where's my calc—"

"Hanji, I do believe Jaeger has something else to say?" Commander Smith said, laying a hand on Hanji's shoulder. He turned his bemused expression on Eren once Hanji had calmed down.

"I… I heard them. The other kaiju." Eren clenched his fists and looked down at the floor. "And I think… the impression I got was that they heard me, too."

Hanji and Erwin exchanged a look, Hanji having considerably sobered up. Hanji opened her mouth as if to say something, but Smith cut her off.

"Do they know where you are?"

Eren shook his head. "I don't think so. They… confusion. They weren’t expecting me to be—to be alive. I don't think."

"Are you still practicing your mental walls? Rivaille—"

"I am," Eren said, "but they were still weak because I talked to Annie."

"Ah." There was a pause, in which Smith and Hanji exchanged another look. "Thank you for telling us, Eren. Have you had breakfast yet?"

"…no."

"Why don't you go do that? Mikasa, can you take him with you?"

Mikasa nodded sharply and turned on her heel to face Eren, reaching out an arm. He slapped it away.

"I'm fine," he snapped. Mikasa leveled him a look that made him instantly regret the action. They walked out of the lab in silence, Eren still absentmindedly piling bricks. Once the door was closed behind them, Eren muttered 'sorry' to Mikasa.

For a moment she didn't reply, and Eren was worried he'd seriously offended her. Then, finally, she spoke, her voice low and level. "I know you don't like being out of the loop, Eren, but all of us are. You have to realize that. Even Armin only has a general idea of what's going on. You're… not the only one, okay? So."

"Yeah, I'm…" Eren swallowed thickly. "Sorry. I'm sorry for acting like a jerk. I know why, I just wish it… wasn't."

"I know." After a second, Eren's stomach rumbled again. Mikasa smiled faintly at him, tugging her scarf. "How does breakfast sound?"

"Sounds great," Eren said, ruefully.

Once they got to the mess hall, Eren looked around for Armin, frowning mildly. "Mikasa, didn't you say Armin was here?"

Mikasa looked up from where she was loading her tray full of whatever was left of the food—breakfast ended in fifteen minutes, after all. "What?"

"Armin?"

Mikasa turned to look out at the remaining still-occupied tables; there was no long-haired blond in sight. "That's weird. Maybe he already finished and left to try and find us?"

"Hmm," Eren replied. Then he shrugged. Armin might have already finished and gone to work on something elsewhere—Eren wasn't altogether too concerned. And, well… the food was calling to him. So he ate, neither him nor Mikasa really feeling the need for words.

They found Armin after breakfast, as they headed back towards the labs—Eren to find Rivaille and ask what he should do, Mikasa because she was Mikasa. And also had nothing to do training-wise, since her co-pilot was a kaiju. And at location 3B. Whatever that meant.

"Oh, hi," Armin said, doing the twitchy thing he always did when he was sneaking around where he wasn't necessarily supposed to be. Eren narrowed his eyes.

"Hi. You been sneaking around?" he asked seriously, but grinned afterwards to show Armin he wasn't serious. Armin twitched again.

"Uh. No."

Eren contemplated Armin for a moment, before sighing loudly. "It's something I'm not allowed to know about, isn't it."

Armin nodded sheepishly, and Eren pretended to collapse in his arms. "I hate this."

"We know," Armin said, smiling guiltily down at Eren. "Sorry."

"S'not your fault. Anyways, I needed to see if Rivaille was around, I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing…"

"Well you're in fucking luck then, aren't you," said a voice from the other end of the hall. Eren, Armin, and Mikasa all turned to look as Rivaille, accompanied by Mike, strolled towards them.

"Oh, uh, hello," Eren said, faintly aware of Armin and Mikasa saluting behind him.

"Mike, d'you think you've got a job for the brat?"

Eren furrowed his brows in confusion for a moment, before remembering that Mike was also chief engineer in the shatterdome. Mike rubbed his chin.

"Well… we're needing to outfit the jaegers for—a bit differently. You've had basic jaegertech, right? Nuts and bolts? Screw this here and that there?"

"Uh… yes?"

"Mmhm. Go to the new hangars, ground floor. Ask for Nanaba. Tell them Mike sent an extra pair of hands," Mike said decisively.

"Yessir," Eren replied, snapping to attention out of instinct. Rivaille snickered quietly at him, and Eren retorted with sticking out his tongue.

"Would I be allowed to go as well?" Mikasa asked suddenly. "I'm in the same predicament as Eren, essentially…"

Mike nodded.

"Right then," Rivaille said, with the air of infinite boredom that only he could muster, "We'll be off. Don't forget to take a shit on your breaks."

The ensuing awkward silence appeared to go unnoticed by both Rivaille and Mike, and they continued walking towards Hanji's lab, Rivaille brushing his shoulder against Eren's as he passed.

"Um. I guess I'll see you two later? I'm heading down to Hanji's lab too, actually…"

"Oh, yeah, I guess. Bye, then," Eren said, waving a hand at Armin as he followed Mike and Rivaille.

"To the new hangars?" Mikasa asked after a second.

"Yeah."

Once arrived, they were warmly greeted and ushered onto the team, with Nanaba informing them that more hands were always welcome. They were assigned jobs and told to get to work, orders with which Eren happily complied. They spent the rest of the day working, except for meal breaks, and upon dismissal, promised to return the next day as well.

By the end of the second day, time was already starting to blur together. The repetitive motions of assisting the jaeger reconstruction teams ate the hours away, and the focus required made sure Eren didn't have time to think of anything else. Eren welcomed it.

The only disturbance was the arrival of the alphanumerical combination 6D, which Eren duly relayed to Hanji before returning to work, tightening the bolts with a bit more ferocity than usual. This time, he didn't hear any other voices.

The third day, Hanji tried to run Mikasa solo in the jaeger—when questioned, Hanji merely shrugged and said she had an idea, but that would only work if Mikasa could do it.

Mikasa, much to no one's surprise, had merely steeled her gaze and gone for it. And made it, too, for the entirety of Hanji's ten-minute trial run—though, afterwards, as soon as she disengaged from the jaeger, she had crumpled to the ground, breathing heavily, and scared Eren into racing along the boardwalk full-tilt.

Hanji had followed shortly behind, asking Mikasa a plethora of questions—"How did it feel?" "Do you think you can control it?" "How long will you be good for?" "Based on my calculations it'll take longer than ten minutes—"

"I can do it," Mikasa wearily replied, half-hanging in Eren's arms. "Now I know what to expect."

"But—"

"Eren. Trust me," Mikasa said, nonetheless smiling softly at Eren. After a second of eye contact, he nodded.

"Okay."

"You're sure, Mikasa? Because if you can't, say so now, otherwise… I mean this plan that we're running requires certain things and if you can't—"

"Hanji. I said I'm sure. I'm strong. I can do it." So saying, Mikasa stood up fully, pushing herself off of Eren. She teetered for a moment before catching herself, her eyes as hard and determined as ever. Eren couldn't even imagine trying to pilot without Rivaille by his side; the machinery around him was already so heavy even while spread across two minds, let alone one. He thought, not for the first time, that his adopted sister was truly strong. Insane, crazy, but strong.

Fourth day, they ran a solo trial on Historia. She fainted after a few seconds, blood leaking slowly from her nose down to her chin, but when she woke up, her eyes were as hard as Mikasa's.

"Sorry, I—sorry," she said, voice breaking, her eyes finally losing their steely determination.

An insistent nudging at the edge of Eren's consciousness alerted him to the presence of someone—someone vaguely Ymir-y, and so Eren chanced at bringing his walls down a little bit.

_Oi, fuckface, tell Historia she's the best._

_Ymir—_

_Do it. Do it right now._

"Historia…" Eren mumbled, aware of how everyone's eyes snapped to him for interrupting… whatever had been going on while he'd been busy with Ymir. "Sorry. Um. Ymir says you're the best." Historia broke out into a wide smile upon hearing that.

"Tell her the same, if you're talking to her, please," she said.

_Ymir, did you—_

_Yeah. Thanks. Anyways, tell Glasses we should be hitting A1 tomorrow._

"Hanji, Ymir says they'll be hitting A1 tomorrow."

_Cool, bye. Historia I miss her, too._

"And Ymir says she misses Historia."

Hanji, however, was no longer paying attention, looking at something she's drawn up on her electronic notebook. Eren, Historia, Mikasa, and Moblit stood around awkwardly, waiting, until Moblit cleared his throat loudly.

"Um…"

"Hm?" Hanji asked, looking up. "Oh, right, yes, thank you so much, Historia, you can un-suit now, I have to…" Hanji trailed off into under-her-breath mutterings, oblivious to the rest of them staring at her.

"Sorry about that…" Moblit said, moving to assist Historia. "That's… just how she is."

"No kidding…"

Eren spent the rest of the day on the hangar 'floor', hanging suspended against the jaeger's hull by a multitude of cables as he bolted wires and small plates of metal into place. He went to bed with a goodnight kiss from Rivaille and the vague notion that he was probably going to be sore again tomorrow.

* * *

 

Rivaille woke up with unusual rapidity, even for him, the alarm off and himself on his feet before the motions had really registered. Rivaille drew a deep breath, then shook his head and began to go through his morning ritual. He was drying off his face—the final step—when he heard the distinctive noises of Eren waking up. Rivaille smiled a bit to himself as he folded his towel and slotted it precisely back into the rack, glad that Eren existed, really.

Which was a stupid sentiment, but, as Eren blinked sleepily up at him and smiled, Rivaille couldn't help but feel that it was a well-placed one.

"Whur yugoin?" Eren mumbled, half-burying his face back into his pillow. Rivaille leaned down and pressed a kiss to Eren's temple, breathing in his smell and wondering at how it didn't repulse him.

"Talking to Erwin," he replied. "I'll see you later."

"Mmfhfgh."

Rivaille took that as his cue to leave, shutting the door quietly on his way out. He walked to Erwin's office more out of instinct than anything else, comforting himself with the thought that Erwin would probably have coffee, considering he'd called Rivaille in a full hour before they normally went. He fiddled a bit with the volume control on his walkie before he arrived at the door.

He rapped twice, then entered, not bothering to wait for a sign of permission.

"Erwin—eh?"

The office was empty. Rivaille looked around, noticing a thermos on the desk with a stickie note taped to it. Based on the illegibility, Rivaille concluded it was Hanji's and not Erwin's.

_Went to meet the ladies, they're back early. Meet us in the back lab~!_

Trust Hanji to use little swirlies. Rivaille petulantly grabbed the thermos, neatly folding and then shredding the stickie note. Once that had been thrown in the trash, he took a sip of the coffee thermos, and sighed appreciatively.

The coffee was already three-quarters finished by the time Rivaille arrived to the back lab—it wasn't a secret laboratory, per se, but the chances of anyone managing to navigate _through_ Hanji's lab and finding the door to the back was… well, not high.

Rivaille rapped on the door, this time waiting until he heard the acknowledgement before entering. Hanji was standing off to the side, looking like she was about to burst, holding two things that looked like cameras in her hands. Erwin was sitting on a stool to the right, and directly in front of him, Annie and Ymir were sitting oh chairs in human form, devouring some bread.

"So what'd I miss?" Rivaille asked, fully entering the room and closing the door behind him. Annie looked up at him and said nothing, but Ymir didn't pause in her eating.

"The portal of sorts is a three-day journey, approximately. However, only one day was made on land, the other two require swimming—"

"Which is what we expected, based on the maps! The 'ocean' really is that big! And now that we've got the jaegers about half-waterproofed, it'll only take a few more days to secure the final fittings, and possibly add a boat-like component, for ease of travel, and—"

"Yeah, but the problem is," Ymir interrupted, talking around a mouthful of bread, "that the closer you get to the portal, the more kaiju there'll be around." Next to her, Annie nodded.

"How many is 'more'?" Erwin asked.

Ymir shrugged. "Twenty? Fifty? I've no idea what the fuck the Elders are gonna do. They're not the fighters, they just direct shit. We fighters don't _know_ shit."

"Mm." Erwin was silent for a moment. "Hanji, how many jaegers do we have that are waterproofed?"

"Well, at the moment _Freedom Wing_ and _Cerberus_ are the only two that are completely outfitted. _Topaz Maelstrom_ and _Springles_ are about three-quarters of the way done, and _Acrobat Historica, Emerald Monsoon_ , _Raven Blue,_ and _Garrison Rose_ about halfway…"

"Do we trust all the pilots?" Rivaille asked, fixing Erwin with a look and purposefully finishing off his coffee.

Erwin steepled his fingers. "For those jaegers, yes. But we'll need more… I'll send out word to Klorva after we're done here."

Ymir wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, and Rivaille suppressed a shudder. "You know you also have three kaiju on your side, right. Three _intelligent_ kaiju. The rest of them are all dumbasses, 'cause making a thing that can think takes more effort."

"Ye—"

"SPEAKING OF!" Hanji shouted, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Now that we know that Mikasa can also pilot solo, I've had a great idea that would allow Annie and Eren to be able to transform! You build a switch-interface, where when it's switched on, the ejection pod with Annie or Eren ejects, but then the neural interface doesn't completely disconnect from the other pilot- it just switches into something a bit more like the Unicorns have! And if we wanted to make it work for Historia and Ymir, both pods would eject but Historia's would be a mini-Unicorn of sorts so she can still get back to safety! I mean we'd lose _Acrobat Historica,_ but if it helps us win…"

"How long will that take?" Erwin asked.

"If I get the schematics done within the next, say, hour or so… especially—can I have Armin for that? He gets things. But then the 'bots could manufacture them overnight, and installation could begin tomorrow… test runs… two days? Three?"

"If we turned all manpower, even the crew teams towards the waterproofing?"

"That'd still take a while… oh. Three days as well…"

"We'll plan on moving out in four days, then. That should give us time to get everything in order. Hanji, make sure all the jaegers are properly outfitted. Annie, Ymir, you can finish up here, then go get some rest. Thank you."

The two kaiju nodded, and Annie mumbled what might have been a 'you're welcome'. Erwin nodded back, then turned, raising an eyebrow at Rivaille, who tilted his head towards the door through which Hanji had disappeared. They walked out together, heading back through Hanji's lab and towards Erwin's office.

"So. Four days?"

"We can't afford to make it longer. Every day we wait is another day they could decide to attack full force. They already know Eren's alive, who knows what else they know—we're working under an assumption that they're going to wait, but who knows if that's right?"

"D'you think we can manage that?"

"…I think we have to try."

"Mm."

Erwin reached his office door before Rivaille did, opening it and letting Rivaille pass through first. As was customary, Rivaille took a seat on the edge of Erwin's desk. Rivaille wasn't really needed at the moment; but Eren was probably still asleep—the fucker—and Rivaille didn't want to get anywhere near Hanji when she was in one of her creative moods (how Moblit did it, Rivaille hoped never to know).

Once Erwin had taken a seat, he stared off into space for a few seconds before standing back up and beginning to pace.

"Four days… if Hanji gets her run of things with engineering—I'll let Mike know to inform the crews to defer… Rico…" Erwin pulled out his electronic pad, and Rivaille heard the distinctive startup noise of the Inter-wall Information Network. Erwin typed for a bit, then put the pad down, resuming his pacing. "If we follow the same route we instructed Annie and Ymir—formations… numbers?"

It was interesting, Rivaille thought absently as he began to tune Erwin out, how the two people he considered his closest friends, Hanji and Erwin, could both spend hours at a time muttering at themselves under their breath. _At least Erwin doesn't try to involve you in whatever he's planning…_

Erwin continued talking, and Rivaille continued not listening, for at least another ten or fifteen minutes, Rivaille sincerely regretting having drunk the thermos empty earlier.

A knock on the door brought Erwin's monologue to a halt and snapped Rivaille out of his zoned place.

"Who the fuck is coming to see you at"—Rivaille briefly glanced at the tacky-as-fuck wall clock on the wall behind the desk—"seven thirty in the fucking morning?"

"Good question," Erwin said softly. Then, louder, "Enter!"

A familiar face entered, topped off by two-toned hair. Jean saluted.

"Sir! I—I wanted to request permission to continue piloting," Jean said, staring fixedly ahead, fist pressed over his heart. Erwin glanced to Rivaille.

"Kirstein, correct? _Delta Mustang?_ "

"Yessir."

"…it is not even past breakfast yet. Why are you asking now?" Erwin said. Rivaille narrowed his eyes at both Erwin and Jean. Erwin was dodging the question, which Rivaille had learned through experience meant he was trying to procure answers to unposed questions.

"I want to take part in the upcoming mission."

"What makes you believe there is an upcoming mission?"

"Look, I might not know _what's_ going on, but for some reason almost all the jaegers are getting reworked on, and Jaeger and Armin have been acting weird, and when _Armin_ acts weird you _know_ something's up—but that aside, all the engineering crews know something's up. Practically everyone does. You don't work on five jaegers at once. Especially not ones that barely sustained any damage in the first place… and Annie and Ymir are—uh. Back." Jean had fallen out of his salute in the process of speaking, and now simply stood in front of the two of them.

"Jaeger told you, didn't he?" Jean didn't reply, instead looking down at his feet. Rivaille rolled his eyes, more in exasperation than anger. "That asshole. I told him not to tell."

"It… wasn't just him. Ymir, too."

"That aside," Erwin interjected, "why is it imperative that you pilot?"

"Because—because I have to. I need to—I have to—" he paused and drew a breath. "Because I've trained for this for years. And the first time we went out, he—he _died_. And. I don't want that to be my only time, I can't—I just. Please. I won't—I won't fail again, I won't—"

Rivaille noticed that his hand would often come up to right below his collarbone before Jean would seemingly notice it and forcibly move his hand back down. It wasn't until Rivaille mimicked the motion that he understood—his and Petra's dogtags were cool against his fingers.

"Let him," Rivaille said, cutting across Jean's pleas and addressing Erwin. Erwin shot him a look that read somewhere between angry and betrayed, but Rivaille shrugged. He understood all too well the compulsion, the _need_ , to get back in a jaeger and reclaim that power, take revenge, and, in the upcoming mission's case, take back their world. For themselves. And for those who wouldn't be able to experience it.

"He doesn't even have a co-pilot," Erwin argued. "The amount of time it would take to train—"

"Please, sir," Jean said, looking abashed for the first time since he'd stepped foot in the office. "I, uh. Well. I kind of forced Armin into checking the databases for the compatibility tests, and finding who my runner-up was, and… well, it was Armin, sir." When his proclamation was met with silence, Jean hastily continued. "And I wanted to be sure, so I may have also made Armin spar with me multiple times and—well, he's not Marco, but it's close. We're drift compatible, definitely, sir. And Armin is the smartest cadet—er, new soldier in the shatterdome, he'll pick up so fast on anything he doesn't already know about being in the jaegers."

Erwin sighed deeply. Rivaille recognized it as his conceding sigh—he sighed the exact same way every time he agreed to give Hanji more money to keep conducting her experiments.

"I suppose," he intoned, "that you've already thought about the problem of jaegers? Namely, that _Delta Mustang_ is still almost halved and due to the upcoming mission, there will be no time to repair her?"

"We can use _Aegis,_ sir. Reiner and Berthold's old jaeger. I—heard that they wouldn't be needing it anymore."

"You've heard correctly, Kirstein." Erwin lapsed into a pensive silence long enough that Jean started to squirm.

"Please, Commander Smith. I have to—I can't just sit by while others go out and—"

Erwin sighed mightily, pinching his nose between forefinger and thumb.

"Yes, very well. We'll have a test-run for you and Arlert in…" Erwin glanced at the clock. "In forty-five minutes. I'll leave it up to you to organize a command crew—either _Aegis'_  or _Delta_ 's will be fine. Have Arlert outfitted in standard practice gear… we can work out a proper piloting suit later, if you two are a good match."

"Sir yes sir!" Jean said, saluting again, his voice cracking. Rivaille saw the look of relief in his eyes, and nodded slightly to himself. Jean left immediately after his dismissal, his footsteps picking up speed the second the door was shut behind him.

After a moment's silence, Erwin gave Rivaille a look of amused resignment. "I wasn't really counting on that."

"Well. You have another jaeger now."

"Yes, but I was hoping to assign Arlert to command…"

"Don't see why he can't do both. You do."

"Mm."

Rivaille sat around for a bit longer, eventually getting up and making his way down to the kitchens, in search of more coffee. He got into a discussion with the kitchen staff about the merits of black versus with sugar, and by the time he returned to Erwin's office, Erwin was already preparing to go to the hangar and watch the test-run.

"Out of curiosity, Rivaille, do you think Kirstein and Arlert can pilot together?" Erwin asked as they vacated the office.

Rivaille shrugged. "Wouldn't've pegged them for it, but."

"You see yourself in him, don't you."

Rivaille tried his best to give Erwin the stink eye, but as Erwin was resolutely not making eye contact, the effect was limited. "No. I just think the kid deserves a chance."

That got Erwin to look at him. Erwin raised an eyebrow in self-defense. "I see."

As they walked into the command room, they were surprised by the number of people that were present. A full team, summoned in just over half an hour—

"Hoh, not bad," Rivaille intoned before stealing the nearest free chair and claiming it for himself. Erwin, as was customary, kept standing.

"Commander Smith, sir!" a soldier said, as soon as they noticed Erwin was amongst them. "Jean and Armin would like me to pass on the message that they are ready to go any time. Already locked in, just waiting the order to drift.

Erwin nodded solemnly.

"Alright then. Initiate the drift sequence."

A button was pressed.

" _Initiating drift sequence in three… two… one… Drift sequence, initiated_."

Practically the entire command floor waited with bated breath as the images on the screen flickered in and out of alignment. Finally, it settled, and the automated voice dinged back into life: " _Neural handshake, successful._ " The command floor cheered.

Erwin leaned over the person sitting at the desk, grabbing the microphone and speaking into it. "Your arms are free, try a few movements there, just to make sure."

" _Yes sir_."

There was a loud clink, and then _Aegis Colossi'_ s arms began to move, rising smoothly into a fighting stance, then rotating into another one, finally coming to rest with both metallic fists held loosely in front of its body.

Erwin waited a moment before speaking again. "Bring the jaeger back to resting, please," he said. He watched as the jaeger righted the slight tilt its torso had taken, hands coming down to rest near its thighs. "You've done well. Consider yourselves pilots, now."

"Shall we disengage, sir?"

"Bring them out of the drift, yes."

Erwin walked over to Rivaille.

"Make sure that Arlert is notified that his piloting suit will be ready tomorrow morning, I'll go write the production line now."

"Righto," Rivaille replied, mock-saluting and plopping back down into the chair he'd commandeered. He waited until Erwin was safely out of the room before using it as a spinny chair, twirling around and trying to keep his coffee as steady as possible.

He wondered if Eren was aware of what had just happened. Probably not, since he was working with the repair crews. They were generally the last to receive information along the grape vine hierarchy, simply because they were rather hard to track down. What with the whole hanging thing and all. Rivaille shrugged to himself. _Even if Eren can't,_ _I might as pass on the message and congratulate the fucking brats myself._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, for those of you who are fans of PacRim and not only SnK-- Jean used to pilot the left side, but he pulled a Raleigh and asked Armin if Armin wouldn't mind him piloting the right :)


	38. Outset, or: in which a lot of people are involved, and several disagreements are settled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. Sorry for (once again) taking so long. In any case, you'll notice that the total chapter count has dropped one... I realized that a lot of the happenings could and should be condensed, in order to make the story read better. Nothing event-wise been cut out, don't worry :)
> 
> Anyways, enjoy the chapter! ~~please don't hate me~~

It took three more days of work before Hanji announced that the jaegers were all ready to go. Three days was also the time it took for Rivaille to piece together the full account of what was happening, between Hanji and Erwin and even, surprisingly, Mike (the last had been because of Mike's role as chief engineer; Rivaille had gone to find Eren and remind him to eat, when he'd noticed an odd contraption hanging next to the jaegers. Rivaille had detoured to find Mike, asking him for an explanation, and Mike had shrugged and said that Hanji had requested a carrier for a large weapon. Hanji later confirmed, commenting that she'd merely built an exponentially more powerful version of the bombs that the miners used to black apart mountains and tunnels to produce the ore for jaegersteel. And that said bomb was meant to accompany them on their journey, to hopefully shred the portal to pieces).

The third day, Rivaille, Hanji, Moblit, Mike, and Erwin were all crowded into Erwin's office, holding the closest to a war council the five of them had ever gotten to. Eren was still out in the hangars, adding a few finishing touches to the jaegers, that Hanji assured them would be done across the board by suppertime, unless a kaiju attacked. Rivaille rolled his eyes at her until she plied him with the promise of coffee later.

"So, as I'm sure you're all aware by now, our plan is to take a small convoy of jaegers—accompanied, of course, by out three human-kaiju piloting teams, out to the portal that Annie and Ymir have reported to us about. Once there—and we're assuming there will be not a small few kaiju, given their need to defend their home—we will fight the kaiju off as best we can and use Hanji's weapon to destroy the portal once and for all. If what Ymir said is true about the portal leading to another world, then once its destroyed, we will have no more problems with kaiju."

"Unless they decide to build another portal," Rivaille snarked. Erwin shot him an exasperated look.

"We're going, for the sake of achievability, assume that they can't simply re-build something as complex as a portal from one world to another," he replied, tone still measured. Rivaille allowed himself a small grin, assuring Erwin that he believed him. Erwin nodded, and adjusted his stance so both hands rested on the edge of his desk, atop which an electronic pad with one of the Reiss maps dominated the space.

"Food?" Mike said after a beat. Erwin nodded again.

"Hanji assures me she's built compartments into the jaegers that contain enough space for food and drink last seven days. On our travel out there, we'll take turns staying on watch—hopefully, we'll still be able to make the time the girls did, about three days. And then back."

"Yup!" Hanji interjected. "I rigged a fridge into the cockpit's surrounding area, you know, the empty space between the walls and the actual piloting apparatus? And also storage for sleeping backs and a small toilet! No shower though, sorry Rivaille."

Rivaille grunted at her, already evaluating how much coffee he would be needing to survive _showerless_ for three days, and then a return trip on top of that…  

"Any other questions?" Erwin said, standing upright again. "The plan's pretty straightforward, our only contingency will be when and where we meet kaiju, exactly, and if we'll have enough jaeger-power to keep them at bay until we blow their portal apart."

"Yeah, I got one," Rivaille answered. "The fuck is going on here in the walls when we're away? I'm assuming you're not gonna be dissuaded from going, given your frequent use of 'we'. I've got the feeling it's not used in the royal sense."

Erwin's eyes twinkled in a way that said Erwin had a wealth of information to share, only no one had yet asked. His scheming face, Rivaille privately called it.

"Yes, excellent. While we are gone—liberating the outside world from future kaiju as best we can—inside the walls there is going to be a revolution."

"A revolution?" Hanji asked, practically bouncing in a convoluted mixture of confusion and anticipation. "What do you mean, 'revolution'?"

"I mean exactly that," Erwin replied. Even Moblit and Mike shifted uncomfortably. "You see, while the most salient of the files that Rivaille and Mike recovered was the map, there was also a wealth of other information. One of these was an encrypted file—that's the one I asked you to decrypt, Moblit, thanks for that by the way—which stated the identity of the _real_ rulers of the walls—the Reiss family. The family on the throne, in other words, are just figureheads, while everything is run through Reiss manor. Also, we happen to have the only still-living heir of Reiss working, quite literally, for us in this very shatterdome…"

"That's not enough for a rebellion. What else did you do," Rivaille said, raising a brow.

Erwin had the good sense to look at least a little bit sheepish. "Over the past few days I've been using a secure line—again, Moblit, thank you—to talk to both Rico and Nile. I've presented them with all the information they could use, as well as a very motivating reason—freedom. They've agreed to use our absence to bring to light not only the information about the Reiss bloodline, but also the fact that our figurehead government has kept information regarding the outside walls from them. The people stand for nothing, if not for their right to know everything there is, or at least have the possibility to. If necessary, they'll plant people to incite rebellion, but I think that the promise of not only knowledge of the world outside the walls, but also of a kaiju- _free_ world and a dashing young queen—imagine the drama to be had just with that—will be enough to encourage the people to rebel and at least remove the current government from power. Nile also assured me he'd talk to Utopia, get them on board as well."

Complete silence dominated Erwin's office. Rivaille darted a glance around. Mike looked taken aback, Hanji still didn't seem to have made up her mind between excitement and confusion and now maybe a touch of trepidation thrown in, and Moblit seemed shocked he'd had such a great role to play in the proceedings.

"Will six days be enough?" Mike asked.

Erwin shrugged. "Rebellions have started and been destroyed in less time, I don't see why they couldn't start and succeed. If we get back and they're not waiting for Queen Historia to take the throne, we'll just have to help them along."

"Does Historia know?" Hanji asked.

Erwin paused. "Not yet. I'm going to tell her before we leave, hopefully tonight."

"Giving her a lot of choice, are we?" Rivaille said sardonically.

"A peaceful regime within a free world, or nothing at all. I think the choice is self-evident."

"You're a manipulative bastard, you know that?"

"I've been called worse," Erwin said grimly, shadow of a smile on his face. Silence took a turn in the air again, and once again Mike took it upon himself to intervene.

"You're certain this will succeed?"

"No," Erwin said frankly, for once not beating around the bush. "But the signs all say that it’s the right time for this, so we might as well take that chance." He looked around at each of the other four in turn, daring them to challenge him assertion. Predictably, no one did. Erwin just had that kind of charisma.

"Right then—" Rivaille said, standing up, just as the kaiju alarms sounded. "The fuck? Who was on sensor?"

"Ah, yeah, haha, sorry, that would have been me..." Hanji said sheepishly, her electronic pad already out and busy.

"Move out," Erwin said, striding for the door and throwing it open. Erwin had just walked through when Rivaille's walkie-talkie beeped. Rivaille picked it up, holding it to his mouth.

"Ready for message, over."

" _This is Annie. Eren and I will deal with the threat."_

Erwin had, at this point, come back into his office, and held out a hand for Rivaille's walkie. Rivaille handed it to him.

"Annie, this is Commander Smith speaking. You and Eren will not go out there, we need to you to stay safe for our upcoming mission, is that understood?"

" _Quite frankly, sire, you don't have a choice. Your best jaegers are all strung up in the hangar, and the rest will be needed to defend the shatterdome while we're on said mission. Eren and I'd healing capabilities far outweigh those of your jaegers. We're going. Over._ " The walkie crackled out, and Erwin pressed the transmit button a few times, getting only the empty tone signaling that there was no receiving walkie. Erwin sighed.

Then he walked over to his desk, opened a drawer that hid the shatterdome's intercom system, and began entering the code for override.

Rivaille stood frozen for a few minutes, then snatched his walkie-talkie back from Erwin, once it was clear that Erwin was intent on ordering all jaegers to standby. Rivaille stalked angrily out of the room, muttering "I'm going to _kill_ Eren," under his breath.

* * *

Annie had been hanging next to Eren, the two enjoying a short water break, when the kaiju alarm went off. Eren panicked, catching himself on the hull of the jaeger behind him, then righted himself, patting his belt for a walkie-talkie. He had none. _Oh, Rivaille is gonna be_ pissed…

"Who's up?" he hissed to Annie, looking around the hangar, half-waiting for one of the jaegers present to drop down and open her cockpit. Annie stared blankly at nothing for a few seconds, then turned to Eren.

"None of the jaegers are. We'll be up," she said, then pulled out a walkie of her own and fiddled with the channel.

" _Ready for message, over_ ," Rivaille's voice said from the other end of the line.

"This is Annie. Eren and I will deal with the threat," she said, one-handedly loosening the clutch that kept her cables up high on the jaeger, and motioning for Eren to do the same. They began to descend, going faster than the recommended speed as Annie continued talking, now to Commander Smith.

"Quite frankly, sire, you don't have a choice. Your best jaegers are all strung up in the hangar, and the rest will be needed to defend the shatterdome while we're on said mission. Eren and I'd healing capabilities far outweigh those of your jaegers. We're going. Over."

Eren gaped. _No one_ , not Even Rivaille, talked to Commander Smith like that. Annie leveled him with a glare as she stripped out of her mechanic's gear, Eren quickly jumping into copying her. Then they were running, chasing hallways, and Eren finally asked her where they were going.

"To the hatches, we'll ride the jaeger platforms out as emerge as kaiju," she said. Eren began to shake his head.

"No, that'll take too long," Eren said, thinking back to his battle all those days ago with Berthold and Reiner. "I've got a better idea," he said, turning 180 degrees and following the corridors to the outside elevator. The ride up was agonizingly slow, but the elevator doors opened, leaving just the small flight of stairs.

Eren ran up them, Annie in tow. They burst through the doors that led to the top of the wall, Eren running straight up to the edge and jumping off, biting down on his thumb hard enough to draw blood as he went.  With a flash-bang, he felt his body awareness expand around him, growing larger and more powerful, even as he crash-landed with the ground and allowed his momentum to roll him up to a two-legged stand, his tail acting as counterbalance behind him.

A similar flash-bang alerted him to Annie's presence, and together they roared at the incoming three kaiju.

_Make a spectacle of yourself—you're bigger, distract them while I sneak around_ , Annie's voice reverberated in Eren's skull, and he growled in assent. Already standing on his hind legs, Eren was still only level to the largest of the three. He heard a small voice in the back of his mind that was purely his mention something about this probably not being a good idea, but he shoved that voice down as far as it could go, choosing instead to flick out his tongue and flare the spikes that surrounded his face.

The kaiju directly in front of him stopped, roaring a challenge back at Eren, and Eren made a face, lowering himself to all fours, crouching. He saw Annie moving in his periphery, and launched his attack, springing forward with every muscle in his four legs, teeth bared at the enemy kaiju's throat. Unprepared, the kaiju let out a hiss as Eren's fangs met in its neck, stumbling backwards and knocking a slower, more thickset comrade to the ground. Annie, meanwhile, jumped onto the shoulders of the last kaiju, gripping tightly as it tried to buck her off.

The kaiju Eren had captured didn't want anything to do with him, and brought up a heavy paw straight into Eren's stomach, winding him even as a kaiju. His nostrils flared, but he determinedly kept his grip, urging his jaws to press down harder. Sensing the danger, the kaiju thrashed again, this time catching Eren on the underside of a rib, the resultant _crack_ resonating out around their impromptu area.

In the meantime, the thickset kaiju had managed to bring itself back up to standing, and had begun to capture Eren's tail, clamping down with deceptively small teeth that nonetheless lacerated Eren's skin, blue blood leaking everywhere. Eren roared in pain, forgetting for a moment that his teeth had to remain tight. The first kaiju took it as a gift, pulling back out of Eren's reach before darting in again, slashing at Eren's chest.

Luckily, one of Eren's spikes caught under the kaiju's claw, ripping away from Eren—who grunted—but most importantly burying itself deeply into the kaiju's finger. Eren would have grinned, could he have.

Instead, he steeled himself, reminding himself of what the kaiju had cost him, and the pain and suffering and the want—the _need_ to see their existence wiped straight off (hiding exceptions in the corner of his mind where the voice of sanity also resided)—and yanked his tail away, letting loose a screech that was half pain, half battle cry. Whirling in a circle, Eren used a non-injured part of his tail to whip the thickset kaiju across the face, sending it tumbling once more. Then, not losing his momentum, Eren sprang back at the first kaiju.

And then he completely lost it. Fangs, claws, spikes, simple, raw strength—Eren set to work, inflicting more pain than probably absolutely necessary to complete the kill, leaving the kaiju with a torn out trachea and a split ribcage, tendrils of flayed meat slowly steaming as the kaiju blue poured out over the earth.

Turning, his legs covered up to the elbow joints in blue and his jaws dripping, Eren rushed at the heavyset kaiju, his tail twingeing with pain and only fuelling his murderous rage. Annie, who had apparently finished off with the third kaiju and had been ready to start on this one, looked up at Eren's howl-shriek of rage, and promptly leapt out of the way.

Seconds later, Eren bowled the enemy over, once again letting his primordial nature take over, the only word on his mind _kill._ And kill he did, leaving the kaiju to a similar fate as its companion, with the added bonus of almost complete dismemberment (Eren had started that process with the tail). Annie moved in and out of Eren's periphery, clearly keeping guard and waiting for—

—waiting for something?

A small pressure made itself known in Eren's head, and he growled lowly, not immediately seeing a cause. The kaiju were all dead, anyways.

_Annie, Eren, get back to the jaeger hatches, fast. They'll be open for a few seconds,_ Ymir said-thought at the pair. It was only Annie, nipping at the back of Eren's neck where his human body was stored, that convinced him to leave off ravaging the carcass. That, and his bloodthirst was somewhat sated, now.

_And then?_ Annie asked, her light blue kaiju form pausing just outside the hatch.

_Moblit is waiting with a Unicorn to pick the two of you up. Erwin—sorry, Commander Smith—ended up needing to make an announcement regarding the fact that no jaegers were actually deployed in this fight, and yet the kaiju were defeated. By other kaiju. Last time no one noticed, but y'all made quite the spectacle this time—_

_What did he say?_ Eren asked, slipping through the hatch right behind Annie, his hair just barely making it through before it began to close.

_That the shatterdome has been working on secret, high-level experiments and two of those experiments were outside today_. Eren could practically feel Ymir's smirk impressed on his mind. Then Annie transformed, her kaiju body dissolving slowly as she stepped out of it, right up to Moblit's sure-enough-waiting Unicorn.

Transforming back took Eren several tries, attempting to cut off his awareness from the larger body that he now possessed, but… every time he thought he'd caught the senses of his human self, his mind rebounded. Finally, he hunkered down, allowing Moblit to pilot the Unicorn up to the nape of his neck and Annie to forcibly cut him out, using a small knife to cut off one of Eren's smaller spikes and using that spike to poke through the scaled skin, releasing bouts of steam and a touch of smoke as Eren's clothes overheated.

Eren blacked out for a moment coming back, and when he woke again the Unicorn was just coming to a stop near Hanji's lab. Moblit escorted him and Annie back to Hanji's lab proper, where they took their separate ways, Eren forcibly rebuilding his mental walls and trying to ignore the itching, slimy feeling that covered his skin.

A chant of _kaiju kaiju kaiju filthy monster filthy bloodthirsty kaiju monster kaiju monster monster MONSTER_ began to build up in his head, and Eren returned to his room stumbling, his clothes still a little burned. He'd tried his best to avoid everyone on the way back, hoping against hope that Rivaille wasn't in the room. Eren needed a bit of time to just… be _not a monster._ He knew what Rivaille would say—what Rivaille _had_ _said_ to that, and he didn't think he was quite able to face that.

Not until after a shower. Eren stripped his clothes, throwing them to the ground. He picked them up a second later and threw them in the trash—they were too charred for anything else, anyways. Then he turned the shower on, stepping under the stream and adjusting the temperature until the water was as close to freezing as he was going to get.

The water steamed a bit as it rolled off his skin, hissing loudly, until the chill settled into his bones and Eren felt _human_ again. He washed himself thoroughly after that, maintaining the water at a temperature just under bearable.

When he stepped out, he found a fresh pair of towels sitting on the toilet, and the trash had been emptied of his clothes.

So Rivaille was back.

Hesitantly, Eren dried himself off with one towel, making sure to run it through his hair as much as possible, and then wrapped the other around his waist. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door, peering out into the bedroom at large.

Rivaille was seated on his bed, and stood up as soon as he saw Eren. He strode over, taking Eren's head in his hands. Eren didn't say anything, merely closing his eyes and wondering at the heat of Rivaille's hands against Eren's still-cold skin.

"You motherfucking idiot," Rivaille muttered, bringing Eren's head down to rest their foreheads together. "You actually had me worried."

Eren couldn't help a small, pathetic chuckle from escaping him. "I'm sorry."

"Shut up, brat," Rivaille retorted, pressing his lips to Eren's. The kiss lasted several seconds, until Rivaille pulled away and nuzzled the spot where Eren's neck met his shoulder. "Don't do that again. Please."

Eren quickly tucked his towel into itself, so it wouldn't fall off his hips. He brought up a hand to hug Rivaille, and the other to brush through Rivaille's hair. "Sorry," he whispered again. "I just… hate. Them."

Rivaille nodded against his shoulder and spoke, his breath warm against Eren's skin. "I know. But I don't want you to die, okay?"

"Yeah." Eren hugged Rivaille tighter, both arms now. "I don't want you to die either, though. Or… or anyone to die, really."

Rivaille chuckled. "I'm not going anywhere. You're fucking stuck with me, sorry," he said, grinning up at Eren.

"Oh?" Eren said playfully, poking Rivaille in the ribs with a finger, not even surprised when Rivaille didn't even so much as twitch. Rivaille immediately poked Eren back, causing him to squirm away with a yelp. "Oh c'mon, that's not even fair!" he whined.

Rivaille smiled. "Hmm," he said. "I wonder if I can make it up to you?" Eren cocked his head sideways at that, about to ask how, when Rivaille moved forward and kissed him again. Eren groaned happily into the kiss, returning it with full force, and eventually they found themselves on the bed (the sequence of events was a little blurred to Eren, truth be told), Eren's towel having slipped off and landing in a heap… somewhere. Eren was a bit more focused on Rivaille's tongue by his at the moment.

They continued kissing, Eren running his hands up and down Rivaille's sides, his chest, his arms. It continued until Eren pulled up Rivaille's shirt and ran his hands up under it; Rivaille let out an odd sound, and Eren hummed at him questioningly. Stricken, Rivaille pushed Eren's hands away and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Eren, I—I just—I can't do it. I'm sorry."

Eren stopped moving, looking at Rivaille with his brows furrowed. "Huh?" Rivaille looked away, pulling his body back as far as he could and seeming distressed.

"I'm sorry, I just—can't—sex—"

"Oh!" Eren said, comprehension dawning. "You're like Mikasa, then! I guess that makes sense, actually…"

Now it was Rivaille's turn to stare at Eren, brows similarly scrunched. "Huh?"

"She's asexual! She told me once the idea of sex, uh… freaks her out," Eren explained. Well, Mikasa's actual words had been 'makes me want to bury sexual organs under twelve feet of manure and leave them there', but…

Eren was pulled out of his thoughts by Rivaille, who was staring at him with wide eyes. "…you're not mad?" he asked, hushed.

Eren disentangled his legs from Rivaille, grabbing the towel from where it was down by his feet and self-consciously pulling it up to cover his dick. He shook his head.

"No, that'd be… kind of rude, wouldn't it? I mean, you're you, you can't help being that way, and… I mean, you are who you are, aren't you? And I like-like you, a lot, and if I suddenly didn't because you don't like sex, then that would… be really shallow of the rest of my feelings. I think. I mean obviously you're hot, and I _do_ like you in that sense too, but if you don't then that's? Your business. I—what?"

"You 'like-like' me?" Rivaille said, the ghost of a smile on his lips.

"I—yeah." Eren blushed. Rivaille stayed silent, appraising him. After a few seconds, though, the small smile on his face began to fade, and he looked at Eren seriously.

"I can still—you know—take care of you," he said, quickly and not meeting Eren's eyes.

Eren froze. "Um… I mean, I'm not gonna say no because I'm—well because that would be really awesome and who doesn't want to have a sex god get them off? But like… are you sure? It's not like I can't get off on my own and I… I don't want you to be uncomfortable or anything…"

* * *

Rivaille stared at Eren. He'd all but blue-balled him, and Eren… was still making sure Rivaille wouldn't be uncomfortable. Rivaille felt a surge of affection for the brat. He smiled softly at Eren's wide-eyed expression.

"No, I want to. Wouldn't've offered otherwise. But you're wearing a condom and your hands are staying to your-fucking-self," he said, rolling off the bed to search for condoms in Eren's drawers. Predictably, there were several—at least the Shatterdome had the sense to hand them out to all cadets, just in case.

Grabbing one, Rivaille turned back to Eren, who was laying on his side, his breath coming heavily and his eyes wide, lips slightly parted. Rivaille smirked, pressing a kiss to Eren's lips and slipping his tongue in to meet Eren's as he unwrapped the condom.

He let his mind go blank after that, actions borne mostly on muscle memory. He made sure to keep his eyes focused on Eren, though; just because Rivaille didn't like sex and quite honestly had a few too many bad memories to go along with it didn't mean he couldn't enjoy seeing Eren _clearly_ blissed out before him, hands fisted in the blankets and his head thrown to the side.

In fact, Rivaille found, he rather liked seeing Eren like this. As Eren trembled and writhed, Rivaille spent a not-insignificant amount of time simply appreciating the way Eren's body moved, muscles flexing under smooth browned skin, soft sheen reflecting in the light of the room.

Eren came not too much longer, and Rivaille gazed at him appreciatively for a few seconds before going to the bathroom and brushing his teeth. Then he corralled Eren to the shower, making him wash himself (against Eren's protests of 'I _literally_ just showered, Rivaille') thoroughly, and then back into (an already remade) bed.

Rivaille curled himself up next to Eren, and Eren squirmed around until he was lying on his side, facing Rivaille. Eren drifted off quickly, smiling right into sleep. Rivaille inched closer, breathing in Eren's warm scent. It smelled… _felt_ safe. Safe, and like maybe, just maybe, everything would be alright.

Rivaille felt another swelling wave of affection for the brat. _Yes_ , he thought, _I definitely like-like you._

* * *

They left the next morning. Their entourage comprised of nine fully equipped, waterproofed jaegers, their eighteen pilots—three of which were also, incidentally, kaiju—and a small cart-like contraption that held a Hanji-certified secret. And food, most likely. Eren really hoped there was food.

It was still dark out as the hatches opened and the jaegers rose through them. Other than waterproofing, Hanji had also rigged the jaegers to work alone, without crew backup—which was _super_ weird in Eren's opinion, to the point where the comm silence freaked him out a little during startup. But it was necessary, if they were going to eradicate the kaiju.

Auruo bid them goodbye; he'd stayed behind to man the shatterdome, along with Nanaba. The hatches closed behind them, and finally, the comms sprung to life.

"Cerberus _is online,"_ said Commander Smith, the dark-brown-plated jaeger turning to look at the rest.  _"Sound off."_

" _Freedom Wing_ , online," Rivaille said into their mic.

"Topaz Maelstrom, _online_ ," Mikasa said.

"Springles _ready for duty, sir!"_ Sasha said, her voice chipper as always. Eren smirked as he remembered her complaining about not having had enough time for breakfast.

_"_ Acrobat Historica _,_ _here_ ," said Ymir, her voice sardonic as always, even over the comms.

"Aegis Colossi _, online_ ," Armin said. Eren was still having trouble believing that _Armin_ of all people was piloting with Jean…

"Raven Blue, _ready to kick some kaiju butt!_ " Hanji exclaimed. " _And take some very detailed measurements on kaiju!"_

"Garrison Rose, _online._ " Eren thought it was probably Pixis talking—he'd seen _Garrison Rose_ in combat once before, but the names and voices were a little fuzzy in his memory.

"Emerald Monsoon _, online._ " _Emerald Monsoon_ was the only jaeger that Eren didn't know at all—its pilots, a glasses-wearing man named Keiji and a slight woman named Nifa, had been introduced to him the night before.

" _Good, that's everyone,_ " Smith stated. "Acrobat _and_ Topaz, _you take point. We're relying on your knowledge of the path, as well as your awareness of where other kaiju are."_

_"Yessir."_

_"Roger that."_

_Acrobat Historica_ stepped forward first, red glinting in the pre-dawn light, _Topaz Maelstrom_ a few steps back and to the side. The two jaegers began moving, quickly picking up speed until they settled into a lope that neither burned through their reactors too quickly nor was too hard on the freshly-greased metallic joints. The rest of the jaegers fell in behind them, arrayed loosely around _Raven Blue_ , who toted the small cart with it.

No one talked much. They continued on for hours, Hanji eventually advising all of them to put the jaegers into 'autopilot' for a while, so that the humans (and kaiju) inside could have a chance to rest their limbs, eat, and, in her words, 'take a piss'. Sometimes, _Acrobat_ and _Topaz_ would veer widely off what Eren had assumed was their course, and continue thusly for a while, before righting themselves.

They took a longer break at night, keeping watch in shifts that allowed most of them at least six hours of fitful sleep, inside their respective cockpits. It was weird, disengaging the drift-interface by themselves. When Eren had mentioned it to Rivaille, he'd simply shrugged and said, 'not too different from a Unicorn'. Eren hadn't slept too well that night.

The next day saw them reaching a vast expanse of water, the likes of which he'd never even dared to imagine before (along with it, though, came a sense of familiarity; Eren didn't let himself dwell on it too much, choosing instead to think about how much Armin must be enjoying it).

" _Alright, here goes,"_ Hanji'd said into the mic, and everyone held their collective breaths as _Acrobat_ strode forward into the water. When the jaeger didn't short out, Hanji whooped, and Commander Smith had muttered a soft 'well done', a sentiment which Eren could feel being echoed mentally by Rivaille. Once the land under the water had dipped away too far for the jaegers to stand up, they'd activated air storage containers, which created enough buoyancy within the jaeger's frame to allow it to float. Or, at least, to not sink.

They spent the second night floating in the water, land a mere smudge far to their backs.

The third day they encountered four kaiju. Thanks to Annie and Ymir, they'd known in advance and had been able to quickly and brutally take them out, but even so, their huge size—even moreso than most—both scared and angered Eren.

He felt Rivaille sending soothing thoughts over at him, and gave himself a moment to gather himself, trying to keep at least his breathing in check. _So close,_ he thought. _So close, and we can finally. We can_ finally _get rid of them_.

Eren ignored the worry-tinged thoughts coming from Rivaille, as well as his own (particularly the ones that whispered _but that will most likely get rid of you, too_ ).

The end of the third day was heralded with a glow on the horizon. At first Eren had thought it was just the sun setting, but the glow was persistent, even after the sun had gone completely. They kept moving towards it, and suddenly Eren had a moment of insight—the glow wasn't from the sun. It was from the passage between the worlds. He turned, wide-eyed, to face Rivaille, just as Ymir spoke over the comms.

" _'Kay, so that glowy stuff? That's the portal. Annie and I are doing our best to shield you mentally from them right now, which is why we haven't seen even more kaiju. I say we get a few hours of sleep here, and then attack tomorrow. It'll be no good if we're all exhausted from making it here._ "

The convoy stopped, the jaegers bobbing up and down in time with the wave, making Eren feel the slightest bit sick to his stomach. Soon enough, the Commander spoke up.

" _Ymir is correct. We should all sleep for now. Annie, Ymir—will it take both of you to continue shielding our position?"_

_"No,_ " Annie replied. _"Not if we're not expected to pilot a jaeger at the same time._ "

" _Good._ Acrobat _, you take first watch with us._ Topaz, _you and_ Emerald _will take second watch. If we do three-hour segments, we should be fine. There will be no third watch—we'll attack as soon as the sun rises._ "

There were various noises of assent from the various jaegers, and then Rivaille was disconnecting them from the drift. Eren stepped out of the piloting apparatus, shucking his piloting suit and sitting down in just his circuitry. Rivaille came and joined him, bearing some dried fruit and bread, as well as water.

"You ready?" he asked, sitting down next to Eren. Eren took the proffered food, staring at it for a while before answering.

"I don't know," he settled on saying. Rivaille raised a brow at him, and Eren continued. "I still want them dead. But Annie and Ymir… and me."

"I've told you before, you're not a monster." Rivaille paused to take a bite of his own food, chewing it thoughtfully. "Annie and Ymir aren't either. They helped, didn't they? You're fine. Focus on killing the kaiju that kill people."

"But what if—"

"No 'but what if's. We need to keep the people of Trost and elsewhere safe. That's what the military is supposed to do. And this is the ultimate expression of that. So we'll do it, because that's what they need of us."

Eren stared at Rivaille, who stared right back, his slate-grey eyes full of determination and fire. Eren looked back down to his food, then took a bite.

"Okay," he said. He looked at Rivaille again, and repeated himself. "Okay."

Rivaille seemed to understand; he nodded, and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Eren's forehead. "Good."

They slept curled up next to each other, Eren practically clinging to Rivaille, brow furrowed even as he slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and crit are appreciated, and my tumblr's open for y'all if you'd rather talk to me there (actualnicodangelo.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> ~~why do they all have walkie-talkies? _how_ do they all have walkie-talkies? beats fucking me~~


	39. The End of All Things, Or: our lives for the kaijus'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally don't even have an excuse. Thank you to the kind, wonderful people who continued to read and comment on this story during my year-and-then-some hiatus (especially that one person on tumblr who said they were still curious about how it ended!)--it's your comments that convinced me to finish this story instead of deleting it, and your words mean so much <3
> 
> That said, please enjoy this penultimate chapter! ~~For what it's worth, the last 'section' of this chapter is probably the best writing in the entire fic, imo.~~

The next morning came in a flush of red, glinting off the jaegers' plated armor and dimming, slightly, the ominous glow of the portal in the distance. Not enough that it wasn't the first thing Eren noticed upon waking, the cool yellow bobbing up and down in his sights as _Freedom Wing_ was buffeted by waves. Eren blinked a few times, realizing that his back was turned to Rivaille. He twisted around, but Rivaille was already awake, sitting cross-legged on the floor with as much of the blanket that Eren wasn't using wrapped around his shoulders.

He glanced down at Eren, who could see the soft crinkle of his eyes before they hardened again and looked back out to the portal.

"They're out there. I've seen them moving, occasionally. I think it's just Ymir and Annie's shields holding them off, at this point," he said, voice low and even. Eren pulled himself up to sit next to Rivaille, following his gaze back out onto the water. Their jaeger bobbed, and they watched on in silence.

Then a dark mass breached the water and Eren hissed in pain as a throb wracked his skull, words in a language he shouldn't have understood lying half-formed at the edges of his consciousness.

_Shields up, loverboy,_ Ymir's voice said sardonically, and Eren hastened to follow her advice, building his brick wall of thought as quickly and solidly as he could.

Then the comms crackled, and Commander Erwin spoke. " _They've seen us, and we have light now. Prep yourselves, we'll engage in fifteen minutes."_

_"Pilots who are buddies with kaiju-transforming individuals—please remember that if your kaiju buddy uses the escape pod to leave the jaeger in order to transform, the jaeger is no longer watertight, so you'll have to be either on the surface or very near it otherwise you'll drown,"_ Hanji added.

Eren and Rivaille exchanged a look, and then Eren rose to his feet—bringing the blanket with him, of course—and shuffled over to the small foodbox. He pulled out an apple, and offered it to Rivaille, but Rivaille shook his head.

"Nothing for me before the fight," he said, and Eren shrugged.

"More for me, then."

While Eren ate, Rivaille got up and dressed, grumbling all the while about lack of proper showers. Eren finished his apple, surreptitiously throwing the stem back into the foodbox, and then went and dressed himself as well. Not that it could really be counted as dressing, to his mind, because all he had to do was slip on the piloting suit and boots, but.

Rivaille came over and helped Eren with the spinal attachment, and then turned obligingly so Eren could do the same. Then, in a ritual that had become practiced over the past three days, they aligned themselves with the piloting harness and Rivaille began the countdown to drift initiation.

It worked smoothly, as it always had, mind and machine blending and their consciousnesses merging together. There were no RABITs for them to chase, not anymore.  

They were just blinking away the last traces of the initiation sequence when _Topaz Maelstrom_ moved into their field of vision, standing beside them.

_"Commander, we have a problem_ ," Annie said.

* * *

_"That problem being at your two o'clock,"_ Ymir finished, and about half the jaegers turned towards the direction indicated.  A dark shape was throwing up waves, and heading in their direction.

_"Who's online?"_ Erwin asked.

"Garrison Rose _, reporting."_

_"_ Raven Blue _as well."_

_"_ Topaz Maelstrom _, sir."_

" _Freedom Wing,_ " Rivaille said. Then the comm line beeped twice, indicating a private line of communication between two jaegers.

" _Riri, listen, I just talked to Erwin about this—you're gonna have to let—"_

_"_ Maelstrom _, take point;_ Garrison Rose _, you follow them and back them up."_ Erwin's voice cut across the private line, and the indicated jaegers moved into position. Rivaille felt Eren's confusion across the drift, but as he had no answers, he settled for opening the line with _Raven Blue_ again.

"Hanji, what do you want?"

" _Sorry—as I was saying—we're going to attach the weapon to_ Freedom Wing. _We can't carry it through a fight in a cart, and as long as you let others do the bulk of the fighting it'll be safe."_

"Hanji—"

_"_ Freedom Wing _is our fastest jaeger, Rivaille. And Eren, I know you're listening. We might need you to take advantage of a small opening and move fast to deposit the weapon where it needs to go."_

Eren locked eyes with Rivaille, and shared his opinion across the drift. Rivaille sighed.

"Fine, Hanji. What do we need to do?"

Rivaille could practically hear her grin across the comms as she answered. " _Just hold still_."

Obligingly, Rivaille and Eren stopped moving, bobbing slightly in the waves as _Raven Blue_ made its way over. Rivaille kept an eye out front, watching in dread as the kaiju reared up out of the water and _Maelstrom_ rose to meet it. Then they were bumped from behind, what Rivaille could only assume was _Raven._ There were a few alarmingly loud noises, a big _whump_ , and then the comms crackled again.

_"Alright, you're all set. Rivaille, to disengage you'll use the same commands as you would a blaster cannon, alright? Once it's released, a countdown timer will start for forty-five seconds, and then it will explode, do don't release it unless you're sure it'll go_ in _the portal."_

"Roger that."

_"We'll need backup at Cerberus' nine!"_ Mike shouted, and _Freedom Wing_ spun to the new direction. Three kaiju were approaching, all of them massive. Rivaille felt his heart sink for a moment, but then he was bolstered up by Eren's thoughts.

They began to move, as did several other jaegers, but soon more kaiju arrived and the fight descended into an all-out melee, each jaeger trying only to keep itself from being torn apart. The comms were all but useless, everyone screaming in them all at once in a deafening cacophony of noise that still didn't match up to the crashing sounds of claws on metal and blaster cannons firing.

_Freedom Wing_ fought with swords extended, though the water hampered their ability to spin easily—at some point, Eren began to use the swords as knives, hacking and slashing and stabbing, and Rivaille went along because, hell, it _worked._

At some point—after three kaiju had already been dispatched, their bodies sinking away and murking the water with kaiju blue—Erwin overrode the comm system to project only his voice.

" _All jaegers, head towards the portal._ Freedom Wing _, engage only when absolutely necessary, we can't risk the weapon."_

Then the control over the comms was lifted, and a chorus of "yessirs!" arose, soon fading back into the typical sounds of battle. The jaegers all clustered as closely as they dared, slowly decreasing their buoyancy—the portal was near the bottom of the vast expanse of water—as they went.

_Emerald Monsoon_ was the first to go down, a leg torn clean off by a viciously quick kaiju. One of the pilots screamed in pain, and though it was only for half a second before they shut down their comms, Rivaille still winced as he heard Nifa's voice.

" _Keep moving, we have to keep moving!_ " Erwin said, and Rivaille heard the grit of Erwin's teeth even as he felt Eren's outrage.

_Eren, we are the_ reason _they are fighting—we have the weapon. Focus on the portal._ There was another spike of rage, and then the blustery anger, the one focused on the kaiju, was back, and burning stronger than ever. _Freedom Wing_ began to move forward again, its vanguard following and making way, and everyone fighting the kaiju as best they could.

Then someone's blaster malfunction and an arm got shredded, little bits of metal dropping heavily to the floor, and then another jaeger fell and for a moment Rivaille feared they wouldn't rise; and then _Acrobat Historica_ jumped up, using the help of some rocket blasters, and headed towards the surface. Their intention became clear a second later, when a small pod ejected itself out of the cockpit.

Then the pod exploded as a kaiju took its place, and _Acrobat Historica_ continued to float upwards towards the surface. Ymir dived down, immediately attacking the other kaiju, the lack of air not seeming to bother her at all.

And so the fight carried on.

" _Eren, Rivaille—you_ have _to get the weapon to the portal!"_ Hanji's voice crackled, loud and panicked, into their helmets. " _Remember—don't disengage it unless you're sure it will fall in, understood?"_

"Roger," Rivaille said, speaking for the both of them.

The remaining jaegers formed up around _Freedom Wing_ , shielding the weapon from any attacks from behind and making sure the jaeger took no incapacitating injuries— _Aegis Colossi_ was already limping, and _Garrison Rose_ looked like it was leaking coolant. Almost every jaeger bore at least some claw marks, and they were starting to slow as well, as their pilots became more and more fatigued.

The kaiju didn't have that problem. If anything, it seemed that there were more and more of them, though it was hard to keep track as they wove in and out of each other, all competing for a shot at the jaegers. 

The water was deep and dark, now. The jaegers were walking along the bottom, their metallic feet kicking up plumes of silt that eddied about them as they fought. The portal's light—dull orange-yellow—mixed oddly with the water, and glinted off the jaeger's plating and the kaiju's skin.

" _We'll be right back_ ," echoed quickly over the comms, and _Topaz Maelstrom_ rose through the water, loosing a pod soon after. Annie burst into her kaiju form, lithe and quick, and a minute later—long enough time for Mikasa to reach the surface and _Maelstrom_ to re-seal itself against water— _Maelstrom_ crashed back to the bottom, landing squarely on top of (and managing to run a quick blade through) a kaiju that had been intent on snapping _Springles_ in two.

Still they pushed forward, the portal clear in their vision. As Mikasa continued to pilot the jaeger solo, Rivaille felt the inklings of a plan begin to form in Eren's mind, and at the same time he tried to discourage Eren from where those plans were leading. Eren, being Eren, was having none of it.

"Rivaille, listen to me! I'm going to transform once I'm outside the jaeger, and once I do, you'll have to disengage the weapon! Then I'll take it down to the portal and make sure it goes through, and that no other kaiju will escape."

Rivaille's breath caught, and even though he could see everything laid out in Eren's mind, even as he helped Eren push the jaeger up, towards the far-away surface, he still spoke. Trying to delay the inevitable, he supposed.

"I'll have to resurface."

"…I know."

Rivaille could feel Eren's resignation, his acceptance of the consequences of personally delivering a high-powered explosive to a completely different _world_ —and yet. Rivaille also knew why Eren was making this choice. The lives he would save, the people he'd sworn to protect, even those fighting alongside him right now—Eren chose to take this risk for them, he chose to—

"…Eren."

Eren turned, then, and looked at Rivaille full-on. Even through his helmet, his eyes glittered, and Rivaille thought that their color was barely dimmed despite being behind a pane of tinted polycarbonate. Rivaille looked away first. There was nothing he could say; Eren had made up his mind and was heading towards his death, and all he asked was for Rivaille to watch his back while he did so.

Eren must have felt Rivaille's tacit permission—or at least, his lack of outright resistance—because his hand moved over to the trigger button that would eject him from the jaeger's cockpit.

He hesitated for a moment, and then Rivaille was hit with a wave of pure emotion crashing into his mind.

"Rivaille, I love you," Eren said, and pushed the button.

Rivaille couldn't help the cry of despair that coursed through him as he felt Eren's mind disengage from his own, the full weight of nearly 200 tons of jaeger collapsing onto him. Water began to rush in, and even as Rivaille did his best to push the jaeger upwards, he ran the sequence for disengaging Hanji's weapon from the transport rack.

Canting the jaeger's body, he watched as the weapon slid deeper into the water, and continued watching as painfully familiar claws latched onto it, Eren's frill dull and rusty in the water.

Rivaille pushed further up. He waited the obligatory time for _Freedom Wing_ to re-seal herself, then took a deep breath, forcing his mind blank.

With a newly-watertight jaeger and only the movement of machinery left to think about, he sunk back into the fight.

* * *

Eren knew what he had to do—knew instinctively that the portal wouldn't let anything that wasn't kaiju through unless the kaiju was bringing it. Hanji would probably love that tidbit, in retrospect—for a moment Eren even considered lowering his mental shields long enough to yell Ymir or Annie to tell her, but then he felt a rush of water near his tail, the result of a kaiju almost having grabbed him.

Lowering his shields now would be disastrous.

Eren snarled and refocused his attention on the portal, his claws tightening their hold on the weapon. He beat his tail and legs harder, willing himself down, down—

Then the sensation of swimming down was replaced by one of gentle floating, and Eren realized he'd made it through.

The landscape before him was utterly alien; buildings and monuments of scale and architecture that seemed to defy gravity, a juxtaposition of oranges and purples, and clouds that didn't seem to know how to float. Eren blinked twice, giving himself time to take it all in, and then turned to the weapon in his claws. A small panel on its front indicated 07, then 06, then 05...

Eren let go.

He turned, beginning to swim back upwards, best as he could through the not-water, but there simply wasn't enough time. He could see the portal, see through to the dark water above it, but then he heard—felt?—a shockwave at his back, and though that bolstered him upwards, it was chased by heat.

Heat hot enough to scorch his scales, burn them off—

Eren recalled, dimly, through the rush of burning skin, something Rivaille had told him, once, forever ago: this is war. Our lives, in exchange for the kaiju's. And it was then Eren realized—he was neither human nor kaiju, and yet too much of both.

His eyes closed, the burning fires behind him still pressing in all-too-bright on his retina, painting pictures of infernos against the blackness of his skull.

There would be no exchanging of lives, for him.

The water around him boiled viciously, throwing his body around.

He was kaiju.

The heat rent his flesh apart, tearing one body from the other before he could heal, before his mind was even retracted.

He was human.

The lava-like pain burned through him, and Eren realized something else: he didn't want to die.

He'd thought he was prepared. But he didn't want to, he really didn't want to die. His sob—small, pitiful, tears already scorched away—was lost in the roar of burning water and dying monsters all around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter requires a bit of input from anyone left reading this--happy ending, or sad ending? Y'all get to chose ^^


	40. Sunsets, or: In which a story comes to an end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you all voted overwhelmingly for a happy ending (I don't know what I expected, to be honest) and so, without further ado, here it is!

Rivaille sat on the edge of the wall, his legs dangling out into empty space, swinging slightly as a breeze ruffled his hair. 

"It's been three years now, huh?"

Rivaille twisted around, looking back to where Eren had rolled up in his wheelchair, more silently than Rivaille would have expected, coming from Eren.

But then again, Rivaille mused, maybe it wasn't so unexpected; Eren was somber, gazing out at the vast lands that had once been 'beyond the wall', the realm of the kaiju, and that now bore the marks of farms and roads and settlements.

"Three years to the day," Rivaille responded, pulling himself up and walking over to give Eren a kiss.

Rivaille grabbed the handles on the back of Eren's wheelchair at the same time as Eren let go. Three years since they had last piloted a jaeger together, and at times Rivaille still felt the ghost of the drift exerting its pull on them. He wheeled Eren to the edge where he'd been sitting moments ago.

The sun was beginning to set, bathing the scenery and themselves and this one remaining section of the wall—the rest had been knocked down, a physical reminder that humanity could and would no longer have to live in a cage—in pale, red-gold light.

Another breeze blew past, and Eren ran his fingers through his hair, moving his bangs out of his eyes. His forehead glistened with sweat, and Rivaille realized he must have come directly from physical therapy.

"How was it, today?" he asked. Eren grimaced in answer.

The final battle—Battle of the Portal, Erwin had informed him it was being called now, though Rivaille personally thought it was rather excessive, as far at titles went—had ended when Eren had detonated Hanji's weapon inside the portal, obliterating it and causing the remaining kaiju to die on the spot. The resulting explosion had been massive, full of light and heat and boiling water laced with radioactivity.

And Eren had been right in the middle of it.

Rivaille still shuddered to think on it; _Freedom Wing_ had been the closest jaeger, and several parts of her hull had been melted and fused together. And Eren had been right in the _middle_ of that thing. Hanji said it was the sheer mass of his kaiju form that prevented his complete disintegration, but even that hadn't stopped his back from burning badly enough to sear away nerve cells, leaving him paralyzed.

As of now he'd undergone a few reconstructive surgeries, and was mostly only in physical therapy to get his muscles once again used to obeying commands from his spinal cord.

Nonetheless, the memories of those three days of return trip—more like two, really, Rivaille had pushed _Freedom Wing_ as fast as her hobbled frame and his mental exhaustion would allow—still woke him up at night in fits of cold sweat.

As if he'd sensed the thread of Rivaille's thoughts, Eren reached out and grabbed Rivaille's hand, squeezing lightly.

"I'm here," he said. "I'm here, we're good."

"Yeah," Rivaille said, allowing himself to smile. "Yeah."

"Tomorrow, can we go to the museum? Armin said he's going to be a docent, and Mikasa told me that she wasn't supposed to tell me but Moblit had told her that Hanji managed to get part of _Freedom Wing_ to put up in the display…"

Rivaille chuckled. "Tomorrow's the grand opening, isn't it?"

"Yup!" Eren said, and for a moment his grin was carefree, and Rivaille's heart did that usual funny thing it did around Eren. "I never thought the Jaeger Program would have its own _museum_ …"

Rivaille raised a brow. "Tends to happen when you save the entire world, or so I've been told." And he had, repeatedly, by Hanji and Erwin and, alarmingly, Mike. In the end he'd had to consent to having his pictures used for the portion dedicated to personnel present in the Battle of the Portal—but he'd made sure Hanji let him read and edit his profile beforehand.

Eren peered at him for a moment, suddenly serious again, before looking back out at the landscape. "Yeah, I guess so, huh?"

On impulse, Rivaille leaned down and pressed a kiss to Eren's temple. Eren turned his head, looking up at Rivaille, eyes bright in the setting sun.

"I love you," Rivaille said, feeling oddly breathless.

"I love you, too," Eren replied, and then reached up and pulled Rivaille down, kissing him square on the lips.

Three years, it had been; and Rivaille was looking forward to many, many more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Apologies in advance for the super-long, rambly author's notes, but I feel like a lot of this needs to be said. 
> 
> This project has been three years and over a hundred thousand words in the making. I've received so much love and support over the course of that time, made so many friends and had so many experiences and adventures. I never would have finished it without you, especially those of you who've stuck around since the first chapter was published, way back in the summer of 2013--when, as a matter of fact, I first decided to get an AO3 account. I've changed fandoms several times since then, hopped around and started more fics than finished, and despite my occasionally dismal record of updating (I'm ashamed of the year-long hiatus, really), this fic has been with me through it all. It's also, crazily, the longest piece of anything I've ever written, ever, and very near and dear to my heart. The fanart I received for this fic has made me happy like nothing else, and the fact that people would come and talk to me about it on my tumblr has kept me working on this more often than not. 
> 
> So, basically: _thank you._ Thank you for reading this, thank you for coming on this journey with me. Some day I might go back and edit the whole thing, adjust the formatting a little bit and so on, so forth, but for now: it's done.


End file.
